Science Humor: A Wide Selection

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The discussion centers around a variety of science-related humor, showcasing anecdotes, jokes, and humorous theories. A notable story involves a NASA team during the Apollo mission who encountered a Navajo sheep herder, leading to a humorous mistranslation of a message intended for the moon. Another highlight is Chuck Yeager's playful exaggeration about a design flaw in the Bell X-1 aircraft, which he humorously attributed to complex aerodynamics rather than a simple cable routing issue. The thread also features the "Dark Sucker Theory," humorously positing that light bulbs "suck dark" instead of emitting light, and a fictitious element called "administratium," which humorously critiques bureaucracy in science. Various jokes illustrate the intersection of humor and science, such as the classic question about the nature of hell, which leads to a clever thermodynamic analysis. Overall, the content blends clever scientific concepts with humor, appealing to those with an interest in both science and comedy.
  • #401
Yea i was thinking that too, but still, its all pretty hilarious.
 
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  • #402
Two Hydrogen Atoms Walk Into A Bar

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar and order beers.
One says to the other one, "You know I think I'm missing an electron."
The other one asks, "Are you sure?"
To which the first one replies, "Yeah, I'm positive."
 
  • #403
A limerick that I remember from some ancient book:

There was a young lady named Wright
Whose speed was far faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
 
  • #404
Two neutrinos walk through a bar...
 
  • #405
Danger said:
A limerick that I remember from some ancient book:

There was a young lady named Wright
Whose speed was far faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
No, Danger! I know this lady you speak of, and her name is Bright.
 
  • #406
And the limerick is featured in Stephan Hawking's "The Universe in a Nutshell".
 
  • #407
I think Hawking calls her Wright too!
 
  • #408
Some googling will show that the limerick is by Arthur Buller and was published in 1923. The woman's name was Bright in the original. Bright is unusual as a name, but ties in better with the theme of the limerick.
 
  • #409
Gokul43201 said:
No, Danger! I know this lady you speak of, and her name is Bright.

I know that, actually. I changed it because I think the original sounds kind of stupid. I hadn't actually consided the association with light that jimmy mentioned. Frankly, it's so old that I didn't expect anyone else to know it. I found it in a book that my dad had from his university days, and he graduated in 1927.
 
  • #410
Yo mama is so OLD that she STILL believes in luminiferous ether. :smile: :biggrin:
 
  • #411
Danger said:
Frankly, it's so old that I didn't expect anyone else to know it.
It's fairly well known. I think the first time I read it was in Newman's "The World of Mathematics."
 
  • #412
Declaration of Linear Independence

As a less serious piece of mathematics, David J. Grabiner wrote

When, in the course of a proof, it becomes necessary for a set to dissolve the argument which has connected it with a theorem, and to assume among the powers of mathematics a position above that of the mathematician, a decent respect for the axioms requires that a rigorous justification be given.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all nonzero vectors are created equal; that they are endowed by their definer with certain unalienable rights; that among these are the laws of logic and the pursuit of valid proofs; that to secure these rights, logical arguments are created, deriving their just powers from axioms; that whenever any argument becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the vectors to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new argument, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to reach the correct conclusion. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that theorems long established should not be changed for light and transient causes, and accordingly all experience hath shown that sets are more disposed to accept the conclusions of arguments than to right themselves by abolishing the arguments. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them to zero in a non-trivial way, it is their right, it is their duty to throw off such argument, and to provide new proofs for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of these vectors, and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter these arguments. The history of Professor Eigen is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of dependence among these vectors. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

. . . .

Dave's homepage - http://remarque.org/~grabiner/index.html
 
  • #413
Ivan Seeking said:
Hey, this really IS funny. Have you ever looked in on a class of freshman physics students taking a test on vectors and cross products?

All of the contortions remind me of interpretive dance.

This is too hilarious to not quote. So true!
 
  • #414
Code:
question = 0xFF;        // optimized Hamlet

From http://phd.pp.ru/Texts/fun/signatures.txt" . There are some real good ones there.
 
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  • #415
http://nothingbutnode.freehostia.com/images/Library/Mutant.jpg
http://nothingbutnode.freehostia.com/images/Library/expand.jpg

Very funny..lol!
 
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  • #416
My dermatologist was telling me today that he is very popular: People are just itching to see him.
 
  • #417
Ivan Seeking said:
My dermatologist was telling me today that he is very popular: People are just itching to see him.

UGH! Where is the snare drum high hat sound bite.

:smile:
 
  • #418
Ivan Seeking said:
My dermatologist was telling me today that he is very popular: People are just itching to see him.

I'm restarting my petition for a groan smiley. :rolleyes:
 
  • #419
An ancient Greek is at the window of the unemployment office.

Occupation?

I'm a stand-up philsopher

What's that?

I coelesce the vapors of human experience into a viable and comprehensible form.

Oh, you're a bullsh't artist! Did you bullsh't last week?

No.

Did you try to bullsh't last week?

Yes...
- History of the World, Part I
 
  • #420
We should start a new thread on Physics/Math Pick-up lines.

Is your name Avogadro because I need to know your number
 
  • #421
Ki Man said:
Is your name Avogadro because I need to know your number

Wow.. that's terrible. I hope for your sake that you never try and use that!
 
  • #422
MUST BE OVER 18 YEARS OLD TO READ FURTHER:(Ignore how old I am...)

The GibZ Conjecture

Let (a,b) represent the co-ordinates of my pants, and (x,y) the co-ordinates of Jessica Alba.

\lim_{a\to x, b\to y} \sqrt{(x-a)^2 + (y-b)^2} = HAPPY PERSON
 
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  • #423
On online chat: "I alway's use 100% recycled electrons"

Some where?: "anything new and exciting happen"
"When I moved I excited a few electrons ;)"
 
  • #424
O My we are nerds...=)
 
  • #425
One day Heisenburg desides to go out for a drive, when soon afterwards he is pulled over by a policeman.

Policeman: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?

Heisenburg: No, but I do know where I am.
 
  • #426
At what point in orbit does Uranus have it's maximum radial velocity?

















At the semi latus rectum.
 
  • #427
cristo said:
Wow.. that's terrible. I hope for your sake that you never try and use that!

dangit... that was supposed to be my one-liner for hitting on undergrad physics majors...
 
  • #428
Ki Man said:
We should start a new thread on Physics/Math Pick-up lines...



I want to test your limit and see if we converge. :cool:
 
  • #429
I see you are reflecting photons towards me

You have the most interesting number; mind telling me.

I like your pick up line Gale
 
  • #430
Here are some other math pickup lines that have actually been used on me... .


Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I am around you...

So, can i lie tangent to your curves?
I think i'd rather bisect your angles.


Can I explore your mean value?
If so I'll take you to the limit as x approaches infinity.
 
  • #431
What kind of nerdy-ass guys do you get hitting on you?

If your going to geek-out at least make it awesome, like "I wish I was your problem set, because then I'd be really hard, and you'd be doing me on the desk. "
or
"int[2x,x,10,13]? "

kind of hard to pronounce that last one. online pickups only.ok, well this isn't a math pick up line per se..your mama's so fat she has a proper subgroup isomorphic to herself
 
  • #432
a math romance
They integrated from the very point of origin. Her curves were continuous, and even though he was odd, he was a real number. The day their lines first intersected, they became an ordered pair. From then on it was a continuous function. They were both in their prime, so in next to no time they were horizontal and parallel. She was awed by the magnitude of his perpendicular line, and he was amazed by her conical projections. "Bisect my angle!" she postulated each time she reached her local maximum. He taught her the chain rule as she implicitly defined the amplitude of his simple harmonic motion. They underwent multiple rotations of their axes, until at last they reached the vertex, the critical point, their finite limit. After that they slept like logs. Later she found him taking a right-handed limit, that was a problem, because it was an improper form. He meanwhile had realized that she was irrational, not to mention square. She approached her ex, so they diverged.

i don't even understand most of the terms used in that one. but I like puns.
 
  • #433
hahahaha, that last one is pretty amusing. I've had the math problem line used one me... but it could be used for any subject, so not my cuppa tea.

And obviously, the kind of nerdy-ass guys that hit on me are suave, sophisticated types with great lines that are sure to get them into a lady's pants... duh.
 
  • #434
siddharth said:
Code:
question = 0xFF;        // optimized Hamlet

From http://phd.pp.ru/Texts/fun/signatures.txt" . There are some real good ones there.

another one I liked from that page (thanks for linking it!):
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary
mathematics and those who don't.
 
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  • #435
e^x and a constant are walking down the street when they see a differential operator coming towards them. "Oh no!" yells the constant. "I need to run away before it catches me and reduces me to 0!" But e^x just laughs and calls out, "Do your worst! I'm e^x." The differential operator smiles and says, "That's nice. I'm dx/dy."
 
  • #436
A guy joined the Physics and Math help forum, trying to get some help concerning some scientific questions.
 
  • #437
Nick666 said:
A guy joined the Physics and Math help forum, trying to get some help concerning some scientific questions.
Very good one indeed :smile:
 
  • #438
Three Indian women are sitting side by side. The first, sitting on a goatskin, has a son who weighs 170 pounds. The second, sitting on a deerskin, has a son who weighs 130 pounds. The third, seated on a hippopotamus hide, weighs 300 pounds. What famous theorem does this illustrate?

Naturally, the answer is that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.

Sorry! I just had to post this one.
 
  • #439
Two mathematician, Frank an Jeremy, walk into a bar. They see an attractive blond waitress. Frank says to Jeremy he reckons she's a dumb blonde. Jeremy doesn't believe in stereotypes and challenges him to a bet, to see whether she can get a relatively simple maths question right. After a few beers, Frank needs to re-cycle his drinks. While he's in the bathroom, Jeremy calls the waitress over. He explains the bet to her, and tells her he will ask her what the integral of x is. Then he tells her the answer she should give is a 1/2x^2. He makes her repeat this several times until he's sure she's got it. He then gives her a large tip and dismisses her. Frank returns shortly. Jeremy calls over the waitress and say "My friend here thinks your just a dumb blonde, but I disagree. We had little bet over the matter. If you correctly answer the bet, Frank here loses. Ok, what is the integral of x?" The waitress replies ''1/2x^2''. Jeremy gives Frank a smug look and Frank grudgingly hands over the money. The waitress takes a long, hard look at both of the mathematicians. She turns around, walks a few metres away, the stares at them, giving them a really dirty look. She then says "plus a constant".

I think the point of the joke was to get us to remember to add aconstant after integrating. It got a big laugh, but I'm not sure if it worked.
 
  • #440
My favorite dumb blond joke is by Dolly Parton concerning the stereotyped role she played on the Grand Ole Opry.

Dolly Parton said:
The dumb blond act didn't bother me because I know I'm not dumb," she said, "and I know I'm not blond, either.
 
  • #441
qspeechc, I think the real point of the joke was to show that attractive blond waitresses will do whatever you want for an appropriate tip :P
 
  • #442
Gib Z said:
qspeechc, I think the real point of the joke was to show that attractive blond waitresses will do whatever you want for an appropriate tip :P

I think you can removed "attractive and blonde" from this statement. Any waitress wants a tip and will do things like that to get one, especially american waitresses who appear to be paid in peanuts!

The point of the story is that blonde attractive girls are not necessarily stupid.
 
  • #443
cristo said:
I think you can removed "attractive and blonde" from this statement. Any waitress wants a tip and will do things like that to get one, especially american waitresses who appear to be paid in peanuts!

The point of the story is that blonde attractive girls are not necessarily stupid.

My post was a joke =P I'm sure you get it, think about it more :)
 
  • #444
You've probably all heard this/might not think it's funny but I laughed:
Mathematician's wife: You don't love me anymore! All you care about is your work!
Mathematician: That's not true of course I love you!
Mathematician's wife: Then prove it!
Mathematician: Well first we assume the contrary - let L be the set of all loveable objects...
 
  • #445
if bigger is better why go nano?
 
  • #446
tko_gx said:
if bigger is better why go nano?

To become invisible :)
 
  • #447
State of the art physics

Let's not be shy. It's time to start a new scientific revolution :wink:.
 

Attachments

  • #448
Q: What is the difference between physics and biology?
A: In physics, vectors carry indices, while in biology vectors carry in disease.
 
  • #449
Heisenberg was traveling down the autobahn in his souped up mercedes changing the radio and contemplating his navel when, all of a sudden, he sees the lights of a police car behind him. After getting over his disappointment over not being able to put in the new radio even though he had just removed the old one, he decided whether or not to pull over. Heisenberg was in a repentant mood that day, so he pulled over.

"Do you know how fast you were going?" Said the officer.

"No, but 8 \frac{\mbox{heisenberg driving jokes}}{\mbox{thread}}"
 
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  • #450
How can you tell if an engineer is an extravert?

He looks at your shoes when he talks to you.
 

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