OK, Evo -- how about this: I think it would be cool to turn the pillar into a mini Starbucks kiosk. You could hollow it out and paint it green, then put in a sliding window. Next, put in a barrista, an expresso machine, and a blender. Add logo for the final touch.
See, then you won't be the poor person who got a pillar in her office. You'll be like - the LUCKY person who (WOW!) got a Starbucks in her office. Then everybody will want to trade you. So you cut a deal, then you pack up the blender, expresso machine, and the Evo-child (who was pretending to be the barrista) and move to your new office!