Do you think iam being selfish?

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A 20-year-old woman is in a relationship with her 42-year-old girlfriend, who is hesitant to buy her drinks in public due to the legal drinking age of 21 in New York. While the girlfriend is comfortable with the woman drinking at home or private parties, the woman feels embarrassed when out with her girlfriend's friends, who sometimes tease her about the age gap and her inability to drink. She struggles with the idea of discussing her feelings with her girlfriend, fearing it may come off as selfish. Forum participants suggest that the girlfriend's concerns are valid, as she could face legal repercussions for buying drinks for a minor. They recommend that the woman communicate her discomfort about the teasing to her girlfriend and consider addressing the issue directly with her girlfriend's friends. Some also suggest alternatives, like ordering non-alcoholic drinks that resemble cocktails, to help her feel more included.
anny
Hello , ok , so am a 20 year old girl and my girlfriend is 42 we are both deeply in love, however my girlfriend refuses to buy me drinks in public fearing she might get in troubles since the drinking age is 21 in NY , she has no problems with me drinking alone or at home or closed parties but not in public , and i don't want to make a big deal out of it as i understand her concerns but i also hate it when we go out with her friends and i can't drink :-/ i want to talk to her but i always feel selfish putting my needs ahead of hers . so do you think i should talk to her about this , i get very embarrassed while with her friends because sometimes they tease me about this .* i know they probably trying to point out what they think the ridiculous age gap between us* and i get really mad not being able to prove myself as an an equal partnership to them. do you think am selfish asking my girlfriend to do what i want instead of what she should?? thanks
 
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Well, it is hard to be an equal partner when you are 28 years younger than the rest of them.

And you are underage. Wait a year and you can drink all you want in a bar (its expensive and the free drinks end on your birthday night).
 
MotoH said:
Well, it is hard to be an equal partner when you are 28 years younger than the rest of them.

And you are underage. Wait a year and you can drink all you want in a bar (its expensive and the free drinks end on your birthday night).

thanks for your reply^^. and em.. 22 years only not 28 ;P
 
Buy your own drinks when your out? Otherwise you are asking your girlfriend to do something illegal, which is not an issue for some people, but is for others. Get a fake ID? I don't know. I mean, I don't think it is something you should be upset at her for. But its you in the relationship not me, so do what you need to do.
 
anny said:
Hello , ok , so am a 20 year old girl and my girlfriend is 42 we are both deeply in love, however my girlfriend refuses to buy me drinks in public fearing she might get in troubles since the drinking age is 21 in NY , she has no problems with me drinking alone or at home or closed parties but not in public , and i don't want to make a big deal out of it as i understand her concerns but i also hate it when we go out with her friends and i can't drink :-/ i want to talk to her but i always feel selfish putting my needs ahead of hers . so do you think i should talk to her about this , i get very embarrassed while with her friends because sometimes they tease me about this .* i know they probably trying to point out what they think the ridiculous age gap between us* and i get really mad not being able to prove myself as an an equal partnership to them. do you think am selfish asking my girlfriend to do what i want instead of what she should?? thanks
If her friends are actually targeting the age gap, then you having a drink won't solve anything. They would just find some other way to tease about it.

I would certainly explain to your girlfriend that their remarks are embarrassing you. She may not realize how uncomfortable it makes you, and hopefully she'll either get them to tone it down or go out with different friends.
 
anny said:
Hello , ok , so am a 20 year old girl and my girlfriend is 42 we are both deeply in love, however my girlfriend refuses to buy me drinks in public fearing she might get in troubles since the drinking age is 21 in NY , she has no problems with me drinking alone or at home or closed parties but not in public , and i don't want to make a big deal out of it as i understand her concerns but i also hate it when we go out with her friends and i can't drink :-/ i want to talk to her but i always feel selfish putting my needs ahead of hers . so do you think i should talk to her about this , i get very embarrassed while with her friends because sometimes they tease me about this .* i know they probably trying to point out what they think the ridiculous age gap between us* and i get really mad not being able to prove myself as an an equal partnership to them. do you think am selfish asking my girlfriend to do what i want instead of what she should?? thanks

I wouldn't buy a minor drinks either. She would/could be held legally responsible if you were to be caught, and might face fines/charges for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Don't take it personally.

If her friends are treating you disrespectfully you should tell them that their behavior is embarrassing you. If it's just a joke here and there, I wouldn't worry about it too much; however, if they are making you uncomfortable they need to be considerate of your feelings. I would make an attempt to address the issue yourself before bringing it up with her. It could, like Zooby said, they may not realize that their comments are offending you.
 
When I would go out to bars and didn't want to drink, I'd order a glass of tonic water with a wedge of lime, looks just like a mixed drink, and has a refreshing taste.

If her friends are making fun of you being too young to drink, they're the ones that need to grow up.
 
anny said:
Hello , ok , so am a 20 year old girl and my girlfriend is 42 we are both deeply in love, however my girlfriend refuses to buy me drinks in public fearing she might get in troubles since the drinking age is 21 in NY , she has no problems with me drinking alone or at home or closed parties but not in public , and i don't want to make a big deal out of it as i understand her concerns but i also hate it when we go out with her friends and i can't drink :-/ i want to talk to her but i always feel selfish putting my needs ahead of hers . so do you think i should talk to her about this , i get very embarrassed while with her friends because sometimes they tease me about this .* i know they probably trying to point out what they think the ridiculous age gap between us* and i get really mad not being able to prove myself as an an equal partnership to them. do you think am selfish asking my girlfriend to do what i want instead of what she should?? thanks

Ok: For being ashamed by her friends: tell them that your youth is your biggest advantage over them. That so they'll be old and fat, and you will still have your whole life ahead of you.

As for beers, blackmail her :P
 

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