How to Discourage Dating & Become Friends

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The discussion centers around how to discourage a co-worker, who has previously expressed romantic interest, from pursuing a dating relationship while transitioning to a friendship. The original poster shares their dilemma about wanting to learn how to make shrimp gumbo from this co-worker but is concerned about the potential awkwardness of a one-on-one situation. Suggestions include avoiding private meetings, inviting mutual friends to create a group atmosphere, and being clear about intentions without causing discomfort. Some participants humorously propose extreme tactics to deter romantic advances, while others emphasize the importance of honesty and direct communication about feelings. The conversation highlights the complexities of navigating friendships when one party has romantic feelings, with advice leaning towards maintaining boundaries and fostering a casual, friendly environment.
  • #31
"I'd love for you to come over and cook gumbo, but with this [hepatitis/ mono/ leprosy/ bubonic plague/ rabies (choose one or more)] I haven't had much appetite lately."
 
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  • #32
Math Is Hard said:
"I'd love for you to come over and cook gumbo, but with this [hepatitis/ mono/ leprosy/ bubonic plague/ rabies (choose one or more)] I haven't had much appetite lately."
There's a lot of that going around...
 
  • #33
Does Greg keep transcripts of chat? You know the one I'm thinking about - had to go to the bathroom "I washed my hands after, this time." That should give him pause.
 
  • #34
He might be saving some of those for my commitment hearing. :biggrin:
 
  • #35
Evo said:
Glad I can make you laugh. :biggrin:

His recipe and it would be nice to have a strong male friend to help out around the house.

You are liking this attention eh?

Haha, so you are 'using' him, or am I understanding that wrong?

Playing games is fun, but don't get upset if he suddenly take this the wrong way.


Enjoy yourself. :approve:
 
  • #36
mikeknick04 said:
You are liking this attention eh?
Of course, isn't that the purpose of posting conversational threads? :biggrin:

Haha, so you are 'using' him, or am I understanding that wrong?
No, it's that I *don't* want to use him, or make him feel awkward, I would sincerely like to be friends. But, as crazy tosser pointed out, he probably does not want to be "friends".
 
  • #37
If he's really that much of clean freak, he'll never try to kiss you anyway. It's disgusting.
 
  • #38
Evo said:
No, it's that I *don't* want to use him, or make him feel awkward, I would sincerely like to be friends. But, as crazy tosser pointed out, he probably does not want to be "friends".

That's the most realistic view, it seems. Interesting, the traditional roles being reversed here :biggrin: This is a typical positive feedback situation ending in all or nothing. If you don't want all, as said already, go for nothing and google recipes and avoid a lot of problems.
 
  • #39
russ_watters said:
If he's really that much of clean freak, he'll never try to kiss you anyway. It's disgusting.
:smile: Good point! How does he have relations if he's that afraid of germs? I know he mentioned that he makes the women he dates shower twice before he touches them. (you can overhear a LOT of things in an office)

EEEWWWWW, thanks Russ, I had forgotten about that part. Ok, no gumbo for me.
 
  • #40
A professional chef who cleans the house without being asked? Damn, if he was a woman I'd marry him.
 
  • #41
Next time you talk to him about coming over just say that you have a boyfriend. Of course, he could be trying to play the "lets be friends first card" to get on your good side. Its funny, girls I know would just lay out the truth with complete disregard to the guy's feelings. Either way, he's a grown up, he can take it.
 
  • #42
Well, like Kurdt, I think it's best to be direct.

But here's Plan B.

Invite him over, do the gumbo thing (post the recipe here!). After dinner, take the plates and place them in on the floor in front of the Froot Bat. When the plates have been licked clean, put them directly back into the cupboard.

He won't be able to leave the house quick enough.

This assumes that he will remain friendly after this incident...probably a big chance that that won't happen :frown: .
 
  • #43
lisab said:
Well, like Kurdt, I think it's best to be direct.

But here's Plan B.

Invite him over, do the gumbo thing (post the recipe here!). After dinner, take the plates and place them in on the floor in front of the Froot Bat. When the plates have been licked clean, put them directly back into the cupboard.

He won't be able to leave the house quick enough.

This assumes that he will remain friendly after this incident...probably a big chance that that won't happen :frown: .
He might have difficulty even cooking in an apartment with a cat and a runty dog. Someone with that level of germophobia has issues. If Evo handles her dog or cat and then tries to pitch in with food preparation, he'll freak for sure (unless she showers twice first).
 
  • #44
This thread really makes me feel depressed about my social life. Reading the title, I thought, "Finally, a topic I should be an expert on!" Yet, I'm totally clueless about this problem, as well.

I think I like the dating advice threads better.
 
  • #45
I love Lisab's idea. My cousin always had the dog clean the supper plates and pans, but then put them in the dishwasher. Never bothered any of us. Wouldn't have bothered me if she'd put them straight back on the shelf.
Evo, have you considered a good garlic mouthwash?
 
  • #46
Danger said:
I love Lisab's idea. My cousin always had the dog clean the supper plates and pans, but then put them in the dishwasher. Never bothered any of us. Wouldn't have bothered me if she'd put them straight back on the shelf.
Evo, have you considered a good garlic mouthwash?

It shouldn't bother you. Dogs germs and humans are incompatible, so they have no effect (which isn't quite the same as dog's mouths being cleaner than human mouths, but the end result is the same).

There. Now I feel a little bit better.
 
  • #47
Where he is attracted to you, but you just want to be friends, maybe you should find ways to arrange hangouts with a group of friends. It helps to keep romantic tendencies in check. But of course, I agree that your intentions need to be clear as early as possible.
 
  • #48
play match-maker. try to set him up with someone and be obvious about it.
 
  • #49
Evo said:
I know he mentioned that he makes the women he dates shower twice before he touches them.
Poor me. My wife has made me shower many times since we got married.
 
  • #50
Tell him you have AIDs.
 
  • #51
Cyrus said:
Tell him you have AIDs.

...and what if he says, "I do too :!) !" ?
 
  • #52
Ok my personal hygeine is awful, but ever since I was a kid I had a germ thing. I always had to have my own cutlery bought new when we went on holiday to hotels, as well as my own plates. The idea to let the dog lick the plates would send a guy like that insane. It really would. I'd have to run away if I knew I was using a utensil a dog had used. That really is the height of foulness for somebody of that disposition.
 
  • #53
I wish the last girl I was interested in had been as thoughtful about turning me down as you are now Evo!

I made it blatantly obvious that I was interested in this girl (which is hard for me since I tend to be shy about things like this). In short, she wasn't interested. She doesn't like trans-fat, so dating a box of fries was probably out of the question. :biggrin:

Instead of being open and up front about not wanting to date me, she avoided talking to me, made bad excuses as to why she couldn't meet me for lunch, and it became so awkward that I dreaded the thought of running into her on campus.

We were friends before all of this, but that is not so anymore. Of course, we are probably both to blame for the way things turned out. But still, if you want to remain friends with this man, my advice is to be open about your feelings. Don't avoid him or push him away because you don't want to deal with the issue. Otherwise you may end up in a situation similar to my own.

I would say invite him over. It would be best to have someone else there as well. Invite the child or spawn if necessary. Also, make sure he knows ahead of time that it won't be just him and you. He may then get the hint. If this doesn't work and he makes his interest more obvious when he is at your place, then you should be blatant and concrete about the fact that you are not interested in dating, but want to remain friends. Tell him so in words.

He may take this just fine and you may end up being friends. Or you may not stay friends because he's not interested in being just friends. Either way, at least now it is out of your hands. You made it blatant and concrete about your plans for the relationship between the two of you. You were open and did not hide or try to avoid the issue. I don't know what "Gumbo Man" is thinking, but I would respect this approach much more than a woman avoiding me because she didn't want to deal with the fact that I liked her. I would feel crappy for a little bit, but get over it and be content to be her friend.

Anyway, this is my opinion. It may not be a good approach I don't know. I just know that I would like if some of my previous unsuccessful interests had been more open and forward with how they felt about me.
 
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  • #54
You could also tell him that you are a lesbian.
Of course, you would have to say your daughters are adopted.
 
  • #55
Crazy Tosser said:
You could also tell him that you are a lesbian.
Of course, you would have to say your daughters are adopted.

Evo, I believe you owe me $20.00
 
  • #56
Cyrus said:
Evo, I believe you owe me $20.00

Whatever the bet was, I demand half of it.
 
  • #57
Crazy Tosser said:
Whatever the bet was, I demand half of it.

You make me laugh, you can keep all of it.
 
  • #58
Evo: I'm in the straight forward and honest camp. I can't even count the number of times I have had a female friend who knew I was interested be rather friendly with me without telling me that they were not interested themselves. It can be rather humiliating when you think someone is interested because they want to hang out with you all the time and then they shoot you down.
 
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  • #59
You should decline the invitation and never speak to him again. This is the best for you and him. You will cause him a world of emotional pain if you try to be friends.
 
  • #60
Evo said:
I need to know the best way to discourage someone from being interested in dating you and become friends.

Give him an infraction.
 

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