Caught Staring!


by qspeechc
Tags: staring
Sorry!
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#19
Sep16-09, 02:56 PM
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Man just smile at her and if she smiles back but you don't wanna continue things then look away... if she gives u the uhhh ur a creeper look then leave the entire area...

if you want more to come out of it get your *** up and walk on over there. just talk casually to her, what's the worst that can happen?
qspeechc
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#20
Sep16-09, 03:25 PM
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Let me clarify one thing: I'm not trying to be cute or anything when I blush. I can't control it when I blush, it just happens! And am I the only person on this forum who's ever blushed? I know when I'm blushing because the blood rushes to my face and it heats up.

I have no intention of talking to or asking out any attractive girls. I know I'll just get shot down as soon as I leave my seat (figuratively). I don't stare at girls on purpose to make them feel awkward, it just happens, I want to know how I can minimise the damage and walk away knowing she isn't going to get her boyfriend to beat me up in a dark alley.

Quote Quote by tchitt
You actually felt your face heat up? And what do you mean "ducked your head" under the partitions between the desks? Are you saying you turned red with embarrassment and obviously hid from her by moving to where she couldn't possibly make eye contact?
Yes.

Quote Quote by hypatia
How about just acknowledging the stare with a slight nod of the head, and then go back to what you were doing.
This could be reeeeeeeally creepy depending on your expression when you do this. You might think you're smiling sweetly but actually your sneering or jupiter only knows what.

Quote Quote by Sorry!
if you want more to come out of it get your *** up and walk on over there. just talk casually to her, what's the worst that can happen?
Um, colossal embarassment when she tells you what she really thinks of you?
leroyjenkens
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#21
Sep16-09, 04:25 PM
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Let me clarify one thing: I'm not trying to be cute or anything when I blush. I can't control it when I blush, it just happens! And am I the only person on this forum who's ever blushed? I know when I'm blushing because the blood rushes to my face and it heats up.
Yeah that happens to me when I'm kinda embarrassed. I get that warm feeling and just hope that it's not visible.
I have no intention of talking to or asking out any attractive girls. I know I'll just get shot down as soon as I leave my seat (figuratively). I don't stare at girls on purpose to make them feel awkward, it just happens, I want to know how I can minimise the damage and walk away knowing she isn't going to get her boyfriend to beat me up in a dark alley.
Try only staring at the pretty girls up close. I can see that as an extricable situation where you just smile and say something non-creepy when she notice's you staring. But I don't know a man in the world who can get you out of the long distance stare while saving face. Maybe Will Smith from the movie Hitch, but that's about it. That was a chick flick, but I have to admit that dude was smooth.
Greg Bernhardt
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#22
Sep16-09, 04:27 PM
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I can tell you are young, I used to be the same way. Then life happens and you realize how short it is and that opportunities are limited. Just go for it. Talk to her. You focus on the negative too much. Yeah it will be awkward if she doesn't like you, but what if she does? That feeling will be amazing!
DaveC426913
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#23
Sep16-09, 05:08 PM
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Quote Quote by qspeechc View Post
I have no intention of talking to or asking out any attractive girls. I know I'll just get shot down as soon as I leave my seat (figuratively).
They know you know this. Which is why a guy who is confident enough to risk getting shot down is very attractive to them.

Yes. 9 out of 10 girls will say no. But the 10th one might not.

By the way, saying no is something to take personally, a girl who lets a complete stranger approach her is also taking a gigantic risk - and I'm not just talking about her ego. They just can't afford to. The upshot is that those other 9 girls might like you just fine under any other more favourable circumstances. Think about that.
BobG
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#24
Sep16-09, 05:15 PM
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There's a technique to checking out the women. It might be a slightly different situation than getting caught in the library, but the overall strategy is the same. The man's gaze should always be moving towards the woman's eyes, even if it sometimes takes a little longer to get there than planned.

In other words, when checking out a woman, you start from the feet, moving your gaze upwards towards the eyes, being sure not to move your shoulders or head. Once your eyes have met, you can smile, start talking, what have you.

If you get caught staring at a woman in the library, the same tactic should be used to recover. You continue moving your eyes towards the woman's eyes, then maintain contact while smiling or starting a conversation, etc. (You're caught, so what in the world do you have to gain by pretending you weren't staring.)

The key difference between the flattery of being noticed and being creeped out is where the eyes end up. The guys that move their gaze from the eyes to the body are pretty much dissing the girl as a person, but, hey, they'd accept a night in the sack if forced. It's insulting and creepy. Ending the encounter with eye contact, and even some conversation or a smile, ends the encounter with interest in the girl herself; not just her body.
Moonbear
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#25
Sep16-09, 05:19 PM
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Quote Quote by hypatia View Post
How about just acknowledging the stare with a slight nod of the head, and then go back to what you were doing.
That's what I was thinking. A nod, a smile, or a little wave, something to let her know you WERE staring and are glad you finally caught her attention. If you immediately look away, she won't know if you were really interested or it was just chance you both looked up at the same time.
BobG
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#26
Sep16-09, 05:26 PM
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Quote Quote by qspeechc View Post
I have no intention of talking to or asking out any attractive girls. I know I'll just get shot down as soon as I leave my seat (figuratively).
Quote Quote by DaveC426913 View Post
They know you know this. Which is why a guy who is confident enough to risk getting shot down is very attractive to them.

Yes. 9 out of 10 girls will say no. But the 10th one might not.

By the way, saying no is something to take personally, a girl who lets a complete stranger approach her is also taking a gigantic risk - and I'm not just talking about her ego. They just can't afford to. The upshot is that those other 9 girls might like you just fine under any other more favourable circumstances. Think about that.
Actually, it has little to do with being attractive and a lot to do with the gigantic risk Dave was talking about. Although an attractive girl might shoot you down a lot quicker than a homely girl, since the attractive girl has to sort her way through a lot more debris.

Humans aren't that different in their mating habits than some other mammals. The male has to reveal things about himself and his personality, while it's definitely in the female's best interest to hold back physically until she's sure she's accepting a winner. That holding back tends to carry over to what she reveals about herself. She might reveal a lot of trivial things, but the guy gets to reveal the serious stuff before the female rewards him by letting him know her true self.

This sets up some drastically different responses to being shot down. Guys get shot down by strangers all the time and it's not that hard to get used to. Girls get shot down fewer times than guys (since the guy usually has to make his move first), but girls only get shot down by guys they've already fallen for. That makes the pain a much fuller experience that even reinforces the idea that a woman shouldn't give up to much, either emotionally or physically, until she's sure (absolutely, positively sure, this time) she's picked a winner.
TheStatutoryApe
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#27
Sep16-09, 08:52 PM
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Quote Quote by qspeechc View Post
I don't stare at girls on purpose to make them feel awkward, it just happens, I want to know how I can minimise the damage and walk away knowing she isn't going to get her boyfriend to beat me up in a dark alley.
You're being paranoid.

Quote Quote by Moonbear View Post
That's what I was thinking. A nod, a smile, or a little wave, something to let her know you WERE staring and are glad you finally caught her attention. If you immediately look away, she won't know if you were really interested or it was just chance you both looked up at the same time.
And this ^

I usually don't get embarrassed when a woman sees me looking at her. For the most part I am not actually interested in talking to them so I likely just nod and smile and keep my eyes moving along to other things and people. I usually don't stare anyway. I maybe glance and keep my eyes moving.

I was once a bit flustered when I was at work a long time ago and a pretty lady came up to the counter. I thought she had really amazing lips and sort of forgot myself until she looked up at me. I blushed instantly and then even more so when I started to wonder if she maybe thought I had been staring at her breasts.
Huckleberry
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#28
Sep16-09, 08:54 PM
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I was on a lunch date with a woman I met on a dating site. I showed up 10 minutes late because I was trying to find a place to park. She didn't appear to mind. I was wearing my Ozzfest t-shirt. She didn't seem to mind that either. During the meal she caught me staring at her breasts. She smiled. I chuckled. After the meal she stood up and positioned herself so I couldn't stand up without being right on top of her feet and all up in her face. I looked up and and looked back down and didn't stand up. She said goodbye and walked away. I had probably been failing all along and that was the final test.

The truth is I wasn't interested in her. She was just nice to look at. She liked the attention. If I was interested in being physical with her I would have stood up against her and said something like "Oh, excuse me. I didn't see you there." That was more than I wanted to commit to at the moment and her test proved it.

It doesn't matter what she thinks of you. It is far more important what you think of yourself and of her. Those are the only things you have any control over. If you stare at women you find attractive and don't feel you're losing anything by not approaching then there no worries. If you can never approach women you are attracted to then you have a problem. One day there is going to be a woman that lets you know she likes you. If you are too afraid to do anything about it when you know you're pre-approved... it's just making life difficult for yourself.

I'm a bum and there are still women that, for some reason, think I'm all that. I was 28 years old going to school, living at my parents house with no job. There was one 19 year old girl who tried to impress me by ambushing me outside with a cigarette in her mouth. I told her I didn't know she smoked. She said "Yeah. I smoke." She lied. I left saying "See ya in class." About 5 minutes into class she had to go to the bathroom. I knew then that she was a first time smoker. I laughed my *** off.

Another woman, at the end of the semester, told me that I should stop by the restaurant that she works at. I said that would be a long ride on my bike to get there. She caught me staring at her once too while she was stretching up to adjust the television and I was checking out her backside.

There was a married native american woman in my math class. (I was in love with her hair) When it came time to choose partners for a project I asked her. She said she was hoping I would ask her. Then she starts wearing her wedding ring to class. At the library she is telling me that she would cheat on her husband, but would never leave him. Yeah, I'll pass on that.

And to take the cake there was a girl in my creative writing class that, at the end of the semester, wrote a poem that she read in class. It was a poem that expressed how she felt about me. She was crying the whole time. It was very strange and made me uncomfortable. I talked to my professor at a bar later and he confirmed what I suspected. Poor girl.

These were all attractive young women. I've never considered myself much to look at. I'm not ambitious and goal-oriented. I don't dress to impress. I'm not all that intelligent. I aint got no money. If I have any confidence it is of the ambivalent variety. It just happens. There are going to be women who are attracted to you. The only thing stopping you from doing anything about it is your impression of yourself.
turbo
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#29
Sep16-09, 09:01 PM
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To the OP: Man up! Acknowledge your embarrassment and apologize. Get up and walk to the young lady (don't embarrass her further by making it really public) and say "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was staring. That was rude, and I apologize." If she tries to comfort you or down-play the incident, thank her. Next time you see her, smile and acknowledge her and let it all go. Eventually, this may be something for you both to laugh about - at least you won't get filed away under the "creepy guys". She might think you are a pretty honest person, and one who is willing to own up to mistakes. (These are NOT bad things, especially to young women who are living away from their families and would like some trustworthy friends.)
Evo
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#30
Sep16-09, 09:16 PM
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Cyrus!!!
Proton Soup
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#31
Sep16-09, 11:02 PM
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lol, somebody's going to the woodshed
Office_Shredder
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#32
Sep16-09, 11:35 PM
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It's like a spider, or a wasp really. She's more embarrassed than you are.
tchitt
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#33
Sep17-09, 04:27 AM
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Dude, you can't be so afraid of rejection. I suggest you get used to it, in fact. Noone is going to beat you up in a dark alley, either. You analyze everything far too much, in my opinion. You can't sit there thinking you know how a person is going to react to your every move. To be honest if she's going to find anything creepy or weird it's going to be physically hiding from her when she notices you noticing her.

If you really plan to never approach a female you find attractive then I suggest you stop looking all together and take up a life of celibacy as a Tibetan monk or something. I don't mean to be sarcastic but really. It sounds like you've got a serious case of Social Anxiety Disorder or something (based on the hiding part)... I'm not trying to give you a complex or anything but I think you'll be missing out on a lot that life has to offer if you don't get over the embarrassment thing.

I don't really like people telling me how to act or run my life... and this post might just completely offend you but ehh. Just something to keep in mind, if you want.
Moonbear
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#34
Sep17-09, 06:50 AM
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Most of the time, when two people's eyes lock, they do look away fairly quickly. If there's attraction, it lingers just a little longer than if it were accidental. There's no reason to be embarrassed over something like that, and really no reason to apologize for being caught staring. It's just a normal part of human interaction or reaction. Now, if you were staring at someone because they had some weird growth on their face, or something like that, then you should be embarrassed for staring, and perhaps apologize if caught. In that case, it's rude.

That you got a case of shyness and looked away isn't really great cause for concern. The concern is the over-reaction to getting caught, to actually duck and hide behind a partition. At best, it comes across as EXTREME immaturity, like a 4-year old running to hide behind mom's skirts when a stranger smiles at him, and at worst, as has been suggested, some sort of social disorder. And, that it had such an impact on you that you've posted it here, asking about it, rather than brushing it off as a temporary lapse in judgement when you were caught off guard, just reinforces that this problem is more than just getting caught staring, and you are aware that your reaction was not typical.
DaveC426913
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#35
Sep17-09, 08:29 AM
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Quote Quote by tchitt View Post
It sounds like you've got a serious case of Social Anxiety Disorder or something (based on the hiding part)...
No, it sounds like he is a completely normal young man.
qspeechc
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#36
Sep17-09, 10:39 AM
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Ok, maybe "ducked my head under the little partitions between the desks" was not the greatest explanation for what happened. After blushing, I looked down at my desk and then leaned forward like I was concentrating. I didn't duck like I was dodging a bullet all fast and what not, it was rather slow actually, well slower than dodging a bullet. The reason I ducked was, well it was mostly reactive, but because I thought she would be glaring at me. I wasn't staring at her intentionally either; I looked up from my work to think, and my thoughts were elsewhere, I just happened to be staring at her, at the bac of my mind thinking how attractive she is. And I'm not a child, I'm 20. Me saying that does make me seem very childish and immature though, but that's just the way I am and I won't apologise for it.
I doubt this explanation will satisfy some people though, lol.


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