Questionable Skills of Cooking Show Hosts on Food Network

[turbo]

This Christmas MIH and I are going to kidnap Kurdt and we're going to dress up in our matching flannel polar bear pajamas, with our matching glittery polar bear footies and have a Paula Deen deep fry party. We can deep fry fruitcake, christmas puddings, chocolate biscuits and gingerbread cookies.

Maybe you can kick back with a glass of wine and let MIH do the deep-frying. Evo + fryolater = ER visit for fat burns.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Sounds like a plan! Too bad it will be too cold to BBQ. I just found a new recipe called The Bacon Explosion:

http://www.bbqaddicts.com/bacon-explosion.html

 

[lisab]

Sounds like a plan! Too bad it will be too cold to BBQ. I just found a new recipe called The Bacon Explosion:

http://www.bbqaddicts.com/bacon-explosion.html

Bacon is hot.

 

[Evo]

Sounds like a plan! Too bad it will be too cold to BBQ. I just found a new recipe called The Bacon Explosion:

http://www.bbqaddicts.com/bacon-explosion.html

That would be good deep fried.

 

[Mk]

I would have sworn it would never happen, but I now like Paula Dean, and enjoy watching her deep fry anything she can get into a deep fryer. She reached a new height the other day. She was making a cake, and after the cake layers had cooled, she dipped them in batter and DEEP FRIED them. She then assembled the deep fried cake layers and put a thick coating of heavy cream cheese frosting over it. I am in awe of this woman.

That is... unspeakable.

 

[Evo]

NOOOOOO! Iron Chef American, secret ingredient is :!) Alaskan King Crab :!). This needs nothing more than melted butter, lemon juice and garlic to make it the most orgasmic food known to man.

They are smothering it with all kinds of cr@p. This is awful. You do not take the food of the Gods and dump fruit, and flour and gravy on it.

 

[lisab]

NOOOOOO! Iron Chef American, secret ingredient is :!) Alaskan King Crab :!). This needs nothing more than melted butter, lemon juice and garlic to make it the most orgasmic food known to man.

They are smothering it with all kinds of cr@p. This is awful. You do not take the food of the Gods and dump fruit, and flour and gravy on it.

Total blasphemy! You NEVER serve King Crab with...can't even say it...ugh...gravy...bleh!

 

[Evo]

They might as well have ground it up and made *meatloaf* out of it.

or maybe ice cream.

 

[Cyrus]

I'm going to pretend I didn't even read this whole crab ordeal...

 

[NASANerd02]

ACK! How in the world could they do that to Alaskan King Crab?? That's just... sacrilegious.

 

[~christina~]

NOOOOOO! Iron Chef American, secret ingredient is :!) Alaskan King Crab :!). This needs nothing more than melted butter, lemon juice and garlic to make it the most orgasmic food known to man.

They are smothering it with all kinds of cr@p. This is awful. You do not take the food of the Gods and dump fruit, and flour and gravy on it.

I watched it. They wasted so much crab there. It's interesting how they have the equivalent total of seven crabs there and yet they end up with such small dishes. Where did the rest go? I bet the workers just had a crab feast afterwards.
I just eat king crab plain. If they are fresh the meat is pretty tasty.

 

[Evo]

At the very end you hear Alton brown make a comment about it should be served with drawn butter, something that no one did.

Alaskan King Crab pancakes?

 

[turbo]

At the very end you hear Alton brown make a comment about it should be served with drawn butter, something that no one did.

Alaskan King Crab pancakes?

Alton is not the end-all of TV cooks. The guy is painfully wrong on a regular basis.

 

[Evo]

Yes, I've noticed quite a few mistakes on his shows. His researchers are usually pretty good, but I think they get a lot of their information off the internet.

 

[turbo]

Yes, I've noticed quite a few mistakes on his shows. His researchers are usually pretty good, but I think they get a lot of their information off the internet.

I think so, too. Sometimes his advice is good, but you have to approach it with an open mind and keep your own experiences in the mix.

As a sometimes knife-maker and go-to guy for sharpening for much of my family, I was horrified to see him turn over quality cutlery to some wandering "sharpener" with portable belt-grinders in the back of his van. Then, when he claimed that professionals in the food business all do this, I had to gag. I do not know a professional chef or a butcher who does not know how to properly sharpen cutlery. Get a 6" DMT diamond hone (mounted in a wooden case) and use water to cool and lubricate the hone while sharpening. Touch up the knife with a good steel from time to time and re-sharpen only when necessary. It's not rocket-science. Using belt-grinders on knives over-heats the thinnest portions of the edges, which produces undesirable effects. If an edge becomes embrittled due to such abuse, it can be more susceptible to damage during use and become more difficult to properly dress with a steel.

 

[Evo]

I watched "Chopped" tonight.

The Food Network clueless bimbo says "I think I have a whole leaf of maJORam on my plate".

Uhm, I highly doubt that since there is no such thing as maJORam. Now there might have been a marjoram leaf on your plate.

Good grief, were do they dig these people up?

 

[turbo]

I watched "Chopped" tonight.

The Food Network clueless bimbo says "I think I have a whole leaf of maJORam on my plate".

Uhm, I highly doubt that since there is no such thing as maJORam. Now there might have been a marjoram leaf on your plate.

Good grief, were do they dig these people up?

K Street?

 

[turbo]

For an idea of the kind of knives I have made, refer to this.

It is a small knife that can be used in the kitchen to do delicate work, though it is tough enough to stand up to real abuse. The blade material is from an industrial-quality cutter that I tempered, shaped, edged and re-hardened, and the scales are of micarta laid up with paper. This little blade (with a rounded apple-seed profiled edge) can take and hold an edge that commercially-available knives cannot.

My favorite all-purpose cooking knife (6" 4-star Elephant Sabatier Chef's knife) can't take or hold an edge like this little blade can. The Sabatier is my favorite knife in the kitchen, but mostly because of the shape and size of the grip, the placement of the guard, etc. That all has to come into play with a knife that gets used a lot, and I can't claim to have mastered any of that ergonomic stuff. Still, my little utility knife is the best blade in the kitchen - bar none.

Evo CANNOT ever have a knife like this! It's a very clean, neat little blade, but she'd be cutting off fingers and who knows what else...

 

[Evo]

Ok, it's ABC and not the Food Network, but there is a new show tonight called "Chopping Block".

It's another reality food show, this time contestants will be given 48 hours to create and "open" a restaurant, then be critiqued by a "food critic".

Due to my morbid facination with ghastly food competitions, I will watch this. Starts in 10 minutes.

 

[turbo]

Ok, it's ABC and not the Food Network, but there is a new show tonight called "Chopping Block".

It's another reality food show, this time contestants will be given 48 hours to create and "open" a restaurant, then be critiqued by a "food critic".

Due to my morbid facination with ghastly food competitions, I will watch this. Starts in 10 minutes.

I would love to compete! 48 hours is a lifetime, as long as you don't have to buy facilities, gear up with tools, and hire help. I could make a pretend restaurant in 48 hours any day of the week.

People are dumb enough to be in awe of actors who pretend to be chefs on all these cooking shows, and who are pretty much all ego and flash. My mother was a very humble French-Canadian woman who happened to be a killer cook, and I can only hope to live up to her standards. Coming out of the Great Depression in a poor family, she was very frugal and managed to do miracles with minimal resources.

Rather than see these faux "competitors" stocked with caviar, mangoes, almonds, exotic cuts of meat, etc, I'd like to have a level playing field with real foods like potatoes, onions, garlic, tomatoes, cheap cuts of meat, spices, etc. I don't think the celebrity "chefs" would fare too well.

 

[Evo]

Wow, the winner gets $250,000.00 and a fully equipped restaurant kitchen. Turbo, we need to enter one of these competitions.

 

[turbo]

Wow, the winner gets $250,000.00 and a fully equipped restaurant kitchen. Turbo, we need to enter one of these competitions.

What are the guidelines? Do they expect you to make magic with ordinary ingredients? That's my strong point. I can't expect to compete in a venue that expects the cook to use truffles, saffron, exotic fruits, and urchin roe...

 

[Evo]

This isn't on cable, it's regular ABC broadcast. Tune in Turbo!

The guy wants ultra simple, nothing fancy. He dinged the ones that went to complicated recipes.

 

[turbo]

This isn't on cable, it's regular ABC broadcast. Tune in Turbo!

The guy wants ultra simple, nothing fancy. He dinged the ones that went to complicated recipes.

I can do simple. There are times when "simple" is scary-good. Most comfort-food is simple, and though much of it has been diluted by Campbell Soups, Kraft "cheese" products, etc, in the mind of the public, it is not really hard to come up with something that veers away from that crap.

If I could stand being around the public, I would own and operate a lunch-only restaurant in a nearby business district. No menu, just daily specials based on what I can get for ingredients, and on what I think the clientele might like. My chilies, soups, and casseroles would become favorites in a very short time. Why drive to Wendy's, KFC, McD's etc when you can get fresh food custom-made for you?

 

[LowlyPion]

How anti-climatic. One of the couples wimped out.

I guess they wanted to preserve the tension with the team that everyone will hate at least another week.

 

[Evo]

Wow, that was actually a great show, and I went in already condemning it.

Turbo, we would do good together. I've won every cooking competition I've been in. I've been told my food is orgasmic. My recipes have been published in local cookbooks. I am a phenomenal cook. No brag, just fact, as the old cartoon character used to say.

My younger sister and I almost started a catering company. But she left to pursue a PhD in psychology and then she was offered a position managing a restaurant and she never looked back. She loves it.

And did I mention that I was the one that introduced her to cooking? I am 7 years older than her and she never had any interest in cooking before I sucked her into my weekly Sunday brunch. I taught her everything she knows.

 

[Evo]

How anti-climatic. One of the couples wimped out.

I guess they wanted to preserve the tension with the team that everyone will hate at least another week.

Yeah, they saved that brother team. They really did screw up.

 

[LowlyPion]

In the world of Food Network gossip, Cat Cora and her wife are now both pregnant from the same sperm donor. How's that for togetherness? And they swapped ovum? Oy.

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=445852724&blogId=475591464

 

[Evo]

In the world of Food Network gossip, Cat Cora and her wife are now both pregnant from the same sperm donor. How's that for togetherness? And they swapped ovum? Oy.

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=445852724&blogId=475591464

Both pregnant?

 

[turbo]

Both pregnant?

Yep! Very attractive lesbian preggos! Cat's celebrity status should help raise awareness about single-sex couples, and none too soon.

 

[LowlyPion]

I note that Gordon Ramsay may be having a few restaurant nightmares of his own:

Gordon Ramsay sells flagship Paris restaurant after a year as credit crunch bites

http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/tvsho...aris-restaurant-year-credit-crunch-bites.html

Maybe it's just a banking nightmare? Though I note he's managed to trot off with a fair purse the last couple of years.

 

[Evo]

Watching chopped tonight, there was this moron that claimed to have food allergies that obviously did not. "Eggplant" Oh no! I am deathly allergic, I will swell up!". Well, guess what, he didn't. He had zero reaction.

Then "grapefruit!''' I am deathly allergic, the first time I had grapefruit I was hospitalized and I will swell up and die". Guess what, he had zero reaction to the grapefruit.

There is someone that I care about, but they think they have a deadly reaction to airborne substances and they don't. They have anxiety attacks. They have physiological symptoms, not real real symptoms. I wish that I could help them. They have never been tested by doctors to actually have any reactions by having tests performed like scratch tests that confirm reactions. Yet they truly believe that they have symptoms.

Their only claim to having a "life threatening" reaction is having a high systolic blood pressure reading which only indicates an anxiety attack. Anxiety attacks are NOT life threatening.

I have friends that truly have life threatening allergies that require that they carry epi-pens and their throat will close and kill them. It's called anaphylactic shock. They could truly die. It's not an anxiety attack, it's not a high systolic blood pressure reading which is due to anxiety.

What do you do when someone thinks they have a life threatening allergy/reaction when the lack of tests and symptoms prove that they are only having anxiety attacks? And showing them this is the truth would greatly enhance their life?

 

[lisab]

Watching chopped tonight, there was this moron that claimed to have food allergies that obviously did not. "Eggplant" Oh no! I am deathly allergic, I will swell up!". Well, guess what, he didn't. He had zero reaction.

Then "grapefruit!''' I am deathly allergic, the first time I had grapefruit I was hospitalized and I will swell up and die". Guess what, he had zero reaction to the grapefruit.

There is someone that I care about, but they think they have a deadly reaction to airborne substances and they don't. They have anxiety attacks. They have physiological symptoms, not real real symptoms. I wish that I could help them. They have never been tested by doctors to actually have any reactions by having tests performed like scratch tests that confirm reactions. Yet they truly believe that they have symptoms.

Their only claim to having a "life threatening" reaction is having a high systolic blood pressure reading which only indicates an anxiety attack. Anxiety attacks are NOT life threatening.

I have friends that truly have life threatening allergies that require that they carry epi-pens and their throat will close and kill them. It's called anaphylactic shock. They could truly die. It's not an anxiety attack, it's not a high systolic blood pressure reading which is due to anxiety.

What do you do when someone thinks they have a life threatening allergy/reaction when the lack of tests and symptoms prove that they are only having anxiety attacks? And showing them this is the truth would greatly enhance their life?

My (very limited) experience with this: once people are in an emotional state of fear, speaking facts and data to them will only make them think that they are being lied to. You first have to connect with them on an emotional level. After gaining their trust, transition to facts and data.

Good luck, and if you are successful, please let me know how you did it .

 

[turbo]

Their only claim to having a "life threatening" reaction is having a high systolic blood pressure reading which only indicates an anxiety attack. Anxiety attacks are NOT life threatening.

I have friends that truly have life threatening allergies that require that they carry epi-pens and their throat will close and kill them. It's called anaphylactic shock. They could truly die. It's not an anxiety attack, it's not a high systolic blood pressure reading which is due to anxiety.

What do you do when someone thinks they have a life threatening allergy/reaction when the lack of tests and symptoms prove that they are only having anxiety attacks? And showing them this is the truth would greatly enhance their life?

Not all episodes of high systolic blood pressure are due to anxiety attacks, Dr. Evo. The last time I had a severe reaction to fragrance chemicals (BP 208/90), the ER staff did not want to let me go home (even hours after I had stabilized somewhat) and the ER nurse (school-mate of my wife) called her at work to get her to the hospital. My hands and feet were blue and cold, and I was not frantic, etc, just slipping into delirium and pretty much unresponsive. After 5-6 hours, my systolic had inched down to around 170 or so, and the doctor allowed me to leave so my wife could drive me home, though he argued that I should be admitted instead. He said that he thought my body had shut down circulation to my extremities to preserve blood-flow to my brain and core organs. Not a fun time.

Years before, after ingesting food laced with glutamates I showed up at the ER in Lincoln asking to be treated with epinephrine, and the ER doctor decided that I should ride it out instead because I had already downed a couple of Benadryls when I felt the reaction coming on. I was losing consciousness as the ER nurse monitoring my BP was screaming at the doctor "We're losing him! Epinephrine NOW!" (Systolic was about 20 or so - patients really can hear and remember stuff when they appear to be about dead.) It took all 3 of those women (2 nurses and the doc) to hold me down during the ensuing convulsions. When I woke up (how do you sleep for hours after a huge slug of epinephrine?) the doctor was by my bed, and she was crying. She probably figured that her internship was over. I should have told her that I accidentally ate a peanut, so I would have been treated properly. Instead, I spiraled into anaphylactic shock and nearly died.

 

[Evo]

Oh NO!

More misinformation from Rachel Ray!

She just announced that Worcestershire Sauce is made from soy sauce.

 

[chroot]

You people sure seem to spend a lot of time watching television you don't even like. I suggest using the "on/off" button.

- Warren

 

[Oscar Wilde]

I hate Bobby Flay. On Throwdown, he is such an arrogant...you know. I cannot stand him, and I refuse to watch any show that features him. Granted, I don't watch a ton of Food channel, but I watch enough to know that I dislike this guy.

 

[turbo]

When we had cable at our last house, my wife liked Alton Brown enough to watch his shows, so I got exposed to the Food Network that way, and sometimes ended up getting exposed to shows before and after his, too... Not a lot of choice, with a single TV in the common-room that I shared with my home office. Most of the shows were useless, or nearly so and many gleefully handed out misinformation. It was disheartening.

And Oscar, Bobby Flay's Boy Meets Grill "offerings" were reminiscent of the little creations that dogs leave in the grass. Watch your step. The guy is a joke. Set him up with a top-of-the-line grill (a pro-quality range on wheels) sous-chefs, marinades, lots of dishes and utensils, and he can pretend to make a real meal. I'd like to see what he could accomplish using the old Char-Broil on my back deck, while chopping and preparing food on the patio table while visiting with guests. When my cousin's daughters are here, they need to see the whole process from start to finish, and I feel like a table-side chef at a Japanese restaurant. One of the girls is married to a restaurant manager (sweet guy) and he is constantly asking questions and you can see the wheels going in his head regarding prep-time, portion-control, etc. I don't mind a bit - if his place is more successful, my favorite young lady will have a bit more financial cushion as she pursues her Masters in speech therapy. When she was a little kid, she rushed through presents, etc on Christmas morning and bugged the hell out of her parents to get to our place early so she could help me prepare food, cook, test it, and serve it. For 10-12 years, their family spent every single Christmas day at our house, and we cooked and ate (between playing games and talking and listening to music) all day long. When pre-teen and teenage girls want to get past opening presents, trying on new clothes, etc and get to a place where they are allowed to help prepare food (and they get to call the shots as in "OK what should we cook next?") you've got a pretty good draw.

Could you say "no" to these sweeties? The blond was in college at the time (and still insisted on Christmas Day at our house) and the brunette was a junior in HS.

 

[LowlyPion]

I hate Bobby Flay. On Throwdown, he is such an arrogant...you know. I cannot stand him, and I refuse to watch any show that features him. Granted, I don't watch a ton of Food channel, but I watch enough to know that I dislike this guy.

I think you miss the point of the script for Throwdown. Bobby Flay never wins. It's a show that highlights regional cooks and spreads the cooking love around the country. His trash talk is the set up for his not succeeding at beating these local cooks. (Otherwise, why would anyone agree to let him do a throwdown with them, if he is going to come out better?)

This way the locals can take pride that this time ... this time ... the big city boy got whupped by the local restaurateur. It's good for their business. And Bobby gets a show out of it. It might as well be a WWF production as any kind of cooking challenge.

 

[Evo]

You people sure seem to spend a lot of time watching television you don't even like. I suggest using the "on/off" button.

- Warren

Can't help it, when I come across her show, it's like I'm a deer in the headlights. "No, she didn't really just say that!"

 

[Evo]

I think you miss the point of the script for Throwdown. Bobby Flay never wins. It's a show that highlights regional cooks and spreads the cooking love around the country. His trash talk is the set up for his not succeeding at beating these local cooks. (Otherwise, why would anyone agree to let him do a throwdown with them, if he is going to come out better?)

This way the locals can take pride that this time ... this time ... the big city boy got whupped by the local restaurateur. It's good for their business. And Bobby gets a show out of it. It might as well be a WWF production as any kind of cooking challenge.

Out of the last 5 "Throwdowns", Bobby won 3.

I used to really dislike him because he pretended to be a chef. Throwdown makes him seem likeable. I don't know if it's real or staged, but the show puts him in a better light.

 

[LowlyPion]

Out of the last 5 "Throwdowns", Bobby won 3.

I used to really dislike him because he pretended to be a chef. Throwdown makes him seem likeable. I don't know if it's real or staged, but the show puts him in a better light.

Honestly, I've never seen him win. Of course I have a visceral dislike of his arrogant presumptuous style and generally click away to something not quite as mindless. But the several I've seen to the end seem to give it to the local, at worst in a split decision. I think his taste a little coarse and designed to look imaginative, but to no real effect to my palate.

And you don't know if it's staged? Or you have no proof that would stand in court?

Please don't tell me you don't know if Iron Chef is staged either. Either version - foreign or domestic.

 

[Evo]

Yes, I was in the other room when Rachel (I am clueless) Ray started making mashed potatoes. Never ceasing to amaze me with her incredible lack of culinary knowledge, she explains to her audience that for mashed potatoes, you do not want to use potatoes like new potatoes because they fall apart in the water, that you should use potatoes like russets that are high in starch and don't fall apart. Well, first of all, you do want a potato that is starchy like a russet because it DOES fall apart. You don't use potatoes like new potatoes, which are waxy, because they are excelent for boiling because they do NOT fall apart, mashing waxy potatoes will result in gummy potatoes.

At least she told them the right potato, but for all the wrong reasons.

 

[turbo]

Well, at least you know that she will proudly proclaim that her mashed potatoes (pons asinorum, here) are "delish". God, what a moron!

 

[Evo]

Well, at least you know that she will proudly proclaim that her mashed potatoes (pons asinorum, here) are "delish". God, what a moron!

Unfortunately, generations of Americans will boil baking potatoes and wonder why they keep turning to mush, since they know, thanks to Rachel Ray, that waxy potatoes are NOT for boiling.

 

[turbo]

Before we became "Vacationland" Maine was the lumber capital of the US, and later potato country (and still is, in some areas). As such, people have developed ways to cook new red potatoes, new white potatoes, winter "keepers", bakers, etc that make them eminently usable for multiple purposes. I doubt that RR has even a fraction of the experience needed to span a bit of that. For instance, new potatoes (both red and white) tend to have high water contents. They are wonderful fried in butter (an early summer treat!), but you'd better not put a cover on the skillet unless you want to get burned by hot fat spattering every time you disturb the cover. You need to let those 'taters cook and brown, and be willing to mop up the spattered fat off the stove-top after the fact. Heaven, though.

They are great boiled, too (with the skins on, of course, like the fried ones!) - just don't over-do them, and serve with a little olive oil and herbs drizzled over them. Then, they are good cold, incorporated into a salad.

 

[LowlyPion]

Another Cholesterol Nightmare from Paula Dean:

Corn on the cob.

How is that possible I was thinking. But Paula found a way.

Of course it starts with Paula's favorite condiment mayonnaise - "slathered generously" - her words - over the cobs.

Next roll and sprinkle - actually "heap" - a generous amount of parmigiana and then sprinkle chili powder and salt.

Wrap in foil and throw on the barbie for 20 minutes.

Before serving then the pièce de résistance - unwrap and spray them with butter.

Paula commits vegicide.

 

[turbo]

I used to grill corn a lot when I was a kid. I'd fire up some charcoal (or clean scrap wood) in our old grill, and while that was heating up, I'd pick some fresh corn. Carefully peel back the husks while not removing them from the stem, remove the silk, spread butter on the corn, season with salt and pepper, fold the husks back into position, twist the ends a bit and put the corn on the grill, turning from time to time. The corn gets steamed by the water in the green husks, and also picks up the flavor of the wood/charcoal while cooking. This works best on a grill that has a cover.

Luckily, my sisters preferred corn that was boiled to within an inch of its life, so if I had to make extra for supper, it was only for my parents and me and I had enough room on that little grill to make enough for 3.

 

[Evo]

Another Cholesterol Nightmare from Paula Dean:

Corn on the cob.

How is that possible I was thinking. But Paula found a way.

Of course it starts with Paula's favorite condiment mayonnaise - "slathered generously" - her words - over the cobs.

Next roll and sprinkle - actually "heap" - a generous amount of parmigiana and then sprinkle chili powder and salt.

Wrap in foil and throw on the barbie for 20 minutes.

Before serving then the pièce de résistance - unwrap and spray them with butter.

Paula commits vegicide.

You missed her "grilled" onions.

Make a cross cut about halfway into the top of a large onion, place it on a large square of foil.

Shove an entire stick of butter and one beef bouillion cube into the onion.

Wrap tightly in the foil and grill for one hour.

She said it's like onion soup.

With 1/4 pound of butter per bowl.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

You missed her "grilled" onions.

Make a cross cut about halfway into the top of a large onion, place it on a large square of foil.

Shove an entire stick of butter and one beef bouillion cube into the onion.

Wrap tightly in the foil and grill for one hour.

She said it's like onion soup.

With 1/4 pound of butter per bowl.

She sounds like she would be my grandmothers favourite tv cook! Except that her food probably actually tastes good.

For a snack my grandmother makes onion sandwiches. This calls for two slices of bread, one thick slice of raw onion, and god's own supply of mayonaise.