Shyness a factor for unsuccessful career?

[Cyrus]

This has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever read. If you're trying to give a guy tips on building confidence, what good does it to do to put him down and tell him he's "wayyy to soft"? If you've got advice to give, give it and then if you've got nothing else good to say, don't say anything.

When he joins a gym, he is going to interact with people. Some of those people might be big and intimidating. But when he talks to them he's going to realize that they are just as nice as anyone else. Also, he will get some exercise and be healthy.

I said he's way too soft, because it appears that he is. He let's people walk all over him infront of everyone else. I am being straight with the guy.

 

[BillJx]

A sport might be a good idea, especially one that 1) has the potential for life-long involvement if you take to it 2) develops your confidence without pushing you too far beyond your comfort zone 3) connects you with people you relate to, rather than to aggressive jocks.

Judo comes to mind. It's not a loner sport like distance running, but not a group sport like softball. It's hands-on, interactive, and you progress at your own pace. And it's fun. I'm not telling you to join a Judo club necessarily! Just offering it as an illustrative idea.

Ignore the ignorant "introvert - unsuccessful person" remark . It's typical of a certain type of extrovert who lacks insight into other people. I think introversion / extroversion are believed to be related to the way we process information. Appreciate who you are, both types have their strengths and their rewards.

In any case, introversion is different from shyness, although introverts naturally get less interpersonal practice than extroverts. As your social skills grow you'll find that you can operate in both styles, but if you're a true introvert you'll always have a part of yourself that's difficult to share, and that extroverts seem to lack.

 

[JasonRox]

This has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever read. If you're trying to give a guy tips on building confidence, what good does it to do to put him down and tell him he's "wayyy to soft"?

Believe it or not. Working out does help build confidence, so it's good advice.

 

[Astronuc]

Gentlemen, I believe AKG was responding to the comment "wayyy to soft".

Certainly exercise is very helpful in many ways, and I don't think AKG disputed that point.

 

[proton]

"Judo comes to mind. It's not a loner sport like distance running, but not a group sport like softball. It's hands-on, interactive, and you progress at your own pace. And it's fun. I'm not telling you to join a Judo club necessarily! Just offering it as an illustrative idea."
I just checked that my community center offers a karate class. I'll probably sign up for that class.

 

[Cyrus]

Sounds like a good idea. Hopefully it will toughen you up a bit too.

 

[russ_watters]

Sports are good - I don't know about a gym. I'm in my own little world when I'm working out and I don't talk to anyone unless we're sharing equipment.

 

[TuviaDaCat]

"Judo comes to mind. It's not a loner sport like distance running, but not a group sport like softball. It's hands-on, interactive, and you progress at your own pace. And it's fun. I'm not telling you to join a Judo club necessarily! Just offering it as an illustrative idea."
I just checked that my community center offers a karate class. I'll probably sign up for that class.

search for judo, its much more fun, its not good for self defense, but its much more fun than just pointing fists as if they were real(which is better than real heh..). also it gives you great fitness, u use almost every muscle in your body.

hmm btw, the way i reduced my shyness was to just stop caring what people may say(usually its just in your mind), and stop comparing myself to others, though I am still young so its still in progress. just brainwash yourself to not care, every time you think about your position comparing to others, just cut that line of thought.btw, i don't really get why many of you people think its necessary for one to communicate with all beings... one should be social only when he is genuinely interested...
i mean, I am quiet near most people(besides friends), since i have nothing to say to them that will interest them, and they have nothing to say to me that will interest me...

 

[proton]

Yeah I found a karate place that offered a good deal, so I'll try that out. My dad also had the same shyness problem before and he got better by joining the Toastmasters, so I'll try that as well. Thanks for the advice everyone!

 

[moose]

Believe it or not. Working out does help build confidence, so it's good advice.

I've seen the difference with a few people. I knew this kid over the summer who at first was extremely shy and never spoke with anyone. He started working out and less than a week in, he was already more confident.

 

[BillJx]

Yeah I found a karate place that offered a good deal, so I'll try that out. My dad also had the same shyness problem before and he got better by joining the Toastmasters, so I'll try that as well. Thanks for the advice everyone!

That's great Pro!

I'm really not trying to push you here (although it sounds like it even to me) but my reason for suggesting judo wasn't for self defense or fitness, although they are good reasons as well. It was more because of the contact aspect. You get to really throw and get thrown, and wrestle your opponent into hold-downs on the mat. I think a friendly contact sport does a lot to loosen you up socially. And it breaks the ice with your fellow members. Judo also seems to appeal to a less macho type of person, although that depends very much on the club. I know that some martial arts clubs are more into the Rambo tough-guy thing than others.

Macho? I went to work in the logging camps in 1968, with guys who'd been working since grade 8. These were guys who had learned to log before the days of hard hats, rubber rain clothes or chain saws. And none of them had that Rambo swagger. A few of the 18 year old kids did. Some of the toughest people I've known have been gentle and generous.

Whatever you decide to do, the results of your efforts will give you confidence. Nothing builds self esteem better than achievement.