The Struggle of Watching a Loved One's Financial Downfall

[Borg]

Fortunately, not me. But, it's going to be for someone I know this year. It's hard to watch even though it is mostly due to her bad decisions. I have given her advice over the last four years (when she asked) but, she always finds a reason why she can't do what she needs to do. Today, I sent her an email suggesting that she get some renters who will actually pay their rent each month (the current ones don't) but, I can imagine what the response will be.

Anyone else know someone going through this?
http://www.foreclosureboard.org"

 

[hypatia]

My best friend, 2 years of struggling after the death of her husband, lost her home 2 weeks ago. It was just heartbreaking, loosing the 40,000 dollars she had invested into the home, and being able to keep only the things she could fit inside a moving pod.

She had 2 adult children living with her, who basically stayed in varied stages of unemployment. The children's friends{or perhaps even her children} stoled jewelry, money and even food from her freezer.

So now she has moved to a place where her kids can't get to her, and has become depressed to the point of needing professional help.

 

[Borg]

My best friend, 2 years of struggling after the death of her husband, lost her home 2 weeks ago. It was just heartbreaking, loosing the 40,000 dollars she had invested into the home, and being able to keep only the things she could fit inside a moving pod.

She had 2 adult children living with her, who basically stayed in varied stages of unemployment. The children's friends{or perhaps even her children} stoled jewelry, money and even food from her freezer.

So now she has moved to a place where her kids can't get to her, and has become depressed to the point of needing professional help.

The person that I spoke of is my sister. Our half-sister and three kids are living there virtually rent free. They have been there so long that they feel that it's their house - like the comment the other day that the HS said that she "felt like they were being treated like guests". The HS didn't have money for her son one day and had the nerve to send him to my sister to ask for money. She knows that my sister is going to lose the house and still did this. But, what really made me throw a gasket is when I found out that my sister at one point, was paying for a cell phone, a separate land line and cable for these leeches. They don't even have to steal from her because she is such a pushover. She's reaping what she sowed.

Her solution has always been to rack up credit card debt and refinance the house every four or five years. The banks aren't buying that strategy any more. She's going to lose in excess of $100K and probably have to declare bankruptcy.

 

[lisab]

The person that I spoke of is my sister. Our half-sister and three kids are living there virtually rent free. They have been there so long that they feel that it's their house - like the comment the other day that the HS said that she "felt like they were being treated like guests". The HS didn't have money for her son one day and had the nerve to send him to my sister to ask for money. She knows that my sister is going to lose the house and still did this. But, what really made me throw a gasket is when I found out that my sister at one point, was paying for a cell phone, a separate land line and cable for these leeches. They don't even have to steal from her because she is such a pushover. She's reaping what she sowed.

Her solution has always been to rack up credit card debt and refinance the house every four or five years. The banks aren't buying that strategy any more. She's going to lose in excess of $100K and probably have to declare bankruptcy.

Sorry to hear it, Borg. I also have siblings who make frankly stupid decisions with money, and I have to distance myself from them. I could throw money at their problems all day and it would be as effective as throwing money into a black hole. Because, their root problem isn't a lack of money, it's a lack of wisdom.

I advise the "tough love" approach. Give advice freely but be clear to her, you aren't going to be the solution to her problem by giving money. I've never given my siblings money, it would set a precedent and I'd never hear the end of it (and I'd likely end up with a house of freeloaders). I have given gifts such as subscriptions for a "ham of the month" or something similar.

However, having been a practitioner of tough love, I can tell you it's tougher for you than for them .

 

[Borg]

Sorry to hear it, Borg. I also have siblings who make frankly stupid decisions with money, and I have to distance myself from them. I could throw money at their problems all day and it would be as effective as throwing money into a black hole. Because, their root problem isn't a lack of money, it's a lack of wisdom.

I advise the "tough love" approach. Give advice freely but be clear to her, you aren't going to be the solution to her problem by giving money. I've never given my siblings money, it would set a precedent and I'd never hear the end of it (and I'd likely end up with a house of freeloaders). I have given gifts such as subscriptions for a "ham of the month" or something similar.

However, having been a practitioner of tough love, I can tell you it's tougher for you than for them .

Thanks lisab. It helps to know I'm not the only one that has to watch a relative's slow motion train wreck. No money is going her way. If I did, my wife would kill me and then divorce me (in that order ). I wouldn't blame my wife either if I started acting that stupid.

However, having been a practitioner of tough love, I can tell you it's tougher for you than for them .

Yeah, you can't help them if they don't want to help themselves but, it still sucks to watch someone screw themselves for no good reason.