The only women ever interested in me were in relationships.

[DanP]

... Are you saying you wouldn't have any friendships with women?

Ppl make from man -women friendships too much of a pain than it really is. The problem is not that a man and woman cannot be friends. The problem is that most of those friendships are not really friendships. In many of those cases, a man and a woman are friends for all the wrong reasons. One of them hopes to be more than friends, and the other doesn't care for that. So rather than being a friendship, it's one of them being friends with the other in the hope that time will change something. Most of the times it doesn't happen.

So what I tell ppl is to be honest about it. Make up your mind what you want from another person, a friend or a girlfriend. If you want to have sex with her, you are way better off trying to get her, and move on if you fail. Don't settle for idiotic friendships for all the wrong reasons. Don't be concerned with what she will think about you, of cheap drama like " I thought you are better than this", "I thought you like me for what I am, and enjoy my company", they are all bull. It is important to be honest to yourself, and live to your own expectations in the first place, not to other ppl expectations. This is IMO important for both man and woman.

And because you asked me directly a personal question, let me respond to it. As it happens all of my friends are males. Those are relations forged over 2 decades, more in some cases, and are the only ones which I can call friendships. I have very few friends. There is a single women which comes close to what I call a friend in my life. It started from a common interest in sports which we both share. The relation still progresses, god knows, maybe in another year we will be friends. But then again, friends doit too :P I like to believe that I was a good friend, not only a lover to each women I was with. But that's a very different situation.

The rest are an pretty homogeneous amalgam of ppl of both sexes which I call "buddies" and "acquaintances", ppl for which I have a feeling of light likeness to say so. It;s good to have buddies of all sexes. for once, you are never alone and never hungry.

 

[Femme_physics]

Make up your mind what you want from another person, a friend or a girlfriend. If you want to have sex with her, you are way better off trying to get her, and move on if you fail. Don't settle for idiotic friendships for all the wrong reasons.

And what if you're classmates or coworkers that have some sort of practical relationship, but still get to flirt-- would you always try to push envelope there too? And let's say you do make a move and she says no, doesn't it risk discomfort at the place of work/school?

For the record, I'm not saying one shouldn't at all try even if he has a practical relationship with a girl he flirts, I'm saying one should apply a lot more caution in this case...right?

 

[DanP]

And what if you're classmates or coworkers that have some sort of practical relationship, but still get to flirt-- would you try to push envelope there too? And let's say you do make a move and she says no, doesn't it risk discomfort at the place of work/school?

You'll have to make your mind on a case by case basis. But as I said, flirting does not necessarily has to have a finality. Its fun and relaxing. On the other hand If I really want someone, yes, Ill try to make that happen. Id rather risk the discomfort and the failure than turning around in my bed at night thinking at her and not doing anything about it.

And in reference to another thread here, IMO the best way to do something about it is up close and personal, with a crooked smile on your face, not with letters, windshield notes, text messages, or the horror of them all, Facebook.

For the record, I'm not saying one shouldn't at all try even if he has a practical relationship with a girl he flirts, I'm saying one should apply a lot more caution in this case...right?

I say, how much do you want him/her ? If you want someone really bad, I say the risk is worth it. Caution is not bad as long as it doesn't paralyze you, or trick you into delays which will move things out of the window of opportunity.

 

[Femme_physics]

Fair enough :)

 

[DanP]

Fair enough :)

Yeah, life is simple, aint it ?

Anyway, for a long time I believed that men and women , with all the nice and not so nice things they do, deserve each other. And no one put this better than R. Sapolsky of Stanford IMO:

Biologically, a terribly confused primate—for example, by anatomical, physiological and genetic criteria, we're not a classic monogamous species, not a classic polygamous one, but somewhere in between, generating huge amounts of literature and Hollywood scandals as a result.