Science Humor: A Wide Selection

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Reshma said:


Very funny..lol![/QUOTE]

Haha! Took me a couple of seconds to get the second one.
 
Ivan Seeking said:
How can you tell if an engineer is an extravert?

He looks at your shoes when he talks to you.

please eplain that, do engineers look at our own feet when we talk?
 
Integral said:
After that last one it is open season.

See if you can find one worse then this:

To celebrate Halloween, all the math teachers and professors got together for a big costume party. Each dressed up as their favorite math function. One particularly mean and eccentric math professor dressed up as the derivative. He ran up to the teacher dressed as cos(x) and yelled "I derive you!" The teacher tore off his costume and scurried off looking for a -sin(x) costume. The prof ran up to another teacher who was dressed as 4x^5 and yelled "I derive you!" The teacher tore off his costume and went scurrying off, looking for a 20x^4 costume. The prof ran up to a 3rd teacher and screamed "I derive you!" The teacher just stood there with his arms crossed. "Didn't you hear me?! I DERIVE YOU!" he shouted. Again, the teacher stood there, but with a smug expression on his face. "I derive you! I derive you! I derive you!" the professor shouted while jumping up and down. The teacher looked at him and said "derive me all you want. I'm e^x."

I don't get the punch line
 
Wild Angel said:
I don't get the punch line
The derivative of e^x is e^x, so the teacher wasn't changed by the mean professor. (or did I take you too seriously?)
 
jimmysnyder said:
The derivative of e^x is e^x, so the teacher wasn't changed by the mean professor. (or did I take you too seriously?)

No..I really didnt understand the punchline .Thanks:smile:
 
Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a hiker?

A: You can't. A mosquito is a vector, and a hiker is a scalar.
 
"..mass and energy are like two sides of the same coin: the cosmic teller isn't worried about which side is face-up on his counter..."

or "mass is the get-out-of-jail card for energy when it wants to escape and go somewhere, but it has to leave the card behind, and it gets re-captured eventually"
 
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James Bond

An evil scientist has James Bond strapped down to a large rotating disc (in classic fashion).

Evil Scientist: Mr. Bond, this disc will begin rotating and the arising centrifugal force will crush every bone in your body!

Bond: Centrifugal force is simply a myth taught by overzealous science teachers. It does not exist.

Evil Scientist: On the contrary Mr. Bond, with a simple change in the coordinate system and the inertial reference frame, the centrifugal force will exist.

Bond: Well do you expect me to do coordinate system calculations in my head while strapped to a giant disc!?

Evil Scientist: No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!
 
Ryo124 said:
An evil scientist has James Bond strapped down to a large rotating disc (in classic fashion).

Evil Scientist: Mr. Bond, this disc will begin rotating and the arising centrifugal force will crush every bone in your body!

Bond: Centrifugal force is simply a myth taught by overzealous science teachers. It does not exist.

Evil Scientist: On the contrary Mr. Bond, with a simple change in the coordinate system and the inertial reference frame, the centrifugal force will exist.

Bond: Well do you expect me to do coordinate system calculations in my head while strapped to a giant disc!?

Evil Scientist: No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!

lol! Reminds me of the batman cartoons =]
 
BigRedDot said:
Two neutrinos go through a bar...
motai said:
...and as they walked into the bar they were ignored by all of the other particles. Finally a bartender neutron stumbled upon them and said "hey 'lil dudes, up for some punch?" "Ill show you some punch!" the little neutrino said. Little neutrino got so pissed off at the service of the bar that it smashed into the neutron, causing it to collapse into protons and electrons.

A riot broke out until a rogue neutron hit a uranium atom, causing the entire bar to explode in a gigantic fireball.

Wow. That's really funny. http://www.turboconnection.com/pics/smilies/ummslow.gif
 
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Make my day...

customer: "Is that the helpdesk? Yeah my mouse isn't working, it's right at the edge of the desk and I can't move it any further, what should I do?"

helpdesk: "Have you tried switching your PC off and on a few times at the wall? Or formatting the hard drive? See if that helps...('chortle')"
 
While working on a CAT scanner [and while still quite young] I was called into the photo lab to view an x-ray of a certain uniquely male appendage with a broken bone inside! It seemed that the poor guy got a little carried away and actually broke his bone, bone. I really couldn’t believe what I was seeing, but there was the x-ray on the lightboard and a couple of techs and a radiologist were telling me the story, so I didn’t know what to think. This was most surprising and perplexing! I found it very hard to believe that I had never heard about this bone before.

Take Play-Doh and mold it around a broken chicken bone and into the appropriate shape. X-ray; show to new students and techs.
 
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The truth about what?

There is such a thing as 'truth': it refers to "an objective ontological state of affairs".

If you never look for the truth, how can you really know what is true and what is not?
We realize that the truth, is "just the innate duty" to seek an "answer", which is 'usually' the truth.
However, we quickly realize that sometimes ignorance is bliss, and we can live with a 'little' truth.
Is there a 'truthful' way to define truth? Is the only truth that truth cannot 'be' defined? Or is it the truth that there are 'several ways' to define truth?
Are any of these statements 'not' true?
It is not true that only 'some' things are true; it's that truth can only be applied 'sparingly'. There is no 'claim' that a perspective 'qualifies' as true, merely that perspectives 'exist'.
Who is driving 'pursuit' of the truth?

A 'little old lady' from Pasadena.

(--collated from posts by 'philosophers' here at GD Philosophy thread physicsforum.com)
 
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Not a joke, but a "mind-boggler":

Three brothers go to a restaurant, have a meal and get the bill.

The bill is $25, so with no even change, the brothers hand the waiter $10 each.

The waiter gives each brother $1 back, and keeps $2 for himself.

So each brother payed $9 ($27), and the waiter kept $2, where is the extra dollar?
 
Wild Angel said:
Try this website for some really funny jokes. http://www.telepk.com/jokes/

I went to this website and right away my virus scanner popped up with a mention of a virus/malware in my temporary internet files folder. Coincidence, maybe, maybe not.
 
Originally Posted by Some stonking great ninny

'This therefore is the root of your problem. Your "therefore" is unjustified because you supply a definition of "It" which does not in fact accurately describe "It"... make this clear from the first inclusion of any such term.'
 
Here is a good one.

http://dura.cell.free.fr/home/images/maths.jpg
 
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I'm guessing most everyone has seen this, but in case not:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/scientists_create_largest_novelty_atom
 
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Sorry I haven't read them all and if someone has already said this one I apologise.

What do you call a joke involving Cobalt, Radon and Yttrium?

CoRnY
 
I love xkcd.com.

Great science and math comics.
 
I am sure that someone already posted this one but I got this one:

Two atoms meet and have a talk:
Atom1: Hey, how are you doing?
Atom2: Well not so good, I think I lost an electron.
Atom1: Are you sure?
Atom2: Positive!
 
Binary Sudoku
 

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Tachyonie said:
I am sure that someone already posted this one but I got this one:

Two atoms meet and have a talk:
Atom1: Hey, how are you doing?
Atom2: Well not so good, I think I lost an electron.
Atom1: Are you sure?
Atom2: I'm Positive!
10 chars
 
http://halowiki.ontoprise.de/halowiki/index.php/Helicase#Pop_Culture" a microbiologist pickup line:

“If I were an enzyme, I would be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.”
⚛​
 
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