Should I even bother calling this girl?

[Upisoft]

It's her life. Be a man and move on, even if it hurts you for a while. Obsessing about the men she is dating won't do any good.

Yep, it's her life. And it happened more than 20 years ago. It's only a memory about a mistake I've made. It's not an obsession.

 

[GeorginaS]

You know I'm right with that dialog.

Sorry, I don't know either of the people who are speaking in your fictional conversation, so I do not know whether or not you are right or wrong about the things those fictitious people say.

And privs, that privileges, moderator privs. And that's ok to me. Don't mind at all.

Again, please clarify. I'm getting the impression that you seem to think the women on this forum are given more leeway than the men. Do I understand you correctly?

(2) The dialog I wrote doesn't mean I'm against it but rather I wanted to illustrate how we all are in general (there are exceptions). I'm just as much a dog as other men.

"how we all are in general". You realize that statement is a total fallacy, right? Because "we" are not "all" anything "in general" as it pertains to who we're attracted to and who we choose to socialise with.

It seems to me that you -- by your own admission, here, with the "everyone in general" thing -- that women will overlook everything else about a partner in favour of some material wealth. I'll tell you what: I can buy my own very nice car, thank you very much.

I don't know one woman who would engage in your nonsense conversation nor do I know one woman who would say and/or think, "ugh, that guy is disgusting, but he drives an expensive car". Not. One.

Your made-up conversations tell us far more about you than they tell us about the human condition in general.

Back on topic: Topher, did you call her?

 

[DanP]

Yep, it's her life. And it happened more than 20 years ago. It's only a memory about a mistake I've made. It's not an obsession.

It seems that it still affects you ... after 20 years. That phrase about "enduring" the men coming after you, and saying "at least she lives 1h away.." ,you almost succeeded in conveying pain in a medium where is hard to transmit emotions. Let it go. What you did was no mistake.

It would have been a mistake not to take you chances with her.

 

[Upisoft]

It seems that it still affects you ... after 20 years. That phrase about "enduring" the men coming after you, and saying "at least she lives 1h away.." ,you almost succeeded in conveying pain in a medium where is hard to transmit emotions. Let it go. What you did was no mistake.

It would have been a mistake not to take you chances with her.

She was living next door. I knew her very well and I knew what will happen. She never married, I did. In fact I have a kid and I'm waiting for second one. She is still destroying her relationships before it starts smelling like marriage. So, it was mistake to give her a chance. Stupid brain chemistry!

 

[jackmell]

Again, please clarify. I'm getting the impression that you seem to think the women on this forum are given more leeway than the men. Do I understand you correctly?

No. Not at all. You're too serious. I was playing and I'm happy to see some of the females in here as mentors. I actually like seeing them with that status.

"how we all are in general". You realize that statement is a total fallacy, right? Because "we" are not "all" anything "in general" as it pertains to who we're attracted to and who we choose to socialise with.

Ok. You're right. We're not "all the same". I'm speaking in general terms and I believe that dialog is in general an accurate reflection of the average behavior of many men and women although not if you take it to extremes for example, a nice car won't make up for a man that is particularly un-appealing to a woman, but even that, still some women I believe would overlook his appearance for the "security" his success would bring her especially if she's divorced with little prospects and has a child.

I don't know one woman who would engage in your nonsense conversation nor do I know one woman who would say and/or think, "ugh, that guy is disgusting, but he drives an expensive car". Not. One.

I disagree. I think many women would engage in that conversation, but again, not if taken to extremes.

Also Ms. Georgina, in the 400-something posts I've made in here, I have never been rude, inappropriate, or offensive to any women in here. I really have much respect for all of you. However, I have said things in play that might have been taken wrongly. In the words of a buddhist monk about his wife: "in many ways she is the source of my strength" and I believe that very much. :)

 

[DanP]

I'll tell you what: I can buy my own very nice car, thank you very much.

No doubt you can. But an expensive car is a good accessory for a man, a nice peacock tail. It won't work the magic , but it will help many times to stand out from the crowd.

Besides, good cars have their magic in themselves for man. Sleek, fast, strong, a pleasure to have one :P

 

[Evo]

Closing and cleaning up.

 

[Topher925]

Well, it turns out I am full of crap and was completely wrong and all of you were right. She definitely turned out to not be the kind of girl I expected and I ended up having a lot of fun.

 

[Evo]

Yay!

 

[lisab]

Nice, Topher!

 

[Astronuc]

Well, it turns out I am full of crap and was completely wrong and all of you were right. She definitely turned out to not be the kind of girl I expected and I ended up having a lot of fun.

Way to go - and what Evo and lisab said.

 

[GeorginaS]

What Astronuc, Evo, and lisab said.

 

[jackmell]

Well, it turns out I am full of crap and was completely wrong and all of you were right. She definitely turned out to not be the kind of girl I expected and I ended up having a lot of fun.

Wait a minute, just wait a minute! You know what that sounds like? Dare I say something and just get more pounded on? But I feel I must. You know Topher, when two people first get together, well, and they like each other, and they wanna' have fun, well, they sometimes try too hard and well, maybe sometimes they do things that are really not themselves just so that the other person will like them. Not saying you guys did that, but only that happens. They sometimes don't show their true colors, just to "cooperate" and get along: "yeah yeah, I went to the game cus' you like football but now that we've been seeing each other for a while, I really don't like football and don't wanna' go anymore!" That happens you know. You and she be yourself from the very start.

 

[DanP]

Wait a minute, just wait a minute! You know what that sounds like? Dare I say something and just get more pounded on? But I feel I must. You know Topher, when two people first get together, well, and they like each other, and they wanna' have fun, well, they sometimes try too hard and well, maybe sometimes they do things that are really not themselves just so that the other person will like them. Not saying you guys did that, but only that happens. They sometimes don't show their true colors, just to "cooperate" and get along: "yeah yeah, I went to the game cus' you like football but now that we've been seeing each other for a while, I really don't like football and don't wanna' go anymore!" That happens you know. You and she be yourself from the very start.

Give him a break, he only seen her once :P

 

[jackmell]

Give him a break, he only seen her once :P

I'm just tryin' to say that people need to be on guard for that. So suppose a guy likes to drink, a lot in fact and he meets this woman he likes alot. They go to dinner and well, he uses every ounce of courage to just order one beer cus' he wants to impress her (and hide his true colors). Well, what she "sees" is nice to her. I mean one beer ain't no bad. But she needs to be on guard and if she spots him lustfully eye-ballin' that pitcher of beer the couple on the table next to them just ordered, well, that's a red-flag. Quick, get out girl while you still have a chance and you've not yet given your heart to him because if you wait then you'll just be more willing to accept what will ultimately turn into a disaster.

 

[Moonbear]

Well, it turns out I am full of crap and was completely wrong and all of you were right. She definitely turned out to not be the kind of girl I expected and I ended up having a lot of fun.

Woo hoo! By the way, an hour drive apart isn't really that far in the grand scheme of things. When I first met my boyfriend, we lived an hour and a half apart (on days when there wasn't any traffic). With an hour drive between you, there are a lot of ways to handle the dating (assuming that's the direction this is heading). You can visit her, she can visit you, you can both meet at places halfway in the middle. When I first started dating my boyfriend, if I wanted to see him on week nights, I visited him, because that was the direction opposite the rush hour traffic. On weekends, he'd come see me. Though, if one of us got more busy than the other, the one who was least busy did the driving so the other could spend more time getting work done rather than traveling.

(Of course, we have a pretty non-traditional relationship, so I wouldn't recommend this for everyone. We spent a lot of years living 12-14 hours apart too, and now are down to 8 hours apart...it works for us now, but we've also gone through our rough patches and breakups due to the types of miscommunications that used to be pretty easy to get into before the days of video chat; seeing each other faces during conversations makes it a lot easier to know when we're joking or serious, etc.)

Have you visited her again, or are you just getting to know each other over the phone right now?

 

[DanP]

(Of course, we have a pretty non-traditional relationship, so I wouldn't recommend this for everyone. We spent a lot of years living 12-14 hours apart too, and now are down to 8 hours apart...it works for us now, but we've also gone through our rough patches and breakups due to the types of miscommunications that used to be pretty easy to get into before the days of video chat; seeing each other faces during conversations makes it a lot easier to know when we're joking or serious, etc.)

Apart the fact that this is not for everyone psychologically speaking, it;s also cost prohibitive for most ppl. Traveling far costs a lot of money. I've commuted for several years between my country and UK for work. Eventually I got hooked up with a girl there, and even with the bulk of my plane tickets covered by the company I was consulting for I could not afford to fly as often as I wanted or spend as much time as I would have liked there with her. She only came one time in Romania, and we met several times in other countries. This was spring 2003- spring 2004 . By late April 2004 we split and went separate ways. I've spent a *lot* of money in that year. But it was nice, and worth it and I don't regret a a dime.

 

[Moonbear]

Apart the fact that this is not for everyone psychologically speaking, it;s also cost prohibitive for most ppl. Traveling far costs a lot of money. I've commuted for several years between my country and UK for work. Eventually I got hooked up with a girl there, and even with the bulk of my plane tickets covered by the company I was consulting for I could not afford to fly as often as I wanted or spend as much time as I would have liked there with her. She only came one time in Romania, and we met several times in other countries. This was spring 2003- spring 2004 . By late April 2004 we split and went separate ways. I've spent a *lot* of money in that year. But it was nice, and worth it and I don't regret a a dime.

No kidding! We're fortunate that he does live in the same area where the few members of my family I actually like to visit live. I would be traveling that way for holidays anyway (it's generally expensive to pick up and move someplace where none of your relatives are and have no desire to visit). So, it's only the intervening visits that add up. When I had less money and more time, he helped pay the cost of travel while I did the traveling. That always seemed like a reasonable trade-off. But we do have times when we go 6 months without seeing each other, yet talk every day or nearly every day. The rough spots are when our schedules conflict so badly we can't even talk daily (that's going on now...the nights he's in, I'm buried in work until late, and the nights I'm home, he has client dinners). On the positive side, there is no doubt that he's not in it just for the sex. But, hey, we're still better off than people in the military...when we really miss each other too much, we find a way to fit in a visit...my friend with a husband deployed in the military doesn't have that option.

This all started because neither of us wanted to hold back the other from pursuing the careers we wanted; neither of us would be very good at "following" a spouse for jobs. We do both keep our eyes open for opportunities closer together, but our careers aren't very compatible for finding work in the same area.

 

[stonecoldgen]

what can you loose?

 

[DBTS]

Over-thinking something you know little about? He can lose possibly money, dignity, self-respect, and a slew of thoughts entering his mind of self-pointed failures... He is over-thinking a tiny situation of "incompatibility" based on a, from what I inferred, one time meeting. Come on! Do not judge so quickly man. You are jumping into marriage or an actual serious relationship without ever going on the first date!