What falling in love feels like to you

[cronxeh]

wow! finally something bordering on nice! well, its good to get a professional opinion on these things - who knew! I could have been having angina the whole time!

Ive been nice this whole time, you were just noticing how awesome i am. Dont worry this too shall pass.

 

[nucleargirl]

Ive been nice this whole time, you were just noticing how awesome i am. Dont worry this too shall pass.

ah I see! we must have very different definitions of nice and awesome in our minds :)

 

[cronxeh]

ah I see! we must have very different definitions of nice and awesome in our minds :)

Oh now you are a flirt, too? I thought you had a boyfriend

 

[FrancisZ]

Like i said. She knows. There is no going back now. She hates me and i hate her. Its the cadence of reality

Ahh...I don't like to see things end like that.

I had this huge fight with a coworker (of 5 years) over friggin M&M's once--or so I initially thought! She was hypoglycemic, and always had to keep a little sugar on hand; so I innocently went to give her some candy one day, and she totally bit my head off for it. Later, I realized that it was much more than that. In fact, she was actually deeply offended by a comment that I didn't even realize I made a day earlier (at least not in the context she took it). I told her to let me alone, while I was moping around from the new of so many of my other friends leaving (talk about cadence misinterpretation).

Anyway, I finally had it up-to-here with her (*motions to just above the head*), and I really let her have it over her otherwise seemingly abusive demeanor. I've never yelled at coworker before or since. It was pretty bad. So we didn't speak for a long time, and then she moved away to another state (she also had to go).

Thereafter, from time-to-time, I would recall the chuckles we had; and I'd feel badly that the friendship ended the way it did. You work with someone for 5 years, and they almost become like an extension of your family even. So, one day I finally decided to write her a letter explaining my view. I desperately wanted her to at least acknowledge her own portion of wrongdoing in our argument; but she wasn't satisfied with my own apology and rejected the letter. I must have really hurt her.

But I tried again a year later, on her birthday (which I never forget: January 14th, 1970); only this time, I decided simply to apologize for my own part in our verbal battle. And you know what happened then? She actually wrote back and apologized for herself.

We don't see each really, on account of we now live in different parts of the United States; but we still mended the relationship. And I dare say that I'm proud of that.

Moral of the story: whatever doesn't kill your friendship will only make it stronger---provided you can admit culpability.

 

[nucleargirl]

Oh now you are a flirt, too? I thought you had a boyfriend

ok ok, as much as I have loved our exchanges cronxeh, I really do think there are more people with much more interesting things to say than us! and we are so far on a tangent that we can't even see the curve of this thread anymore! so before things get any more personal, let's just leave it there.

 

[cronxeh]

ok ok, as much as I have loved our exchanges cronxeh, I really do think there are more people with much more interesting things to say than us! and we are so far on a tangent that we can't even see the curve of this thread anymore! so before things get any more personal, let's just leave it there.

Ok I am not going to embarass you over the blatant subconscious leakage of words like us, we, see curves and lets. So ill just say wow, that was too easy

 

[nucleargirl]

Ok I am not going to embarass you over the blatant subconscious leakage of words like us, we, see curves and lets. So ill just say wow, that was too easy

yup yup :) you win! yeah! who knew! I had a major crush on you! damn... must be that bad-boy charm of yours!

 

[cronxeh]

yup yup :) you win!

Naturally.

 

[FrancisZ]

Francis with his one lover. Nuclear is infatuated with some guy who is probably cheating on her right now. Fun times.

As far as I am concerned, she was my soul mate; I did not need or desire anyone else.

 

[FrancisZ]

You know what? It's time for "The Continental"...

[PLAIN]http://gizmodo.com/assets/resources/2008/02/continental.jpg Really, it's a good practice never to act this sort of guy, I think.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

Thats a rather unhealthy way of viewing relationships. Friendships are about enjoying the company of someone you like, not an investment.



No offence but after that long of a time your apology would be rather hallow as any positive feelings she had for you would have diminished by then. When people have wronged me in the past I've been much more receptive if they apologized in a recent time frame, after 1-2 months It would just be to late and their apology lost any meaning it would have had.

You have probably already shot your chance with this woman, but you shouldn't be apologizing because you want to "get back with her". You made a mistake, and treated her badly, you should own up to that and whatever happens afterwards, you'll at least know you did the right thing.

It'd also be a better idea to just write her an email instead, as it would at least give her time to "evaluate" instead of being put on the spot with a phone call. Hope everything goes well with your lady friend.

that would be really weird though. A random email out of nowhere apologizing for something that happened like last month would be best if I let it go and just every now and then say hi / hey and just drop some messages. When we finally get a chance to have a proper chat I'll just bring it up like "man, the things I've been through recently..." "remember when I got real nasty with you the other time on the phone?" and just explain from there.

 

[Evo]

As far as I am concerned, she was my soul mate; I did not need or desire anyone else.

You show a great amount of maturity and emotional stability Francis.

 

[cronxeh]

You show a great amount of maturity and emotional stability Francis.

Woah now. I can agree with not need or desire anyone else, but to conclude that a woman 25 years older than him was his soulmate.. that seems a little rash. Maturity implies and relies on the wisdom of experience. One is not experience. I've had a similar feeling for one, but history proved me wrong

 

[Evo]

Dude, I feel the same exact way! It's why all of a sudden I'm active on this site especially in the Relationships section. I feel really hurt and rejected. I wish I could forget as well and move on with my life but it's really hard (emotionally) at the moment. Story simply:

we've been friends for almost 4 years now. Just recently, I was going through some tough stuff and I got real nasty with her over the phone and she got offended (I can tell) and we didn't speak for nearly nearly a month or two. then just last week Sunday we chat on Yahoo I asked why she hasn't been calling she said she doesn't want to (ouch!) :( I kinda had that coming since I was nasty to her. I took that really harshly and felt rejected I deleted her pics, e-mails and number 'cause I thought this is it. And then I left the chat without saying good bye. We haven't spoken since. But I think what hurts the most is having it end this way. Not finding out how she felt, where things could have gone and the thought of her and another guy's what kills me the most All the time spent on the phone, reading and writing e-mails, sending pics and it all ends like this, it really kills. I also feel like it's my fault and the guilt is just too unbearable.

From what you've written, it what you did originally didn't kill your relationship, this probably put the nail in the coffin. While it's never too late to apologize, it can be too late to repair things.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

Woah now. I can agree with not need or desire anyone else, but to conclude that a woman 25 years older than him was his soulmate.. that seems a little rash. Maturity implies and relies on the wisdom of experience. One is not experience. I've had a similar feeling for one, but history proved me wrong

So like how do you see women? Do you have any respect for women at all?? do you value relationships?? It seems you're so set on this "be a jerk" attitude

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

From what you've written, it what you did originally didn't kill your relationship, this probably put the nail in the coffin. While it's never too late to apologize, it can be too late to repair things.

miracle?? but when it comes to the subject of "love" you can never tell. But anyway I'll keep you guys up to date on the situation

 

[Chronos]

The only woman who ever annoyed me forgot to lock the door when she left. I ran into her again a year later. She was annoyed I did not hate her.

 

[cronxeh]

I should think i am fortunate enough to not have ended up with this girl. Can you imagine being with an egotistical psycho who has a mini nervous breakdown everyday and thinks of herself as morally superior to most other people? I am lucky it ended

 

[FrancisZ]

I should think i am fortunate enough to not have ended up with this girl. Can you imagine being with an egotistical psycho who has a mini nervous breakdown everyday and thinks of herself as morally superior to most other people? I am lucky it ended

She must have had some quality that made her a good person in your eyes, to begin with. Perhaps you were meant to teach each other something.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

She must have had some quality that made her a good person in your eyes, to begin with. Perhaps you were meant to teach each other something.

there's no reaching through to cron. Guy has let "the game" get to his head
he liked her, she turned him down and it's only natural that he now holds that view of her. Like a guy going out with a girl and it doesn't work and he hates her or starts to hold a bad view of her. ex, "she's a b***"

 

[Galteeth]

In response to someone who said that love was a delusion: This is ontologically meaningless. In order for love to be a delusion, it would have to contain some kind of statement about observable reality that could be falsified. While love can lead to delusions, it makes no sense to say that it is in and of itself a delusion. It is a subjective emotional experience, and as such is as real as the person experiencing it believes it to be. The fact that it is the result of physical states of the brain should not come as a surprise, nor does it have anything to do with its reality. All experiences are emergent properties of the brain in some sense. The only things that can be delusions are statements that can reference something outside of one's own experience.

This reminds me of something I was trying to explain to a friend of mine who has some pretty bizarre beliefs. He long held a belief that he was the "smartest man man in the world" because he had realized that his goal, and everyone else's, was to be happy. He would hold that he was much smarter then people who has more knowledge, more technical skill, or a larger world view, because they wasted time with things (such as acquiring knowledge) that while they were doing them did not result in them being happy. He would challenge me saying something to the effect of "I don't think you agree with my idea that I am the smartest man in the world, and how could you not?"
I would respond by saying that I simply couldn't agree or disagree, because he hadn't defined "smartness" in a meaningful way. Under his definition, smartness related to the ability of one to experience happiness as much as possible. Since "happiness" as he was defining it was not quantifiable, it was not meaningful to contend that his assertion.
I would say that to the extent I disagreed, i was using a different definition of "smartness" and "happiness' then he was. He would argue that these were false definitions, and his was clearly the true definition (In other words, accepting any other definition of "happiness" lead to one not being happy as much as possible, and thus was an indicator of lack of "smartness.") I explained, with some difficulty, the concept of a tautology to him, and then came the true genius stroke of his philosophy. He reasoned that since his tautological reasoning lead to a "true" statement that he was the happiest human being, and thus the smartest, and my inability to accept tautological reasoning resulted in me not being the happiest human being, he was happier and therefore smarter.The point of that story is that it is useless to apply the categories of truth to ill-defined subjective emotional states.

 

[Galteeth]

there's no reaching through to cron. Guy has let "the game" get to his head
he liked her, she turned him down and it's only natural that he now holds that view of her. Like a guy going out with a girl and it doesn't work and he hates her or starts to hold a bad view of her. ex, "she's a b***"

Note: This is not meant to be a personal commentary on anyone specific, just a commentary based on observations from sources that sell a "game philosophy" to dating.



I think this "game" nonsense is such a predatory piece of modern culture. People who sell their "game" strategies prey on people who have difficulty with relationships. They make them think their desire for a real relationship is a weakness, and that to succeed they need to abandon such notions and become psychologically manipulative. While this *may* help them with getting laid, it will not result in a successful relationship, only one that is based on dishonesty and manipulation.
Oftentimes the advice is valid but for the wrong reasons. For example, if you meet someone, and genuinely do make an amazing connection with them, there's nothing wrong with calling them the next day. The reason calling someone the next day is usually not a good idea is because amazing connections are exceedingly rare, and casual encounters are just that, casual encounters. People come off as desperate and needy often because they are, in fact, desperate and needy. Instead of taking a hard look at themselves, they take the easy way out, pretending to be something they're not.
It's akin to "miracle tonics" that would "cure" diseases by being mostly opium.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

Note: This is not meant to be a personal commentary on anyone specific, just a commentary based on observations from sources that sell a "game philosophy" to dating.



I think this "game" nonsense is such a predatory piece of modern culture. People who sell their "game" strategies prey on people who have difficulty with relationships. They make them think their desire for a real relationship is a weakness, and that to succeed they need to abandon such notions and become psychologically manipulative. While this *may* help them with getting laid, it will not result in a successful relationship, only one that is based on dishonesty and manipulation.
Oftentimes the advice is valid but for the wrong reasons. For example, if you meet someone, and genuinely do make an amazing connection with them, there's nothing wrong with calling them the next day. The reason calling someone the next day is usually not a good idea is because amazing connections are exceedingly rare, and casual encounters are just that, casual encounters. People come off as desperate and needy often because they are, in fact, desperate and needy. Instead of taking a hard look at themselves, they take the easy way out, pretending to be something they're not.
It's akin to "miracle tonics" that would "cure" diseases by being mostly opium.

I recently got brain washed by that and now I'm trying to repair my life and get back to good ol Mr. Niceguy

 

[cronxeh]

Galteeth, I don't know whether to laugh or be sad at everything you've typed up thus far. The ramblings on the delusions are just that, your opinions that do not actually refute or repudiate any claims. It is an attempt at philosophy, but without actual arguments and facts its just palaver. The 'game' works. What is a 'successful' relationship in your mind? The objective is to get laid, period. It is not about getting to know the woman on a personal level - that is what friendship is for.

I am weary of talking on the matter. It just bores me now. Good night and good luck.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

Galteeth, I don't know whether to laugh or be sad at everything you've typed up thus far. The ramblings on the delusions are just that, your opinions that do not actually refute or repudiate any claims. It is an attempt at philosophy, but without actual arguments and facts its just palaver. The 'game' works. What is a 'successful' relationship in your mind? The objective is to get laid, period. It is not about getting to know the woman on a personal level - that is what friendship is for.

I am weary of talking on the matter. It just bores me now. Good night and good luck.

that's where you're wrong. You can screw as many women as you want but eventually you'll get bored and tired of that lifestyle and want something "real". Someone you can call the next day, and see...AGAIN! Someone to share life with. You want to live life by following your "jimmy" what happens when your "jimmy" stops working 'cept for urinating?? What then?? There's more to life ESPECIALLY women than just "screwing". "screwing"'s such a nice experience made to be shared by two people why not someone "special"?? I'm done with that lifestyle. Sure I might be unfortunate and get a share of broken hearts and feeling lonely but in the end it'll be worth it when I get that "one"

 

[Galteeth]

The objective is to get laid, period.

In that case, why not just solicit prostitutes? It's far more efficient.

 

[cronxeh]

that's where you're wrong. You can screw as many women as you want but eventually you'll get bored and tired of that lifestyle and want something "real". Someone you can call the next day, and see...AGAIN! Someone to share life with. You want to live life by following your "jimmy" what happens when your "jimmy" stops working 'cept for urinating?? What then?? There's more to life ESPECIALLY women than just "screwing". "screwing"'s such a nice experience made to be shared by two people why not someone "special"?? I'm done with that lifestyle. Sure I might be unfortunate and get a share of broken hearts and feeling lonely but in the end it'll be worth it when I get that "one"

All relationships eventually end. You can either search your whole life for that perfect one just to have her leave or depart eventually, or you can live in the moment. Living in the moment, whether being with one particular person or being alone is no different than being with multiple women who don't particularly want to be 'tied down' or settle. You simply don't get the perfect relationship, but rather a collage of little surprises and happy moments. If you are fortunate enough to be in love with a girl who is in love with you, then you should cherish it, stick to it, and give it your all. Its only when you've given it your all and failed, that you can truly learn the meaning of life.

 

[DanP]

All relationships eventually end. You can either search your whole life for that perfect one just to have her leave or depart eventually, or you can live in the moment. Living in the moment, whether being with one particular person or being alone is no different than being with multiple women who don't particularly want to be 'tied down' or settle. You simply don't get the perfect relationship, but rather a collage of little surprises and happy moments. If you are fortunate enough to be in love with a girl who is in love with you, then you should cherish it, stick to it, and give it your all.

A long term relation is a chain of negotiation and compromises. Some will work, others will be barely functional, others will fail. Not all relationships end, I seen a small number of ppl who are happy and still together after a lifetime.

Its only when you've given it your all and failed, that you can truly learn the meaning of life.

You live. It should be enough. Why do so many humans believe there must be a "meaning" to their existence ? Shut up an calculate

 

[cronxeh]

A long term relation is a chain of negotiation and compromises. Some will work, others will be barely functional, others will fail. Not all relationships end, I seen a small number of ppl who are happy and still together after a lifetime.



You live. It should be enough. Why do so many humans believe there must be a "meaning" to their existence ? Shut up an calculate

Negative on both. All relationships end in one of several ways: either one of the partners dies or you separate. There is a meaning in existence in that you are born to die, you never get a linear response for your actions, and it is the most exciting and rewarding to be in love. The meaning is to suffer through the delusion of being happy, meanwhile setting yourself up for the real misery in the process.

The more you live the older you get, the more you confess love - the farther the other partner drifts away (gets bored of hearing it, or just revolts in fear), the more you try - the harder you fail, the more you speak - the more opposing views surface. I can go on but this is the hilarious part - the more I describe the more someone will disagree

 

[DanP]

Negative on both. All relationships end in one of several ways: either one of the partners dies or you separate. There is a meaning in existence in that you are born to die, you never get a linear response for your actions, and it is the most exciting and rewarding to be in love. The meaning is to suffer through the delusion of being happy, meanwhile setting yourself up for the real misery in the process.

Martyrdom philosophy ? Just live Cron. Whatever that chick did to you, in time you'll forget it all :P

The more you live the older you get, the more you confess love - the farther the other partner drifts away (gets bored of hearing it, or just revolts in fear), the more you try - the harder you fail, the more you speak - the more opposing views surface. I can go on but this is the hilarious part - the more I describe the more someone will disagree

Sure Cron, if you bat her head everyday with your opinions and your love and whatever else, you'll just suffocate her :P Recall the basic law of interpersonal relationships ? Affection must be reciprocated always in the right amount. What about trying what I said, negotiations (you know, that process where both parts speak, not only one :P ), instead of hammering your feelings and your needs into her ?

And another basic truth is that you can love her, you can respect her, you could do everything for her, and she just might not care. Because she doesn't want all those things from you, she wants them from another man. And there is squat you can do about it.

Too often I heard "I would do so much for him//her,and he/she doesn't care". I think this is what you mean with "liner response". Just recognize that she doesn't want you, she wants another one, and move away. There is no need for "unhappiness is the most cool thing in love". It is not.