I often wonder people's life in developed countries, not for the recreational activities or big houses, but that the people there are encouraged to pursue what they want and to turn their individual dreams into reality. I have long been fascinated by physics, and maths, and have been dreaming about becoming a theoretical physicist, working on high energy physics or cosmology. However, reality seems to be that I don't have much chance to be an outstanding physicist and this makes me feel depressed. I don't know what to do next, and really hope to get some advice from you. In this year after the summer holiday, I am going to apply to various universities in UK. Last year I still had hope of applying to Cambridge, one of the best universities in the UK, but now I feel I have completely messed up my study. I am not a native speaker in English, and it often makes feel awkward to talk to British and American people because I feel embarrassed for my weird accent and my inability to express myself. Perhaps because of my poor communication skills, my application tutor dislike me.Application tutor is extremely important because they write recommendation letters, and these are of great weight to anyone's application. It made me feel stressed and, with also pressure from my peers, I lost my study habit and lost a lot of sleep. Consequently, I did not do well on my exams, and poor grades put me into a situation that I will be accepted only by universities with low quality. I know academic career put a great emphasis on the university one studied at as an undergraduate, and more importantly being at a poor university make it unlikely I will get into good graduate schools. I have so many challenges ahead : I have virtually no communication skills with native English speakers; my social skills are poor; my level of understanding of maths and physics is still far from comparable to my elite peers in the US and UK; my own country is extremely political to an extent that politics has penetrated throughout universities which means I will not be able to pursue a real physics career in my own country.......All of these make me feel having no future. Should I stop thinking about pursuing my interests in physics, and think more about how be find a job after university?