|Apr26-03, 03:44 PM||#18|
post a joke...
All the great physicsts meet at a place to discuss the answer to the mysterious question - WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD???
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was
on, but it was moving very fast.
Hawking: The first seconds made the universe in such a way that
chickens cross the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken.
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to
cross the road.
|Apr26-03, 04:14 PM||#19|
There was a brunette, blond and redhead on a deserted island. They became close friends during there time together. One day, they stumbled across a magic lamp. The genie popped out and offered each one a single wish. The Brunette wished to be back home with her family. The redhead wished similar. The blonde, now all alone, burst into tears and the genie attempting to offer some comfort says "What's wrong dear?" to which the blonde responds "I'm so lonely now, I wish my friends were with me"
|Apr26-03, 04:37 PM||#20|
in a psyhiatric institution a guy say to another:
-Ljupce give me one cigar.
-Lazo my name is not Ljupce,it's Zoran.
-OK Ljupce,give me the cigar.
|Apr26-03, 10:41 PM||#21|
- diarrhea waits for no man
- drive carefully ....donít kill a child -wait for teacher
- the road to success is always under construction
|Apr26-03, 10:53 PM||#22|
A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender goes "Hey, we don't serve your kind here." The mushroom replies: "But I'm a fungi."
|Apr27-03, 10:54 AM||#23|
|Apr27-03, 02:19 PM||#24|
A poultry inspector was making his rounds from farm to farm one day when a three legged chicken ran up alongside his car. He was amazed because, besides having 3 legs, the chicken was traveling about 45 mph! He sped up to 50 and the chicken ran faster and stayed right alongside the car, so he sped up to 60 and the chicken stayed right with him, then he sped up to 75 mph and the chicken sped up right with him, then the chicken took off passing the car and ran about 100 mph into the next farmyard!
The poultry inspector pulled into the farm and found the farmer. He said, "I just saw a three legged chicken running about 100 mph come in here."
The farmer said, "Yep. I developed that chicken. I figured people like chicken legs so a chicken with more legs would be a good idea and I could sell a whole bunch of em."
"That sounds like a great idea, hows it working out so far?"
"Not good. I've never been able to catch one."[:D]
|Apr27-03, 03:34 PM||#25|
Why do they give Viagra to old men in the evening in the hospital?
So that they don't roll off the bed during their sleep.
|Apr29-03, 07:39 AM||#26|
Headline in the paper the day the midget fortune teller escaped from prison:
"Small medium at large!"
|Apr29-03, 11:03 PM||#27|
Q: what did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
|Apr29-03, 11:07 PM||#28|
ummmmm, is it ok if the joke is somewhat green, meaning sex-related or should it be somewhat intellectual
|Apr30-03, 09:00 AM||#29|
There's a mentally deranged truckdriver driving along a remote country road. Whenever he sees a pedestrian near the road he enjoys swerving over and hitting them. He sees a preaher whose car broke down trying to flag down a ride, so he stops and picks him up.
The two drive along for awhile and then the truck driver sees a pedestrian. He thinks, how can I swerve over there without this preacher knowing what I'm doing? So he decides to pretend he is falling asleep. He does this and it works except he can't see if he got the guy or not. So he "wakes" up and says, "Oh my gosh, I must have dosed off, did I hit that guy walking back there?"
The preacher says "No my son. You missed him."
A little while later he sees another one and tries it again. "I was dosing again, did I hit that guy back there?"
"No my son. You missed him."
A little while ater he tries the same thing again. "Oh no, I must have dosed again. Did I hit the guy walking back there?"
"No my son. But you got close enough that time so I could get him with the door." [:)]
|Apr30-03, 05:26 PM||#30|
Little Johnny was starving as he came down for breakfast, but since they lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said little Johnny. His mother told him no breakfast until he did his chores.
Little Johnny was mad, so as he went to feed the chickens he kicked one. Then he fed the cows and on his way out of the barn kicked a cow. When he slopped the pigs he gleefully delivered a swift kick in the rear to a fat porker. Satisfied with his revenge he went back in for his breakfast.
When little Johnny sat down at the table his mother rudely dropped a bowl of dry cereal in front of him. "Heyyyyyy! he complained, "How come I don't get no eggs and bacon? And why don't I got any milk in my cereal? "Well," his mother answered, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a
week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father came down for breakfast in a sullen mood and kicked the cat half way across the kitchen. Smirking, little Johnny looked up at his mother and said, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
|Apr30-03, 05:29 PM||#31|
A man is walking down the street carrying a penguin. A
policeman stops him and inquires, "Is that your penguin?"
The man replies, "No, I noticed him following me and since it's
a hot day I thought I'd carry him."
The cop says, "Why don't you take the penguin to the zoo."
"That's a great idea," the man replies, and heads off toward
the zoo leaving the cop shaking his head.
Some hours later the cop sees the same man still carrying the
penguin. "I thought you were gonna take the penguin to the zoo," he says. The man replies, "I did, he liked it, now I'm taking him to the movies."
|Apr30-03, 05:41 PM||#32|
Sam has been in the advertising business for 25 years and is
finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres
of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees
the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of
almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone
knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded
Vermonter standing there.
"Name's Enoch... Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge...
Having a party Saturday... thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet
some local folks. Thank you."
As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be
"Not a problem... after 25 years in advertising I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna
be some fightin' too."
Damn, Sam thinks... tough crowd. "Well, I get along with people.
I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex
at these parties, too."
"Now that's really not a problem!" says Sam, "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there ... by the way, what should I wear?
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."
|May4-03, 08:46 AM||#33|
Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery
- Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
- "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?
- There go the lights again...
- That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
- Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
|May6-03, 01:40 PM||#34|
Two peanuts were walking through the Park, and one was a-salted.
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm a schiztophrenic,
and I am too!"
(Told by a guy named Crazy Larry)
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
(ya, I know, lame)
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