I think a key issue needs to be clarified for this discussion: the term "reference frame" can be used to mean multiple things in physics. In particular, it can be used to mean any of the following three things:
(1) A coordinate chart;
(2) A frame field (i.e., a mapping of points in spacetime to 4-tuples of orthonormal vectors, one timelike and three spacelike);
(3) A concrete measuring apparatus that physically realizes #1 or #2.
These are three distinct things that should not be conflated.
In terms of the above three distinct things (which I'll denote by their numbers above), I'll try to summarize what I think are the key points relevant to the original thread topic (what counts as "inertial"):
We can make physical measurements with #3 without having #1 or #2 at all. We can use our mathematical theories to make predictions using #1 or #2 without having #3 at all, but the predictions for physical measurement results should be independent of any particular choice of #1 or #2. To compare physical measurements with predictions, of course we need both, and we also need a way to set up a correspondence between #3 and either #1 or #2, so that the comparison between the predicted and actual measurement results is well defined.
In terms of #1, a chart is inertial if objects that are not subject to any forces (or subject to multiple forces whose vector sum is zero) have zero coordinate acceleration in the chart. The definition of "not subject to any forces", however, is different in Newtonian mechanics than in GR. In Newtonian mechanics, gravity counts as a force, so, for example, a non-rotating coordinate chart centered on the Earth and covering the entire Earth and its vicinity counts as inertial. (However, "fictitious" forces like centrifugal force do not count as forces for this purpose.) In GR, gravity is not a force (or, if you like, it is considered a "fictitious" force), and the chart just described is not inertial, since, for example, a rock dropped off a cliff and free-falling downward does not have zero coordinate acceleration in this frame.
In terms of #2, a frame field by itself can't really be called "inertial" or "non-inertial"; we have to add to the frame field a family of timelike worldlines, defined such that at each event in spacetime, the timelike vector of the 4-tuple assigned to that event is the tangent vector to the unique worldline passing through that event. Then the frame field is inertial if the worldlines are all worldlines of objects subject to no forces (with all the caveats given above).
In terms of #3, a measuring apparatus is inertial if, as a physical object, it is subject to no forces (with all the caveats given above).