What Do You Do If You Were a Rock Star?

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I wouldn't worry about it too
much. These things happen.

What do you do if you've been
there, but you haven't
done that?

Just do it.

What do you do if you can't think of a more clever response to a 'what do you do if' question than spit out a sneaker slogan?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by hypnagogue
What do you do if you can't think of a more clever response to a 'what do you do if' question than spit out a sneaker slogan?

Do the math and find out if you've
got milk.

What do you do if, while doing the
math you accidently discover it
is worth it to cry over
spilt milk?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, while doing the
math you accidently discover it
is worth it to cry over
spilt milk?

Get the math checked by a second to ensure it's veracity, then accept your Nobel Prize in Mathematics!

What do you do if, when you get the 'Nobel' in Math, you discover that, on the medallion, it has had the word "Physics" rubbed out! and Math skeeeeratched into it??

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, when you get the 'Nobel' in Math, you discover that, on the medallion, it has had the word "Physics" rubbed out! and Math skeeeeratched into it??

You boast to all your friends about how your legendary proof conclusively shows that all of physics is reducible to the fundamental fluid dynamics of milk and its famous 'tear entanglement,' and indeed how this 'milk' is nothing more than a mathematical abstraction describing a probability wave of pouty sadness.

What do you do if your friends try to prove you wrong by showing you a physical demonstration of the pouring of supposedly 'physical' milk?

 

[Astrophysics]

Well them they're wrong, since my proof is E = m*c^2, they wouldn't understand it anyway.

What do you do if you suddenly find out your friends turned out to be geniuses and know that you were trying to convince them with a not related to the subject formula?

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if you suddenly find out your friends turned out to be geniuses and know that you were trying to convince with a not related to the subject formula?

You run man, you run, no sentimental good-byes, no time for packing your stuff, you just run out the door in the jackknife flashbang instant and don't even take the time to slam it behind you and just keep going, don't look back, never look back, if your socks don't match then you just stop looking, it don't matter anyhow-- just get out man, just get the hell out of there.

What do you do if you're running like the wind and you can't stop, oh God don't stop now they'll find you, and your shoelaces come untied?

 

[Astrophysics]

Trip over and fall down, when I step on my shoelaces and try to run.
Maybe then my friends will feel sorry for me, because I can't tie my shoelaces correctly like a 5 year old.

What do you do if you turned out to be a 5 year old, while all the time u thought you were past that age.

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
Trip over and fall down, when I step on my shoelaces and try to run.
Maybe then my friends will feel sorry for me, because I can't tie my shoelaces correctly like a 5 year old.

What do you do if you turned out to be a 5 year old, while all the time u thought you were past that age.

Having already received an education, you fingerpaint and play video games for the next 15 years while being financially supported by your parents-- who expects a 5 year old to work anyway?

What do you do if you're actually 25 years old but still all you do is fingerpaint and play video games while being financially supported by your parents?

 

[Astrophysics]

Originally posted by hypnagogue
Having already received an education, you fingerpaint and play video games for the next 15 years while being financially supported by your parents-- who expects a 5 year old to work anyway?

What do you do if you're actually 25 years old but still all you do is fingerpaint and play video games while being financially supported by your parents?

You call yourself lucky and lazy...what a great life .

What do you do if your parents told you it was time to get a life?

 

[selfAdjoint]

Go to the librry and get them the magazine. (only if this happened back when LIFE was still publishing).

What do you do if you went and got a life, and it sucks?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by selfAdjoint
What do you do if you went and got a life, and it sucks?

You become a Vacuum cleaner salesperson who makes the BIG money by selling the best Sucker in the World, to the biggest sucker in the World, that, and that Bridge in New York!

What do you do if, you buy a bridge, in New York, and you find out that it's just a little bit to BIG for the Back Seat of your Pinto?

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, you buy a bridge, in New York, and you find out that it's just a little bit to BIG for the Back Seat of your Pinto?

You sell your Pinto and buy an SUV. Nothing's too big for the back seat of an SUV!

What do you do if you're driving on the freeway and your SUV spontaneously tumbles over and your prized bridge breaks in half?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by hypnagogue
What do you do if you're driving on the freeway and your SUV spontaneously tumbles over and your prized bridge breaks in half?

Reconfigure the bridge as an
enormous trebouche' and charge
people to fling them to the
location of their choice.

What do you do if your foot gets
caught in the sling of your treb-
ouche' and while you're flying
over Manhatten you are suddenly
aware of a military jet on your
port side whose pilot is signaling
that you should follow him back
to his base or he'll blast you
to pieces?

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if your foot gets
caught in the sling of your treb-
ouche' and while you're flying
over Manhatten you are suddenly
aware of a military jet on your
port side whose pilot is signaling
that you should follow him back
to his base or he'll blast you
to pieces?

Whip out your pocket physics book and politely explain to the pilot with recourse to simple diagrams that the laws of physics strictly dictate the trajectory of your flight, so you can't comply. Failing that, toss out your Foo Fighters CD like a frisbee and hope it makes the pilot curious or frightened (works especially well if the pilot is a cat or government agent).

What do you do if in your spare time you calculate your landing point and figure out that you're going to wind up in the Bermuda Triangle?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by hypnagogue
What do you do if in your spare time you calculate your landing point and figure out that you're going to wind up in the Bermuda Triangle?

This would be an excellent time to
recall that you have a good sized
chunk of element 126, Zoobinium,
in your pocket, which is the one
thing preventing you from using
your superpowers, and to discard
it.What do you do if, after making a
safe landing in Baltimore, Mary-
land, you realize your left shoe
is still back in the sling of your
trebouche'?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by Zoobyshoe
What do you do if, after making a safe landing in Baltimore, Maryland, you realize your left shoe is still back in the sling of your trebouche'?

Start Hopping!

What do you do if, on your way hopping back to NYC, to retrive your lost left shoe, you wear out the right one?

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, on your way hopping back to NYC, to retrive your lost left shoe, you wear out the right one?

You lift your other foot and just levitate all the way back.

What do you do if you're levitating above the East River when all of a sudden you realize that it's impossible to levitate?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by hypnagogue
What do you do if you're levitating above the East River when all of a sudden you realize that it's impossible to levitate?

From the rumors that I've heard, you simply start walking.

What do you do if you cannot figure out how far it is from Queens, to back to Queens?

 

[Astrophysics]

Simply use my super-hyper-modern navigation system that I always carry with me in my pocket.

What do you do if your super-hyper-modern navigation system turnes out to have AI and starts giving you false information just because it likes to tease you?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if your super-hyper-modern navigation system turnes out to have AI and starts giving you false information just because it likes to tease you?

Get out your soldering gun and
your little baggies of spare
components and reconfigure it
into a laptop. Pawn the laptop,
buy bread and feed it to the ducks
in the pond at the park. Catch a
duck, take it to Chinatown, sell
it to a restaurant. Take the
Chinese money to the bank and
exchange it for Ruples. Go to a
Russian bookstore, buy a Russian
copy of Dr. Zhivago, sign the
name Boris Pasternak inside
in cyrilic script. Take it to the
Smithsonian and pass it off on
them as authentic. Then call it a
day.

What do you do if you're buying
a bag of pistachios and you are
shocked to see your own face
plastered on the cover of all
the tabloids around the register?

 

[Astrophysics]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're buying
a bag of pistachios and you are
shocked to see your own face
plastered on the cover of all
the tabloids around the register?

Eat the pistachios and if they were good I'd go to a store and buy some more. If my face was still on the cover I'd know that they have finally cloned men and I'm either the clone or the original one.

What do you do if you find out that you're a clone and that the original person is really annoying and is nothing like you and people think that you're the original one?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
Eat the pistachios and if they were good I'd go to a store and buy some more.

Buy a copy of the "rag" trade paper, as well, to have a photo of myself, that is to be used in the pending lawsuit for the invasion of privacy that has clearly occured...all the while, eating the pistachios...naturally!

What do you do if you "Ask a stupid quention..." in the "What do you do if..." forum??

 

[Astrophysics]

Delete the message...

What do you do if your message wasn't finished and you accidently post it and then post the complete one, while someone is reacting on you first post and your question remains unanwsered...and you can't delete your first message...?

 

[Astrophysics]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
Delete the message...

What do you do if your message wasn't finished and you accidently post it and then post the complete one, while someone is reacting on you first post and your question remains unanwsered...and you can't delete your first message...?

You post a message, tell everyone what you did in a what do you do if...question, reply to your own post and ask the question anyway.

What do you do if you found out that you're a clone and that the original person is really annoying and is nothing like you and people think that you're the original one?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you "Ask a stupid quention..." in the "What do you do if..." forum??

Put yourself in an envelope and
mail it to Graceland: Elvis made
this very mistake numerous times.

What do you do if, when using a
vacuum cleaner to remove a song
that's been stuck in your head
for a month, you accidently suck
out every Christmas carol you know
and people start teasing you by
calling you "The Grinch Who Sucked
Christmas"?

 

[Astrophysics]

You'd try to act more like Jim Carry.

What do you do if no one anwsered your question which you asked twice and you're getting confused because everything you thought was true is actually wrong...?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Astrophysics What do you do if you found out that you're a clone and that the original person is really annoying and is nothing like you and people think that you're the original one?

It's funny you should ask because
just the other day when I was
trying to delete a post that someone was in the process of responding to my answering machine started blinking and when I played
the message it said: "E.T. Phone
Clone!" What do you do if you're sitting
there on a bench with a shotgun,
minding your own business, when
a CPA comes along and starts
hinting that the rocky road ice
cream you bought the night before
was some sort of gross extravag-
ance?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if no one anwsered your question which you asked twice and you're getting confused because everything you thought was true is actually
wrong...?

You just suck that depressing
thought out of your head with a
vacuum cleaner.

What do you do if when you are
digging around in a rotten log
for grubs you break through into
an alternate universe by accident?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if your message wasn't finished and you accidently post it and then post the complete one, while someone is reacting on you first post and your question remains unanwsered...and you can't delete your first message...?

What I usually do in this case is
crawl away on all fours to one of
my favorite gutters, lie down and
think about Bernouli's principle.What do you do if you're about to
get on the Ferris wheel at the
state fair and a particularly
intense man comes up and starts
lecturing you on the spiritual
deliverance available only from
worship of the B-Flat Black Hole?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if your message wasn't finished and you accidently post it and then post the complete one, while someone is reacting on you first post and your question remains unanwsered...and you can't delete your first message...?

With your left hand hold down the
Ctrl and Alt keys. With your right
hand push the mouse firmly into
whichever of your nostrils you
deem to be largest. With your
middle hand knock sharply on your
scull twice over the anterior
parietal lobe, left side. In about
45 seconds all hell will break
loose.

What do you do if you are crawling
on all fours to your favorite gut-
ter for a nap and you suddenly
notice there is a large Wildebeast
laying in your spot?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are crawling on all fours to your favorite gutter for a nap and you suddenly notice there is a large Wildebeast laying in your spot?

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question... You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...

What do you do if you cannot answer your own question??

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you cannot answer your own question??

Wake up and smell the sound of
one hand clapping.What do you do if a lazy UPS
driver delivers a sperm whale
carcass to your home when you're
out and forges your signature to
the delivery invoice to avoid
having to pick it up again and
deliver it to the proper, but more
remote, adress?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if a lazy UPS driver delivers a sperm whale carcass to your home when you're out and forges your signature to the delivery invoice to avoid having to pick it up again and deliver it to the proper, but more remote, adress?

Call all of your friends over for the Bar'B'Q!

What do you do if, you have only 9 Metric tonnes of food, and thousands, upon thousands, of friends to feed?

 

[FZ+]

Learn to be less popular.

What do you do if you find you can walk on water?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by FZ+
What do you do if you find you can walk on water?

It's funny you should ask, because
that actually happened to a Polish
Aviator of my acquaintence, at
least, that's how he tells it.
Normally, though, when he mentions
his various superpowers, it is an
indication his Delerium Tremmens
has kicked in, and the best thing
I can do for him is to provide the
hair of the dog that bit him. I
have to get him back to the air-
port, into the cockpit of whatever
commercial airliner is about to
take off where he will receive all
the free martinis he needs.

What do you do if you're in the
lobby of the airport and are
approached by a trio of intense
bald men wearing sheets or blankets or something, who begin to tell you about the personal and
professional salvation available
in this and all perpendicular
dimensions through the teachings
of guru Dob Bod, The Palindrome
Boy and Manager of the shipping
department at Sears?