Questionable Skills of Cooking Show Hosts on Food Network

[turbo]

This Christmas MIH and I are going to kidnap Kurdt and we're going to dress up in our matching flannel polar bear pajamas, with our matching glittery polar bear footies and have a Paula Deen deep fry party. We can deep fry fruitcake, christmas puddings, chocolate biscuits and gingerbread cookies.

Maybe you can kick back with a glass of wine and let MIH do the deep-frying. Evo + fryolater = ER visit for fat burns.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Sounds like a plan! Too bad it will be too cold to BBQ. I just found a new recipe called The Bacon Explosion:

http://www.bbqaddicts.com/bacon-explosion.html

 

[lisab]

Sounds like a plan! Too bad it will be too cold to BBQ. I just found a new recipe called The Bacon Explosion:

http://www.bbqaddicts.com/bacon-explosion.html

Bacon is hot.

 

[Evo]

Sounds like a plan! Too bad it will be too cold to BBQ. I just found a new recipe called The Bacon Explosion:

http://www.bbqaddicts.com/bacon-explosion.html

That would be good deep fried.

 

[Mk]

I would have sworn it would never happen, but I now like Paula Dean, and enjoy watching her deep fry anything she can get into a deep fryer. She reached a new height the other day. She was making a cake, and after the cake layers had cooled, she dipped them in batter and DEEP FRIED them. She then assembled the deep fried cake layers and put a thick coating of heavy cream cheese frosting over it. I am in awe of this woman.

That is... unspeakable.

 

[Evo]

NOOOOOO! Iron Chef American, secret ingredient is :!) Alaskan King Crab :!). This needs nothing more than melted butter, lemon juice and garlic to make it the most orgasmic food known to man.

They are smothering it with all kinds of cr@p. This is awful. You do not take the food of the Gods and dump fruit, and flour and gravy on it.

 

[lisab]

NOOOOOO! Iron Chef American, secret ingredient is :!) Alaskan King Crab :!). This needs nothing more than melted butter, lemon juice and garlic to make it the most orgasmic food known to man.

They are smothering it with all kinds of cr@p. This is awful. You do not take the food of the Gods and dump fruit, and flour and gravy on it.

Total blasphemy! You NEVER serve King Crab with...can't even say it...ugh...gravy...bleh!

 

[Evo]

They might as well have ground it up and made *meatloaf* out of it.

or maybe ice cream.

 

[Cyrus]

I'm going to pretend I didn't even read this whole crab ordeal...

 

[NASANerd02]

ACK! How in the world could they do that to Alaskan King Crab?? That's just... sacrilegious.

 

[~christina~]

NOOOOOO! Iron Chef American, secret ingredient is :!) Alaskan King Crab :!). This needs nothing more than melted butter, lemon juice and garlic to make it the most orgasmic food known to man.

They are smothering it with all kinds of cr@p. This is awful. You do not take the food of the Gods and dump fruit, and flour and gravy on it.

I watched it. They wasted so much crab there. It's interesting how they have the equivalent total of seven crabs there and yet they end up with such small dishes. Where did the rest go? I bet the workers just had a crab feast afterwards.
I just eat king crab plain. If they are fresh the meat is pretty tasty.

 

[Evo]

At the very end you hear Alton brown make a comment about it should be served with drawn butter, something that no one did.

Alaskan King Crab pancakes?

 

[turbo]

At the very end you hear Alton brown make a comment about it should be served with drawn butter, something that no one did.

Alaskan King Crab pancakes?

Alton is not the end-all of TV cooks. The guy is painfully wrong on a regular basis.

 

[Evo]

Yes, I've noticed quite a few mistakes on his shows. His researchers are usually pretty good, but I think they get a lot of their information off the internet.

 

[turbo]

Yes, I've noticed quite a few mistakes on his shows. His researchers are usually pretty good, but I think they get a lot of their information off the internet.

I think so, too. Sometimes his advice is good, but you have to approach it with an open mind and keep your own experiences in the mix.

As a sometimes knife-maker and go-to guy for sharpening for much of my family, I was horrified to see him turn over quality cutlery to some wandering "sharpener" with portable belt-grinders in the back of his van. Then, when he claimed that professionals in the food business all do this, I had to gag. I do not know a professional chef or a butcher who does not know how to properly sharpen cutlery. Get a 6" DMT diamond hone (mounted in a wooden case) and use water to cool and lubricate the hone while sharpening. Touch up the knife with a good steel from time to time and re-sharpen only when necessary. It's not rocket-science. Using belt-grinders on knives over-heats the thinnest portions of the edges, which produces undesirable effects. If an edge becomes embrittled due to such abuse, it can be more susceptible to damage during use and become more difficult to properly dress with a steel.

 

[Evo]

I watched "Chopped" tonight.

The Food Network clueless bimbo says "I think I have a whole leaf of maJORam on my plate".

Uhm, I highly doubt that since there is no such thing as maJORam. Now there might have been a marjoram leaf on your plate.

Good grief, were do they dig these people up?

 

[turbo]

I watched "Chopped" tonight.

The Food Network clueless bimbo says "I think I have a whole leaf of maJORam on my plate".

Uhm, I highly doubt that since there is no such thing as maJORam. Now there might have been a marjoram leaf on your plate.

Good grief, were do they dig these people up?

K Street?

 

[turbo]

For an idea of the kind of knives I have made, refer to this.

It is a small knife that can be used in the kitchen to do delicate work, though it is tough enough to stand up to real abuse. The blade material is from an industrial-quality cutter that I tempered, shaped, edged and re-hardened, and the scales are of micarta laid up with paper. This little blade (with a rounded apple-seed profiled edge) can take and hold an edge that commercially-available knives cannot.

My favorite all-purpose cooking knife (6" 4-star Elephant Sabatier Chef's knife) can't take or hold an edge like this little blade can. The Sabatier is my favorite knife in the kitchen, but mostly because of the shape and size of the grip, the placement of the guard, etc. That all has to come into play with a knife that gets used a lot, and I can't claim to have mastered any of that ergonomic stuff. Still, my little utility knife is the best blade in the kitchen - bar none.

Evo CANNOT ever have a knife like this! It's a very clean, neat little blade, but she'd be cutting off fingers and who knows what else...

 

[Evo]

Ok, it's ABC and not the Food Network, but there is a new show tonight called "Chopping Block".

It's another reality food show, this time contestants will be given 48 hours to create and "open" a restaurant, then be critiqued by a "food critic".

Due to my morbid facination with ghastly food competitions, I will watch this. Starts in 10 minutes.

 

[turbo]

Ok, it's ABC and not the Food Network, but there is a new show tonight called "Chopping Block".

It's another reality food show, this time contestants will be given 48 hours to create and "open" a restaurant, then be critiqued by a "food critic".

Due to my morbid facination with ghastly food competitions, I will watch this. Starts in 10 minutes.

I would love to compete! 48 hours is a lifetime, as long as you don't have to buy facilities, gear up with tools, and hire help. I could make a pretend restaurant in 48 hours any day of the week.

People are dumb enough to be in awe of actors who pretend to be chefs on all these cooking shows, and who are pretty much all ego and flash. My mother was a very humble French-Canadian woman who happened to be a killer cook, and I can only hope to live up to her standards. Coming out of the Great Depression in a poor family, she was very frugal and managed to do miracles with minimal resources.

Rather than see these faux "competitors" stocked with caviar, mangoes, almonds, exotic cuts of meat, etc, I'd like to have a level playing field with real foods like potatoes, onions, garlic, tomatoes, cheap cuts of meat, spices, etc. I don't think the celebrity "chefs" would fare too well.

 

[Evo]

Wow, the winner gets $250,000.00 and a fully equipped restaurant kitchen. Turbo, we need to enter one of these competitions.

 

[turbo]

Wow, the winner gets $250,000.00 and a fully equipped restaurant kitchen. Turbo, we need to enter one of these competitions.

What are the guidelines? Do they expect you to make magic with ordinary ingredients? That's my strong point. I can't expect to compete in a venue that expects the cook to use truffles, saffron, exotic fruits, and urchin roe...

 

[Evo]

This isn't on cable, it's regular ABC broadcast. Tune in Turbo!

The guy wants ultra simple, nothing fancy. He dinged the ones that went to complicated recipes.

 

[turbo]

This isn't on cable, it's regular ABC broadcast. Tune in Turbo!

The guy wants ultra simple, nothing fancy. He dinged the ones that went to complicated recipes.

I can do simple. There are times when "simple" is scary-good. Most comfort-food is simple, and though much of it has been diluted by Campbell Soups, Kraft "cheese" products, etc, in the mind of the public, it is not really hard to come up with something that veers away from that crap.

If I could stand being around the public, I would own and operate a lunch-only restaurant in a nearby business district. No menu, just daily specials based on what I can get for ingredients, and on what I think the clientele might like. My chilies, soups, and casseroles would become favorites in a very short time. Why drive to Wendy's, KFC, McD's etc when you can get fresh food custom-made for you?

 

[LowlyPion]

How anti-climatic. One of the couples wimped out.

I guess they wanted to preserve the tension with the team that everyone will hate at least another week.

 

[Evo]

Wow, that was actually a great show, and I went in already condemning it.

Turbo, we would do good together. I've won every cooking competition I've been in. I've been told my food is orgasmic. My recipes have been published in local cookbooks. I am a phenomenal cook. No brag, just fact, as the old cartoon character used to say.

My younger sister and I almost started a catering company. But she left to pursue a PhD in psychology and then she was offered a position managing a restaurant and she never looked back. She loves it.

And did I mention that I was the one that introduced her to cooking? I am 7 years older than her and she never had any interest in cooking before I sucked her into my weekly Sunday brunch. I taught her everything she knows.

 

[Evo]

How anti-climatic. One of the couples wimped out.

I guess they wanted to preserve the tension with the team that everyone will hate at least another week.

Yeah, they saved that brother team. They really did screw up.

 

[LowlyPion]

In the world of Food Network gossip, Cat Cora and her wife are now both pregnant from the same sperm donor. How's that for togetherness? And they swapped ovum? Oy.

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=445852724&blogId=475591464

 

[Evo]

In the world of Food Network gossip, Cat Cora and her wife are now both pregnant from the same sperm donor. How's that for togetherness? And they swapped ovum? Oy.

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=445852724&blogId=475591464

Both pregnant?

 

[turbo]

Both pregnant?

Yep! Very attractive lesbian preggos! Cat's celebrity status should help raise awareness about single-sex couples, and none too soon.