Idk if this is the forum to turn to or even if its the correct forum thread thingy. In that case i apologize in advance. I got no where else to turn to, and I really have hoped to gain some answers somewhere. I have a lot of problems with physics. I'm starting to only now get A's in most of my classes after a long struggle with basic calculus (mostly getting 2x+2x=-5x (over exaggeration) on tests. Like I would answer every question and understand the mathematical concept etc etc. But i would fail(get less than an A or B) on the tests because I missed some ridiculously basic concepts. I would go find the taylor series for this one word problem but get stuck on integrating something really stupidly simple like sin^2(x). ) Currently I'm in my junior year of physics(i hope) taking Advanced Mechanics, Advanced EM, Math physics, etc. etc.I have about 1 year and a half after this semester to go. To make the story short. Most of the time when i go to my classes the material depresses me. I get upset that I can't immediately grasp and perfect the material in front of me that my professors are expecting me to do. I have this idea that if im not Acing my physics classes, I'm failing, in the eyes of Academia and the rest of the physics community. If i forget a simple concept like Taylor series, or gradients, I'm seen as weird or moronic. That I'm not fitting the mold of the average physics student/physicist. I should instead be a genius walking into the class, barley study, and walk out with full A's and a smile on my face as if nothing is amiss. When I sit down to study, sometimes I get so depressed and full of anxiety that I'm not flying through the material that I get up, walk around the room and distract myself to try be able to keep studying. This leads to a paradox, because if I'm not studying I get depressed that I'm slacking off. If I'm not getting smarter while I'm studying I get depressed. I then counteract this by getting depressed about getting depressed which leads me to just ignore my depression and focus soley on the task at hands. Exploring mathematics and questions in general can lead to me be calm if I turn off my brain. I'm currently doing research with my Astrophysics professor and every time I can't solve how to program one of the models for my research or immediately learn the python commands that I never once used or was instructed on I get this look from my professor like "why don't you just know that?". I get worried that by upsetting my initial(6 months) reputation with him that It might be harder for me to eventually publish a paper in my senior year(which I most certainly need for a masters/Ph.D) and maintain this relationship. I should be absoutley the best possibly prodigy student around my professor yet I feel as if I'm not which is a problem. I'm thinking about getting several more research professors so I can managed at least 3-5 papers published before my undergrads are finished. I don''t think anyone. Not the internet, Nor my adviser. Has told me of the career prospects of someone doing a job in physics that has not done exceedingly well in physics. (A's or all F's) Considering that I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years and plan to marry , and have kids after College, a stable financial job position is one of my primary goals. My adviser can tend to ignore or tangent most of my questions. In some cases he would blank out staring into space while I told him of such a problem. Even my research professor tends to do this sometimes. Although not for personals problems, he would completely ignore my question regarding the research after asking for about 30 seconds and give a completely unrelated question like he assumed that I had some common issue. He ignored me and subjected to believing that my question that no importance most likely(at least I feel this way when people give unrelated answers(i understand this may not be the case, but regardless its frustrating when people don't listen)) The last important point that correlates to all of this is my supposed Autism. If the field of physics revolves around ordinary people, people who are social and use their social skills to gain favors, progress research, grant funds, be good teachers, show off their intellectual fruits, and play the political game of the university/government, then surly I will suffer. At least I will suffer in a period of long enough time where I fear society will deem it unacceptable/unprofitable. I think society views Autism as a burden and therefore should natural oppose it,even when they say they don't.(peoples opinions about their bodies don't also align with their way their body works. peoples opinions don't also align with reality most of the time. peoples opinions are garbage without science or evidence.) This I'm not too sure of, but last time I checked people who were Autistic had depression due to well... being basically ostracized by society . Which is a human reaction. They also had low employment rates due to well... being basically ostracized by society therefore not being able to properly find a Job, and also some depression. I was diagnosed with Autism multiple times as a child, and nearly sent to a mental hospital for it. School was a major issue for me because of it. Frankly, I don't want anyone to really know about that and I think its safe to say I will never bring it up in a job setting. Same with Atheism I suppose. I think it hinders my intelligence greatly, but at the same time I wish i had Asperger so I could be a genius like Einstein or Hawking and have physics be easy for me. I have other deep physcological problems that contribute to my Autism/depression being worse as well. Anyways, I tried to make the story short and failed miserably. I thought I would bring as much data as possible to get the most efficient response I suppose.