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Who should i choose.? dating help any advice

by peace89
Tags: advice, choose, dating
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peace89
#1
May14-11, 09:19 AM
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hello every one am 22 i have 2 guys in my life right now who are both interested in me and looking for a long term relationship that can lead to marriage. they are both great guys i will want to spend the rest of my life with.

1) the first guy is 31 and a senior systems engineer and has his own businesses on the side. live in his own house. He is God fearing but the only problem with him is he is a very busy person and hard to get hold of him. he always calls me at the wrong time when am in school or work. so i call him back as i said i always have to leave a message and it takes him 24 to 48 hours to respond. we hardly talk everyday and i feel like communication is the key thats my only problem what about when you need the person during emergencies will he take that long to respond. the good side about him we live an hour apart from each other so we see each other often. he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said i will have to think about it dont have any problem with his age love is ageless.


2) The second guy who is 28 is an accountant and also has his own business on the side writing health books etc. he is caring . lives on his own text me every day and we talk everynight on the phone. he is very God fearing also and a real gentleman. the only problem with him is he lives in South Carolina so is more of a long distance. i live in virginia. he wished to get married before 30 an asked me to be his girlfriend and i told him i have to think about it.

i want to end one but in a nice way without hurting their feelings.
am so confused on who to choose. i want to commit to ONLY one person. any advice appreciated.
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DaveC426913
#2
May14-11, 09:24 AM
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Why ask us? Surely you don't want us giving you advice based on the sketchy description you've provided. The answer lies within you.

But, since you did ask, IMO, you don't spend enough time with either of them or know them well enough to commit to a relationship. Keep it informal. Stay dating. There is nothing wrong with dating - remember you're doing this to ensure you do end up in the right long-term relationship (that was the traditonal purpose of dating) - it's not like you're just playing the field for the fun of it.
lisab
#3
May14-11, 05:48 PM
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Quote Quote by peace89 View Post
hello every one am 22 i have 2 guys in my life right now who are both interested in me and looking for a long term relationship that can lead to marriage. they are both great guys i will want to spend the rest of my life with.

1) the first guy is 31 and a senior systems engineer and has his own businesses on the side. live in his own house. He is God fearing but the only problem with him is he is a very busy person and hard to get hold of him. he always calls me at the wrong time when am in school or work. so i call him back as i said i always have to leave a message and it takes him 24 to 48 hours to respond. we hardly talk everyday and i feel like communication is the key thats my only problem what about when you need the person during emergencies will he take that long to respond. the good side about him we live an hour apart from each other so we see each other often. he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said i will have to think about it dont have any problem with his age love is ageless.


2) The second guy who is 28 is an accountant and also has his own business on the side writing health books etc. he is caring . lives on his own text me every day and we talk everynight on the phone. he is very God fearing also and a real gentleman. the only problem with him is he lives in South Carolina so is more of a long distance. i live in virginia. he wished to get married before 30 an asked me to be his girlfriend and i told him i have to think about it.

i want to end one but in a nice way without hurting their feelings.
am so confused on who to choose. i want to commit to ONLY one person. any advice appreciated.
You tell a lot about what the guys do, and what kind of relationship they want. What do *you* want to do, and what kind of relationship do *you* want?

rootX
#4
May14-11, 06:31 PM
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Who should i choose.? dating help any advice

I must admit you done a fabulous work in hunting down *good* guys. Most people at 22 wouldn't care about those things .
*good as in financially well off.

Personal opinion: engineers make better partner than accountants.
Evo
#5
May14-11, 06:51 PM
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This sounds really weird. They've asked you to be their girlfriend and you said you have to think about it. You mean that you've only casually dated these men and you are thinking of marriage already?

Why do you have to leave messages when you call the first guy and he can't return calls sooner than 24-48 hours later? Sounds married to me.

How well and for how long have you known these men? Have you met their parents?
KingNothing
#6
May14-11, 10:00 PM
P: 949
If love is ageless, marriage should be too. Saying "I want to be married by 30" is placing oneself under an arbitrary set of rules, just like if someone said "I won't date older than 29".

Honestly, maybe you could just make a practical decision: date the guy who is geographically closer for a while and see how it goes. That way you waste the least amount of effort if it doesn't work out. Kind of like if you want a food item, might as well check the closest grocery store first.
Lichdar
#7
May15-11, 05:19 AM
P: 6
Dice roll. On a 4+, date the one further away.
Jack21222
#8
May15-11, 02:01 PM
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You're talking about marrying one of two guys you aren't even dating? Are you mad?
Topher925
#9
May16-11, 05:54 PM
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Eenie meenie miney moe.....
turbo
#10
Jul22-11, 11:46 PM
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Want to pick between "god-fearing" guys?
cmb
#11
Oct14-11, 02:26 PM
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Imagine each doing something, the same thing, really stupid or insensitive. e.g, Say you put hours into doing something really special for them, and when they came they just laughed at it and it made you sad and angry. Pick the one you would most easily forgive. If you wouldn't forgive either of them, then go find someone else.

Marriage is all about accommodation and tolerance to the myriad of problems that will arise. Get that wrong, and you're wasting your time getting married.
BobG
#12
Oct14-11, 03:00 PM
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The optimal solution is to spend 1/3 of your allotted time dating just to get a feel for the market. The best of the guys you date during the first third becomes your standard. Once the first third has past, marry the first guy that's better than the best guy you dated during the first third.

So, in your case, you're 22 and want to be married by 30. That gives you nearly 3 years to establish the standard and a little over 5 years to seek out a person better than the standard.

Note that this gives you about a 37% chance of marrying the best possible man (1/e). But's that's the best probability you're going to get.

Hmmm. Looking at it from the other side, that's pretty depressing. No matter who you marry, there's at least a 63% chance you could have married someone better. Well, no worries - there's always a chance marriage #2 will work out better. In fact, if you marry 3 times, there's only a 25% chance that none of the 3 guys you married were the best possible choice. Except then he might have been one of the two guys you divorced.

Actually, maybe it's better if you look for someone that doesn't like numbers at all.
micromass
#13
Oct14-11, 03:07 PM
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Date both of them and let them know. While each one think you are with the other person, you can do some math.
George Jones
#14
Oct14-11, 03:18 PM
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hmm ... is there a partial ordering on the set of available guys. I don't think so.
BobG
#15
Oct14-11, 05:22 PM
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Quote Quote by George Jones View Post
hmm ... is there a partial ordering on the set of available guys. I don't think so.
Actually, there probably is. For example, both of these guys have already established their success in life, but are still available in their late 20's to early 30's. The guys that had signs of both financial success and good personality and character were scooped up early, before they'd established their financial success, by the women that were better at scouting out talent.
stonecoldgen
#16
Oct14-11, 08:49 PM
P: 103
not enough information given
BobG
#17
Oct14-11, 09:18 PM
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Quote Quote by stonecoldgen View Post
not enough information given
True, but irrelevant.

Since when has not having enough information ever stopped someone from giving dating advice?

Besides, the advice is usually bad whether there's enough information or not.

You have to be really desperate to ask for dating advice from people that spend Friday nights on a physics forum.

Of course, seeing as how the question was asked the morning of May 14, it may not have been obvious that it would be answered by people on the forum on a Friday night in October.
widereader
#18
Dec21-11, 05:26 AM
P: 0
Basically, choosing someone is based on your feelings for one. If you think that both are potential husbands, you can try asking them what their plan is if you choose them. Will you have to give up your career to be with them or what? Their answers will be a signal for who to choose.


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