- #101
Artman
- 1,506
- 40
We need a song for Ivan and Tsu.franznietzsche said:
Sung to the tune of “Boy Named Sue”
Ballad of Ivan and Tsu (Special appearance of Moonbear)
By Artman
Been visiting PF a couple a' years maybe three,
wife comes here too, it’s Tsu and me...
Just visit here prit near all the time we do.
Now, I don't blame Moonbear cause she run and hid,
But the meanest thing that she ever did
Was leave an electroejaculator with Tsu.
Well, she must o' thought that is was quite a joke,
Tsu thinks it’s funny when she gives me a poke.
It seems I had to fight most nights through.
Tsu would giggle and I'd get red,
When she brings that contraption into bed.
I tell ya, life ain't easy with a wife named 'Tsu'.
Well, I grow up quick, (if you know what I mean,)
My ___ got harder and my wits got keen.
I'd roam from forum to forum and you would too.
But I made me a vow to the moon and who
That I'd search the rhino pens and zoos,
And get that awful person who gave an electroejaculator to Tsu .
Well, I knew that woman was my own Moonbear
From a picture of a nun her avatar,
And I knew that nun’s attire and her fuzzy guy.
She was smiling and laughing, sneaky and bold
And I looked at her and my blood ran cold,
And I said: "My name is 'Ivan' How do you do! Now you going to die!"
Well, I hit her hard right in the habit,
And she went down, just like a rabbit,
And come up with a electroejaculator all her own.
Now let’s be reasonable I heard me say
What ya’ going to do with that anyway?
Tsu’s the only one can use one of those on me.
“I’ll give her another for her other hand,”
My mind went blank just about then,
Oh my God, I thought, This is the end of me.
Moonbear just stood there laughing and grinnin’,
There just ain’t no way you’ll be winnin’
Against the sisters of Physics Forums GD.
And then she said: "this world is rough,
And if a man's going to make it, he's got to be tough,
And I know I wouldn't be there to help you along.
So I give Tsu an electroejaculator and I said good-bye.
I knew you'd have to get tough or die,
And it's that gizmo that helped to make you strong."
She said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight,
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But you ought to thank me, before I die,
For the shocks down below and the bulging in your fly
Cause I'm the sister that gave the electroejaculator to Tsu."
I got all choked up and I lowered my hand
And I called her my sis, and she called me Ivan,
And I come away with a different point of view.
And I think about her, when I hear Barry White,
Or when the candles are glowing by the bed at night,
And if I ever have a son, I hope he’ll take my advice,
Give your wife flowers or candy anything but that torture device that belongs to Tsu!
