My Grade 11 Math mark is eating me alive. What do I do?

[Beyond3D]

I'm going to make this one quick since I have little time.

Background:

Throughout my life I have always done good in Math. I almost always received 90%+, and received easily upwards of 95% when I took normal-level HS Math courses. When I took Grade 9 "De-Streamed" Math (All students must take "De-Streamed" in Canada), I initially had 98% until I got very sick and my mark had dropped to 95%. The Physics teachers and Math teachers talked about me as if I were some sort of genius. Then, an 11th Grader into doing something so incredibly, incredibly stupid that it still haunts me to this day. I had to be transferred to another school. Since my grades were high (I had a ~95% avg) they sent me to a school with a gifted program in Math. I struggled as I had to do the course in less than half the time that others did, but eventually I made it out with an average of 81 uncurved, 87 curved which was a bit below/above (respectively) the medians of 83 uncurved, 86.5 curved. I moved to Toronto the following year.

As for Grade 10, I received the highest mark in my school in Math whilst only doing 5 homework questions the entire year (yes you read that right). I got 98%. I was disappointed by the lack of rigor, so I decided to challenge myself. I switched to a new school which had an AP/Pre-AP program.

In Grade 11, I took AP Math. It was stated to have ~50% of the content from MHF4U and all of the MCR3U content, but as someone who took the course next semester, it had more like 90% of the MHF4U content and had longer, harder equations than my MHF4U course. I struggled hard, and only got a 76%. It is also worth noting that there was a discord server where there was some type of cheating (a student told me on the first day, then when his friend gave him the "no-go" he denied it ever existed), and that is part of the reason the course median was a whopping 92%. I am pretty upset over this, especially because a kid from my past Math class poked fun at it stating "even my 98% was horrible, how could you get that average and want to major in Math/Physics." I picked myself up from last semester, and had a ~93 in AP Physics I (unweighted) and ~85 (and steadily increasing, I think I would have otherwise gotten 90) in MHF4U before my sister went to the hospital and that further brought me down to 80 in MHF4U and 90 in AP Physics.

What do I do? I now have confidence issues in a subject I used to consider easy and worry about University admissions like never before. My average this year was a little under ~87%, the lowest of all of my HS years.

I know if I were to take normal courses next year I could sustain a ~95% average and possibly get a 98% in Math as I did in Grade 10 Math. Would UofT be willing to overlook me repeating Gr. 12 math and a bad 11th year?

 

[Haborix]

Even after reading everything you wrote, I have no idea if you like math. I make that observation to point out that you need to think about your priorities. If you like and want to learn more math, then you need to be challenged. None of your results appear catastrophically bad, so you haven't been challenged beyond your abilities. I'll let others comment on the gamesmanship with respect to grades and admissions.

 

[Beyond3D]

Even after reading everything you wrote, I have no idea if you like math. I make that observation to point out that you need to think about your priorities. If you like and want to learn more math, then you need to be challenged. None of your results appear catastrophically bad, so you haven't been challenged beyond your abilities. I'll let others comment on the gamesmanship with respect to grades and admissions.

I like math a lot, stated I want to major in it (and physics). It is a given you like math if you are doing physics. It just feels as if you aren't allowed to say you like it if you do bad in a course or otherwise fail. I LOVED doing the Euclid competition (Grade 12) but I did HORRIBLE not because inability, but rather because of ADHD and inattention (I zone out during practically everything, from social media to schoolwork to videogames and it drives me insane, hours wasted for the sake of it on tests, drives me up the wall).

 

[Rive]

I got 98%. I was disappointed by the lack of rigor, so I decided to challenge myself. I switched to a new school which had an AP/Pre-AP program.

Well, just as you noted sometimes consistent high grades are not about personal capabilities but about the reduced requirements in the given environment.
Been there, did that. Exactly that. The result - well, was quite a slap.
Revise, re-learn, adapt, integrate & push harder.

I know if I were to take normal courses next year I could sustain a ~95% average and possibly get a 98% in Math as I did in Grade 10 Math.

Then you would likely get the same wake-up call in the first semester of the university.

What is the average 'height' of aim in the first and the second school, for further education/career? What's the difference?

 

[Muu9]

You should get your ADHD diagnosed/treated. You can find some practice CEMC problems here: https://cemc2.math.uwaterloo.ca/contest/PSG/school/topicGen.php

I'm not sure about your odds of getting in to UofT/Waterloo without a very strong Euclid/COMC performance, given your grades. I also don't know if you even can repeat 12th considering you're on track to passing all your classes and thus graduating.

 

[bryantcl]

After reading the OP, it seems like the anxiety you're having is due to putting all of your eggs in the UofT basket. Are there other schools you are considering? Also keep in mind that if any college/university sees you took AP classes, they'll understand that those courses are more challenging, so a 76 in an AP class doesn't necessarily mean the same thing as 76 in a "regular" class.

Best of luck.

 

[Beyond3D]

You should get your ADHD diagnosed/treated. You can find some practice CEMC problems here: https://cemc2.math.uwaterloo.ca/contest/PSG/school/topicGen.php

I'm not sure about your odds of getting in to UofT/Waterloo without a very strong Euclid/COMC performance, given your grades. I also don't know if you even can repeat 12th considering you're on track to passing all your classes and thus graduating.

I only did bad because it was AP, I am sure I can get 95+ in normal, academic grade 12 math next year.

 

[TensorCalculus]

You should get your ADHD diagnosed

I second this statement - I can't tell you much about the Canadian admission system or how AP class grades work as a Brit, but what I can tell you is that someone very close to me who knew she had ADHD for a long time got it diagnosed and she considers it one of the best decisions she has ever made in her life. I know others with ADHD too, and they all agree that getting it diagnosed is something they won't regret and in most cases something that has helped them significantly.

 

[Beyond3D]

Well, just as you noted sometimes consistent high grades are not about personal capabilities but about the reduced requirements in the given environment.
Been there, did that. Exactly that. The result - well, was quite a slap.
Revise, re-learn, adapt, integrate & push harder.


Then you would likely get the same wake-up call in the first semester of the university.

What is the average 'height' of aim in the first and the second school, for further education/career? What's the difference?

1st one: So does that mean I am bad at math? I am asking this as I am genuinely starting to worry.

 

[mathwonk]

Relax. You are not bad at math, rather you are clearly better than average, way better. But you seem to be blinded by something I shared with you at your age. You have been conditioned, as I was also, to care more about your scores relative to other people, and being told you are a genius, than about the actual math you are learning. The reason some people here have said you do not give evidence of really liking math, I suspect, is that none of your posts ever mention any specific topics in math that you enjoy, just whether you have received a 98 or not. This is irrelevant.

The key is to try hard to actually enjoy the mathematics itself, the reasoning, the problem analysis and problem solving. It can really be fun when you begin to do this. Hyperventilating over whether your score was highest or second highest is a trap, which can easily lead to depression. Yes, you can elevate your scores by taking easier classes, and competing against weaker students. But the most fun is in meeting and interacting with the strongest students available, and the most challenging professors. Yes, it is scary and revealing, and your scores will almost certainly go down, and you will even question yourself; but you will learn more, and be more challenged; and then, if you realize you really enjoy the subject, eventually the scores will go up again, as you learn more and deeper material, and learn from the strongest students and profs how to study and learn more efficiently.

And even the more moderate scores will mean more, since they will be earned in the most strenuous environment. Want to find out how good you can be? Go for the hardest courses. Even if you are in the middle of the pack, you will be stronger for it, and afterwards, in any other more average environment, you will look much better in comparison. The way to excel is to train against the best, and then wherever you wind up you will be as highly rated as possible. I.e. you should be more satisfied with a B or C against young Einsteins, than with an A+ in competition with weak students.

Anecdote: As a young man wanting to improve my snooker game, I played the best player in my area for several hours, every day for a year, losing every single game, until the last day, when I won the last game on a difficult and unlikely cross-side bank shot. My opponent cursed and insulted me as lucky, and declined to play me more, but I afterwards discovered I had become one of the best players in town.

This is the way to really become good at math, physics, snooker, or anything. But I admit that real world admissions officials may not fully appreciate this wisdom, and may indeed be fooled by fake scores. But eventually the truth will out, and you can even overcome short sighted evaluation criteria by interviewing, if you really have the goods to demonstrate to them.

Relax, you have talent. Have also faith in yourself.

 

[Rive]

Just as @mathwonk wrote. Excellent summary.

does that mean I am bad at math?

You just had the wrong scale to measure yourself and that might started to dull your edge.
It's a good save (good instinct) that you switched scales, but just as you noticed, regarding admission the timing might be not the best... Happens. Don't dwell on it too much.

If you can overcome this and adjust properly then you can be confident in yourself.
But: maintain your edge. There will be more such moments.