Questioning Unnecessary Tasks: Why Fold Underwear?

[Artman]

...one biologist got out of the car and called to the other, "are you ready to masturbate that rhino yet?"

Rhino hooker pimp.

 

[Gokul43201]

Artman, you're quite the rhino expert.

Ever been to a rhino bachelor party (and I mean the real thing...biologists and all) ?

 

[Artman]

Artman, you're quite the rhino expert.

Ever been to a rhino bachelor party (and I mean the real thing...biologists and all) ?

I got to thinking, we may be misinterpreting what they said. Maybe they were talking about the rhino's capture. You know, how the one biologist did such an expert job setting up the trap, and placing the bait. They could have just been saying that he was a "masterbaiter" of rhinos.

 

[Artman]

Then again it could be another one of those zoological euphamisms and not have anything to do with rhinos.

You know, like "spanking the monkey." I mean, if someone was actually spanking a monkey, they would get in trouble with the SPCA, right?

Of course if you called the SPCA when someone said it was time to "Masterbate the rhino," the rhino would say, "Now hold on, let's not be hasty here. If someone wants to masterbate a rhino, I'm down with that. It's not like a monkey is getting spanked or something."

 

[Artman]

I thought it might be good to have a Barry White song to help set the proper mood for the rhino.

Here's one that seems appropriate:

"Let The Music Play"
By Barry White

One ticket, please
Lord have mercy, everybody’s there
Hey, what’s goin’ on man, yeah
She’s at home, yeah, she’s at home
Yeah, she’s at home

Let the music play
I just want to dance the night away
Here, right here, right here is where I’m going to stay
All night long, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, wee

Let the music play on
Just until I feel this misery is gone
Movin’, kickin’, groovin’, keep the music strong
On and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

I’m out here dancin’ and still, huh
I can’t erase the things I feel
The tender love we used to share
See, it’s like it’s no longer there
I’ve got to hide what’s killin’ me inside

Let the music play
I just want to dance the night away
Here, right here, right here is where I’m going to stay
All night long, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Let the music play on
Just until I feel this misery is gone
Ah, movin’, kickin’, groovin’, keep the music strong
Ah, let it play on and on, let it play on and on and on and on and on and on, play on, and on, play

I think I’m going to be alright, ha, ha, ha
If I can make it through the night, oh, Lord
I’ll just pretend she’s here with me
I’ll close my eyes, her face I’ll see
I know it’s make believe, but it’s the only hope for me

Let the music play
I just want to dance the night away
Ah, here, right here is where I’m going to stay
All night long, ooh, ooh, ooh, wee

Let the music play on
Just until I feel this misery is gone
Movin’, kickin’, groovin’, keep the music strong
Let it play on, let it play on, let it play on, please, let it play on, let it play on

This line seems to work very well:

Let the music play on
Just until I feel this misery is gone
Movin’, kickin’, groovin’, keep the music strong
On and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

 

[franznietzsche]

Thanks to Artman, i no longer want my eyes.

I'll have to learn to program in braille, but that's ok.

 

[Artman]

Thanks to Artman, i no longer want my eyes.

I'll have to learn to program in braille, but that's ok.

Ah Franz, you know what they say, once you go rhino, you can't go back.

 

[Evo]

Artman, you're going to get me fired. I'm sitting here laughing and spraying coffee all over my desk. I'm sure when people here the bursts of laughter, they know I'm not working.

 

[Tsu]

I'm sitting here laughing and spraying coffee all over my desk.

You really need to get that fixed, you know?

 

[Artman]

Artman, you're going to get me fired. I'm sitting here laughing and spraying coffee all over my desk. I'm sure when people here the bursts of laughter, they know I'm not working.

I'm just trying to get at what is really going on here. I am still in favor of the zoological euphemism idea. When you think about it, who is really out there choking chickens?

I mean sure chickens are killed everyday, but how many are dying from forced asphixiation? Imagine the sheer number of dead chickens just from high school age boys! It boggles the mind!

 

[Moonbear]

Okay, given the way this thread is going, I don't know if I should even speak up here, but I'm quite surprised they actually said "masturbate the rhino," especially with cameras present. There are lingo/euphemisms that wouldn't raise much of an eyebrow if overheard by an audience. Usually, one would ask, "Who's going to collect the rhino." When working in zoos full of small children with big ears, it just sounds like you're going to lead the rhino into its pen. It's not done by hand, but using an AV (no, that's not referring to audio visual equipment) and the reason it's being used is for AI (not artificial intelligence).

And, no, I haven't bothered getting AI certification, so am content to let others do that job. I play more the role of the pimp or madam.

 

[Artman]

...It's not done by hand, but using an AV (no, that's not referring to audio visual equipment) and the reason it's being used is for AI (not artificial intelligence)...

But don't you think a little Barry White would help the whole process?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Actually, I wanted to ask about that Moonbear. IIRC, they talked about electroejaculation, or electroejaculators, or maybe I just made up the word based on what I remember...

Also, I suspect that little scene was actually staged for the camera. You know, kind of like using an ET avatar just to be provocative.

This reminds me of Woody Allen's Sleeper.

 

[Evo]

But don't you think a little Barry White would help the whole process?

Barry White is definitely in order! Perhaps a few National Geographic magazines with some female rhino centerfolds might not be a bad idea either. Or some videos?

 

[Moonbear]

Actually, I wanted to ask about that Moonbear. IIRC, they talked about electroejaculation, or electroejaculators, or maybe I just made up the word based on what I remember...

Eeeeooooowwww! Yep, those things really exist, and people really use them. I'm not sure how frequently they are used in a zoo setting, perhaps more frequently than in a farm setting because the captive animals in zoos often need to be anesthetized just to handle them. In a farm setting, it's pretty rare. It is painful and there usually isn't any problem training bulls and stallions (the two species most commonly bred by AI) to use a mounting dummy.

 

[BobG]

Actually, I wanted to ask about that Moonbear. IIRC, they talked about electroejaculation, or electroejaculators, or maybe I just made up the word based on what I remember...

Also, I suspect that little scene was actually staged for the camera. You know, kind of like using an ET avatar just to be provocative.

This reminds me of Woody Allen's Sleeper.

It reminds me of "A Boy and His Dog", that movie made from Harlan Ellison's story.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Eeeeooooowwww! Yep, those things really exist, and people really use them. I'm not sure how frequently they are used in a zoo setting, perhaps more frequently than in a farm setting because the captive animals in zoos often need to be anesthetized just to handle them. In a farm setting, it's pretty rare. It is painful and there usually isn't any problem training bulls and stallions (the two species most commonly bred by AI) to use a mounting dummy.

Pssssssss, hey, Moonbear, where can I pick up one of those...

 

[Artman]

Barry White is definitely in order! Perhaps a few National Geographic magazines with some female rhino centerfolds might not be a bad idea either. Or some videos?

That's the spirit! Maybe some scented candles and a backrub. None of this, "whose turn is it to masterbate the rhino" stuff.

Barry playing in the background..."Let the music play..."

Some candles glowing..."I just want to dance the night away..."

The music pulsating with the rythym... "Here, right here, right here..."

The scent of jasmine in the fragrant smoke..."is where I’m going to stay

Boom-chucka-wow-wow, "All night long...,"

Rhino love baby..." ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, wee"

Oh yeah.

(verse from Barry White's song "Let the Music Play")

 

[franznietzsche]

That's the spirit! Maybe some scented candles and a backrub. None of this, "whose turn is it to masterbate the rhino" stuff.

Barry playing in the background..."Let the music play..."

Some candles glowing..."I just want to dance the night away..."

The music pulsating with the rythym... "Here, right here, right here..."

The scent of jasmine in the fragrant smoke..."is where I’m going to stay

Boom-chucka-wow-wow, "All night long...,"

Rhino love baby..." ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, wee"

Oh yeah.

(verse from Barry White's song "Let the Music Play")

Scarred for life. Seriously. Scarred. I can never hear barry white again without thinking of this thread. fie on you.

 

[Moonbear]

Pssssssss, hey, Moonbear, where can I pick up one of those...

The electroejaculator, or the mounting dummy?

 

[Gokul43201]

That's the spirit! Maybe some scented candles and a backrub. None of this, "whose turn is it to masterbate the rhino" stuff.

Barry playing in the background..."Let the music play..."

Some candles glowing..."I just want to dance the night away..."

The music pulsating with the rythym... "Here, right here, right here..."

The scent of jasmine in the fragrant smoke..."is where I’m going to stay

Boom-chucka-wow-wow, "All night long...,"

Rhino love baby..." ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, wee"

Oh yeah.

(verse from Barry White's song "Let the Music Play")

Priceless ! If there's more rhinos in the party, I'd recommend Lionel Richie's version of 'All Night Long'.

Lionel Richie - All Night Long

Well, my friends, the time has come
To raise the roof and have some fun
Throw away the work to be done
Let the music play on
(play on, play on)
Everbody sing, everybody dance
Lose yourself in wild romance

We're going to party
Karamu, fiesta, forever
Come on and sing along!
We're going to party
Karamu, fiesta, forever
Come onand sing along!
We're going to party
Karamu, fiesta, forever
Come on and sing along!
All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)

People dancing all in the street
See the rhythm all in their feet
Life is good wild and sweet
Let the music play on
(play on, play on)
Feel it in your heart
And feel it in your soul
Let the music take control

We're going to party
Liming, fiesta, forever
Come on and sing my song!
All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)

Yeah, once you get started
You can't sit down
Come join the fun
It's a merry go round
Everyone's dancing
Their troubles away
Come join our party
See how we play!


Oh, yes
We're going to have a party!
All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)
All night long!

Everyone you meet
They're jamming in the street
All night long
Yeah, I said, everyone you meet
They're jamming in the street
All night long!
Feel good! feel good!

 

[Evo]

Priceless ! If there's more rhinos in the party, I'd recommend Lionel Richie's version of 'All Night Long'.

Oh yeah. If that doesn't get those rhinos going, nothing will.

Of course, Ravel's "Bolero" seems appropriate for some reason. Hey, it worked for Bo Derek & Dudley Moore in "Ten".

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The electroejaculator, or the mounting dummy?

I'm still thinking...

 

[Moonbear]

I'm still thinking...

Well, are you intending it for home use or for someone you really don't like much?

In case you need help deciding between the two, here are some examples of how each is used:

http://www.cornellurology.com/uro/cornell/infertility/srt/electroejaculation.shtml

http://mark.asci.ncsu.edu/HealthyHogs/book1997/althouse2.htm

 

[Gokul43201]

Oh yeah. If that doesn't get those rhinos going, nothing will.

Of course, Ravel's "Bolero" seems appropriate for some reason. Hey, it worked for Bo Derek & Dudley Moore in "Ten".

Actually, if you remember, I didn't.

 

[Evo]

Actually, if you remember, I didn't.

You didn't?

 

[Artman]

There are lingo/euphemisms that wouldn't raise much of an eyebrow if overheard by an audience. Usually, one would ask, "Who's going to collect the rhino." When working in zoos full of small children with big ears, it just sounds like you're going to lead the rhino into its pen.

Of course when they start leading it by its wiener the kids get suspicious.

 

[dextercioby]

Of course when they start leading it by its wiener the kids get suspicious.

Well,there's always the "massage" excuse... The poor (growing ) thing is in big pain and nothing's better than a massage and a kappaiottasigmasigma on the forehead...



Why did u chose Barry White?

Daniel.

 

[Artman]

You didn't?

I did!

 

[Artman]

Why did u chose Barry White?

Barry White is the mood maker (Well back in my day anyway). Don't you think the words work great?

 

[dextercioby]

Yes,but not with biologists sexually satisfying rhinos for the "scientific" purpose of "collecting"...

Daniel.

 

[Gokul43201]

You didn't?

Aargh ! I meant, "it didn't". As in "Bolero didn't real help them get it on". If I recall correctly, Bo seemed too into the music, and Dudley just gave up and walked out.

 

[franznietzsche]

Oh yeah. If that doesn't get those rhinos going, nothing will.

Of course, Ravel's "Bolero" seems appropriate for some reason. Hey, it worked for Bo Derek & Dudley Moore in "Ten".

BOLERO??!

how?

how?!

You don't get down to bolero. Malaguena maybe, but not bolero.

 

[BobG]

Well, are you intending it for home use or for someone you really don't like much?

In case you need help deciding between the two, here are some examples of how each is used:

http://www.cornellurology.com/uro/cornell/infertility/srt/electroejaculation.shtml

http://mark.asci.ncsu.edu/HealthyHogs/book1997/althouse2.htm

Oh, thanks. You just find the best sites to link us to.

If there were any of us left that hadn't been scarred by Artman's Barry White songs, you certainly finished the job.

I can't believe this thread hasn't been added to the General Discussion Classics (just so it's available to scar future members, you know).

 

[franznietzsche]

Oh, thanks. You just find the best sites to link us to.

If there were any of us left that hadn't been scarred by Artman's Barry White songs, you certainly finished the job.

I can't believe this thread hasn't been added to the General Discussion Classics (just so it's available to scar future members, you know).

THis thread is classic, i mean, Barry white, rhino love, electro ejaculators and bolero!

What more could you want?

 

[Moonbear]

Oh, thanks. You just find the best sites to link us to.

You're welcome. I notice Ivan has been conspicuously silent about which one he wants after I posted those links. He's probably really afraid of which one Tsu wants to play with.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I'm still thinking...

 

[Moonbear]

I'm still thinking...

Planning on breeding skunks soon?

 

[Artman]

Sung to the tune of "Muskrat Love"

"Rhino Love"
By Artman

Rhino, rhino candlelight
Doin' the rhino and doin' it right
In the evenin'
It's pretty pleasin'

Rhino Susie, Biologist Sam
Grabin’ the rhino and give him a hand
And they shimmy
Sammy's hands are so chilly!

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
listening to Barry and Bolero
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like rhino love

Grabin’ his bacon, churnin' his cheese
Sammy says to Susie "Honey, would you please be collected?"
And he say yes
That’s what I expected.

And now he's ticklin' his fancy
Rubbin' his toes,
electro ejaculators and bolero
As they wriggle, and Sue starts to giggle

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Listening to Barry and Bolero
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like rhino love

La da da da da ...

:!) :!)

 

[Evo]

Sung to the tune of "Muskrat Love"

I think tribdog's going to have some stiff competition in the next guru election!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I'm dying here!

 

[Moonbear]

I think tribdog's going to have some stiff competition in the next guru election!

Stiff, huh?

 

[Tsu]

Pssssssss, hey, Moonbear, where can I pick up one of those...

YEAH! That could be FUN!11 'Specially with ME at the controls! WOOHOOOOOO!11111 (I'll wear our favorite 'habit'. )

 

[Gokul43201]

Rhino Love was awesome ! Too funny !

 

[tribdog]

The Rhino's hard tonight (sung to the Beatle's It's been a Hard Days Night)

The Rhino's hard tonight, and I wish he was dog.
The rhino's hard tonight and it's bigger than a log.
Cause rhinocerous sperm doesn't come from a worm
No this guy's penis is huge.

I've got to lube my hands, before I grab on to his rod.
and if I piss him off, I'll soon be meeting with my god.
So I stroke nice and slow, just like a dirty ol' ho.
Does it feel ohkay?

I just hope. I'm doing this right
should I be, gripping his manhood this tight, tight? yeah

The rhino's hard tonight, and I think he's going to blow.
The rhino's hard tonight, but he's standing on my toe.
So I let out a scream, that's what was needed it seems.
Cause he started to come.

The rhino let out a moan, then he left me alone.
You know I feel so used.

My job is done, I guess I did it all right.
I've collected the sperm, 5 gallons of it. Quite a sight

Now I'm hard tonight, I guess this turned me on.
Now I'm hard all right, but everyone is gone.
I've still got lube on my hand, so I'll add to this can.
I've become quite a pro.
Now it's 5 gallons or so.
My new son's a rhino.

 

[tribdog]

I started writing Rhino Masterbation to the tune of Anticipation by Carly Simon, but decided against it.

 

[dextercioby]

I'm sorry to tell u that (bull***, I'm happy as ever ),but i think the girls are disgusted with your lyrics,the ones posted above...

Daniel.

 

[Artman]

I like it Tribdog, got to keep those rhinos happy.

I was considering "Comfortably Come" to the tune of "Comforably Numb," but thought better of it as well.

 

[Artman]

I think we need another song, maybe something a little more mellow.

To the tune of "Afternoon Delight" by the Starland Vocal Band:

"Rhino's Delight"
By Artman

Gonna find my rhino, going to hold him tight
Gonna grab his horn with all my might.
My motto's always been; when it's right, it's right.
With candles and the music, yeah it’s Barry white.
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day.
And the biologist’s determined to have his way.

Sky rockets in flight. Rhino’s delight. Rhino’s delight.

The Biologist is workin' up his appetite
looking forward to a little bit o' rhino delight.
Rubbin' sticks and hands together makes the sparks ignite
and the thought of rubbin' rhino’s getting so exciting.

Sky rockets in flight. Rhino’s delight. Rhino’s delight.

Started out this morn to collect the rhinoceros
Ejaculators helpin till its got some sores
Rhino mounts the dummy to get-r-done
The rhino seems to have himself a little fun

Sky rockets in flight. Rhino’s delight. Rhino’s delight.

Please be waiting for the rhino when he comes around.
He could make a lot of lovin' 'for the sun goes down.

Sky rockets in flight. Rhino’s delight. Rhino’s delight.

Repeat chorus.

 

[franznietzsche]

YEAH! That could be FUN!11 'Specially with ME at the controls! WOOHOOOOOO!11111 (I'll wear our favorite 'habit'. )

Run Ivan. Just run.