Girl I am interested in, not sure what to do

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In summary, the conversation revolves around the narrator's feelings for a girl he has liked for over a year. After taking her out for a fancy dinner and confessing his feelings for her, she admits to liking him more than a friend but is afraid to be in a relationship. The narrator is unsure if he should continue pursuing her or give up, and also wonders if their cultural differences may be a barrier. Some suggest giving her space and focusing on other relationships, while others warn against being overly infatuated and suggest moving on. The girl in question is Vietnamese, which may play a role in their communication and cultural differences.
  • #1
member 392791
Ok, so there is this girl I have liked for the past year and a half or so. We have gotten close and hang out somewhat often. Last week for her birthday I took her out to a very fancy restaurant and the whole deal. After I told her that I liked her. About 8 months ago I told her to and she said to ask her to be her girlfriend ''later'', and 8 months later I did the same thing. We were sitting in my car after dinner and just talked about our feelings for each other. she said she likes me more than just as a friend, but she is afraid to be in a relationship.

I'm 21 and she is 26, she has never been in a relationship (red flag?). Well the car conversation ended with atleast kissing on the cheek, which is more than she's ever done before with a boy.

The thing is, I'm infatuated with her, but I'm wondering if I should just give up, because after trying for nearly a year, I'm getting the message that she doesn't want to be in a relationship, but I don't know if I could bear to just be friends.


Oh yeah as an update from my last thread, the girl who's camera I deleted all the info on had it all backed up and we are back to being friends how it was before.
 
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  • #2
Looks like there are really many possibilities here. All the way from wether or not she is neurotypical or very introvert, or is she calculating and considers you immature, but nice to have all your attention.

The best way to find out is talk, open and honest, softly and gently but a bit persistent, and study non verbal reactions.
 
  • #3
Yeah,

Well she is from a different country and sometimes there is a communication barrier. That is interesting though, I can't tell if she isn't neurotypical or if it's just a language barrier that is the reason why she misses social cues somewhat often (I mean who could mistake taking out a girl for a $100 dinner as being anything other than liking her?)

I can't tell if when she says she not ready for a relationship if that is sincere or just a cop out either..
 
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  • #4
Different culture too? That's very delicate, she may be worrying about complications, you would never have thought, it would be possible.
 
  • #5
You take her out for a 100$ dinner after 8 months and she still makes you "wait"?

What is your gut feeling about that?
 
  • #6
Is she really sweet (as in atrociously beautiful) ? I mean, is she really the candy worth waiting/paying for ?
 
  • #7
Woopydalan said:
Yeah,

Well she is from a different country and sometimes there is a communication barrier. That is interesting though, I can't tell if she isn't neurotypical or if it's just a language barrier that is the reason why she misses social cues somewhat often (I mean who could mistake taking out a girl for a $100 dinner as being anything other than liking her?)

I can't tell if when she says she not ready for a relationship if that is sincere or just a cop out either..

Woopydalan said:
Ok, so there is this girl I have liked for the past year and a half or so. We have gotten close and hang out somewhat often. Last week for her birthday I took her out to a very fancy restaurant and the whole deal. After I told her that I liked her. About 8 months ago I told her to and she said to ask her to be her girlfriend ''later'', and 8 months later I did the same thing. We were sitting in my car after dinner and just talked about our feelings for each other. she said she likes me more than just as a friend, but she is afraid to be in a relationship.

I'm 21 and she is 26, she has never been in a relationship (red flag?). Well the car conversation ended with atleast kissing on the cheek, which is more than she's ever done before with a boy.

The thing is, I'm infatuated with her, but I'm wondering if I should just give up, because after trying for nearly a year, I'm getting the message that she doesn't want to be in a relationship, but I don't know if I could bear to just be friends.


Oh yeah as an update from my last thread, the girl who's camera I deleted all the info on had it all backed up and we are back to being friends how it was before.

Woopydalan, communication is a not the issue here. My suggestion is, stay out of her and find another girl (who will NOT ask you to be her friend (or more than friend)).
 
  • #8
my 2 cents only -

What about an experiment, in the spirit of scientific method?

I don't know whether Mother Nature was kind or cruel when she made young men.
To my recollection ( yes i was once young) we are (were in my case) marvelously equipped to fall head over heels for whatever seems at the moment unattainable.
“In every passionate pursuit, the pursuit counts more than the object pursued.” ...Eric Hoffer

I believe women have a sixth sense in these matters.
She may well sense that you are 'infatuated'.
Since healthy relationships are non-smothering, in your shoes i'd give her space.
If next week you find yourself infatuated with another, well, she was right - you weren't ready. old jim
 
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  • #9
What culture is she from?
 
  • #10
Well she is vietnamese if that matters, but I mean I have had strong feelings for over a year now. It's hard to let go of all that emotional attachment. Maybe I am just pursuing what I can't attain, I'm kind of an emotional roller coaster about the issue really. I've been depressed all week
 
  • #11
Woopydalan said:
I'm 21 and she is 26,
Been there, done that. Aaaaah!

Sorry to be blunt but... stop thinking with your genitals.

Run away now while you still can.
 
  • #12
Woopydalan said:
Well she is vietnamese if that matters,

It does - it could have been a lot more difficult. :biggrin:

The good thing is you have both talked about your feelings.

Given your ages I guess she doesn't see you as ideally what she would like to find, someone more mature, sorry, and economically established. If I'm right she may not value your devotion all that much and it could even be a bit of an irritant.

We seem to all agree one way or another you can't go on like this.

So it seems to me you now have nothing to lose and must throw a gamble. Say I know I haven't got a hope of keeping you (not just flattering but reassuring and empowering) and am resigned (lie glibly) but I am crazy about you (etc.) and would do anything you want, look you haven't had a relationship experience, why don't you just use me. Like for practice. Then if this works at all, maybe not immediately you may have further problems, no, you certainly will, but maybe problems you prefer to have than this problem of the nothing you have now.
 
  • #13
I am not somebody's "practice".
 
  • #14
I don't know if this is part of the problem or not, but sometimes cultural differences can break down to "I really like you, but my traditional family would have a difficult time accepting you and shun me for even getting close to you." Unfortunately I've seen this happen more than once. I don't know that there is a perfect solution in these cases, but this kind of pressure means that she has to be really sure that you're worth the risk. Personally I think in most cases this barrier ends up being not quite so horrible as it can be built up to be, but that doesn't alter the action potential.

If that's not the case... sometimes a song can say it best:
 
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  • #15
If you need an icebreaker, track down a video of a 1973 movie
" Love and Pain and the Whole Damn Thing "

Maggie Smith and Timothy Bottoms as two people of disparate age and background.
 
  • #16
Learn more about relationships in her culture...
 
  • #17
Woopydalan said:
I am not somebody's "practice".

Ho, choosy are we? :biggrin: Well, apart from the fact there are worse things :wink: and maybe you've got them, you decide, but you are not getting to choose or decide anything at present. You are both in static positions so you got to do something that tends to fluidise things, get her thinking moving, it's only the next step in an unforeseeable dynamic, you can say you don't really mean that later or straightaway, and as you can't lay down what are her choices and actions you got to be flexible yourself, maybe a bit less dead serious:frown: yourself?

It's just an idea anyway. If not, what else?
 
  • #18
nope
 
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  • #19
Has she changed her mind about not seeing you anymore?:wink:
 

Related to Girl I am interested in, not sure what to do

1. How do I know if she likes me back?

It can be difficult to know for sure if someone likes you, but there are some signs you can look for. Pay attention to her body language, does she seem interested and engaged when talking to you? Does she make an effort to spend time with you? These could be signs that she likes you.

2. Should I tell her how I feel?

If you are interested in someone, it's important to be honest and open about your feelings. However, make sure you consider how she might feel and be prepared for any outcome. It's always better to communicate your feelings rather than keeping them bottled up.

3. What if I'm afraid of rejection?

Rejection is always a possibility when it comes to expressing your feelings, but it's important to remember that it's not the end of the world. If she doesn't feel the same way, it's better to know and move on rather than constantly wondering "what if." Remember that rejection is a normal part of life and it doesn't define your worth or who you are as a person.

4. Should I ask her out on a date?

If you feel comfortable and confident, asking her out on a date can be a great way to spend more time together and get to know each other better. Just make sure to be respectful and considerate of her feelings and boundaries.

5. What if she is already in a relationship?

If you find out that the girl you are interested in is already in a relationship, it's important to respect that and not pursue her. It's not fair to her or her partner. Instead, focus on building a friendship with her and keep your options open for other potential romantic interests.

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