Guilty About Not Allowing Others to Smoke?

[Moonbear]

As far as trying it- you are seriously telling me you've never felt peer pressure in your entire life? Everyone has about something or another. That's how a lot of people got started. Social acceptance. However getting hooked is another issue.

Honestly, no. Nothing I can think of. Maybe I just hung out with the "right" crowd? If anything, as teens, we pressured each other to get better grades. Seriously, we had a class where a group of us all got at or near 100% on every test (yeah, we though the teacher was a pushover, but who's going to complain about that?), plus there was always an extra credit question, so we'd have friendly competitions (never nasty, it always stayed fun) to see who got the highest score over 100%! None of us smoke or drank, so there was no pressure to do it. Sure, there were kids who did both, but we looked at them as the social outcasts (sorry guys, that's really how we viewed them, whether it was fair or not). They had their group of friends and we had our group of friends and there were a handful of people who were part of both groups and were welcome to join anyone. There were also kids who were into the designer jeans or just had to have a gucchi purse, or a certain brand of shoes, but I never felt I had to do any of that to be friends with them.

When I started attending college parties, there were always groups of drinkers and nondrinkers, smokers and nonsmokers, people who experimented with other substances and those who didn't. Someone might come up and ask if you were interested in a drink or a cigarette, but never pressured anyone who simply said, "no thanks." I had plenty of opportunity to taste alcoholic drinks at home, and already knew there were some drinks I really did like, but even so, made the choice to not drink at college parties. I could have just as much fun as those who were drinking without it and didn't feel hungover the next morning or have to worry about who might try taking advantage of me if I got drunk. Nobody kicked me out for not drinking or shoved drinks into my hand or down my throat if I didn't want them.

Who knows, maybe I've just always been self-confident enough to be oblivious to any peer pressure (you can read that as "stubborn" if you'd like). *shrug*

 

[Zantra]

Honestly, no. Nothing I can think of. Maybe I just hung out with the "right" crowd? If anything, as teens, we pressured each other to get better grades. Seriously, we had a class where a group of us all got at or near 100% on every test (yeah, we though the teacher was a pushover, but who's going to complain about that?), plus there was always an extra credit question, so we'd have friendly competitions (never nasty, it always stayed fun) to see who got the highest score over 100%! None of us smoke or drank, so there was no pressure to do it. Sure, there were kids who did both, but we looked at them as the social outcasts (sorry guys, that's really how we viewed them, whether it was fair or not). They had their group of friends and we had our group of friends and there were a handful of people who were part of both groups and were welcome to join anyone. There were also kids who were into the designer jeans or just had to have a gucchi purse, or a certain brand of shoes, but I never felt I had to do any of that to be friends with them.

When I started attending college parties, there were always groups of drinkers and nondrinkers, smokers and nonsmokers, people who experimented with other substances and those who didn't. Someone might come up and ask if you were interested in a drink or a cigarette, but never pressured anyone who simply said, "no thanks." I had plenty of opportunity to taste alcoholic drinks at home, and already knew there were some drinks I really did like, but even so, made the choice to not drink at college parties. I could have just as much fun as those who were drinking without it and didn't feel hungover the next morning or have to worry about who might try taking advantage of me if I got drunk. Nobody kicked me out for not drinking or shoved drinks into my hand or down my throat if I didn't want them.

Who knows, maybe I've just always been self-confident enough to be oblivious to any peer pressure (you can read that as "stubborn" if you'd like). *shrug*

Well moony I'm sure you're a testament to internal fortitude, and that is something to be proud of. However I wouldn't be so sure you've never been exposed to peer pressure. Ever had your friends say to you "I'd stay away from that person, he/she is not cool"? Actually I can prove you've had peer pressure applied to you. If your friends ever encouraged you to do ANYTHING weather positive or negative, it would be considered peer pressure. So if you can tell me that your friends never encouraged any specific behavior from you-either positive or negative, never exhibited normal group behavior characteristics then I would be singularly astounded, impressed, and very curious how the group dynamics of your friendships worked.

Anyhow, my long winded point is just because you don't give into peer pressure, doesn't mean you don't experience it. How you deal with it is up to the individual. Just because your friend jumps off a bridge doesn't mean you have to either. But it is a proven cause of negative social behaviors, you know?

 

[Gale]

well, let's say all my comments were for the casual, occasional, just starting out smoker then. because i know for a fact that the discomfort of being forced outside is often enough to stop those people from smoking for extended periods of time. I'm 17 years old, i think i have one friend who really doesn't smoke. her and i are definately the only ones i know. some of my friends smoke quite a lot, some of them not so much. actually, i guess some people might even say i smoke, but i don't really... though admittedly, i have. even my younger brother and his friends smoke, (14-16 yr olds) it sucks. Many of my friends have babies, and they still smoke. But really, for most all of them, if its too big of hassle, they just won't smoke.

Unfortunately, it still "cool" to smoke. there's a certain level of rebellion attatched, independence from parents, risk taking. when i was in middle school, there was a lot of pressure to start smoking, that's when i did. When i got older, that pressure nearly vanishes. nearly...

i know when i worked, i was sometimes jealous of the smokers. They got their own room to smoke in, and it was like a club when everyone would go outside together. Its still that way. i hear my sisters friends talk about it, or my brother. If you don't smoke, you're left out. I guess its easier to deal with when its freezing outside, and all the smokers come back numb... but they're still laughing and having a good time, and you feel left out. that's a very passive sort of peer pressure.

my parents smoke as well. two of my siblings of developed asthma over the years. I'm certain we've all suffered greatly from second hand smoke. i understand that we can't change their minds about smoking, they've tried to quit, but they keep giving up. i know it doesn't really help to pester them, because they get more stressed the more i talk, and so they smoke more. if i ever try to talk to them about it anymore, i usually just offer some advice... like, "maybe you should just try not smoking in the car..." because my mum always smokes in the car, and i don't care if she opens a window, it gags me. And half the time its cold outside, and i freeze while she puffs away. Its so inconsiderate really, but i know she needs a smoke. but ya...

umm... really, i think we should do whatever we can to stop younger smokers. and the thing is, young smokers are all in middle school and the early years of high school. after that, its not so bad, because the real smokers don't want to share any more, and so the awkward kids who're susceptible to the pressure aren't exposed to pressure. kids start smoking when they're really young now though... as for the other smokers... i don't think we should make the habit any easier for them. I'm glad most public buildings don't allow it. but whatever... its their life, i just want the habit to have as little effect on me as possible..


ps: Zantra, you spelled my name wrong... no "e"

 

[Zantra]

ps: Zantra, you spelled my name wrong... no "e"

doh! one of these days I'll get it right...

By now young kids should be getting the message about smoking. But sometimes kids do stupid things, and there are much worse things they could be doing unfortunately. I hate to say it but 9/10 times it's the fault of the parent. You can't NOT know if your child is smoking, unless they are doing it rarely and are very meticulous at covering it up.. there are exceptions but not every parent can be that oblivious.. which means many parents let their children smoke, likely because they are hoping that if they let it slide, they won't have to worry about drugs.. which is a mistake. but I'm rambling..

 

[Gale]

doh! one of these days I'll get it right...

By now young kids should be getting the message about smoking. But sometimes kids do stupid things, and there are much worse things they could be doing unfortunately. I hate to say it but 9/10 times it's the fault of the parent. You can't NOT know if your child is smoking, unless they are doing it rarely and are very meticulous at covering it up.. there are exceptions but not every parent can be that oblivous.. which means many parents let their children smoke, likely because they are hoping that if they let it slide, they won't have to worry about drugs.. which is a mistake. but I'm rambling..

ya... well its hard name... i mean, 4 letters long with a double connsonant... its a toughie... we've only chatted for, what, 2 years?


at any rate, how to propose a parent deals with a child smoking? i know my brother and his friends smoke. i'd be interested in learning how to make them just stop. all the boys look up to me, I'm the cool older sister. (seriously, its so cute... they think I'm COOL! "i wish she was my older sister" all his friends say that, rock on!) but i can't really do much to get them to quit except to casually mention that its bad for them, and not very cool. then they're like, "oh ya, I'm trying to quit..." ya... sure... i could be authoritive, but what'd that do?

 

[Moonbear]

You can't NOT know if your child is smoking, unless they are doing it rarely and are very meticulous at covering it up..

I don't know how quickly they know. If a kid in a nonsmoking home starts smoking, yeah, the parents are going to know either they are smoking or their friends are smoking, because you just have to smell it on them. But if the kid is living in the home of a smoker, if they stay out of view, I don't know how the parents would notice since the smoke smell itself won't be a tip off. The problem probably is more that there are enough parents who don't care that it becomes accessible...all you need is one parent who doesn't give the kid a hard time when a pack goes missing from the carton every now and then for that kid to supply the cigarettes to the others.

As for the earlier comments on peer pressure, I really wasn't trying to suggest I'm some special person with amazing internal fortitude, I'm not. I just didn't associate with friends who would try to push me to do things I didn't want to do. Perhaps there was positive peer pressure, but if you're doing something good for yourself, it's not like you'd have a reason to resist the suggestion either, so how much pressure is really necessary?

I was confused that you suggested it was a necessary part of the social dynamic, like you can't have friends who don't push you to do things you don't want to do? Maybe I misunderstood what you were trying to say. If someone started pushing me to do something I didn't want to do, then I'd hardly consider them a friend. I don't tolerate people who are pushy or think you need to do something to conform in order to associate with them. If someone pulls that nonsense, I tell them to get lost in no uncertain terms. Why would you call someone a friend who asks you to put your health at risk to be their friend? I don't even like pushy salespeople, so why would I want a pushy friend?

Here's a different example. I have a lot of friends who are really into sports...like totally nuts when it comes to sports. They'll get together to go to a game, and they always invite me along. I can't think of a more boring thing to do with my day than sit around watching sports...they can't quite understand why I find it boring and I can't quite understand what excites them about it, but okay, that's just our differences. So, I decline their invitations. It's that simple. They go off and do what they enjoy doing with those who enjoy it. No need for me to go along and be grumpy about it. And when they do something I do enjoy, such as seeing a movie I want to see, then I go along. Maybe someone else decides not to join us if they've seen the movie already or it's something they really won't enjoy (one friend will NOT see any sort of horror movies). We don't all have to do everything together as a giant group to be friends...we know we have different interests and different personalities and that is why we enjoy each others' company and why nobody forces anyone to do something they don't enjoy. I don't want to hang out with people who just go along with everything or who are all just like me, that's boring.

 

[Huckleberry]

I think it does more to prevent people from starting to smoke. Trying a cigarette doesn't seem so appealing if you see that those who have the habit are standing outside, alone, in the bitter cold, shivering while being pelted by rain. What, as a nonsmoker who really doesn't fully understand the motivation to try smoking, seems like it attracts people to try cigarettes (and then get hooked) was the social acceptance...it was the "cool" thing to do when everyone at the party was sitting around smoking while having a good time.

As for those who already are addicted, the cravings and the feeling of needing to continue doing it despite the adverse effects on health, comfort and social status are part of what define addiction, in addition to the physical dependence where you feel ill if you stop suddenly. Once someone is addicted, we could tell them we're going to make them move to Siberia and stand outside without a jacket to smoke and they'd still keep smoking. Discomfort, pain, even threat of death are no longer as important as getting that nicotine hit.

I wonder, how many people really would start smoking at or over 18 if we effectively prevented children from starting up smoking?

I didn't start smoking until I was about 24 or 25. I started on clove cigarettes because I enjoyed the smell and the flavor and the high. That lasted about a year and after that I was smoking 4 or 5 a day. Then I switched to normal cigarettes because they were cheaper. The last two years I have been smoking about half a pack a day, sometimes less. The cravings are strong, but they are controllable for me. I haven't gotten the shakes, but I do get a little antsy. The first 3 days are the hardest. Last year I quit for a month, but I started again when I became upset with some problems I was having. For that month I did notice some physical effects, enough for me to go see a doctor. After I told him I was quitting smoking he just shook his head as if it all made sense. Stomach cramps and constapation where the worst symptoms. They were nothing compared to the mental withdrawal. Since cigarettes are legal the addiction is very difficult to overcome. To be honest, if the government decided to make smoking illegal entirely I personally would be relieved, however, I would consider it an infringement on my rights as a citizen. It would be an infringement I could live with.

You don't like standing out in the cold and wind and rain by yourself? I was reclusive before I started smoking and enjoy some peace of mind in harsh conditions all alone. I love thunderstorms and blizzards and hurricanes and even just rain. I never considered that a downside to smoking.

 

[Gabrielle]

I don't think smokers realize just how far their smoke travels when dissipated enough to not be a visible cloud. If I'm sitting at a traffic light, and the person in the car in front of me lights up and we both have our windows open, I can smell it pretty strongly even though there's no visible smoke.

Someone who has just come inside from smoking a cigarette still has a strong enough odor on their clothing to be irritating, not just unpleasant..."

I'm glad you mentioned how much smoke stinks because it reminds me of a rather embarrassing incident at work. Last winter, I walked into the office I shared with another co-worker. As I walked into the room, I noticed a very foul odor right away. I asked, "What's that awful smell?" My co-worker (a woman) said hesitantly, "I don't know. My nose is a little stuffed up so I can't really smell much of anything." It was very noticeable and a few minutes later she said, "I think I found out what that smell is." She was sniffing the sleeve of her sweater as she was telling me. "It's my mohair sweater." She had gotten it wet a number of times but it was really the cigarette smoke that brought out the smell not because it was wet. She wore it kind of like a coat so I guess she didn't wash it very often. She's a very heavy smoker. I was so embarrassed when she told me because I didn't want to offend her. I had no idea where the source of the odor was coming from.

What really bothers me is watching people at the hospital coming out the door with their newborn baby, and as they are strapping it into the carseat, they're already lighting up a cigarette.

I agree. They're really getting their precious ones off to a good start, aren't they? It's also dangerous because it's easy for ashes to fall off the end of your cigarette while you're holding a baby. I think it's very unwise to smoke while holding a baby. Perhaps the majority of smokers refrain from behavior such as this.

 

[loseyourname]

Considering the allergies and asthma I suffer from, I've never felt guilty about ensuring that no one smokes around me. Generally, I would imagine they feel guilty when I start going into a wheezing fit if they do smoke around me.

 

[Moonbear]

I think it's very unwise to smoke while holding a baby. Perhaps the majority of smokers refrain from behavior such as this.

I think the smokers who care about their babies do refrain from this. Unfortunately, our university hospital handles most of the deliveries to mothers who didn't plan to become mothers and don't really want to be mothers, but nonetheless got pregnant and had the babies. Those babies are going to have a rough life even without the cigarette exposure.

 

[SamuelGreen800]

I try to be considerate of most smoker's feelings, but I will not allow smoking in my house or car, no ifs ands or buts about it. There is nothing to feel guilty about, as the things honestly just stink. I don't let people rub skunks and dog crap in my carpets and curtains, and I don't see much of a difference in not letting them smoke either.

Part of that is being a former smoker though. The smell drives me crazy, and the hardest times to keep my self away from ciggarettes is when I can just catch a faint whiff of them, which is every day for the next year if someone lights up in the house or car.

The other part is that I still live at home. My family does not need to put up with my friends smell in their own home, and I would never think to ask them to. Smokers go on the porch or deck, and no where else.

 

[Evo]

I don't let people rub skunks and dog crap in my carpets and curtains

Well, that I'm ok with, but cigarette smoking is a no no.

 

[Loren Booda]

If you mean by "guilty" retaining both lungs...

 

[arildno]

As an ardent smoker, I would say that of course non-smoking people should be the ones deciding whether or not guests may smoke in their own homes, or at the work-place (even if the smoker is a co-worker of the non-smoker).

After the introduction of the general ban on smoking on restaurants and bars in Norway, I've basically changed my initial negative doomsday view on this; it's okay, I guess.

I reserve to myself the right to smoke in my own home, though..

 

[Zantra]

I don't know how quickly they know. If a kid in a nonsmoking home starts smoking, yeah, the parents are going to know either they are smoking or their friends are smoking, because you just have to smell it on them. But if the kid is living in the home of a smoker, if they stay out of view, I don't know how the parents would notice since the smoke smell itself won't be a tip off. The problem probably is more that there are enough parents who don't care that it becomes accessible...all you need is one parent who doesn't give the kid a hard time when a pack goes missing from the carton every now and then for that kid to supply the cigarettes to the others.

As for the earlier comments on peer pressure, I really wasn't trying to suggest I'm some special person with amazing internal fortitude, I'm not. I just didn't associate with friends who would try to push me to do things I didn't want to do. Perhaps there was positive peer pressure, but if you're doing something good for yourself, it's not like you'd have a reason to resist the suggestion either, so how much pressure is really necessary?

I was confused that you suggested it was a necessary part of the social dynamic, like you can't have friends who don't push you to do things you don't want to do? Maybe I misunderstood what you were trying to say. If someone started pushing me to do something I didn't want to do, then I'd hardly consider them a friend. I don't tolerate people who are pushy or think you need to do something to conform in order to associate with them. If someone pulls that nonsense, I tell them to get lost in no uncertain terms. Why would you call someone a friend who asks you to put your health at risk to be their friend? I don't even like pushy salespeople, so why would I want a pushy friend?

Here's a different example. I have a lot of friends who are really into sports...like totally nuts when it comes to sports. They'll get together to go to a game, and they always invite me along. I can't think of a more boring thing to do with my day than sit around watching sports...they can't quite understand why I find it boring and I can't quite understand what excites them about it, but okay, that's just our differences. So, I decline their invitations. It's that simple. They go off and do what they enjoy doing with those who enjoy it. No need for me to go along and be grumpy about it. And when they do something I do enjoy, such as seeing a movie I want to see, then I go along. Maybe someone else decides not to join us if they've seen the movie already or it's something they really won't enjoy (one friend will NOT see any sort of horror movies). We don't all have to do everything together as a giant group to be friends...we know we have different interests and different personalities and that is why we enjoy each others' company and why nobody forces anyone to do something they don't enjoy. I don't want to hang out with people who just go along with everything or who are all just like me, that's boring.

I think we're going around in circles moonbear. The examples you're giving me sound more like typical adult behavior. Anyone who's older should be making their own choices. I'm speaking more in terms of teens and preteens. Peer pressure is pretty evident at those ages. Kids in general are still struggling with their identity and trying to "fit in". those are the times where peer pressure is most prevelant. As an adult, or even older teenager you can't really use peer pressure as an excuse. It's the typical school yard behavior where other kids (not necessarily even close friends) pressure you into certain behaviors. Anyone who's been in school knows what I'm talking about. It's not about your ability to be an individual or resist temptation, it's the fact that the temptation is there that I'm referring to. Maybe I'm not understanding here, but it seems like you're trying to say that there is no such thing as peer pressure, or that only weak minded people experience it. Or am I misunderstanding?

 

[Evo]

I have to agree with Moonbear about the lack of "peer" pressure as I grew up. Of course I only associated with a couple of geeks on a regular basis and we prided ourselves on being diffferent from everyone else. Maybe that's the difference, we didn't want to "fit in" with the "cool" kids because we thought they were a buch of idiots and they considered us a bunch of anti-social freaks. We didn't attend pep rallies or school functions or football games. So while they were smoking and drinking we were discussing books and art.

 

[Moonbear]

I have to agree with Moonbear about the lack of "peer" pressure as I grew up. Of course I only associated with a couple of geeks on a regular basis and we prided ourselves on being diffferent from everyone else. Maybe that's the difference, we didn't want to "fit in" with the "cool" kids because we thought they were a buch of idiots and they considered us a bunch of anti-social freaks. We didn't attend pep rallies or school functions or football games. So while they were smoking and drinking we were discussing books and art.

I guess that's pretty much what I'm trying to say. Though, I had more than just a few friends, we weren't really interested in "fitting in" with any "crowd." I'm not saying it doesn't exist, just that I wasn't one of the people who experienced it. Oh, wait, there was once I succumbed to peer pressure...I bought fluorescent socks in the 80s when everyone was wearing those bright, fluorescent clothes. I didn't get any other fluorescent clothes, just one pair of socks. It's the one time in my life I've ever given into fashion trends just for the sake of the fashion.

 

[Evo]

Oh, wait, there was once I succumbed to peer pressure...I bought fluorescent socks in the 80s when everyone was wearing those bright, fluorescent clothes. I didn't get any other fluorescent clothes, just one pair of socks. It's the one time in my life I've ever given into fashion trends just for the sake of the fashion.

I bought those John Lennon granny glasses that were so trendy at the time. And then I made my eyes up like Twiggy's.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I don't let people rub skunks and dog crap in my carpets and curtains...

Well, that I'm ok with, but cigarette smoking is a no no.

ROFL! I love you, Evo. You're one of the few who has discovered the exact anatomical location of the zoobie funny bone.

 

[Evo]

ROFL! I love you, Evo. You're one of the few who has discovered the exact anatomical location of the zoobie funny bone.

Aw, I love you too zoobie, I wanted to tell you that the other day.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Aw, I love you too zoobie, I wanted to tell you that the other day.

Now, I can barely type from the warm fuzzies.

 

[Gabrielle]

I'm resurrecting this thread because something came up about cigarette smoke recently. My next-door neighbor has two young nieces in Rhode Island and she and her sister and brother-in-law (the grandparents) make regular visits on birthdays and holidays.

Charmion, my neighbor, is a smoker. However, neither her sister, brother-in-law or extended family are smokers. In the beginning, my neighbor and her sister would alternate using one car or the other. However, my neighbor told me that they now use her sister's car exclusively as they're bothered by the smell of cigarettes in the car even though she doesn't smoke when they're in the car together. I don't know if the smoke can be transferred to your clothing by sitting in an already smoky car from the upholstery. I imagine it could. The car is well over ten years old so she's been smoking in her car for a long time.

My brother, also a smoker, thought that this was insulting to my neighbor. It seems that it's usually fellow smokers who are the quickest to come to another smoker's defense. I suppose this is natural. I don't think it's really insulting. She was already aware that her family didn't like being around cigarette smoke anyway and her sister and brother-in-law are saving her additional wear and tear on her own car by offering to take theirs. I guess they take turns driving on the way down and back. So I wouldn't be offended.