Why Do Women Often Seek Something Extra or Special?

[DocToxyn]

That way I don't have to deal with women who have had the life sucked out of them by their families.

That statement seems a little harsh. Having a family doesn't "suck the life out of you", they were probably rather boring before the family. It's funny but when my wife and I are given the all to few chances to go out without the kids, what do we end up talking about the majority of the time?...you guessed it...the kids. I doubt if many others would be very interested in that and from the outside, yes, it probably would seem boring. I would never attempt to engage anyone in that subject unless I knew we had that in common or they specifically asked about it.

 

[Tsu]

That statement seems a little harsh. Having a family doesn't "suck the life out of you", they were probably rather boring before the family. It's funny but when my wife and I are given the all to few chances to go out without the kids, what do we end up talking about the majority of the time?...you guessed it...the kids. I doubt if many others would be very interested in that and from the outside, yes, it probably would seem boring. I would never attempt to engage anyone in that subject unless I knew we had that in common or they specifically asked about it.

Harsh? Perhaps. However I have had so many friends with kids over the years say that very thing themselves. And WHY can't you and your wife talk about anything other than the kids? BECAUSE THEY'VE SUCKED THE LIFE OUT OF YOU AND THEY HAVE BECOME YOUR ONLY MUTUAL INTEREST!11 Really, just kidding, Doc - but only to a point. You would have to have lived most of your adult life without children - but spent much of your time with your friends WITH kids listening to every aspect of their life to understand what I mean.

 

[honestrosewater]

Just to be clear, I was talking about a particular incident. The reason it was so weird wasn't that they kept going on and on about their families because they thought it was so interesting or whatever -- it was weird because they didn't seem interested, at all, in what they, themselves, were saying, and they could have talked about anything. I even tried to steer them to other things (actually, I think the topic did finally turn to my (heretical) religious beliefs, but I don't remember much after that). Maybe they were distracted or didn't feel like talking or something, but it seemed more like they just didn't have anything else to talk about... and were ruefully aware of it.

Anywho, I know they both love their families and everything, and I didn't mean to suggest that there is necessarily anything bad about having a family. I was just reminded of this one weird experience.

 

[J77]

http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/3223/100x125marjorie1mr.jpg

"Oooooh, I love a bit of cake. Oooooh, cake. Oooooh, cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. I'm just one of these people. I come home and I need a piece of cake."



btw: seems rude to diss someone elses cake.

 

[Moonbear]

You would have to have lived most of your adult life without children - but spent much of your time with your friends WITH kids listening to every aspect of their life to understand what I mean.

I don't think it's ubiquitous, but I know what you mean. It seems to me that it's more of an issue the less educated someone is. The more educated parents might give some brief updates on what their kids have been doing, but can still hold a conversation on other topics. The less educated ones seem to have their lives consumed by their children...there's no book they just read, or restaurant they just tried, or anything else they can talk about other than their kids. But, I think DocToxyn is right, those people who are that bad about it were pretty boring before they had kids too. They didn't talk about kids, but still chattered on about their spouses, or how stressed work is making them (even if you can't figure out why their job should be at all stressful), or their Aunt Wilma-Jean's hemorrhoid surgery.

 

[DocToxyn]

I think it boils down to a combination of what Tsu, HRW and Moonbear are speaking to. HRW brings up the point that some people just seem to need to "fill up the air with banter". They can't stand any silence. Maybe this is because they have kids and since kids are constantly noisy, their absence is deafening and they need some niose in around them. Perhaps it also touches on Moonbear's observation that if they don't know anything about anything else then children is all they have to talk about.

Tsu, you're probably right, if I were in a different situation I would be bored by listening to other people talk about their kids, however, the same thing does happen when for instance I'm around a bunch of guys talking about football or baseball. I've never cared for those subjects and find them dull, but at the same time I can't consider these people lifeless or less intelligent (not to say that that was your intention). Heck, some on the stats or play-by-play recall these guys conjure up from years past are actually quite impressive.

Which sort-of gets back to Moonbear's point - are they really less intelligent or have they simply focused on one particular subject to the exclusion of others and that is what they know best (I suspect the real answer is more a continuum rather than a finite distinction). I guess it really comes down to finding people who have something in common with you and can maintain a good conversation in that subject.

BTW, I'm not tryinng to be critical of anyone's opinions, since that seems to have been the original subject of the thread, this is just my $.02.

 

[Astronuc]

One female asked why there wasn't something to the effect of happy 4th of july or happy birthday America on it. When she said this a good handfull of the remaining females chimed in with either "yea, it looks too plain" or "it could have been more festive". Once again, I'm not bashing, I'm wanting to understand the thought process or whatever it is that's taking place when this happens. Is it part of the nesting/nurturing thing that women do or is it something else, like I'm just unfortunate in that I'm always around these types of women and/or my family's full of them?

I think the OP was just musing about his experience listening to several women discussing the merits of a particular cake.

It is certainly not a general trend, but applies to those women.

There are men who chat/babble/banter about sports, e.g. golf, and some seem to talk about it almost exclusively. I certainly don't belong in that group.

Flying home one day, I sat in front of a woman (with her husband) who went on and on about her recent vacation from which she was returning. She talked about how much she spent of clothes (e.g. $500 for pants, $2000 for a dress), what she drank, the fact that she saw some well know artist, where she had gone for her honeymoon, . . . . I wanted to scream at her to 'shut up'. However, most women/people do not do that - fortunately!

 

[Math Is Hard]

Flying home one day, I sat in front of a woman (with her husband) who went on and on about her recent vacation from which she was returning. She talked about how much she spent of clothes (e.g. $500 for pants, $2000 for a dress), what she drank, the fact that she saw some well know artist, where she had gone for her honeymoon, . . . . I wanted to scream at her to 'shut up'. However, most women/people do not do that - fortunately!

Did you see him slip his hearing aid back in after the plane landed?

 

[Astronuc]

Did you see him slip his hearing aid back in after the plane landed?

No, he just sat there and smiled, while his wife went on and on and . . . . I think they were both young - late 30's or early 40's. For me that's still young.

 

[Moonbear]

Which sort-of gets back to Moonbear's point - are they really less intelligent or have they simply focused on one particular subject to the exclusion of others and that is what they know best (I suspect the real answer is more a continuum rather than a finite distinction).

I just have to be picky and clarify this one point. I wasn't saying they are less intelligent, but less educated. Someone could be very intelligent, but if they haven't done anything to broaden their experiences beyond graduating high school, getting a job, getting married and having kids, then they have even less things they can talk about than someone who has made an effort to add breadth to their knowledge base. Heck, in this case, "education" can be something as simple as taking a pottery class. I don't even necessarily refer to formal higher education here. Some people are highly intelligent, but lack the motivation to do anything with that intelligence.

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

I think the OP was just musing about his experience listening to several women discussing the merits of a particular cake.

Thanks Astronuc, but to clarify...I was using the cake incident as the most current example I've seen. More often than not, I observe women seeming to want something extra or more spectacular to add to what they already have to get that particular something to "pop". Whether its a description, embellishment, bauble or whatever. Blue paint for the dining room, no, RUSSIAN blue. Platinum watch, no, TIFFANY platinum watch. Latte, no, double-half-caf-half-decaf-soy milk-dash of Madagascar cinnamon-and half tablespoon of carmel-latte-frappa-mocha-thing.

I'm guessing that it may be a status thing where either they have it and you don't or they have the knowledge of it and you don't. At times it seems like I can't be in an intellectual conversation with a woman without it turning into a bad game of Jeopardy. If I hear the subject get changed with, "that's just like...", one more time I'm taking a drill to my eardrums.

 

[Astronuc]

Thanks Astronuc, but to clarify...I was using the cake incident as the most current example I've seen. More often than not, I observe women seeming to want something extra or more spectacular to add to what they already have to get that particular something to "pop". Whether its a description, embellishment, bauble or whatever. Blue paint for the dining room, no, RUSSIAN blue. Platinum watch, no, TIFFANY platinum watch. Latte, no, double-half-caf-half-decaf-soy milk-dash of Madagascar cinnamon-and half tablespoon of carmel-latte-frappa-mocha-thing.

I'm guessing that it may be a status thing where either they have it and you don't or they have the knowledge of it and you don't. At times it seems like I can't be in an intellectual conversation with a woman without it turning into a bad game of Jeopardy. If I hear the subject get changed with, "that's just like...", one more time I'm taking a drill to my eardrums.

E6S, I was also using the cake, or more so how the women were discussing the cake, as an example. Most women I know just don't behave this way. My wife however works with some women who tend somewhat to behave similar to the example cited. We just don't socialize with them.

On the other hand, I interact professionally with both men and women, and we talk most about technical subjects or subjects of mutual interest, but none of the women exhibit the behavior of which you describe - 'that need for something extra'.

 

[Moonbear]

I'm guessing that it may be a status thing where either they have it and you don't or they have the knowledge of it and you don't.

That's possible, that somehow it's their attempt at one-upmanship. It comes across pretty snobby sounding. And, that is also not exclusive to women by any means. I happen to know more men like that than women, by chance I suppose. I'm happy with the $5.99 watch, they need the Rolex, I'm happy to find pants that fit, they need the Armani suit, if they buy a car, it has to be a Lexus or BMW or Mercedes, or the "special edition," I have dishes, they have china. Is that the sort of thing you mean? It's like they can't just be happy with what they have, they always need something more, or are oblivious to the fact that they're hurting someone else's feelings in their attempt to show off. Yeah, generally I avoid being stuck with people like that for too long.

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

...I'm happy with the $5.99 watch, they need the Rolex, I'm happy to find pants that fit, they need the Armani suit, if they buy a car, it has to be a Lexus or BMW or Mercedes, or the "special edition," I have dishes, they have china. Is that the sort of thing you mean? It's like they can't just be happy with what they have, they always need something more, or are oblivious to the fact that they're hurting someone else's feelings in their attempt to show off. Yeah, generally I avoid being stuck with people like that for too long.

Bingo! I know guys like that too but I'm around many more women than guys. If guys do it you can mush their face and walk away. It's like there's something missing in their life so they try and make up for it with possessions or their boardgame knowledge. If I'm talking to someone that starts a great subject I'll usually let them know that I'm not familiar with it and ask them to tell me more but depending on who is speaking you can be in for a snoozer.

 

[Ouabache]

Je ne sais quoi.

Ma foi, c'est louche!

I do not know what.

My faith, it is equivocal!

(if these are idioms then all-bets-are-off, regarding translation )