- 17,443

- 6,905

Last edited:

- Thread starter Greg Bernhardt
- Start date

- 17,443

- 6,905

Last edited:

- 1,036

- 773

Found in Colin Adam's "The Knot Book," but found and copied/pasted from mathoverflow. (I added hyperlinks for the concepts needed to get the joke).

A mathematician walks into a bar accompanied by a dog and a cow.

The bartender says, “Hey, no animals are allowed in here!”

The mathematician replies, “These are very special animals.”

“How so?”

“They’re knot theorists.”

The bartender raises his eyebrows and says, “I’ve met a number of knot theorists who I thought were animals, but never an animal that was a knot theorist.”

“Well, I’ll prove it to you. Ask them them anything you like.”

So the bartender asks the dog, “Name a knot invariant.”

“Arf! Arf!” barks the dog.

The bartender scowls and turns to the cow asking, “Name a topological invariant.”

“Mu! Mu!” says the cow.

At this point the bartender turns to the mathematican and says, “Very funny.” With that, he throws the three out of the bar.

Outside, sitting on the curb, the dog turns to the mathematican and asks, “Do you think I should have said the Jones polynomial instead?”

A mathematician walks into a bar accompanied by a dog and a cow.

The bartender says, “Hey, no animals are allowed in here!”

The mathematician replies, “These are very special animals.”

“How so?”

“They’re knot theorists.”

The bartender raises his eyebrows and says, “I’ve met a number of knot theorists who I thought were animals, but never an animal that was a knot theorist.”

“Well, I’ll prove it to you. Ask them them anything you like.”

So the bartender asks the dog, “Name a knot invariant.”

“Arf! Arf!” barks the dog.

The bartender scowls and turns to the cow asking, “Name a topological invariant.”

“Mu! Mu!” says the cow.

At this point the bartender turns to the mathematican and says, “Very funny.” With that, he throws the three out of the bar.

Outside, sitting on the curb, the dog turns to the mathematican and asks, “Do you think I should have said the Jones polynomial instead?”

Last edited:

- 68

- 18

I think they call it... torqueing?

-okayi'llbegoingnow-

Science Advisor

Gold Member

- 1,824

- 2,052

F

Q: Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?

A: When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

- 1,282

- 2,392

http://41.media.tumblr.com/cab31a6bd9c9ca7389c1ef327c88944d/tumblr_n8scqwh7gU1to8om8o1_500.jpg [Broken]

Last edited by a moderator:

- 10,740

- 7,366

The shortest math joke: Be ##ε < 0##.

- 1,282

- 2,392

What is the engineer's favorite area in a church?

The cross section.

- 10,740

- 7,366

The dog is absolutely right. Even me, never really connected to knot theory, have heard about the Jones polynomial.Found in Colin Adam's "The Knot Book," but found and copied/pasted from mathoverflow. (I added hyperlinks for the concepts needed to get the joke).

A mathematician walks into a bar accompanied by a dog and a cow......

Gold Member

- 2,255

- 960

Can you explain? I don't get it.The shortest math joke: Be ##ε < 0##.

- 10,740

- 7,366

It's about conventions. As ##n## is an integer, ##z## a complex number, ##p## a prime, ##i,j,k## indices or ##A_{ji}## a transposed matrix so is ##ε## in calculus the byword of something arbitrary small, but positive. Uncounted definitions and proofs about convergence, differentiation or continuity start with an ##ε > 0##.Can you explain? I don't get it.

Gold Member

- 2,255

- 960

OK, I know all that but it still doesn't make sense to me when preceded by the word "Be".It's about conventions. As ##n## is an integer, ##z## a complex number, ##p## a prime, ##i,j,k## indices or ##A_{ji}## a transposed matrix so is ##ε## in calculus the byword of something arbitrary small, but positive. Uncounted definitions and proofs about convergence, differentiation or continuity start with an ##ε > 0##.

Perhaps it's a language problem; I might expect a proof to start with: "Let ##ε > 0##" in which case "Let ##ε < 0##" might be considered a joke.

- 10,740

- 7,366

Yeah, probably, sorry! I had 'let' first and wasn't sure for it sounds a little like 'let it be'. In German it's 'be' (conditional).OK, I know all that but it still doesn't make sense to me when preceded by the word "Be".

Perhaps it's a language problem; I might expect a proof to start with: "Let ##ε > 0##" in which case "Let ##ε < 0##" might be considered a joke.

Gold Member

- 2,255

- 960

OK, that makes sense now, and Google finds that "Let epsilon be less than zero" or similar seems to be quite an old joke, probably predating Google (in that the oldest reference I could find appears to be from 1994).Yeah, probably, sorry! I had 'let' first and wasn't sure for it sounds a little like 'let it be'. In German it's 'be' (conditional).

- 10,740

- 7,366

Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."

Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."

Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."

Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."

Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."

Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

Usually it's been commentated as being 'real'. Actually the joke dates back to the 30's and whether it's real or not cannot be said anymore. Someone once replied to an anecdote I told him: "I doubt it's true. However, the point is: It could be true."

- 156

- 203

Science Advisor

- 1,606

- 787

The professor: Certainly your brain does.

- 1,282

- 2,392

- 261

- 179

The smartest kid in class answers (fundamental subatomic particles),

Immediately the Jock in the back corner of the class room laughs hysterically, the teacher asked what's so funny, The Jock replies, elementary particles are stupid, they haven't made it to

- 1,282

- 2,392

- 1,282

- 2,392

- 261

- 179

Age and IQ TEST

- 1,282

- 2,392

http://qph.is.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ad91d0dfe2be80b04f94f027b1f10e28?convert_to_webp=true [Broken]

Last edited by a moderator:

- 1,447

- 1,201

- 10,740

- 7,366

I just discovered a brand new scientific method. Only available in the US.

We Value Quality

• Topics based on mainstream science

• Proper English grammar and spelling

We Value Civility

• Positive and compassionate attitudes

• Patience while debating

We Value Productivity

• Disciplined to remain on-topic

• Recognition of own weaknesses

• Solo and co-op problem solving

• Topics based on mainstream science

• Proper English grammar and spelling

We Value Civility

• Positive and compassionate attitudes

• Patience while debating

We Value Productivity

• Disciplined to remain on-topic

• Recognition of own weaknesses

• Solo and co-op problem solving