Advice for a young undergrad lusting after an older grad student?

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SUMMARY

The discussion centers around an undergraduate student expressing a crush on her former TA, a 29-year-old math graduate student. The main concern is the age difference, as she is 20, and she seeks advice on how to approach him for a casual coffee meeting. Forum participants overwhelmingly encourage her to take the initiative and ask him out, emphasizing that the age gap is not significant and that both are adults. The consensus is that she should act on her feelings rather than dwell on potential rejection.

PREREQUISITES
  • Understanding of social dynamics in academic settings
  • Basic knowledge of interpersonal communication techniques
  • Awareness of age-related societal norms in dating
  • Familiarity with casual dating etiquette
NEXT STEPS
  • Research effective ways to initiate conversations with someone you are interested in
  • Learn about the dynamics of age differences in relationships
  • Explore tips for asking someone out in a casual setting
  • Investigate common concerns and misconceptions about dating in academic environments
USEFUL FOR

This discussion is beneficial for undergraduate students navigating romantic interests in graduate students, individuals seeking advice on dating across age gaps, and anyone interested in understanding social interactions within academic contexts.

  • #31
Cyclovenom said:
Too much analysis, Too little action!

Don't think!, Act!

Good luck!

Truth. The OP, Seraphin, is an angel (or at least her username is almost one). What could possibly go wrong?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seraphim

No liability is assumed if something goes terribly, terribly wrong.
 
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  • #32
Seraphin said:
Anyways, the major thing stopping me is the age difference (he's 29 and I'm 20) since I'm worried he wouldn't want to date someone so much younger than him and try as I might, I can't think of any way to get closer to him so I can get to know him better.

Just go for it. Generally males don't have any issues having relationships with younger partners. If anything, your age is working for you, not against you. Go get him tiger :P

Don't dwell on rejections , should they happen.

A "cliche" quote for you:

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Mark Twain
 
  • #33
rootX said:
but that would make him a pedophile.

Anything legal is fair game.
 
  • #34
DanP said:
rootX said:
Saladsamurai said:
Yeah. Oh! if only you were still 19 and he was 29..."We're both in our prime..."
but that would make him a pedophile.
Anything legal is fair game.

Right. So, instead of a pedophile, he'd merely be a creepy, dirty old man.
 
  • #35
DaveC426913 said:
Right. So, instead of a pedophile, he'd merely be a creepy, dirty old man.

No shame in my game.
 
  • #36
DaveC426913 said:
Right. So, instead of a pedophile, he'd merely be a creepy, dirty old man.

Right.

http://www.beyondhollywood.com/gallery/bruce-willis-girlfriend-tamara-witmer/

See example in the link above. The only "creepy old man" is the hunter which can't get the game :P
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • #37
DanP said:
The only "creepy old man" is the hunter which can't get the game :P

'struth.

The proof is in the pudding.

BTW Bruce: niiiice pudding...
 
  • #38
DaveC426913 said:
BTW Bruce: niiiice pudding...

Lets not forget about "creepy old hags", so we have a better understanding of the phenomena:

http://www.popsugar.com/5898970?page=0,0,0
 
  • #39
DanP said:
Lets not forget about "creepy old hags", so we have a better understanding of the phenomena:

http://www.popsugar.com/5898970?page=0,0,0
erm, we prefer the terms "cougar" and "cougar-bait".
 
  • #40
DanP said:
Lets not forget about "creepy old hags", so we have a better understanding of the phenomena:

http://www.popsugar.com/5898970?page=0,0,0

Creepy old hags! WHAT? Man cougar bars are the place to go.
 
  • #41
Awe, thanks for all the encouragement. I feel much better about trying this now than I did before :)

Uh oh, you didn't mention handsome charming foreigner... This throws everything out the window! (Just kidding)

Too much analysis, Too little action!

Don't think!, Act!

Good luck!

Thank you and you're all completely completely right :) I'll update you guys on how everything turns out when I make my move. Thanks bunches guys!
 
  • #42
All the best! Even if he turns you down, assure yourself that there are quite a number of *good* guys around and that too, close to your age. For instance i am 21. :-D
 
  • #43
9 years isn't THAT crazy. I am in my mid 30's and still I get young early 20 somethings asking me out. Chicks dig power, (or the perception thereof).

It can get annoying when they show up on your porch at midnight.
 
  • #44
I haven't dated anyone older than me since I was in my teens. Luckily my current boyfriend likes decrepit old women. :-p
 
  • #45
Um... maybe he's not shy. I'm a TA and lots of girls have shown interests. Some people said cause I have a cute look, and always having a good time.

But I never come on to girls in my seminar. Even if they make it obvious, so they might think I'm shy or something. But really, it's because I'm not interested. When they say... "You should come visit me at my dorm. We can have fun." ... it's obvious.

I am currently dating a former student of mine.

Anything can happen.

Note: I look like a bum these days.
 
  • #46
And there's 29/2+7=21.5. Just say your almost 21 :-)
 
  • #47
Saladsamurai said:
Totally legal. Still both adults. I don't see ant difference between 20 & 29 and 19 & 29.

When one turned 20, the other was 11. Sometimes it can shock you to realize someone was born in the 1990s. More importantly though, it's about life experience. Someone who has very little life experience at 29 might not be exploiting a 20 year old, but if they have, they might traumatize the 20 year old with life issues that she hasn't even imagined possible yet. Many people go through A LOT in the course of their 20s.
 
  • #48
brainstorm said:
hen one turned 20, the other was 11. Sometimes it can shock you to realize someone was born in the 1990s

What shocks are you talking about ? The thing which matter is the present, not philosophizing about the fact she was 11 once in her life, and I was 20 or 30 at that time and so on.

brainstorm said:
Someone who has very little life experience at 29 might not be exploiting a 20 year old, but if they have, they might traumatize the 20 year old with life issues that she hasn't even imagined possible yet. Many people go through A LOT in the course of their 20s.

Sure :P If only humans would be so damn sensitive as you think they are.
 
  • #49
DanP said:
.

Sure :P If only humans would be so damn sensitive as you think they are.

yeah! I think people do go through a lot in their 20s - they're just figuring out life by themselves, and this can be a super sensitive time! so before dating someone much older seriously, make sure they are a good guy/girl and not going to play you!

older guys are hot tho... I would like to date a professor lol... a young-ish looking one... preferably in astrophysics or nuclear physics!
 
  • #50
nucleargirl said:
yeah! I think people do go through a lot in their 20s - they're just figuring out life by themselves, and this can be a super sensitive time! so before dating someone much older seriously, make sure they are a good guy/girl and not going to play you!

You are still figuring things on your own :P Besides, everybody gets played, and everyone will play someone during their life, unless you marry you high school sweetheart and live happily ever after.

Believe me, it feels no different if you fall in love with a 20 years old and he plays you, or for a 35 years years man and he plays you. D'ont be so concerned about you "super-sensitive time". You are not 13 anymore.
 
  • #51
DanP said:
You are still figuring things on your own :P Besides, everybody gets played, and everyone will play someone during their life, unless you marry you high school sweetheart and live happily ever after.

Believe me, it feels no different if you fall in love with a 20 years old and he plays you, or for a 35 years years man and he plays you. D'ont be so concerned about you "super-sensitive time". You are not 13 anymore.

no no, I don't think everyone has to get played or have to play others - it shouldn't be like that at all! and it doesn't happen all that often... maybe more in big cities where people are more 'hard' but not here! I think most people you'll meet are genuine and are nice! sometimes relationships just don't work out - its not anyone being mean, its just people change.

yeah ok, I agree that anyone of any age can hurt others who love them, but I think someone with a lot more life experience might hurt the younger one more? maybe, or that the younger person just won't understand what is happenning and might think something is wrong with themselves and blame themselves for it? I dunno... complicated...
 
  • #52
nucleargirl said:
no no, I don't think everyone has to get played or have to play others - it shouldn't be like that at all! and it doesn't happen all that often... maybe more in big cities where people are more 'hard' but not here! I think most people you'll meet are genuine and are nice! sometimes relationships just don't work out - its not anyone being mean, its just people change.

Can we have again this conversation in about 20 years ? I am curious if you'll think the same :P
 
  • #53
DanP said:
Can we have again this conversation in about 20 years ? I am curious if you'll think the same :P

:) who knows eh! I hope so!
 

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