What are the financial implications of marriage for wealthy couples?

[tgt]

I 'married' my wife the first time I slept with her (using a common euphemism), because by the standards I impose upon myself, I became bound to her for a lifetime (as long as both of us shall live).

Was she the first and only person you have slept with?

Did you marry her then sleep with her or vice versa? And why?

 

[lisab]

Was she the first and only person you have slept with?

Did you marry her then sleep with her or vice versa? And why?

Jeez, tgt, that's pretty personal!

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I 'married' my wife the first time I slept with her (using a common euphemism).

Common indeed.
Father (holding shotgun): Did you sleep with my daughter?
Boyfriend (heading for the hills): No sir, not a wink.

 

[Moonbear]

Unless you take legal steps to give your partner the powers that marriage automatically grants, you won't be able to take on those responsibilities, even if you really want to, no matter how strong and intimate your relationship is.

And if you do take those legal steps...well, a rose by any other name, is still a rose...

Maybe responsibility isn't the right word – privilege? Unmarried, unrelated people do not have the legal authority to make those decisions (in the U.S.), unless they are appointed Power of Attorney.

Yes, that was the point I tried to make earlier. I don't really see marriage as a necessity for the affection and commitment...you should be able to accomplish that regardless of legal status. Rather, I see marriage as a whole lot easier way of establishing a bunch of legal contracts all bundled into one simple license fee and marriage certificate rather than needing to go out and fill out a half dozen or more individual legal documents and pay an attorney to make sure they're all done right to accomplish the same thing...not because you need it to bind your partner to you, but you need it to ensure THEY have the right to make the decisions you want them to be able to make, and no other relatives can butt their noses in and take those rights away from them.

That's actually a difficult thing about getting old enough to realize you're mortal while still single...you have to start thinking about things like assigning power of attorney to someone you really trust to make decisions on your behalf should you wind up unconscious after a bad car accident, for example. Having a spouse automatically gives them that responsibility for you should something like that happen, because it's assumed that the spouse is the person you trust enough to share your life with and who knows you better than all other people.

I think it's nonsense to say it changes your whole relationship in terms of any sort of affection though...relationships evolve over time naturally, but I don't see how a marriage has anything to do with it. That affection ought to be there before the marriage, and ought to still be there after the marriage, and the marriage itself is just an easy way of signing one document to settle things in the legal realm.

 

[Noone]

The hole point of marriage

Is to find some one that you really like and want to spend the rest of your time on this Earth with, then you plan ahead to make a wedding, the point of a wedding is to plan a day long trip or longer ahead of time before you go into it, to have the most fun and be as happy as you could be. Then there's the other concepts of what it mean's to the person undergoing it, this depends on the people and there back round, and traditions that they uphold. But in the past when it was first started, the whole point was to bond or mark your other in life, till the day you die :D but there are far to meany points of view of what marriage means, its just like the word love, has diffrent meanings to other people depending on the view of what it is. But it's true that religion has played a big role on the words that you recite when you under go the ritual.

 

[Noone]

Moonbear it totally right... it isn't needed.. but people that don't under go the ritual, other people would have a harmfull perception of the actions that they do...

people lack a common understanding of what is needed and what is a false need

 

[Noone]

I will reframe from using the names of the organizeations that would have a harmfull perception of the peoples action's. But I am sure it doesn't need to be pointed out :D

allso if there heart and love is in the right spot, they will be togeather till the day they die, without having the ritual done. they would just do they own ritual that would mean a lot more to them, than one that was created by other's to simbolize there ever-lasting-bond of love. *a Tip* cut out the middle man :D it would be cheaper, and i think that would even make you more happy :)

 

[Noone]

people also like marriage now aday's for the benfit of filling out there taxes

 

[Noone]

what a nice added bonus :D spend a little make a little, doesn't that cramp on the hole concept of why people get hiched? well it tends to be a varriable in why they do. One of meany.

 

[Chi Meson]

I have a 6 year old daughter, and I'm a single parent.

As soon as Samantha was born... I got fixed :)

I plan on raising her with a realist perspective.

She says, "HEY!" by the way.

Nell says "Hi." She's about to turn 7. Simon (http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g254/brichid1765/PF uploads/SiMeson.jpg) is now 5, and Benny (on my shoulders there) is 3.

I got fixed too after Benny.

 

[lisab]

Nell says "Hi." She's about to turn 7. Simon (http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g254/brichid1765/PF uploads/SiMeson.jpg) is now 5, and Benny (on my shoulders there) is 3.

I got fixed too after Benny.

Simon looks like a Super Hero!

Very cute kid, Chi.

 

[P4PPY]

Cute kids man!

I stopped at 1... that was all I could handle :)

 

[lisab]

I stopped at one, also.

For my hubby and me, one was a compromise between "none" and "some."

Now at 15 she's wanting to go to a private college. That will cost us about $100,000, we figure . I am SO very glad we stopped at one!

 

[P4PPY]

Be thankful she 'wants' to go to college :)

Sounds like it's time to start hunting for grants huh?

 

[ice109]

i got a better question: what's the point of commitment

 

[Cyrus]

Nell says "Hi." She's about to turn 7. Simon (http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g254/brichid1765/PF uploads/SiMeson.jpg) is now 5, and Benny (on my shoulders there) is 3.

I got fixed too after Benny.

Ha, that's my man simon. He looks awesome in this picture. He reminds me of Bono.

 

[Cyrus]

I stopped at one, also.

For my hubby and me, one was a compromise between "none" and "some."

Now at 15 she's wanting to go to a private college. That will cost us about $100,000, we figure . I am SO very glad we stopped at one!

Thats when you and your husband look at her in the eye, look at each other, then look at her again and bust out laughing. No way would I make my parents pay for private college that would cost $100k, nor would I pay for my kids to go to such a college. Its not worth it. The only place worth that kind of money is Harvard, Stanford, MIT, Yale or Princeton.

 

[JasonRox]

i got a better question: what's the point of commitment

Insecurity?

I'm seeing someone and if she wanted to start dated someone else, I'm totally fine with that. I would barely flinch.

Commitment later on may be beneficial I guess (I don't really know), but I think now is time to date not commit.

 

[Astronuc]

i got a better question: what's the point of commitment

Sustainability.

Commitment is ongoing. Long term marriages, e.g. those that last 40-50-60-70 years, i.e. basically until one partner dies, are simply a product of the commitment and effort of the two parties involved.

 

[lisab]

Thats when you and your husband look at her in the eye, look at each other, then look at her again and bust out laughing. No way would I make my parents pay for private college that would cost $100k, nor would I pay for my kids to go to such a college. Its not worth it. The only place worth that kind of money is Harvard, Stanford, MIT, Yale or Princeton.

You'll be able to make those decisions for your family when you have one. We can afford it because we both earn good wages and only have one kid.

Fact is, when you add up what you would be paying for room and board if your family wasn't willing to provide, that's about what they're saving you.

 

[Cyrus]

You'll be able to make those decisions for your family when you have one. We can afford it because we both earn good wages and only have one kid.

Fact is, when you add up what you would be paying for room and board if your family wasn't willing to provide, that's about what they're saving you.

You're right. I never realized room and board, plus tuition, adds up to nearly 80k for in state tuition. So then if your daughter was looking at a private school that costs $30k a year, it will be in excess of 180k. Thats nuts!


I think my total undergrad education cost my parents just under $30k.

I always paid for my books myself, and that was probably another 5k+. I know each semester cost me 1k in books.

 

[lisab]

When I look at what students pay in books these days, I can't believe I used to complain about $30 textbooks!

 

[Cyrus]

At work, I noticed everyone had every single textbook on their shelf from college. I realized how valuable they were, and how people were absolutely WRONG to sell them back. Thats why I always bought a used book that had NO markings inside of it. If I couldn't find one used that was in mint condition, I would pony up the money and buy it brand new. If you open any of my books you won't find a single thing in them except for a few underlines with highlighter (made by following a straight edge). No slop, anywhere.

 

[Chi Meson]

I got to say that if any of our kids decide to go to a "private college" they better have either 1: a good reason or 2: a full scholarship. And since the only good reason would be a full scholarship, that narrows down the possibilities.

We are setting aside some money for college for our three (not that much, it might cover the books!). Both sets of grandparents are also putting into college funds for them. When the time comes they will be aware of how much is available for them to have towards college. They are going to have to take on the remainder.

We even have some underhanded ideas planned out: Pam and I are graduates of 2 really good state colleges in Virginia (UVA, W&M). Virginia also has Va Tech, plus a bunch of pretty good "2-tier" colleges. But we live in Connecticut, where there is not a selection for high-end state universities (UConn is it, and UVA it is not) . But, one set of grandparents lives in Virginia. SO: summer before college, kid goes to live with grandparents, gets a job there, gets a driver's license, maintains local address for a year etc... Next year: IN STATE BABY!

 

[Evo]

Or just make sure that they marry someone that will pay off their Ivy League student loans.

I paid my ex-husband's loans off (Yale & Dartmouth).

 

[Laura1013]

Goodness! Why not allow your kids to finance college themselves (or partially themselves)? My private undergrad education cost somewhere around $100K total, and I do not regret it. I got a 1/3 scholarship, my parents paid for my first year, and I was on my own after that.

I'd be royally upset if my parents had given me an ultimatum: full scholarship or cheap in-state public school. It's MY education. Let your kids decide what they want and what's best for them in the long run. It may be that cheaper school with no-to-little student loan debt is the best for them, but they may have other ideas. Let them learn to become adults.

 

[Moonbear]

I'm just going to make sure I have a job at a university that provides free or extremely reduced tuition to children of faculty if/when it comes time to have kids and get them through college...and if they want to attend school somewhere else, they'll have to cough up the difference on their own.

 

[Cyrus]

Goodness! Why not allow your kids to finance college themselves (or partially themselves)? My private undergrad education cost somewhere around $100K total, and I do not regret it. I got a 1/3 scholarship, my parents paid for my first year, and I was on my own after that.

I'd be royally upset if my parents had given me an ultimatum: full scholarship or cheap in-state public school. It's MY education. Let your kids decide what they want and what's best for them in the long run. It may be that cheaper school with no-to-little student loan debt is the best for them, but they may have other ideas. Let them learn to become adults.

Yeah, just 'let them learn to become adults' by having over 100k in debt. Smart idea. 100k is not something a kid straight out of high school will have any idea on how long it will take to pay off. That, on top of the fact that they will need a car and a house once the graduate, will screw them into a lifetime of debt.

 

[Laura1013]

Yeah, just 'let them learn to become adults' by having over 100k in debt. Smart idea. 100k is not something a kid straight out of high school will have any idea on how long it will take to pay off. That, on top of the fact that they will need a car and a house once the graduate, will screw them into a lifetime of debt.

I knew what I was getting into when I was 19 and signed my first student loan (not all the details, but the general gist). I have tens of thousands of dollars in debt. I plan to pay it off within 6-ish years of graduating with my B.S. Certainly not a lifetime of debt (unless I die tomorrow)!

My point is, 18-years-old is the legal age (in the U.S.), and is a time when people need to start learning how to make financial and education decisions for themselves.

 

[Cyrus]

You don't 'learn' to make financial decisions starting out with a 100k loan.

You can learn to pay off your car maybe. But not something the price of a house. Thats called learning the hard way.

I cringe when your debt is more than my entire cost of college. You got to be out of your mind to pay more than 100k in tuition if you have a perfectly good in state school you can attend.

After a few years of work experience, no ones even going to care where you got your degree from.