No, you're not being slow, my explanation wasn't clear enough. Rather, I danced around the usage of the word order. Note that associativity is a statement about the order of operations. Yes, in the end, we might as well denote a + b + c as the 6 different possible ways of writing the sum of three numbers. But these are axioms, so we are really working with obvious statements, but ensuring that the conceivable difficulties are taken care of.
So for associativity, we are worried about how the terms are grouped together. Which numbers should be added first? The answer is that the order of OPERATIONS does not matter as long as the order of the operands are not changed (think about what this means for a minute). Keeping my previous explanation in mind, we simply place parentheses around the terms that we indicate should be added first. The problem is that if we add b and c first, and then a, then this sum is conceivably different from adding a and b first and then c. Of course, our axiom tells us that the sum is the same. So that adding b and c first then adding a is a + (b + c) and this is the same as adding a and b first, then c. Notice that we write this as a + (b + c) = (a + b) + c, so we are simply placing parentheses around the terms in which we think should be added first, but we are NOT changing the sequence of the actual operands. We are not saying that a + (b+c) = (b+c) + a because this is reversing the order (or changing the sequence) of the operands a and (b + c). Associativity only allows us to place parentheses around terms in which we think should be added first, and tells us that it doesn't matter where we place the parentheses as long as the sequence of the operands is not changed. In other words, it justifies a change in the order of operations, provided that the order of the operands is not changed.
On the other hand, commutativity is concerned with the conceivable problem that reversing the sequence of operands in a sum might give us a different number, but this is not true. Hence, adding a pair of numbers does not depend on the order in which we add them. We are no longer talking about the order of operations, but rather the order of the operands. In the above case for commutativity, we can't really say anything about the order of operations, since we only have two numbers (for instance, it doesn't make sense to say "add a first and then b"). But we can talk about the sequence of the operands, specifically, if we reverse the order of the two numbers, our sum will not change, i.e. a + b, where a comes before b in the sequence of operands, is equal to b + a, where the sequence of operands has been reversed (b now comes before a).