How to Discourage Dating & Become Friends

  • Thread starter Thread starter Evo
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AI Thread Summary
The discussion centers around how to discourage a co-worker, who has previously expressed romantic interest, from pursuing a dating relationship while transitioning to a friendship. The original poster shares their dilemma about wanting to learn how to make shrimp gumbo from this co-worker but is concerned about the potential awkwardness of a one-on-one situation. Suggestions include avoiding private meetings, inviting mutual friends to create a group atmosphere, and being clear about intentions without causing discomfort. Some participants humorously propose extreme tactics to deter romantic advances, while others emphasize the importance of honesty and direct communication about feelings. The conversation highlights the complexities of navigating friendships when one party has romantic feelings, with advice leaning towards maintaining boundaries and fostering a casual, friendly environment.
  • #51
Cyrus said:
Tell him you have AIDs.

...and what if he says, "I do too :!) !" ?
 
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  • #52
Ok my personal hygeine is awful, but ever since I was a kid I had a germ thing. I always had to have my own cutlery bought new when we went on holiday to hotels, as well as my own plates. The idea to let the dog lick the plates would send a guy like that insane. It really would. I'd have to run away if I knew I was using a utensil a dog had used. That really is the height of foulness for somebody of that disposition.
 
  • #53
I wish the last girl I was interested in had been as thoughtful about turning me down as you are now Evo!

I made it blatantly obvious that I was interested in this girl (which is hard for me since I tend to be shy about things like this). In short, she wasn't interested. She doesn't like trans-fat, so dating a box of fries was probably out of the question. :biggrin:

Instead of being open and up front about not wanting to date me, she avoided talking to me, made bad excuses as to why she couldn't meet me for lunch, and it became so awkward that I dreaded the thought of running into her on campus.

We were friends before all of this, but that is not so anymore. Of course, we are probably both to blame for the way things turned out. But still, if you want to remain friends with this man, my advice is to be open about your feelings. Don't avoid him or push him away because you don't want to deal with the issue. Otherwise you may end up in a situation similar to my own.

I would say invite him over. It would be best to have someone else there as well. Invite the child or spawn if necessary. Also, make sure he knows ahead of time that it won't be just him and you. He may then get the hint. If this doesn't work and he makes his interest more obvious when he is at your place, then you should be blatant and concrete about the fact that you are not interested in dating, but want to remain friends. Tell him so in words.

He may take this just fine and you may end up being friends. Or you may not stay friends because he's not interested in being just friends. Either way, at least now it is out of your hands. You made it blatant and concrete about your plans for the relationship between the two of you. You were open and did not hide or try to avoid the issue. I don't know what "Gumbo Man" is thinking, but I would respect this approach much more than a woman avoiding me because she didn't want to deal with the fact that I liked her. I would feel crappy for a little bit, but get over it and be content to be her friend.

Anyway, this is my opinion. It may not be a good approach I don't know. I just know that I would like if some of my previous unsuccessful interests had been more open and forward with how they felt about me.
 
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  • #54
You could also tell him that you are a lesbian.
Of course, you would have to say your daughters are adopted.
 
  • #55
Crazy Tosser said:
You could also tell him that you are a lesbian.
Of course, you would have to say your daughters are adopted.

Evo, I believe you owe me $20.00
 
  • #56
Cyrus said:
Evo, I believe you owe me $20.00

Whatever the bet was, I demand half of it.
 
  • #57
Crazy Tosser said:
Whatever the bet was, I demand half of it.

You make me laugh, you can keep all of it.
 
  • #58
Evo: I'm in the straight forward and honest camp. I can't even count the number of times I have had a female friend who knew I was interested be rather friendly with me without telling me that they were not interested themselves. It can be rather humiliating when you think someone is interested because they want to hang out with you all the time and then they shoot you down.
 
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  • #59
You should decline the invitation and never speak to him again. This is the best for you and him. You will cause him a world of emotional pain if you try to be friends.
 
  • #60
Evo said:
I need to know the best way to discourage someone from being interested in dating you and become friends.

Give him an infraction.
 
  • #61
Evo, in uncharacteristic seriousness, I'd have to go with both G01 and Maze. That sounds contradictory, but the reality is somewhere in between. It depends upon both the circumstances of your relationship and the guy's mental state. If you work with him or have other unavoidable contact on a regular basis, never speaking to him again isn't an option. You might, however, have to be very cold to him.
G01 had the best theoretical answer, but it might not be effective. I can say this with confidence, because I used to be that guy. Before I got on the meds for ADD and OCD, I would latch onto a woman like a pitbull. I had to be very seriously shot down in flames to make me let go. Luckily for me, all of those women, after a cooling off period, renewed the friendship. In fact, my best friend married one of them, and I was best man at the wedding. She's been my second-best friend ever since. (All excluding W, of course, who is the very best.)
If you do have to take him down, do it hard and fast. Just consider approaching him in a year or so to see if he still wants to be friends.
 
  • #62
lisab said:
Well, like Kurdt, I think it's best to be direct.

But here's Plan B.

Invite him over, do the gumbo thing (post the recipe here!). After dinner, take the plates and place them in on the floor in front of the Froot Bat. When the plates have been licked clean, put them directly back into the cupboard.

He won't be able to leave the house quick enough.

This assumes that he will remain friendly after this incident...probably a big chance that that won't happen :frown: .
:smile::smile::smile: Good idea lisab!
 
  • #63
evo---

what happened with Mr. Clorox?
 
  • #64
He texted me to wish me a Merry Christmas.
 
  • #65
You should be wary of a man that does this

Once a week he pours 7 gallons of bleach into his bathtub and let's it sit overnight.

Maybe he is trying to mask what luminal might show. LOL

Sorry, I had to.

Matt
 
  • #66
Evo said:
He texted me to wish me a Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas Evo
 
  • #67
lisab said:
Well, like Kurdt, I think it's best to be direct.

But here's Plan B.

Invite him over, do the gumbo thing (post the recipe here!). After dinner, take the plates and place them in on the floor in front of the Froot Bat. When the plates have been licked clean, put them directly back into the cupboard.

He won't be able to leave the house quick enough.

This assumes that he will remain friendly after this incident...probably a big chance that that won't happen :frown: .

About a year ago, I was on a different website and read a post about a guy who visited a new girlfriend's house for an afternoon and how apalled he was when she French kissed her dog. If his reaction is typical (and the comments of other posters makes me think it was) then I think it would definitely result in his not ever bothering you again.

The poor guy was so shocked he was considering never dating again.

Just a Plan C in case lisab's plan is a little too light.
 

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