Little help with asking people out

[St. Aegis]

1)Ok picture deleted, I guess that was immature on my part ...
2)Thing is, she IS my ideal girl; or someone who I would imagine that I would live with. Of course, I guess I don't know her absolutely well still...

 

[kingdomof]

But isn't a date something to show another girl that you like her?
I feel comfortable, but I would like more advice on my plan

I'll give you the same advice my friend gave me upon entering college. "You know, go after girls man, but don't treat it as anything more than practice. You don't have the time for that type of crap, and furthermore, you shouldn't tie yourself down early."

My dark humor isn't exactly appreciated here, but nevertheless, I got to say a few things.

You like science, right? Well, dude, why wouldn't you put an acid directly to a base? Same thing here, except there are certain things which you aren't putting together in the social situation. You should take this advice and not only observe it to a degree, but actually try to make some sense out of it by yourself and ask why. Its lovely to have everything laid out for you, but you should come up with a reason as to why these people are saying to do this and what not. Keep in mind, through your experience with just asking out your first girl and what not, you're actually setting yourself up mentally for future experiences with girls and future friends. You shouldn't approach the situation as "Oh God, this girl is the one." but more casually, as she is most likely not going to be your soulmate or whatever cliche you subscribe to. She's just some broad, never let that leave your head, and you just want to hang out with her. Go with the flow of things and try to look for certain social cues which would allow you to arrive at the conclusion of "Alright, she digs me because of XYZ." Spend time with her as you would anyone else, except just be a little more suggestive of the fact that you like her, don't be nervous of it. If she rejects it, she rejects it, who gave a ****.

Dates are sort of a more grandiose move which one would play when a mutual connection is made. However, it is not just merely chilling to get to know the girl a little better.

In all honesty though, good luck, and I hope it works out. Most men have been through this and survived, either direction it went. Truthfully, be happy either way. Girls suck :(

 

[BobG]

Its like dating can be practiced like piano

Anything that is a skill can be learned through practice.

then are you saying that romance is superficial?

There was a time when it was common to have single dates with a variety of partners. A date shouldn't be a commitment to romance.

If you're nervous about conversation, try a neutral physical activity (one neither of you specializes in). Miniature golf and bowling are decent activities that give lots of breaks for conversation and something to talk about when you're at a loss for any 'meaningful' topics. Or some other activity that requires some kind of interaction - roller skating, baking cookies, making pizza, building a shed, etc.

A movie isn't a great first date unless the two of you already talk to each other a lot. Otherwise, you're going somewhere just to sit next to each other while not talking to each other.

 

[tribdog]

No, a great sense of humor, intelligence and kindness are the top three things, looks are not as important.

wow, that's me.

 

[St. Aegis]

Ok, then its settled, something that we both don't specialize in...

 

[NeoDevin]

then are you saying that romance is superficial?

No, just that it is something that can be learned. http://www.fastseduction.com/" Just because something can be studied or learned does not mean it is superficial (and just because something is superficial, doesn't not mean it is bad). Anyways, have fun!

 

[St. Aegis]

um wow, they have forums for this tooo?
i don't trust these forums lawl
and thanks

 

[offtheleft]

bro, bottom line; ask her out. if you don't its a definite no.

 

[NeoDevin]

um wow, they have forums for this tooo?
i don't trust these forums lawl
and thanks

They have forums for everything. I'm not a member of either of the ones I linked to (I'm married, so am no longer in the dating game) so can't recommend if they're any good or not, but you're free to google more if you want, I'm sure there are a lot.

 

[Howers]

No, a great sense of humor, intelligence and kindness are the top three things, looks are not as important.

I'm not saying I think you are a liar, I am saying I know you are. The question is whether or not you are aware of it.

 

[turbo]

St. Aegis, you don't need a plan - you need to be willing to take a shot. When I entered college, I was barely over 5'2" (grew by over 4" that year, though), skinny and nerdy as all get-out. Engineering school emphasizes that, even if you've already got "nerdy" nailed. There was a tall, beautiful, blond (Scandinavian family) who lived in my complex, and I only saw her at meals (no co-ed dorms in 1970). One day at lunch, I saw her sitting alone in the cafeteria, and I asked if I could sit with her. She pulled out the chair next to her and said "I've been saving this seat for you." We both laughed and had a great lunch-time. It turns out that we had very similar tastes in music, literature, art, etc, and ended up being as close as can be, all through college. It never turned into anything permanent, but it was great anyway. We looked like Dudley Moore and Susan Anton with the height difference, and guys would actually come up and hit on her when we were out together, as if there was NO WAY that she wanted to be with me. If someone told me today that she was very attracted to me, and I had never bothered to try to get to know her, I'd be devastated.

 

[turbo]

I'm not saying I think you are a liar, I am saying I know you are. The question is whether or not you are aware of it.

Evo is not lying, nor are any number of men I know that value the same qualities in women. Immature, shallow people can't seem to understand, though.

 

[rootX]

St. Aegis, you don't need a plan - you need to be willing to take a shot. When I entered college, I was barely over 5'2" (grew by over 4" that year, though), skinny and nerdy as all get-out. Engineering school emphasizes that, even if you've already got "nerdy" nailed. There was a tall, beautiful, blond (Scandinavian family) who lived in my complex, and I only saw her at meals (no co-ed dorms in 1970). One day at lunch, I saw her sitting alone in the cafeteria, and I asked if I could sit with her. She pulled out the chair next to her and said "I've been saving this seat for you." We both laughed and had a great lunch-time. It turns out that we had very similar tastes in music, literature, art, etc, and ended up being as close as can be, all through college. It never turned into anything permanent, but it was great anyway. We looked like Dudley Moore and Susan Anton with the height difference, and guys would actually come up and hit on her when we were out together, as if there was NO WAY that she wanted to be with me. If someone told me today that she was very attracted to me, and I had never bothered to try to get to know her, I'd be devastated.

I also got into similar relationship in high school. I never trusted anyone like that before. If someone told me today that she was very attracted to me, and I had never bothered to try to get to know her, I'd be devastated. She tried but I had something else in my mind. I wanted her to love/marry a good conservative christian with strong faith in god

But I know she didn't. It was really close relationship; I could simply read her mind.

 

[Vanadium 50]

I'm not saying I think you are a liar, I am saying I know you are. The question is whether or not you are aware of it.

There are no attractive people. There are people you're attracted to.

 

[Howers]

Evo is not lying, nor are any number of men I know that value the same qualities in women. Immature, shallow people can't seem to understand, though.

They are indeed valuable qualities. But in your 20s, can you honestly tell me this is how you filtered women? It has been my experience that you can't romantically like someone you are not physically attracted to. This does not neccessarily imply you need to have super model looks, but it does mean you can imagine yourself holding said person. If this is not met, you will have a stiff relationship where you continously try to convince yourself you are not shallow and that you love her. For these reasons, I think looks get priority and are at the very least on part with the other qualities listed.

To put things into context, I think with the OP and his teenage crush we can assume 99% people in his age group are immature and shallow. The importance of appearance does degrade with time, but it does not become totally insignifact until you are pretty mature age wise. At that point, no one in your group has looks to bargain with anyway, so you look at other qualities.

Doesn't our dear Evo take pride in her daughters appearance? Rightfully so I might add :!)

 

[tribdog]

I'm not saying I think you are a liar, I am saying I know you are. The question is whether or not you are aware of it.

See, this is why I get so many points against me. I always end up in trouble because no one else wants to stand up and tell this guy to watch his mouth. there is a difference between disagreeing with someone and being rude. And this punk has not earned the right to be rude to anyone on here.
Maybe punk is a strong word, but dammit, I like Evo and she shouldn't be called a liar. I've never known her to lie to anyone.

 

[thebluelagoon]

Ok, I just have to say that I think it's a teensy tiny little bit immoral to practise on girls. With my grand total of two boyfriends - I'd be devastated to find out they were just practising on me! And, hopefully with my standing, I'd be able to make sure they'd never get a date from our town again. So think real hard on that one before you try it on.

As for what I look for in blokes - I find appearance really high up but everyone has different tastes! One of my mates is desperately 'in love' with her boyf that I find completely unattractive. And yet she kisses a picture of him before she goes to bed at night. Everyone to their own.

There are no attractive people. There are people you're attracted to.

So true, man.

 

[lisab]

There are no attractive people. There are people you're attracted to.

You hit right on it.

 

[JasonRox]

I want someone attractive. I don't need it, but I want it. I won't settle for anything without it.

 

[rootX]

There are no attractive people. There are people you're attracted to.

Or the opposite.

I don't like fat stranger girls but it's not hard to find beauty in/inside them: just got to know them.

 

[rootX]

I want someone attractive. I don't need it, but I want it. I won't settle for anything without it.

I don't know how this will work once you reach 90s .. ? Old people are usually ugly with respect to ...

 

[mcknia07]

I think you should just go for it, you will regret it if you don't. The worst thing she can do is just say we should only be friends, but hey, you have that now, so she could always change her mind later on. Looks are for sure not the only thing to look for though. Most girls once don't go just by looks, but as Evo put it

 

[tribdog]

Oh, god. Why couldn't you have said 90s. did you have to call 40s old? do you know how many important people here are 40? Some people deserve what they get.

 

[rootX]

Oh, god. Why couldn't you have said 90s. did you have to call 40s old? do you know how many important people here are 40? Some people deserve what they get.

I put "with respect to" .. so that could be wrt early 20s who are go with people's looks. Same goes for 80s with respect to 40s

When do wrinkles come and hair go gray? I thought that's 40 ..

ok, fixed :D

 

[thebluelagoon]

Well, my rents are 50 and they're not paticularly grey or wrinkly...

 

[turbo]

They are indeed valuable qualities. But in your 20s, can you honestly tell me this is how you filtered women?

My steady date in HS was a Miss Maine Runner-up. I went with her primarily because she latched onto me. In retrospect. I should have had more sense ... In reality, I did eventually, and have been happily married for ~30 years.

 

[Howers]

See, this is why I get so many points against me. I always end up in trouble because no one else wants to stand up and tell this guy to watch his mouth. there is a difference between disagreeing with someone and being rude. And this punk has not earned the right to be rude to anyone on here.
Maybe punk is a strong word, but dammit, I like Evo and she shouldn't be called a liar. I've never known her to lie to anyone.

I suppose I came off rude. I do have temperment and I don't really put an effort to control it online, which is why I may appear confrontational. I find my mean-spirit often brings out the best when arguing, but I do forget that people here are my elders (5+ years older than me) and deserve respect different from my peers.

I really like Evo, and didn't mean to insult her. But looking back I suppose I did. My snide remark about her daughter didn't really soften the blow as I intended, it sort of made it worse. Its just what she said struck a chord with me and my aunt (not real aunt, more of a super close friend of mom). This aunt is sort of like Evo in that she tells everyone appearance is not important and that a good personality is all one should look for in a mate (I think its because her husband lacks said qualities). On the other hand she will look at young couples and remark about how compatible they are based soley on appearance... ie. 'that girl could do so much better than that fat kid'. And she let's the world know how beautiful her daughter is and how she could date superstars. Complete hipocracy. Its this similarity that promted me to confront Evo. I guess I should not have infered anything about Evo like that, and maybe she genuinely dismisses appearance. I just find it infuriating when people say looks don't matter, because in general that is not the case. They are definitely not everything, and one can never build a relationship based soley on them. But they are a big part of the mix.

And I definitely agree looks are subjective.

(and sorry to Evo if she got insulted)

 

[JasonRox]

My steady date in HS was a Miss Maine Runner-up. I went with her primarily because she latched onto me. In retrospect. I should have had more sense ... In reality, I did eventually, and have been happily married for ~30 years.

One of my ex-gf is now a pornstar.

Good times.

Yeah, I need sexual desire for my partner all the time. I'm fine with living alone otherwise.

 

[JasonRox]

I suppose I came off rude. I do have temperment and I don't really put an effort to control it online, which is why I may appear confrontational. I find my mean-spirit often brings out the best when arguing, but I do forget that people here are my elders (5+ years older than me) and deserve respect different from my peers.

I really like Evo, and didn't mean to insult her. But looking back I suppose I did. My snide remark about her daughter didn't really soften the blow as I intended, it sort of made it worse. Its just what she said struck a chord with me and my aunt (not real aunt, more of a super close friend of mom). This aunt is sort of like Evo in that she tells everyone appearance is not important and that a good personality is all one should look for in a mate (I think its because her husband lacks said qualities). On the other hand she will look at young couples and remark about how compatible they are based soley on appearance... ie. 'that girl could do so much better than that fat kid'. And she let's the world know how beautiful her daughter is and how she could date superstars. Complete hipocracy. Its this similarity that promted me to confront Evo. I guess I should not have infered anything about Evo like that, and maybe she genuinely dismisses appearance. I just find it infuriating when people say looks don't matter, because in general that is not the case. They are definitely not everything, and one can never build a relationship based soley on them. But they are a big part of the mix.

And I definitely agree looks are subjective.

(and sorry to Evo if she got insulted)

You don't need to give more respect to someone just because they're older. Everyone should have the same amount of respect from you initially. If I meet a 14 year old kid for the first time or a 40 year old lady, they both get the same respect from me. To get more respect, it must be earned and not just "expected" because you're older. Sorry, but not with me.