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- Thread starter Greg Bernhardt
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- #2

dkotschessaa

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Found in Colin Adam's "The Knot Book," but found and copied/pasted from mathoverflow. (I added hyperlinks for the concepts needed to get the joke).

A mathematician walks into a bar accompanied by a dog and a cow.

The bartender says, “Hey, no animals are allowed in here!”

The mathematician replies, “These are very special animals.”

“How so?”

“They’re knot theorists.”

The bartender raises his eyebrows and says, “I’ve met a number of knot theorists who I thought were animals, but never an animal that was a knot theorist.”

“Well, I’ll prove it to you. Ask them them anything you like.”

So the bartender asks the dog, “Name a knot invariant.”

“Arf! Arf!” barks the dog.

The bartender scowls and turns to the cow asking, “Name a topological invariant.”

“Mu! Mu!” says the cow.

At this point the bartender turns to the mathematican and says, “Very funny.” With that, he throws the three out of the bar.

Outside, sitting on the curb, the dog turns to the mathematican and asks, “Do you think I should have said the Jones polynomial instead?”

A mathematician walks into a bar accompanied by a dog and a cow.

The bartender says, “Hey, no animals are allowed in here!”

The mathematician replies, “These are very special animals.”

“How so?”

“They’re knot theorists.”

The bartender raises his eyebrows and says, “I’ve met a number of knot theorists who I thought were animals, but never an animal that was a knot theorist.”

“Well, I’ll prove it to you. Ask them them anything you like.”

So the bartender asks the dog, “Name a knot invariant.”

“Arf! Arf!” barks the dog.

The bartender scowls and turns to the cow asking, “Name a topological invariant.”

“Mu! Mu!” says the cow.

At this point the bartender turns to the mathematican and says, “Very funny.” With that, he throws the three out of the bar.

Outside, sitting on the curb, the dog turns to the mathematican and asks, “Do you think I should have said the Jones polynomial instead?”

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- #3

Thewindyfan

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I think they call it... torqueing?

-okayi'llbegoingnow-

- #4

Borg

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- #5

Q: Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?

A: When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

- #6

DennisN

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http://41.media.tumblr.com/cab31a6bd9c9ca7389c1ef327c88944d/tumblr_n8scqwh7gU1to8om8o1_500.jpg [Broken]

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- #7

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The shortest math joke: Be ##ε < 0##.

- #8

DennisN

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What is the engineer's favorite area in a church?

The cross section.

- #9

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The dog is absolutely right. Even me, never really connected to knot theory, have heard about the Jones polynomial.Found in Colin Adam's "The Knot Book," but found and copied/pasted from mathoverflow. (I added hyperlinks for the concepts needed to get the joke).

A mathematician walks into a bar accompanied by a dog and a cow...

- #10

Jonathan Scott

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Can you explain? I don't get it.The shortest math joke: Be ##ε < 0##.

- #11

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It's about conventions. As ##n## is an integer, ##z## a complex number, ##p## a prime, ##i,j,k## indices or ##A_{ji}## a transposed matrix so is ##ε## in calculus the byword of something arbitrary small, but positive. Uncounted definitions and proofs about convergence, differentiation or continuity start with an ##ε > 0##.Can you explain? I don't get it.

- #12

Jonathan Scott

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OK, I know all that but it still doesn't make sense to me when preceded by the word "Be".It's about conventions. As ##n## is an integer, ##z## a complex number, ##p## a prime, ##i,j,k## indices or ##A_{ji}## a transposed matrix so is ##ε## in calculus the byword of something arbitrary small, but positive. Uncounted definitions and proofs about convergence, differentiation or continuity start with an ##ε > 0##.

Perhaps it's a language problem; I might expect a proof to start with: "Let ##ε > 0##" in which case "Let ##ε < 0##" might be considered a joke.

- #13

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Yeah, probably, sorry! I had 'let' first and wasn't sure for it sounds a little like 'let it be'. In German it's 'be' (conditional).OK, I know all that but it still doesn't make sense to me when preceded by the word "Be".

Perhaps it's a language problem; I might expect a proof to start with: "Let ##ε > 0##" in which case "Let ##ε < 0##" might be considered a joke.

- #14

Jonathan Scott

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OK, that makes sense now, and Google finds that "Let epsilon be less than zero" or similar seems to be quite an old joke, probably predating Google (in that the oldest reference I could find appears to be from 1994).Yeah, probably, sorry! I had 'let' first and wasn't sure for it sounds a little like 'let it be'. In German it's 'be' (conditional).

- #15

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Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."

Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."

Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."

Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."

Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."

Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

Usually it's been commentated as being 'real'. Actually the joke dates back to the 30's and whether it's real or not cannot be said anymore. Someone once replied to an anecdote I told him: "I doubt it's true. However, the point is: It could be true."

- #16

Silicon Waffle

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- #17

samalkhaiat

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The professor: Certainly your brain does.

- #18

DennisN

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- #19

gjonesy

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The smartest kid in class answers (fundamental subatomic particles),

Immediately the Jock in the back corner of the class room laughs hysterically, the teacher asked what's so funny, The Jock replies, elementary particles are stupid, they haven't made it to

- #20

DennisN

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- #21

DennisN

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- #22

gjonesy

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Age and IQ TEST

- #23

DennisN

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http://qph.is.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ad91d0dfe2be80b04f94f027b1f10e28?convert_to_webp=true [Broken]

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- #24

1oldman2

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- #25

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I just discovered a brand new scientific method. Only available in the US.

- #26

dkotschessaa

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I just discovered a brand new scientific method. Only available in the US.

I have never heard of that particular group of scientists. I find their views interesting and I am very curious what methodologies they used to reach such a conclusion

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I don't know details but a famous group of scientist once used this method to prove the geocentric model of our universe. I think they called themselves catholic church. They also have had a similar powerful PR department.I have never heard of that particular group of scientists. I find their views interesting and I am very curious what methodologies they used to reach such a conclusion

- #28

dkotschessaa

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I don't know details but a famous group of scientist once used this method to prove the geocentric model of our universe. I think they called themselves catholic church. They also have had a similar powerful PR department.

Fascinating!

- #29

DennisN

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You cannot know. There is no device installed to use some of that infinite power!

- #31

Garlic

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- #32

Sophia

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If McDonald’s Advertised Like Apple

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- #34

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Why don't you find topologists in a nuthouse?

They always escape the straightjacket.

- #35

DrClaude

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