How Much Small Talk Is Enough?

[Drakkith]

I think it's only a better response if you actually wanted to talk with her Dembadon. I probably wouldn't have noticed the paint at all and would have said something along the lines of "Huh, I guess it is bright in here".

 

[Astronuc]

. . . . She said, "It's just nice and bright." So, taking notice of the type of paint used in the house, I commented that the oil-base, hi-gloss enamel did have a pleasant "brightening" effect, but that it's a lot of work to apply and can be a fire hazard due to its oil content. She gave a slight nod . . .

I can relate to and appreciate your comment.

I'm guessing my reply was not what she expected or hoped for, thus making her want to find a way to end the conversation and move on, and the restroom comment was an excuse to do so. I probably should have just responded with something like, "Yes, the paint helps brighten the room." Would this have been a better response?

For most people, that would be a preferred answer.

 

[Zarqon]

For example, the last family function took place at my father-in-law's place. It's a massive house built in the '30s, and he's done a lot of work to keep it in good shape. Shortly after a the party started, one of the guests leaned my way and made a comment about how nice the house was, and I understood this to mean she was interested in a conversation, so I asked what she liked about it. She said, "It's just nice and bright." So, taking notice of the type of paint used in the house, I commented that the oil-base, hi-gloss enamel did have a pleasant "brightening" effect, but that it's a lot of work to apply and can be a fire hazard due to its oil content. She gave a slight nod and I was about to ask for her name and how she knew my father-in-law, but she mentioned needing to use the restroom, so I didn't want to come off as rude by perpetuating the conversation.

In this example, I would guess your biggest mistake was to mention the fire hazard, especially if you did it with a straight face. If you could find a more lighthearted/humorous way to say it, it might have worked, but such a pessimistic statement, usually comes off rather poorly to most people if said seriously.

I usually have the exact same desires as you when it comes to wanting more substance when I talk to someone. One thing I have found that helps making transitions easier, is to "probe" how eager the other person is to move onto more substance, before you commit to it fully.

In your example here, you can indeed make the specific comment about oil-paints and how that enables the brightness in the house, and even comment on how much work it is. If she responds well to your specific details you can move on from there, however, if you see that she does not respond well to this, then just take a step back, and make a more lighthearted comment, for example "I'm too lazy to ever keep oilpainting like this up *smile at this point*, but I can appreciate when others do".

 

[alan2]

Don't worry about it. When you get old enough you won't want to talk to most people anyway, at least not in a social setting. So you have a head start.

 

[Cloudless]

I used to be in the same situation. I hated small talk; everything I said seemed force and superficial, and my mouth hurt from fake smiling.

Sometimes I meet someone I can easily carry a conversation with, and that's great. Not everyone connects easily. I used to worry about that but now, when there's someone whom I just can't make small talk with or feel uncomfortable, I just make some noncommittal nods and they'd let me be.