What kinds of foods give you the winds ?

[Cyrus]

After I started my first job out of college, I celebrated with some friends and some beer. The next day, I was first confronted with a novel question, the answer to which still eludes me: if I fart in my cubicle, can the person in the next cube smell it?

Do the cubicle walls somehow act to contain the fart? Do the ceiling-mounted vents encourage the fart upwards, away from neighbors' noses? I may never know.

I did learn one thing that day, though. That afternoon, I unleashed a suffocating demon of a fart into the closed-cell foam of my office chair. No more than ten seconds later, by some terrible coincidence, the incredibly cute HR girl who did my hiring paperwork showed up at my cubicle to introduce herself and welcome me to the company. All the while, the beast was slowly leaking out, sinking to the floor and filling the cubicle.

I saw it: her nose crinkled. Her eyes narrowed slightly, and she withdrew her hand from mine. She looked at me for a second, steadily. Her face betrayed her thoughts: You're a disgusting animal, aren't you? Did you really just fart right in front of me? Good lord, what the hell did you eat? She cut the conversation a bit shorter than you'd expect and left me alone to ponder my abysmal luck.

I never gathered the courage to explain to her that no, I hadn't farted in her presence; that it was just trapped in the cushion from a moment before she arrived. Something tells me that information wouldn't have done much to improve her opinion of me, anyway.

- Warren

AAhAHAHAHAAAHA, I am in tears. Thats a great story.

 

[Cyrus]

Maybe they could reverse-engineer the formula for cyrus' benefit, and call it Onaeb.

By the same token, I always wondered how much money they could make by relabeling the Where's Waldo? books to Where Isn't Waldo?, subtitled For less-gifted children.

- Warren

AHAHHAHAHAH, ahahhaahha

 

[gravenewworld]

Absolutely nothing ties up my intestines more than a lot of milk and dairy products. However, it is good to know that I have a WMD at my disposal whenever I want by chugging a big glass of milk . Sometimes it is just fun to eat a lot of dairy products on purpose.

 

[Moonbear]

Absolutely nothing ties up my intestines more than a lot of milk and dairy products. However, it is good to know that I have a WMD at my disposal whenever I want by chugging a big glass of milk . Sometimes it is just fun to eat a lot of dairy products on purpose.

Aha! Now we have the answer! You're not angry, just gassy!

I think I'd die if I ever developed an intolerance or allergy to milk...I just love milk too much to ever be able to give it up.