Rant: I Hate My Parents - Academic Success & Childhood Neglect

[Moonbear]

Wow, that's really opening up the box. When I was young, I was allowed to stand up in the back seat, hang my head out the window, and stick my hand out as far as I could to see if the signposts were close enough to the road to lop off my hand. If I got tired, I could go to sleep in the back window so I'd be a human projectile in the event my parent drove into a brick wall. I don't think our cars even had seat belts! In fact, the definition of a good car seat was one that had a toy steering wheel with a horn! Safety was not driving into the same intersection as a drunk driver (who was probably uninsured and sure to receive a small fine if he killed someone).

Nowadays, a parent could be convicted of manslaughter if one of his kids wasn't wearing their seatbelt and was killed in an accident.

I'm pretty sure it's just a matter of time before a parent could be found guilty of child abuse for allowing their kids to eat too many unhealthy desserts. Tobacco use in the home is already on the verge of being labeled as child abuse by many communities.

I was even allowed to sit in my father's lap and "help" drive!

It's a little ridiculous to blame one's parents for things society as a whole didn't even know were bad for us at the time, and generally condoned.

I don't think anyone other than biochemists knew what a trans-fat was up until a few years ago when suddenly it was decided they're bad for us and should be avoided. The only thing people used to worry about was all the sugar making kids fat, and if you weren't fat, then there wasn't a problem.

You can waste your time blaming your parents for doing the best they could to raise you, or you can take responsibility for yourself now and move forward rather than dwelling in the past. You're an adult now, and your future is in your own hands, not your parents. You can throw temper tantrums about the stupid things your parents did, or you can grow up.

 

[WarPhalange]

Well no but they bought the high trans/saturated fat cookies and brownies and sweets and put them in a cabinet in our kitchen and told me that they were there and failed to educate me to any significant extent on the dangers of eating such foods (they also failed to educate themselves on those dangers).

As far as I am concerned, that is called poisoning a child.

Are you a fatty now? Do you have diabetes because of it? Or what? If they gave you diabetes through a poor diet, then sure, get pissed at them.

But even if you're overweight now you can do something about it. You didn't have a perfect start, so what? Suck it up.

Besides, trans fats are a recent fad. I doubt most people knew of them a few years ago.

 

[rewebster]

I am Asian but am lucky enough to have relatively understanding and supportive parents. I have plenty of other Asian friends though whose parents raise them to be doctors and are extremely disapproving and reactionary when they hear about plans of anything else (Even if its a career that isn't too far removed and would leave them just as well off, like psychologist or veterinarian.)

One Chinese girl who I am friends with was practically bred into being an Ivy League student. She became extremely anxious after receiving one B in freshman year and felt as though she now had to redeem herself in order to get into UCLA. I am certain that she would literally cry if she had anything less in her GPA. The video is a satire, but in some cases it doesn't exaggerate much

I've known this one woman for a while. She went part time to get her masters, and the problem (part of it) is that it took her a long time. The other part of the problem is that she wanted an 'A' in all of her courses. I don't know the routine she got into as far as how (or why) if she didn't get an 'A', she re-took the course, and how she got the 'A' to replace the other grade (usually a 'B'). I know she re-took one course three times. I think she said that she ended up getting a 4.0 at the end.

So far so good, you would think.


She took so long (going part time) to get her straight 'A's (from re-taking so many courses) that her degree (some facet of Psychology) that that specific area of speciality was no longer accepted as being the 'correct' one to get a good job in the field.

I didn't get into trying to understand as it was usually hard to understand her train of thought as it had so many twists and turns that you had to follow that she HAD to tell to 'make' sure that you knew ALL of the problems that lead to whatever she was trying to say.

She convinced me that (this was just a speculation that you hear) 75% of all the people that go into Psychology/Psychiatry go into it to figure out their own problems.

 

[Math Is Hard]

She convinced me that (this was just a speculation that you hear) 75% of all the people that go into Psychology/Psychiatry go into it to figure out their own problems.

Not me. Perfectly sane here! :)

 

[Moonbear]

She convinced me that (this was just a speculation that you hear) 75% of all the people that go into Psychology/Psychiatry go into it to figure out their own problems.

Do you really think the percentage is that low?

 

[Vanadium 50]

I'm glad to see that this has gotten back on topic. I have just three things to say:

(1) The original post is the whiniest piece of self-indulgence that I have seen in a long, long while.

(2) Blaming your shortcomings (such as not being some sort of prodigy) on your parents reflects more poorly on you than it does on them.

(3) Mark Twain once said, ""When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

 

[rewebster]

Do you really think the percentage is that low?

well, I heard it from a couple of people 'in the field'




(but I thought they belonged in the 75% group)

 

[rewebster]

Not me. Perfectly sane here! :)

hmmm, that's what most of the insane people do say!

 

[Cyrus]

I am Asian but am lucky enough to have relatively understanding and supportive parents. I have plenty of other Asian friends though whose parents raise them to be doctors and are extremely disapproving and reactionary when they hear about plans of anything else (Even if its a career that isn't too far removed and would leave them just as well off, like psychologist or veterinarian.)

One Chinese girl who I am friends with was practically bred into being an Ivy League student. She became extremely anxious after receiving one B in freshman year and felt as though she now had to redeem herself in order to get into UCLA. I am certain that she would literally cry if she had anything less in her GPA. The video is a satire, but in some cases it doesn't exaggerate much

Of all the asians I've ever met or worked with in college, I'd have to say they ain't that smart to fit the sterotype that 'asians are smart'. Most of them were average to everyone else.

There was one girl that had a high gpa of 3.9-something who was asian. She was also a f'in weirdo. I think she would get sick if she got anything other than an A. She was doing Mechanical to get into med school. Meanwhile, there were several of us with the same GPA as her who were not weird like that.

 

[rootX]

Of all the asians I've ever met or worked with in college, I'd have to say they ain't that smart to fit the sterotype that 'asians are smart'. Most of them were average to everyone else.

Yea same here, from all my asian friends, only one of them is smart but he is too careless to get above 95/90 avg =)

But, I know for sure that 80% of 97% average ppl are asians.
But, again my university is full with asian ppl (e.g. 70% of my class is asians).

 

[Cyrus]

Yea same here, from all my asian friends, only one of them is smart but he is too careless to get above 95/90 avg =)

But, I know for sure that 80% of 97% average ppl are asians.
But, again my university is full with asian ppl (e.g. 70% of my class is asians).

What school do you go to, the UNIV of Korea? The people I've come across and really caring about the material have been white americans or africans, for the most part. Those african guys know their damn math.

 

[rootX]

What school do you go to, the UNIV of Korea?

lol, no
University of Waterloo, Ontario

Those african guys know their damn math.

Wow, that's so opposite!

It is very rare to see any African in Ontario universities. I never met anyone who has seen smart African guy in the university. Only my friend at Guelph had a black professor, and she was super excited =).

 

[Cyrus]

lol, no
University of Waterloo, Ontario



Wow, that's so opposite!

It is very rare to see any African in Ontario universities. I never met anyone who has seen smart African guy in the university. Only my friend at Guelph had a black professor, and she was super excited =).

Their high school math includes: Calc I,II,III, linear algebra, and ODEs. Try learning just calc I in an american high school...if your lucky.

 

[rewebster]

lol, no
University of Waterloo, Ontario



Wow, that's so opposite!

It is very rare to see any African in Ontario universities. I never met anyone who has seen smart African guy in the university. Only my friend at Guelph had a black professor, and she was super excited =).

hmmm...

are you close to the Perimeter? I wonder how much that influences 'things'?

 

[moose]

Well no but they bought the high trans/saturated fat cookies and brownies and sweets and put them in a cabinet in our kitchen and told me that they were there and failed to educate me to any significant extent on the dangers of eating such foods (they also failed to educate themselves on those dangers).

As far as I am concerned, that is called poisoning a child.

Around the time you were...10 or 11... you should have realized that it's definitely bad to eat those... Soooooooooooooooo, at least you were being fed. Could have been much worse.

 

[ulhas]

hiii,
there is a phrase in a language which means in english like " rather to sad for the late start it is good to happy about start to be done.." in this scenerio rather to blame parents or grand parents you can correct there mistakes. Any parent cann't think against the childs career but as a human they can do mistake. And now its u r resplonsibility to correct there mistake. You can try to walk on there way, or proove yourself and find your own way..
If u got your destination, see that rather you your parents will be more happy...

 

[aquitaine]

My problem was always lack of focus. I always went from one topic to another, from ants to sharks, computer games, and then computers. Before I took computer class in high school I wanted to learn more about computers, but couldn't because the books in the library were so badly out of date they were not useful and our 33.6 kb dial-up was always in use by my father. True he would go to work like everyone else, but as soon as he got back it was off to the computer (partly explains where I got my gaming habit from, parental actions do have some influence on children's behavior). He didn't know anything about any of that stuff and even though he was intelligent, he never bothered to learn any of it.

Come high school I was one of those people who spent very little time doing homework (but got it done), and never studied (and almost always got A's). In hindsight I wish I pushed more and skipped some grades, but that didn't happen in part because of lingering emotional instability as well as laziness on my part.

I don't blame my parents for everything, but I do blame them for not setting a better example when they were home. For me this was a real problem because of my disability (people with Asperger's Syndrome at a young age often replicate the behaviors of people they are around often to a much greater degree than mundanes), I saw my father doing very little at home so that's what I did. I didn't realize that wasn't a good thing until I was almost finished with high school, but by that time it was too late. At least now I know, but I blame myself for not realizing it sooner.

 

[BobG]

How can you people hate your parents!?

Unless they did this to you, you have no reason to hate your parents!

This is horrible! I can't believe people do this to their pre-school kids!

Here's another, longer clip, where about a dozen kids are tortured, one after the other! About 3 and a half minutes in, you can hear small children wailing in the background!

Finally, an investigative reporter exposes the dark side of Mutton Bustin'. That poor kid was forced to ride sheep for 6 years - and he's only 5 years old!

 

[GeorginaS]

hiii,
there is a phrase in a language which means in english like " rather to sad for the late start it is good to happy about start to be done.."

There's a phrase in English like that too. "Better late than never".

And BobG, shame on you for the promotion of child abuse.
(I should admit I laughed, right?) (On second thought, I won't admit it. I didn't admit that.)

 

[Moonbear]

How can you people hate your parents!?

Unless they did this to you, you have no reason to hate your parents!

Hey, they cheated and used a sheep dog to get the sheep moving! I think I'll trade them some of their nice calm sheep for the ones I get that would make good rodeo sheep (I think they might be crossbred with Santa's reindeer, because they seem to think they can fly)!

(The last experiment I ran, I was trying to hold one of those sheep still, had her barricaded into one side of her pen with a wood panel that looked a lot like a rodeo gate, I was straddling over her, but she was too tall, so I ended up with my feet up on the rails of the pen and gate on either side of her, holding with one arm onto the gate and one arm around the chin of the sheep as my helper came up and I commented, "I think I'm ready for the rodeo!" She cheerfully responded, "Okay, I'll tie your hand down, throw open the gate and see if you can hang on for 8 seconds!" Of course, then I told my boyfriend about this escapade, and when he commented it would be a new event for the rodeo, I had to explain to the city slicker that, no, in fact they already had a sheep riding event for the kids, they just use nicer sheep than I get.)

 

[arunma]

Oh hey, it's that old thread about people whining that their parents didn't raise them to be super-geniuses. I'd almost forgotten about this thing!

So, does the whining continue?

 

[GeorginaS]

Oh hey, it's that old thread about people whining that their parents didn't raise them to be super-geniuses. I'd almost forgotten about this thing!

So, does the whining continue?

The whining always continues. It's a right of passage.

 

[Math Is Hard]

The whining always continues. It's a right of passage.

Maybe it stops when parenthood begins? The hater becomes the hated?

 

[GeorginaS]

Maybe it stops when parenthood begins? The hater becomes the hated?

Please tell my parents that.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I was raised in a Skinner Box.
I am the perfect child.

Too bad I am an adult now.

 

[General_Sax]

I think it's entirely normal for one to have regrets about their childhood/teenage years. I came from a broken home and experienced poverty first hand, ie, electricity turned off, heat turned off in the winter (we had to sit by the oven cranked up and open). I got involved in drugs at an early age, I first smoked crack @ 14, meth, mushrooms and weed followed. I remember stealing my mom's car with my buddy whilst eating magic mushrooms, it was all fun until we realized we were going the wrong way down a highway! Luckily we pulled to the shoulder and it ended up alright.

I dropped out of high school @ 15, mainly because I kept being robbed, threatened, and whatnot (joy of being white in a poor neighborhood). I started selling weed/hash/mushrooms when I was 17, but it didn't take long to graduate to the hard drugs. By the time I was 18 I was traveling the province (I live in Canada) slanging crack. Later that year I was arrested. I refused to cooperate, and in my youthful ignorance plead guilty, accepting a two year federal sentence.

I spent my late teenage years in penitentiaries facing the same issues that I faced as a younger boy, violence and drugs. By this point I wasn't as easily intimidated, so I handled my situation in prison quite a bit better than I had in high school. Eventually I was released, however I fell into the trap, and was back inside prison walls in less than a year, for a parole violation.

Eventually I straightened out my lifestyle and began working low level labour jobs. I began to realize that I was able to do more with my life, and began adult education.

I started my studies from the grade 10 level, what 15 year olds are studying. No one thought that I would succeed, and they routinely told me that I was wasting my time. Despite the lack of any encouragement I followed my plan.

Now I've attained the prerequisites to enter my local universities engineering program. I'll start studying there in a few weeks.

Moral of the story: few lives begin in an ideal manner, but every day is a new beginning.

 

[lisab]

I think it's entirely normal for one to have regrets about their childhood/teenage years. I came from a broken home and experienced poverty first hand, ie, electricity turned off, heat turned off in the winter (we had to sit by the oven cranked up and open). I got involved in drugs at an early age, I first smoked crack @ 14, meth, mushrooms and weed followed. I remember stealing my mom's car with my buddy whilst eating magic mushrooms, it was all fun until we realized we were going the wrong way down a highway! Luckily we pulled to the shoulder and it ended up alright.

I dropped out of high school @ 15, mainly because I kept being robbed, threatened, and whatnot (joy of being white in a poor neighborhood). I started selling weed/hash/mushrooms when I was 17, but it didn't take long to graduate to the hard drugs. By the time I was 18 I was traveling the province (I live in Canada) slanging crack. Later that year I was arrested. I refused to cooperate, and in my youthful ignorance plead guilty, accepting a two year federal sentence.

I spent my late teenage years in penitentiaries facing the same issues that I faced as a younger boy, violence and drugs. By this point I wasn't as easily intimidated, so I handled my situation in prison quite a bit better than I had in high school. Eventually I was released, however I fell into the trap, and was back inside prison walls in less than a year, for a parole violation.

Eventually I straightened out my lifestyle and began working low level labour jobs. I began to realize that I was able to do more with my life, and began adult education.

I started my studies from the grade 10 level, what 15 year olds are studying. No one thought that I would succeed, and they routinely told me that I was wasting my time. Despite the lack of any encouragement I followed my plan.

Now I've attained the prerequisites to enter my local universities engineering program. I'll start studying there in a few weeks.

Moral of the story: few lives begin in an ideal manner, but every day is a new beginning.

That's really inspiring, GeneralSax. I know how hard you've worked to get where you are...it's not an easy road. I wish you the best of luck...and stick with PF for guidance and help if you need it, of course. And keep us posted !

 

[drizzle]

... Moral of the story: few lives begin in an ideal manner, but every day is a new beginning.

that’s nice, good luck with your courses

 

[Ghost803]

I understood what the kleenex and little violin were in cyrus's post, but anyone care to explain to me what the chunk of charcoal represents?

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Now I've attained the prerequisites to enter my local universities engineering program. I'll start studying there in a few weeks.

And so my joke falls flat. ;-p

Good luck to you Sax. Knock em dead. :-)

 

[jtbell]

The whining always continues. It's a right of passage.

So teenagers have an entitlement to whine?

 

[MATLABdude]

So teenagers have an entitlement to whine?

I believe it may actually be a requirement

 

[WiFO215]

To the OP. I'd be happy if I were in your boots. When I was younger, I was made to go to Carnatic (Indian classical) music classes. That class was a complete disaster. It lasted for 7 years. Although each year the hate for the music only grew, my parents thought that over time, I would begin to like it (and even be good at it!). It's now been 4 years since I quit those classes and I haven't listened to that music since. I can't stand that music at all.

Had I been introduced to math and science in the same way, my life would have been a tad bit different now.

It's not always a good thing that you are introduced to certain things young. Be happy you were free.

 

[GeorginaS]

So teenagers have an entitlement to whine?

It's in the job description.

 

[arunma]

To the OP. I'd be happy if I were in your boots. When I was younger, I was made to go to Carnatic (Indian classical) music classes. That class was a complete disaster. It lasted for 7 years. Although each year the hate for the music only grew, my parents thought that over time, I would begin to like it (and even be good at it!). It's now been 4 years since I quit those classes and I haven't listened to that music since. I can't stand that music at all.

Had I been introduced to math and science in the same way, my life would have been a tad bit different now.

It's not always a good thing that you are introduced to certain things young. Be happy you were free.

Of course there's another side to this as well. My parents were Indian immigrants to America. When I was a kid they didn't put me in any Indian music class, nor were they terribly involved in the Indian community. They didn't even teach me any Indian language. Most of my friends point out that I'm the whitest Indian they know. Don't get me wrong; I think my parents are great, but I do wish I had a nonzero connection to Indian culture. Maybe if your parents hadn't made you do the Carnatic music, you'd have resented that as well. Do give your parents a bit of credit, I'm sure they meant well.

Personally I'm of the opinion that if your parents give you three meals a day and don't make you work to pay any bills, you probably don't have that much to complain about.

 

[WiFO215]

Do give your parents a bit of credit, I'm sure they meant well.

I'm not complaining at all. I'm not even angry at them. I learned few other things in those classes. For example, they held drawing competitions for all the kids there, and I won those contests or came up second or something in most of them. From then on, I was encouraged to draw and develop an artsy side too, which I liked a lot. I'm just trying to tell the OP that just because one is pushed into something when one is young, one might not end up being the next child prodigy in that field.

 

[BioPhysicDino]

WarPhalange,
You have a good head on your shoulders! I especially like, "It's 2 years later and I can play some songs. I'm not good, but I enjoy it. So screw him."

Ehrenfest would do well to adopt your attitude.
Wishing you all the best! --Dino.

 

[WhoWee]

I have 4 kids and 1 of them is usually mad at me about something. I've learned a lot from them, specifically, whatever is wrong is usually either my fault or their mother's fault. Things are much different now, not like back in my day when the world was simple/lame/boring.

However, my all time favorite is that due to Evolution - my children are smarter than me.

So, please go easy on your parents - they're not as evolved as you.

 

[Mk]

Perhaps the OP would be interested in existentialism, or in the simpler concept of responsibility. You parents did not foster your interest in math? That's too bad. Now you can. :)

 

[i<3jc]

i hate my parents as well, today i was walking up the stairs and my 4 year old sister was walking behind me but she want so close, and suddenly she fell down the stairs, my parents started freaking out and yelling at me, cause apparently i caused this. And since the child them saying that she made up that she was holding my hand and i pusher her.. My mother has not stopped talking crap about how if something happens to her she's going to kill me herself and talking her usual crap. i find it discounting how she would do that. i have lost absolutely all my respect for my family and i absolutely hate them all.

 

[turbo]

i hate my parents as well, today i was walking up the stairs and my 4 year old sister was walking behind me but she want so close, and suddenly she fell down the stairs, my parents started freaking out and yelling at me, cause apparently i caused this. And since the child them saying that she made up that she was holding my hand and i pusher her.. My mother has not stopped talking crap about how if something happens to her she's going to kill me herself and talking her usual crap. i find it discounting how she would do that. i have lost absolutely all my respect for my family and i absolutely hate them all.

Dr. Phil might have an opening...

 

[Willowz]

Can I whine too? Oh I forgots, I do it all the time.