- #1
Eclair_de_XII
- 1,082
- 91
I don't have any skills, experience, or an education that can be considered useful to any given industry. I have no contacts outside my hometown even though I so desperately have been wanting to relocate for a very long time. It does not help that I have no contacts outside my hometown. No landlord is going to lease an apartment to some bloke without a job, and no corporation will bother considering anybody without a place to live, least of all for a job that can pay rent. I feel like a joke applying to places to out-of-state jobs. I already have no luck securing work in my home state.
I don't know what I can do for a living, anymore. I'm sick and tired of it. I'm scared that I'll be stuck on this God-forsaken isle for the rest of my life, because I cannot find a decent career field to enter. I wouldn't consider college as a serious option, anymore. For one, I am far too exhausted and emotionally unstable to study nowadays. I already spent a number of years chasing a piece of paper that ultimately never helped me. It does not help, either, that I don't live in a home environment that is conducive to my emotional health.
My father has a habit of never turning off the television in the basement where he and I must bunk, and thoroughly ignoring me during the day because he is under the impression that I've nothing important to say. I've long since given up trying to talk to him. My mother has a habit of pestering me day and night even if she sees that I am in the middle of doing something and cares very little for anything I say, even when she invites me to share my problems after seeing me in a state of clear emotional distress. My sister never shuts it no matter how many times my mother and I must yell through her door, which she keeps tightly shut. My brother has a habit of boring me with topics of little interest to me, and never seems to care if I am listening to him or not; he just likes narcissistically listening to the sound of his own voice.
In any case, ideally, if I'd want a quiet study environment, I could always drive myself someplace else to avoid my home. But I'd still have to come back in the end, and lose sleep because my father never closes the television set throughout the night and opens it back up during the night whenever I turn it off. Ideally, I could just park somewhere in the night and sleep in my car. Even so, I'd still have to come home, take a shower, and endure whatever non-sense anybody feels like throwing at me in the interim between entering the house and exiting it.
I'm kept up late at night by my frustration over my utter helplessness, in addition to my intense feelings of loneliness that have only been growing in the past two years I've been away from school. The only things I have for company are my memories of having interacted with others, about half of them consisting of traumas I have had an ingrained habit of replaying in my head over again, until dawn breaks.
I don't know what to do, anymore.
[Last part redacted by the Mentors]
I don't know what I can do for a living, anymore. I'm sick and tired of it. I'm scared that I'll be stuck on this God-forsaken isle for the rest of my life, because I cannot find a decent career field to enter. I wouldn't consider college as a serious option, anymore. For one, I am far too exhausted and emotionally unstable to study nowadays. I already spent a number of years chasing a piece of paper that ultimately never helped me. It does not help, either, that I don't live in a home environment that is conducive to my emotional health.
My father has a habit of never turning off the television in the basement where he and I must bunk, and thoroughly ignoring me during the day because he is under the impression that I've nothing important to say. I've long since given up trying to talk to him. My mother has a habit of pestering me day and night even if she sees that I am in the middle of doing something and cares very little for anything I say, even when she invites me to share my problems after seeing me in a state of clear emotional distress. My sister never shuts it no matter how many times my mother and I must yell through her door, which she keeps tightly shut. My brother has a habit of boring me with topics of little interest to me, and never seems to care if I am listening to him or not; he just likes narcissistically listening to the sound of his own voice.
In any case, ideally, if I'd want a quiet study environment, I could always drive myself someplace else to avoid my home. But I'd still have to come back in the end, and lose sleep because my father never closes the television set throughout the night and opens it back up during the night whenever I turn it off. Ideally, I could just park somewhere in the night and sleep in my car. Even so, I'd still have to come home, take a shower, and endure whatever non-sense anybody feels like throwing at me in the interim between entering the house and exiting it.
I'm kept up late at night by my frustration over my utter helplessness, in addition to my intense feelings of loneliness that have only been growing in the past two years I've been away from school. The only things I have for company are my memories of having interacted with others, about half of them consisting of traumas I have had an ingrained habit of replaying in my head over again, until dawn breaks.
I don't know what to do, anymore.
[Last part redacted by the Mentors]
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