What falling in love feels like to you

[HeLiXe]

In about 2 months (may be 6-7 weeks), it will be the 30th anniversary of meeting my wife. We didn't start dating for about 7 months (we went to different universities 90 miles apart), but we keep running into each other at various gatherings of friends. After 7 months, during spring break (1981), I asked her out, and we've been together ever since.

Awwwwww <3 This is so cute! *daydreams*

 

[Astronuc]

Now imagine if you forgot about that anniversary?

It's OK - she doesn't remember it. I usually remind her.

She'd also like to forget that next year, she will have spent half her life with me.

 

[cronxeh]

Awwwwww <3 This is so cute! *daydreams*

No, yeah. Astro's story is inspirational. First time I heard this story I was just blown away. But then look at the reality around you, its statistically improbable that there is some kind of a special fate that brought them together, rather the strength of character of the individuals involved and compatibility.

So in essence.. I don't know.

 

[Astronuc]

Awwwwww <3 This is so cute! *daydreams*

Artman has been married two weeks longer than me. He's got an equally cute story. He married his high school sweetheart.

 

[cronxeh]

He married his high school sweetheart.

*facepalm* Dont remind me, this is just tragically hilarious for me in that I almost did that

 

[HeLiXe]

some kind of a special fate that brought them together

Please don't talk about fate. I just read the last post on the god thread and I might go into overload. @_@

 

[HeLiXe]

Artman has been married two weeks longer than me. He's got an equally cute story. He married his high school sweetheart.

Awwwww <3

*sighs*

love.

 

[nucleargirl]

I want to be in love all the time! just the feeling I guess, not the responsibilities!
It feels like happiness, and its more physical than mental... like your heart hurts! and you cry all the time from the pain! lol!

 

[FrancisZ]

No kidding: I actually got the weak knees for Jayne. I literally used to shake uncontrollably, in her presence (not very cool, I'm afraid ).

I also became extremely stupid--I mean I couldn't think straight (couldn't do basic math)--because I was just so distracted by the concern of trying not give her the wrong idea, all of the time. I could barely speak sometimes. Finally, to communicate: I had to resort to writing her messages on a pad I'd keep in my pocket (real lame).

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

It's OK - she doesn't remember it. I usually remind her.

She'd also like to forget that next year, she will have spent half her life with me.

If I were you I'd feel all sad and depressed 'cause I remember that and the woman I married doesn't. Especially since you're the guy. It's like remembering the first time you met your "someone" and everything they wore and the things they said to you and they don't remember it like you do (in details). wouldn't it make you feel like you're into them more than they're into you? I'd really feel like crap. It's like liking a girl and remember her birthday and phone number and she doesn't remember yours

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

Every time I open up to someone[a female] (outside my nuclear family) I only get hurt so love to me:

[1] doesn't exist
------OR------
[2] means hurt, pain and sorrow
---------OR-----------
[3] is a clever joke

 

[FrancisZ]

Every time I open up to someone[a female] (outside my nuclear family) I only get hurt so love to me:

[1] doesn't exist
------OR------
[2] means hurt, pain and sorrow
---------OR-----------
[3] is a clever joke

I'm like the king of bad advice, so please take this with a grain of salt, if you would. I loved exactly one woman in my life, and I know she was the one; but I wasn't honestly looking for her when we met. I never expected her; I wasn't planning on her. She just appeared in my life.

Personally, I don't think people meet "the right one" in any of the so-called usual places, or with intent.

I once tried Eharmony even, and found myself ending up, only describing my dear Jayne, through the survey. And then the funniest thing happened: Eharmony ACTUALLY TOLD ME, that they couldn't help me!

But even crazy as it may sound: that was one of the happiest moments of my life. And you know why? Because, to me at least, it was just another affirmation of the uniqueness of the woman I loved. It meant that she was irreplaceable. I already knew that, but Eharmony proved it. To them: either no such person exists, to match; or, comes close enough.

 

[cronxeh]

A few years ago.. I fell in love with my bestfriend. I've known her for 4 years and she was the only person I've talked to on a constant basis. It seemed like we could talk about anything, yet we were totally different from each other, but somehow very familiar.

The moment it happened had to be pointed out to me by her friend. She said to me, "I wish I had a guy who would look at me the way you look at her." I've realized that I was looking at my friend with a smile of acceptance, trust, admiration, and reverence. Her words were like a gentle soothing sound, her face a gentle smile with the cute way her nose would kinkle, and those nerd glasses she had. It was adorable. I felt happy just to talk to her, it filled me with joy and serenity.

Unfortunately, when you are friends for so long its impossible to get out of the friendszone. The story ends quite bitterly, and so.. real 'love' is improbable. How would you fall for someone if you don't know them? It can only be on physical appearances, and likely not to last. If you fall for your friend its unlikely to become something more without that attraction.

 

[FrancisZ]

A few years ago.. I fell in love with my bestfriend. I've known her for 4 years and she was the only person I've talked to on a constant basis. It seemed like we could talk about anything, yet we were totally different from each other, but somehow very familiar.

The moment it happened had to be pointed out to me by her friend. She said to me, "I wish I had a guy who would look at me the way you look at her." I've realized that I was looking at my friend with a smile of acceptance, trust, admiration, and reverence. Her words were like a gentle soothing sound, her face a gentle smile with the cute way her nose would kinkle, and those nerd glasses she had. It was adorable. I felt happy just to talk to her, it filled me with joy and serenity.

Unfortunately, when you are friends for so long its impossible to get out of the friendszone. The story ends quite bitterly, and so.. real 'love' is improbable. How would you fall for someone if you don't know them? It can only be on physical appearances, and likely not to last. If you fall for your friend its unlikely to become something more without that attraction.

In my case: it just sort of happened, the physical attraction. Jayne was 25 years older than me. And in my wildest dreams: I never thought she would like me at all that way; or that I would fall for her. But I did. And she totally changed what I wanted in a woman.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

A few years ago.. I fell in love with my bestfriend. I've known her for 4 years and she was the only person I've talked to on a constant basis. It seemed like we could talk about anything, yet we were totally different from each other, but somehow very familiar.

The moment it happened had to be pointed out to me by her friend. She said to me, "I wish I had a guy who would look at me the way you look at her." I've realized that I was looking at my friend with a smile of acceptance, trust, admiration, and reverence. Her words were like a gentle soothing sound, her face a gentle smile with the cute way her nose would kinkle, and those nerd glasses she had. It was adorable. I felt happy just to talk to her, it filled me with joy and serenity.

Unfortunately, when you are friends for so long its impossible to get out of the friendszone. The story ends quite bitterly, and so.. real 'love' is improbable. How would you fall for someone if you don't know them? It can only be on physical appearances, and likely not to last. If you fall for your friend its unlikely to become something more without that attraction.

yikes. Oh oh. that's not good. I'm kinda in that type of situation right now. I really hope there's an exception to your rule else I'm going to have to start distancing myself

 

[cronxeh]

yikes. Oh oh. that's not good. I'm kinda in that type of situation right now. I really hope there's an exception to your rule else I'm going to have to start distancing myself

Its been 2 years and I still can't move on. Unfortunately she made a mistake of thinking that I did and contacted me again trying to rekindle the 'friends-only' part. That lasted 3 weeks, and guess what? The old feeling came back, and once it was over this time, the bitterness amplified 10 times.

Needless to say, I would pay any money and do any favors to forget about her. Insulin shock, electroshock therapy, whatever it takes. I just want any memory of her erased from my head. Forever.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

I'm like the king of bad advice, so please take this with a grain of salt, if you would. I loved exactly one woman in my life, and I know she was the one; but I wasn't honestly looking for her when we met. I never expected her; I wasn't planning on her. She just appeared in my life.

Personally, I don't think people meet "the right one" in any of the so-called usual places, or with intent.

I once tried Eharmony even, and found myself ending up, only describing my dear Jayne, through the survey. And then the funniest thing happened: Eharmony ACTUALLY TOLD ME, that they couldn't help me!

But even crazy as it may sound: that was one of the happiest moments of my life. And you know why? Because, to me at least, it was just another affirmation of the uniqueness of the woman I loved. It meant that she was irreplaceable. I already knew that, but Eharmony proved it. To them: either no such person exists, to match; or, comes close enough.

man atleast you loved someone, and they loved you back. No harm in that. It's what I've always been looking for but with no luck so sometimes I decide I'll go the "womanizer" route so I won't fall in love, feel pain and rejection anymore. But I mean I want to be crazy for a girl and the girl to be crazy for me. That'd be great love, hope I experience it someday

 

[FrancisZ]

yikes. Oh oh. that's not good. I'm kinda in that type of situation right now. I really hope there's an exception to your rule else I'm going to have to start distancing myself

Don't distance yourself--just don't be forceful either.

There's a motto my great grandmother actually coined, that comes to mind. She used to say: "ANYTHING FORCED STINKS!"

Relationships can take years to manifest themselves, I think. Not that I'm a prime example or anything; but I didn't tell Jayne that I loved her for about 3 years (and even then, I had to write it in a letter and mail it to her, because I was too damn scared).

 

[FrancisZ]

Its been 2 years and I still can't move on. Unfortunately she made a mistake of thinking that I did and contacted me again trying to rekindle the 'friends-only' part. That lasted 3 weeks, and guess what? The old feeling came back, and once it was over this time, the bitterness amplified 10 times.

Needless to say, I would pay any money and do any favors to forget about her. Insulin shock, electroshock therapy, whatever it takes. I just want any memory of her erased from my head. Forever.

Is she involved with anyone? If so, then leave her be. But if she isn't, I'd simply write her a letter expressing my feelings, and ask her to reciprocate. If she plainly says no, then leave her alone and focus on yourself. It's amazing what household projects/school work/employment can do to block out misery. Plus, you might meet somebody going to the store, going to class, or getting a job and doing it.

Love: it sometimes happens where you least expect it.

 

[cronxeh]

Is she involved with anyone? If so, then leave her be. But if she isn't, I'd simply write her a letter expressing my feelings, and ask her to reciprocate. If she plainly says no, then leave her alone and focus on yourself. It's amazing what household projects/school work/employment can do to block out misery. Plus, you might meet somebody going to the store, going to class, or getting a job and doing it.

Love: it sometimes happens where you least expect it.

Yeah, no I actually don't need any advice in this department. She is the one from the time before I've had the firewall installed on my tough, manly exterior. Nowadays it bounces right off of me and I couldn't care less, and frankly I really couldn't care less about any female right now.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

Its been 2 years and I still can't move on. Unfortunately she made a mistake of thinking that I did and contacted me again trying to rekindle the 'friends-only' part. That lasted 3 weeks, and guess what? The old feeling came back, and once it was over this time, the bitterness amplified 10 times.

Needless to say, I would pay any money and do any favors to forget about her. Insulin shock, electroshock therapy, whatever it takes. I just want any memory of her erased from my head. Forever.

Dude, I feel the same exact way! It's why all of a sudden I'm active on this site especially in the Relationships section. I feel really hurt and rejected. I wish I could forget as well and move on with my life but it's really hard (emotionally) at the moment. Story simply:

we've been friends for almost 4 years now. Just recently, I was going through some tough stuff and I got real nasty with her over the phone and she got offended (I can tell) and we didn't speak for nearly nearly a month or two. then just last week Sunday we chat on Yahoo I asked why she hasn't been calling she said she doesn't want to (ouch!) :( I kinda had that coming since I was nasty to her. I took that really harshly and felt rejected I deleted her pics, e-mails and number 'cause I thought this is it. And then I left the chat without saying good bye. We haven't spoken since. But I think what hurts the most is having it end this way. Not finding out how she felt, where things could have gone and the thought of her and another guy's what kills me the most All the time spent on the phone, reading and writing e-mails, sending pics and it all ends like this, it really kills. I also feel like it's my fault and the guilt is just too unbearable.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

Don't distance yourself--just don't be forceful either.

There's a motto my great grandmother actually coined, that comes to mind. She used to say: "ANYTHING FORCED STINKS!"

Relationships can take years to manifest themselves, I think.

you have no idea how much that means to me. it's stuff like that has made me not want to give up

 

[cronxeh]

you have no idea how much that means to me. it's stuff like that has made me not want to give up

Don't listen to that. It does not take years, if it does it involves compromise and settling for the second grade choice that will be regretted later. Its not real.

I've had girls like that and I knew what they wanted, and I never allowed myself to drag them along just for some personal, selfish gain.

 

[FrancisZ]

Don't listen to that. It does not take years, if it does it involves compromise and settling for the second grade choice that will be regretted later. Its not real.

I've had girls like that and I knew what they wanted, and I never allowed myself to drag them along just for some personal, selfish gain.

I'm just saying that it takes time to develop clarity of feeling. You don't have to make yourself a doormat; but you can admit to wrongdoing (like being nasty). You can also be straight with somebody and tell them how you felt, how feel now, and what your intentions are.

I think a hand written letter is due; you throw the ball in their court. I'd do several drafts to get it just so. My first drafts usually sound too random. Plus, it also gets it out of your system.

As Stan Lee once said: "writing is cheap psychology."

 

[cronxeh]

I'm just saying that it takes time to develop clarity of feeling. You don't have to make yourself a doormat; but you can admit to wrongdoing (like being nasty). You can also be straight with somebody and tell them how you felt, how feel now, and what your intentions are.

I think a hand written letter is due; you throw the ball in their court. I'd do several drafts to get it just so. My first drafts usually sound too random. Plus, it also gets it out of your system.

As Stan Lee once said: "writing is cheap psychology."

I am on a different plane right now. I pretty much wake up in the morning and tell myself that she will never be mine, that we will never be together, never make out, never see each other again, never talk to each other again. I don't know if it works, but reminding yourself what is actual and real is important in my opinion.

 

[FrancisZ]

I am on a different plane right now. I pretty much wake up in the morning and tell myself that she will never be mine, that we will never be together, never make out, never see each other again, never talk to each other again. I don't know if it works, but reminding yourself what is actual and real is important in my opinion.

Being realistic IS important; but not an excuse, and to the point of total avoidance of effort. Instead of having a daily mantra, why not forgive?

There is great potential for authentic love, between two people that can actually forgive one another, and not hold grudges. It isn't healthy to be pissed-off at someone for a long time, anyway (not that I haven't been myself).

Maybe give her a 2nd chance? Be the bigger person? Offer an olive branch? What harm is there is writing someone a letter explaining how you feel (as long as you do it like an adult)? No one does that anymore, but they should. Not only is it psychologically purging--and you ultimately don't have to send it (I certainly wouldn't send a first draft)--but it shows that you took the time to figure things out. I think many people, even if they don't actually WRITE correspondences, appreciate those who do.

 

[cronxeh]

Being realistic IS important; but not as an excuse, and to the point of total avoidance of effort. Instead of having a daily mantra, why not forgive?

There is great potential for authentic love, between two people that can actually forgive one another, and not hold grudges. It isn't healthy to be pissed-off at someone for a long time, anyway (not that I haven't been myself).

Maybe give her a 2nd chance? Be the bigger person? Offer an olive branch? What harm is there is writing someone a letter explaining how you feel (as long as you do it like an adult)? No one does that anymore, but they should. Not only is it psychologically purging--and you ultimately don't have to send it (I certainly wouldn't send a first draft)--but it shows that you took the time to figure things out. I think many people, even if they don't actually WRITE correspondences, appreciate those who do.

I am not looking for catharsis. I know she only wants friendship, and she knows I don't want to be friends only. She is a lousy friend for that matter. She was never there for me as a friend, and frankly she has no clue of what being friends means. So at best I am willing to be her boyfriend, but to pretend like she is worthy of being my friend is ludicrous.

I honestly think she does not deserve or want happiness. She has been dating some of the worst guys you could find, and been treated like trash, cheated and lied to. After a while it got old real quick. She would give them a chance but not me? Ok. I know there is nothing wrong with me structurally, mentally, or emotionally. So she is either scared of a real relationship, too dumb to see it, or just isn't chemically attracted. Which is the same thing anyway.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Something I just saw on a friend's facebook page made me think of this thread:

Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle
Everything I do is stitched with its color.
~W.S. Merwin, "Separation"

 

[FrancisZ]

I am not looking for catharsis. I know she only wants friendship, and she knows I don't want to be friends only. She is a lousy friend for that matter. She was never there for me as a friend, and frankly she has no clue of what being friends means. So at best I am willing to be her boyfriend, but to pretend like she is worthy of being my friend is ludicrous.

I honestly think she does not deserve or want happiness. She has been dating some of the worst guys you could find, and been treated like trash, cheated and lied to. After a while it got old real quick. She would give them a chance but not me? Ok. I know there is nothing wrong with me structurally, mentally, or emotionally. So she is either scared of a real relationship, too dumb to see it, or just isn't chemically attracted. Which is the same thing anyway.

Well, I'm not saying you should wait around for someone to grow up (and that kind of sounds like maybe that's what she needs to do--no disrespect to you, for your interest in such a person); but if you really feel that she is the one for you, then I would make that clear to her in writing (or at least say it).

Somehow, I know I've had that sort of an experience. The relationship never reached fruition really; but I did like this girl, and couldn't understand why she would go out with people who treated her badly. That sounds like she had an uneasy childhood; and maybe a bad relationship with one of her parents (probably her father).

I think it's possible that eventually she will straighten out. But it's your decision how much of that you're willing to contribute to. Ultimately, you know you can't change someone that isn't willing to change herself.

If you don't mind me asking: what's the attraction to her? If it's purely physical, you know it isn't worth it.

 

[cronxeh]

If you don't mind me asking: what's the attraction to her? If it's purely physical, you know it isn't worth it.

Never had anything physical with her. She looks pretty, cute and petite, but I won't classify her as the Cadillac of women, more like a Kia Rio. And yet.. I would rather snuggle with this immature tard of a woman than anyone else.