Dating for Nerds: A Shy Guy's Guide to Meeting Women

[DanP]

Guys who authentically believe it wear the delusion in complete comfort and security, and don't render themselves obnoxious asserting and defending it. They read as calm, confident, warm, charming, but a tad remote, and you'll often see a glint of amusement in their eyes, as if, inside, they just can't take you, or anything, really seriously. This drives girls nuts. They'll go to great lengths to penetrate that "God's Gift" look of amusement in the attempt to be taken seriously, mostly in the form of trying to please the guy.

Unfortunately, it's a doomed quest: most guys like this are sociopaths.

Whats renders them sociopaths ? Their continuous success ?

 

[27Thousand]

That actually sounds like a good idea, get some real experience and practice flirting and see what happens.

Experience is good. Here's something that you may want to consider, if someone's learning a foreign language, experience is extremely necessary, however book knowledge/intellectualizing it will help one to know what to look for in the foreign language when trying to learn from experience. By looking at graphs, scatter plots, exponential or whatever type of equations my computer program may come up with (I'm teaching myself R a computer programming language for Statistics), etc, will help me understand how things work. Then I can know what to look for when having real life experience.


Something you may want to consider, I read in a book that if a woman smiles at you and you make eye contact and smile back, she will be much more likely to be friendly with you, compared to if you avoid eye contact with her. I tried that from a book and it worked! How do you explain why a book was able to teach me that, but just jumping into the deep end never did? Don't you think some may have trouble with social skills in the same way some have dyslexia/learning disorders? And my method I'm thinking of incorporates plenty of real life experience into the mix; it's just that it's not jumping into the deep end and nothing else.

 

[27Thousand]

I once dated someone who was compulsive in overanalyzing everything.

As far as being able to make equations for behavior, check this out from the U.S. National Institutes of Health!

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1472627/figure/jeab-85-02-02-f02/"

The link and graph have two equations to measure how the strength of behavior reinforcement is affected with time delay. Why not make some equations for reading if women are interested?

Below is extremely useful knowledge for Science and Technology, and I want to use it for flirting by using creativity to create equations from data sets:
Predictive Modeling http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Predictive_modeling"
Predictive Analytics http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Predictive_analytics"
Newton had a goal of mathematical innovation. He took ideas which existed and combined them in new and useful ways. Maybe the same could be done for flirting equations?

To help me do it if I can convince peer-review authors to give me their data sets, here's open source software R Statistical Computing, a programming language for Statistics, so that you have much more control over Statistics and Graphics than something like SPSS could ever do. I'm trying to read as much as I can about it, with tons of practice http://www.r-project.org/"

 

[27Thousand]

So mmmm what are you say,
Mmm that mathematical equations for flirting only mean well,
Well of course they do,
Mmmm what are you say,
Mmmm that equations are all for the best,
Of course they are,

I know that some will say flirting equations aren't clever,
But equations and flirting were meant to be together,
So tell me PhysicsForums,

Mmmm what are you say,
Mmm that mathematical equations for flirting only mean well,
Well of course they do,
Mmmm what are you say,
Mmmm that it's all for the best,
Of course it is

 

[zoobyshoe]

Whats renders them sociopaths ? Their continuous success ?

No. "Sociopath" is not a pejorative term for a guy who is successful with women. The hallmark of a sociopath is that they have no conscience:

Sociopaths are people without a conscience. They don't have the normal empathy the rest of us take for granted. They don't feel affection. They don't care about others. But most of them are good observers, and they have learned how to mimic feelings of affection and empathy remarkably well. (Bold type by me, zooby.)

Most people with a conscience find it very difficult to even imagine what it would be like to be without one. Combine this with a sociopath's efforts to blend in, and the result is that most sociopaths go undetected.

Because they go undetected, they wreak havoc on their family, on people they work with, and on anyone who tries to be their friend. A sociopath deceives, takes what he (or she) wants, and hurts people without any remorse. Sociopaths don't feel guilty. They don't feel sorry for what they've done. They go through life taking what they want and giving nothing back. They manipulate and deceive and convincingly lie without the slightest second thought. They leave a path of confusion and upset in their wake.

http://www.youmeworks.com/sociopaths.html

In the eyes of girls the worst "crime" a man can commit is to be emotionally needy; to be insecure, to need the girls to validate him. A sociopath is the opposite of that: a man who is, deep down, completely unmoved by, and indifferent to, their opinion of him. At the same time he seems very attentive and charming on the surface, they can sense he is ultimately remote, just doesn't care.

At first they're delighted by this refreshing, non-needy man who is so lavish with attention, but then something starts to bother them: a deep itch to break through his inner indifference, to be taken seriously. This itch escalates to something obsessive: the need to get his validation. But the more they try to impress him, to please him, the more amused he looks, and the less seriously he seems to take them inside.

Once the sociopath senses the hook is set, he'll start casting himself as the hapless victim of circumstances beyond his control needing a bailout (money, goods, shelter, or whatever he happens to want) and he'll keep that up as long as he can get away with it, thoroughly reveling in the fact he's got someone under his thumb. No sympathy, empathy, or remorse involved.


There’s the kernel of a lesson for nerds in the story of the girl’s attraction to the sociopath, which could be stated many ways, but here’s one: girls are attracted to guys who are warm and attentive on the surface but who give off the unspoken vibe they feel utterly neutral toward the girl. Why? The guy’s not needy, doesn’t need to be validated. By the same logic the guy who believes he is God’s Gift to women is attractive for the same reason: not needy.

 

[rootX]

I am not sure how one can categorize and define sociopath with so many specific details..

 

[DanP]

I asked how you render them "sociopaths" as a group. So let me rephrase. From what you determined that the whole category have no conscience ?

No. "Sociopath" is not a pejorative term for a guy who is successful with women. The hallmark of a sociopath is that they have no conscience:



http://www.youmeworks.com/sociopaths.html

In the eyes of girls the worst "crime" a man can commit is to be emotionally needy; to be insecure, to need the girls to validate him. A sociopath is the opposite of that: a man who is, deep down, completely unmoved by, and indifferent to, their opinion of him. At the same time he seems very attentive and charming on the surface, they can sense he is ultimately remote, just doesn't care.

At first they're delighted by this refreshing, non-needy man who is so lavish with attention, but then something starts to bother them: a deep itch to break through his inner indifference, to be taken seriously. This itch escalates to something obsessive: the need to get his validation. But the more they try to impress him, to please him, the more amused he looks, and the less seriously he seems to take them inside.

Once the sociopath senses the hook is set, he'll start casting himself as the hapless victim of circumstances beyond his control needing a bailout (money, goods, shelter, or whatever he happens to want) and he'll keep that up as long as he can get away with it, thoroughly reveling in the fact he's got someone under his thumb. No sympathy, empathy, or remorse involved.


There’s the kernel of a lesson for nerds in the story of the girl’s attraction to the sociopath, which could be stated many ways, but here’s one: girls are attracted to guys who are warm and attentive on the surface but who give off the unspoken vibe they feel utterly neutral toward the girl. Why? The guy’s not needy, doesn’t need to be validated. By the same logic the guy who believes he is God’s Gift to women is attractive for the same reason: not needy.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I asked how you render them "sociopaths" as a group. So let me rephrase. From what you determined that the whole category have no conscience ?

Eh?

...

 

[Moonbear]

I'm not seeing how someone who believes they are god's gift to women is a sociopath either. An egomaniac? Sure. A narcissist? Likely. Sociopath? That seems to be stretching it, and even contradicts the notion that they really believe they are so great and fully confident in that role, since the sociopath only ACTS the role, doesn't actually feel or believe it.

Though, I WOULD be concerned that someone who thinks he can form relationships based on mathematical formulae rather than understanding normal social cues just might be a sociopath. Or, at the least, it seems very creepy.

I have a simple formula...the as the equations you try to apply to selecting a mate increases, your chances of obtaining any mate approaches zero.

 

[27Thousand]

Though, I WOULD be concerned that someone who thinks he can form relationships based on mathematical formulae rather than understanding normal social cues just might be a sociopath. Or, at the least, it seems very creepy.

I have a simple formula...the as the equations you try to apply to selecting a mate increases, your chances of obtaining any mate approaches zero.

Sociopaths don't lack social skills, they're actually quite good at reading people and that's how they thrive as predators. On the other extreme side of the continuum, I think I myself may have some troubles reading body language. I read in a book that if a woman smiles, if the man makes eye contact and smiles back she's a lot more likely to be friendly than if he avoids making eye contact with her. I read that in a book a few years ago and tried applying it. I discovered in the last few years that when a woman smiles, making eye contact back and smiling seems to have her act more friendly towards me! I wasn't able to ever get that from what others on this thread call "experience", but rather from scholarly research.

Moonbear, putting yourself in my shoes how would you feel if you were in my situation? I want to be myself, so being able to read women and know if they're interested will allow me to focus instead on those who are interested in me for being me, rather than having to worry about impressing them. Being oneself is important.

Also, I think my own body language may be slightly not normal, maybe some are born differently in body posture and not expressive in facial expressions, so finding equations for how I'm supposed to move my face, body posture, etc in social situations may help me relax because I'd want them to look past that and at my personality instead.

So what do you have to say about that? Aren't they worthwhile concerns?

 

[Moonbear]

Sociopaths don't lack social skills, they're actually quite good at reading people and that's how they thrive as predators. On the other extreme side of the continuum, I think I myself may have some troubles reading body language. I read in a book that if a woman smiles, if the man makes eye contact and smiles back she's a lot more likely to be friendly than if he avoids making eye contact with her. I read that in a book a few years ago and tried applying it. I discovered in the last few years that when a woman smiles, making eye contact back and smiling seems to have her act more friendly towards me! I wasn't able to ever get that from what others on this thread call "experience", but rather from scholarly research.

Moonbear, putting yourself in my shoes how would you feel if you were in my situation? I want to be myself, so being able to read women and know if they're interested will allow me to focus instead on those who are interested in me for being me, rather than having to worry about impressing them. Being oneself is important.

Also, I think my own body language may be slightly not normal, maybe some are born differently in body posture and not expressive in facial expressions, so finding equations for how I'm supposed to move my face, body posture, etc in social situations may help me relax because I'd want them to look past that and at my personality instead.

So what do you have to say about that? Aren't they worthwhile concerns?

Get professional help...seriously.

 

[27Thousand]

Get professional help...seriously.

Mean! I mean if I'm understanding everything correctly, aren't we all here to give each other advice and help, not throw insults?

 

[Pyrrhus]

Moonbear, putting yourself in my shoes how would you feel if you were in my situation? I want to be myself, so being able to read women and know if they're interested will allow me to focus instead on those who are interested in me for being me, rather than having to worry about impressing them. Being oneself is important.

Also, I think my own body language may be slightly not normal, maybe some are born differently in body posture and not expressive in facial expressions, so finding equations for how I'm supposed to move my face, body posture, etc in social situations may help me relax because I'd want them to look past that and at my personality instead.

So what do you have to say about that? Aren't they worthwhile concerns?

You should read your own posts. You are coming from the wrong place. You are being way reactive to women, and also very insecure (Why do you feel you have to impress?). Why do you need to know if a girl likes you or not, before you do anything?. Didn't you know that sometimes as you spent time with her, they start liking you?. It definitely varies.

Look, this is how I see it. Either you spent your time in your room running statistical models you coded in R of how to approach women, or you go out and actually meet women. You decide.

Good luck

 

[rootX]

27Thousand, stop thinking about girls

Go get a phd in statistics

 

[Monique]

Mean! I mean if I'm understanding everything correctly, aren't we all here to give each other advice and help, not throw insults?

That is not an insult, it is an advice. You clearly say that you have problems interpreting body language, I've seen courses that teach people how to deal with that. The way you are going to learn it is to practice it, with someone giving you feedback. Getting professional help is the best option.

Here is the first hit in my google search.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/singles_and_dating/techniques_getblcoaching.shtml

 

[DanP]

Eh?

...

What parts do you not understand ? I was asking how did you equated the "god's gift to women" crowd to a subset of "sociopath" crowd.

 

[Redbelly98]

Get professional help...seriously.

Mean! I mean if I'm understanding everything correctly, aren't we all here to give each other advice and help, not throw insults?

She was giving you advice, not insulting you.

 

[DanP]

Also, I think my own body language may be slightly not normal, maybe some are born differently in body posture and not expressive in facial expressions, so finding equations for how I'm supposed to move my face, body posture, etc in social situations may help me relax because I'd want them to look past that and at my personality instead.

Some ppl will never get laid. There is still hope for unicorns. See, even if I would point you a women which I know is 99% interested in you, you would manage to find that 1% somehow and blew it all. Thanks to the "equations"

 

[rolerbe]

Ahhh, those http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cold_Equations" .

Just eject the girl and the equations simplify nicely.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I'm not seeing how someone who believes they are god's gift to women is a sociopath either.

Because I defined it that way. I addressed, but then shunted aside, the conventional understanding of someone who thinks they are "God's Gift to Women," Then pulled a switcheroo, offering an "alternative" description of an alleged different sort of "God's Gift" , which was, in fact, culled from things I've read about sociopaths. Then the punchline: 3.) "It's a doomed quest: most guys like this are sociopaths."

I don't know what to tell you, Moonbear. That post was a witticism. Georgina grasped the gist of it. It's not intended to be accurate. It's intended to be true. The two sentences previous to this are another witticism. A witticism is "a cleverly witty and often biting or ironic remark"*. Because of the surprise "snapper" at the end that post actually ends up not being about "God's Gifts" or sociopaths at all, but an ironic and biting remark about girls being attracted to the wrong guys.



*Merriam-Websters

 

[zoobyshoe]

What parts do you not understand ? I was asking how did you equated the "god's gift to women" crowd to a subset of "sociopath" crowd.

Hmmm. If you're afraid I'm accusing you of being a sociopath because you recommended acting like God's gift to women, then rest assured I am not. I am not sure how you, DanP, would describe someone who acts like that, but I assume you would describe someone who is successful with women, and not obnoxious. The trouble you were having with Georgina stemmed from the fact that, when a woman describes a man as acting like God's Gift to women, it is a bad thing: he's too cocky, obnoxious about it, over the limit. He won't get any girls.

 

[DanP]

Hmmm. If you're afraid I'm accusing you of being a sociopath because you recommended acting like God's gift to women, then rest assured I am not. I am not sure how you, DanP, would describe someone who acts like that, but I assume you would describe someone who is successful with women, and not obnoxious. The trouble you were having with Georgina stemmed from the fact that, when a woman describes a man as acting like God's Gift to women, it is a bad thing: he's too cocky, obnoxious about it, over the limit. He won't get any girls.

Sorry no. I am not afraid of you accusing me being a sociopath simply because I usually don't give a **** what 3rd parties think about me. If it makes you pleasure to tell me I am a sociopath, or a nerd or whatever, please be my guest. It has no consequences whatsoever for me.

I just can't understand how someone can label ppl form a certain category and throw them all in the sociopath category. Even you believe such a man won't get any girls, because he too cooky and obnoxious, how the heck is he a sociopath ?

 

[DanP]

Because of the surprise "snapper" at the end that post actually ends up not being about "God's Gifts" or sociopaths at all, but an ironic and biting remark about girls being attracted to the wrong guys.
*Merriam-Websters

Mmm... Maybe the women attracted to the wrong guys are sociopaths ? (why does the guy have to be the sociopath ?) Did it happened to you ? Being attracted time and again to the wrong man ?

 

[DanP]

The trouble you were having with Georgina stemmed from the

What "trouble" ? Do you always refer to a disagreement as "trouble" ?

 

[Sorry!]

This thread has been highly entertaining thank you.
Just for the record I definitely think I'm a gift to women. Not from god though... from my mother. I'm very cocky and quiet arrogant when it comes to women but I can't say I've ever had a problem with them.

bahahaha, some people on this forum crack me up. 27thousand, zooby, DanP haha man epic thread.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Sorry no. I am not afraid of you accusing me being a sociopath simply because I usually don't give a **** what 3rd parties think about me. If it makes you pleasure to tell me I am a sociopath, or a nerd or whatever, please be my guest. It has no consequences whatsoever for me.

I just can't understand how someone can label ppl form a certain category and throw them all in the sociopath category. Even you believe such a man won't get any girls, because he too cooky and obnoxious, how the heck is he a sociopath ?

Mmm... Maybe the women attracted to the wrong guys are sociopaths ? (why does the guy have to be the sociopath ?) Did it happened to you ? Being attracted time and again to the wrong man ?

What "trouble" ? Do you always refer to a disagreement as "trouble" ?

You seem to have gotten needlessly upset, and your reading comprehension has gone south. Now you're throwing random strawmen at me. It's too bad, because I actually agree with your basic "God's Gift" idea, at least to the extent it's better to err on the cocky side than to be too insecure.

 

[DanP]

You seem to have gotten needlessly upset, and your reading comprehension has gone south. Now you're throwing random strawmen at me. It's too bad, because I actually agree with your basic "God's Gift" idea, at least to the extent it's better to err on the cocky side than to be too insecure.

Smile, no one is upset I really do want to get into your head and understand why you call those kind of man sociopaths. So tell me please how you got to the conclusion of "Gods Gift" man are sociopaths.

(yes, I enjoy every logical fallacy in the book. they work :P )

 

[zoobyshoe]

(yes, I enjoy every logical fallacy in the book. they work :P )

Thanks much for the confession:

http://www.centex.net/~elliott/1959/troll_doll_1959_pants.gif

 

[DanP]

Thanks much for the confession:

[/PLAIN]

Trolling is not the not the issue. The issue is your generalizations.

You failed time and again to explain your generalization of "god's gift" to sociopath. Id pretty much want to know again why do you make this generalization. On what basis ? I ask you again. Can you please explain ? This time, please, leave apart smart remarks, assumption on my upset state, whatever. Just do what you are asked to, explain your statement.

Can you please ?

 

[rootX]

I haven't gone too far into the thread but zoobyshoe, you seem to be making up the things