Do you mind if I explain this in terms of potential energy?
As
@Borek said, the metal is
rarely an individual entity. It is mostly a part of a complex or a molecule. In such a situation, the energies of the orbitals which surround the metal ion are altered and can no longer be said to be as atomic orbitals. One has to invoke the MOT or (to an extent) the Crystal Field Theory to understand complex salts.
Now coming to the various oxidation states a metal
can possess, this is easily explained by potential energy.
@TT0 .. when you were wondering about the oxidation states, did you also wonder why only some of these states are stable? In case you notice harder, you will observe that the so called "half filled" and "fully filled" oxidation states are the ones which are stable. What I am driving at is that the other oxidation states are formed
in situ i.e, as part of the reaction. They may be partly stable, but eventually the metal will reconfigure to achieve a more stable oxidation state provided the necessary conditions are present.
PS: I have not mentioned how potential energy explains these oxidation states. I believe you can figure it out. Think in terms of collison theory of reactions.