What are the financial implications of marriage for wealthy couples?

[Evo]

Goodness! Why not allow your kids to finance college themselves (or partially themselves)? My private undergrad education cost somewhere around $100K total, and I do not regret it. I got a 1/3 scholarship, my parents paid for my first year, and I was on my own after that.

I'd be royally upset if my parents had given me an ultimatum: full scholarship or cheap in-state public school. It's MY education. Let your kids decide what they want and what's best for them in the long run. It may be that cheaper school with no-to-little student loan debt is the best for them, but they may have other ideas. Let them learn to become adults.

I think that is excellent Laura. My kids totally get what tuition costs are, etc... My ex-husband and I are currently paying their tuition and they are paying all other expenses, but they have to keep up a high GPA. Luckily, they aren't slackers.

 

[Laura1013]

You don't 'learn' to make financial decisions starting out with a 100k loan.

You can learn to pay off your car maybe. But not something the price of a house. Thats called learning the hard way.

I cringe when your debt is more than my entire cost of college. You got to be out of your mind to pay more than 100k in tuition if you have a perfectly good in state school you can attend.

After a few years of work experience, no ones even going to care where you got your degree from.

You did things your way, and it worked for you. I did things my way, and it worked for me. Let each person choose what's the right way for him/herself. Researching college costs and financial aid information and thinking long-term is an excellent way to learn how to make financial decisions. If an 18-year-old can't do that, he/she may not be ready for college.

Just to clarify, my undergrad college tuition totaled a bit over $100K, but that's not how much I owe. Like I said, I did have a scholarship, and my parents helped.

 

[Cyrus]

I hope the name of your school startd with Har, and ended with vard.

I don't think understanding debt translates to being able to go to college. Most kids straight out of high school probably don't have one clue about the loan system. Whats a good loan for them, how long will they need to pay it off, what's a good rate? Thats a lot to learn very quickly for a very, very, serious loan they are about to take.

 

[Evo]

I hope the name of your school startd with Har, and ended with vard.

I don't think understanding debt translates to being able to go to college. Most kids straight out of high school probably don't have one clue about the loan system. Whats a good loan for them, how long will they need to pay it off, what's a good rate? Thats a lot to learn very quickly for a very, very, serious loan they are about to take.

My youngest daughter was thinking of taking out a loan to get some extra cash, but when she worked out the numbers, she realized that she'd have to pay the entire loan back in 4 months not to get killed on interest.

 

[Cyrus]

Well, I would have been clueless, and intimidated.

Ive never taken out a 100k loan before. Thats the kind of thing if you do it wrong, you're goign to pay for a long, long time.

 

[tgt]

i got a better question: what's the point of commitment

Because you love them. It's something 'real', unlike marriage.

 

[Chi Meson]

Goodness! Why not allow your kids to finance college themselves (or partially themselves)?

Well that's actually the plan. I was being a little tongue-in-cheek back there. The point is, we'll let them know how much we will be able to support them well before they make a decision on where to go. If they do have a really good reason to go to a particular private college, then they need to understand that they will be taking on a big financial burden that we will not be able to help them with.

 

[Laura1013]

Because you love them. It's something 'real', unlike marriage.

How is marriage unreal? Have you met any married couples...?

 

[Astronuc]

Because you love them. It's something 'real', unlike marriage.

Well, it seems that folks in this thread are referring to more than one definition of 'marriage'. On the one hand, it is a legal contractual insititution, and on the other hand, it is a binding relationship between two people, traditionally a man and woman. In my posts, I am referring to the latter, which is quite real.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I hope the name of your school startd with Har, and ended with vard.

I have an honorary associate's degree from the Harvard School of Cosmetology, Boston, Georgia.

 

[Chi Meson]

I have an honorary associate's degree from the Harvard School of Cosmetology, Boston, Georgia.

Me too! And a Certificate of Completion for coursework in knife sharpening from StanFord's University for Artisans.

 

[lisab]

Me too! And a Certificate of Completion for coursework in knife sharpening from StanFord's University for Artisans.

At least cutting hair and sharpening knives are useful things to know.

I have a Certificate in Geographic Information Systems that I will never, ever use.

 

[hagopbul]

what is the point of marriage?

I think it is a way that the man told his woman that he will be with her to the end of time
because marriage is not that important to the man but to the woman it is a SERIOUS thing
it is a commitment to some men and it is some big thing to others:
how the old man say:
marriage is the end of the line to the woman and it is the beginning of it to the man...

 

[tgt]

what is the point of marriage?

I think it is a way that the man told his woman that he will be with her to the end of time
because marriage is not that important to the man but to the woman it is a SERIOUS thing
it is a commitment to some men and it is some big thing to others:
how the old man say:
marriage is the end of the line to the woman and it is the beginning of it to the man...

Maybe in those days when woman didn't get an education but not for career women of toaday I don't think.

 

[tgt]

Well, it seems that folks in this thread are referring to more than one definition of 'marriage'. On the one hand, it is a legal contractual insititution, and on the other hand, it is a binding relationship between two people, traditionally a man and woman. In my posts, I am referring to the latter, which is quite real.

So you are referring to marriage as an agreement to future committment.

 

[turbo]

So you are referring to marriage as an agreement to future committment.

A marriage is an open-ended (IMO) commitment of two people to love and support one another and share their lives. My wife and I recently celebrated our 33rd anniversary, and we are totally in love. The fact that we are legally married protects us, extends shared benefits to us (health insurance, rights of joint ownership, etc). I feel that gay couples should get exactly the same benefits if they agree to exactly the same legal procedures (divorce, division of assets, etc) should they break up.

 

[Astronuc]

So you are referring to marriage as an agreement to future committment.

Ongoing commitment, now and in the future - ideally until death of one spouse - at lease in my case, and for several couples I know.

But then two people who are married are supposed to love one another - and that certainly is not always the case. Some people marry for reasons other than love, e.g. money, or convenience, or some other selfish reason. The result is often a destructive relationship, which is antithetical to the purpose of marriage.

In a marriage, a couple should flourish, each receiving nuturing from the other in a relationship of mutual support. At least that's what I learned from my parents and grandparents, and that's what I try to do for my wife and kids to the best of my ability.

 

[tgt]

A marriage is an open-ended (IMO) commitment of two people to love and support one another and share their lives. My wife and I recently celebrated our 33rd anniversary, and we are totally in love. The fact that we are legally married protects us, extends shared benefits to us (health insurance, rights of joint ownership, etc). I feel that gay couples should get exactly the same benefits if they agree to exactly the same legal procedures (divorce, division of assets, etc) should they break up.

Ongoing commitment, now and in the future - ideally until death of one spouse - at lease in my case, and for several couples I know.

But then two people who are married are supposed to love one another - and that certainly is not always the case. Some people marry for reasons other than love, e.g. money, or convenience, or some other selfish reason. The result is often a destructive relationship, which is antithetical to the purpose of marriage.

In a marriage, a couple should flourish, each receiving nuturing from the other in a relationship of mutual support. At least that's what I learned from my parents and grandparents, and that's what I try to do for my wife and kids to the best of my ability.

Marriage makes more sense now. It's a way for couples to formly state their committment to each other and also for society to reward them, materialistically.

Why does society reward married couples? Do they act as good role models? More likely to be happier and so contritute to society more?

 

[Astronuc]

Marriage makes more sense now. It's a way for couples to formly state their commitment to each other and also for society to reward them, materialistically.

Why does society reward married couples? Do they act as good role models? More likely to be happier and so contritute to society more?

I'm not sure how one determines that society rewards married couples materialistically. The commitment of marriage is between the two.

A married or committed couple provides a stable foundation for a family, i.e. a stable environment in which to bear children.

 

[Danger]

Wow! After reading all of that college stuff, I think that I made the right decision to drop out of high-school. I'm absolutely debt-free, make enough to keep both of us (although W is planning to start working again) as well as maintain our niece's apartment while she goes away for a few months, and still have a couple of hundred bucks in the bank for emergencies. I always considered myself a dismal failure, but I'm starting to think that not owing anybody anything is actually a success.

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

Hows that? You North Americans have a strange view of what success is. Isn't success subjective, I mean who cares what anyone else thinks? Well up to a point obviously if you're living on the streets you probably went wrong somewhere, or fell prey to care in the community. :/

 

[tgt]

I'm not sure how one determines that society rewards married couples materialistically. The commitment of marriage is between the two.

Someone could have mentioned tax benefits or maybe not. There are health packages that may benefit married couples more then if they were individuals. It could be because buying bulk is cheaper then separated.

 

[Astronuc]

Someone could have mentioned tax benefits or maybe not. There are health packages that may benefit married couples more then if they were individuals. It could be because buying bulk is cheaper then separated.

Tax benefits are minimal. Health insurance is usually provided by a company and that costs are low only if there is a large base or group.

If the couple has children, then costs go up.

 

[tgt]

Would any couple really and truly love each other but decide not to marry? If so why?

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

Would any couple really and truly love each other but decide not to marry? If so why?

Yes since it stopped being frowned upon by religious types and society in general many people have loved each other for their whole lives and never married. The only incentive after all is a financial one, if you are totally secular, the difference is completely arbitrary. Unless you want to go all doe eyed and start talking about poetry.

 

[ice109]

Because you love them. It's something 'real', unlike marriage.

what does love have to do with commitment? i can only love one person ?

Sustainability.

Commitment is ongoing. Long term marriages, e.g. those that last 40-50-60-70 years, i.e. basically until one partner dies, are simply a product of the commitment and effort of the two parties involved.

what does sustainability mean? implying i can't sustain a relationship with someone for as long as i want if I'm not committed to it? then it shouldn't be sustained in the first place.

 

[Astronuc]

what does love have to do with commitment? i can only love one person ?

One can love many people - with love mean respect, care, concern, . . . in a platonic sense. However a relationship between a committed couple, especially a man and woman who become parents, usually requires exclusivity of monogamy - for practical reasons, such as confidence in the relationship and dedicated resources, particularly with respect to raising/nuturing children.

what does sustainability mean? implying i can't sustain a relationship with someone for as long as i want if I'm not committed to it? then it shouldn't be sustained in the first place.

Sustainability refers to the "capacity to maintain a certain process or state, or a relationship in this case, indefinitely, or to the capability of being sustained or continued (regardless of circumstances or environment). And to be able to sustain a relationship means commitment - or dedication (maintaining an obligation) to that relationsip.

Sustain can also mean to support, and in a relationship such as marriage, two people support each other in a mutual and reciprocal relationship (at least that is my view of a marriage - as opposed to a transactional contract).

Some examples - http://health.usnews.com/usnews/health/articles/041011/11husbands_2.htm - what a husband needs to do when his wife is very ill.

I was also reflecting on the thread by PrudensOptimus - What do girls/women look for in men?
https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=140063

 

[D H]

Would any couple really and truly love each other but decide not to marry? If so why?

Suppose both partners make $125,000 per year. Individually they are upper middle class. Married, they are deemed to be rich and will pay an exorbitant penalty for being rich. Unmarried, they are just two upper middle class individuals, and pay a heck of a lot less income tax than they would if they got married.