Advice for a young undergrad lusting after an older grad student?

Click For Summary

Discussion Overview

The discussion revolves around a young undergraduate seeking advice on how to approach a crush on an older graduate student, specifically addressing the dynamics of age difference and the challenges of initiating contact. The conversation touches on social interactions, dating norms within academic settings, and personal experiences related to similar situations.

Discussion Character

  • Exploratory
  • Debate/contested
  • Conceptual clarification

Main Points Raised

  • The original poster expresses a desire to get to know a former TA who is a math grad student but feels hindered by the age difference (29 vs. 20) and the lack of current academic interaction.
  • Some participants suggest directly asking the grad student to coffee, arguing that it could be flattering and that age differences are not significant in adult relationships.
  • One participant humorously suggests an unconventional approach, advocating for a bold and humorous invitation.
  • Several comments discuss the perceived norms and rules around dating age differences, with varying interpretations of what is considered acceptable.
  • There are light-hearted exchanges about the attractiveness of TAs and the experiences of students in nursing and other programs, reflecting on how crushes can affect academic focus.
  • Some participants question the appropriateness of the situation, with comments about potential creepiness and the legality of relationships based on age calculations.
  • Others provide formulas or rules regarding acceptable age gaps in dating, leading to further debate about their validity and application.

Areas of Agreement / Disagreement

Participants generally agree that the age difference is not a significant barrier, but there are competing views on how to approach the situation and the appropriateness of various strategies. The discussion remains unresolved regarding the best course of action and the implications of age in dating.

Contextual Notes

Limitations include the lack of clarity on the grad student's feelings, the informal nature of the advice given, and the varying interpretations of dating norms based on age. The discussion also reflects personal anecdotes that may not apply universally.

  • #31
Cyclovenom said:
Too much analysis, Too little action!

Don't think!, Act!

Good luck!

Truth. The OP, Seraphin, is an angel (or at least her username is almost one). What could possibly go wrong?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seraphim

No liability is assumed if something goes terribly, terribly wrong.
 
Physics news on Phys.org
  • #32
Seraphin said:
Anyways, the major thing stopping me is the age difference (he's 29 and I'm 20) since I'm worried he wouldn't want to date someone so much younger than him and try as I might, I can't think of any way to get closer to him so I can get to know him better.

Just go for it. Generally males don't have any issues having relationships with younger partners. If anything, your age is working for you, not against you. Go get him tiger :P

Don't dwell on rejections , should they happen.

A "cliche" quote for you:

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Mark Twain
 
  • #33
rootX said:
but that would make him a pedophile.

Anything legal is fair game.
 
  • #34
DanP said:
rootX said:
Saladsamurai said:
Yeah. Oh! if only you were still 19 and he was 29..."We're both in our prime..."
but that would make him a pedophile.
Anything legal is fair game.

Right. So, instead of a pedophile, he'd merely be a creepy, dirty old man.
 
  • #35
DaveC426913 said:
Right. So, instead of a pedophile, he'd merely be a creepy, dirty old man.

No shame in my game.
 
  • #36
DaveC426913 said:
Right. So, instead of a pedophile, he'd merely be a creepy, dirty old man.

Right.

http://www.beyondhollywood.com/gallery/bruce-willis-girlfriend-tamara-witmer/

See example in the link above. The only "creepy old man" is the hunter which can't get the game :P
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • #37
DanP said:
The only "creepy old man" is the hunter which can't get the game :P

'struth.

The proof is in the pudding.

BTW Bruce: niiiice pudding...
 
  • #38
DaveC426913 said:
BTW Bruce: niiiice pudding...

Lets not forget about "creepy old hags", so we have a better understanding of the phenomena:

http://www.popsugar.com/5898970?page=0,0,0
 
  • #39
DanP said:
Lets not forget about "creepy old hags", so we have a better understanding of the phenomena:

http://www.popsugar.com/5898970?page=0,0,0
erm, we prefer the terms "cougar" and "cougar-bait".
 
  • #40
DanP said:
Lets not forget about "creepy old hags", so we have a better understanding of the phenomena:

http://www.popsugar.com/5898970?page=0,0,0

Creepy old hags! WHAT? Man cougar bars are the place to go.
 
  • #41
Awe, thanks for all the encouragement. I feel much better about trying this now than I did before :)

Uh oh, you didn't mention handsome charming foreigner... This throws everything out the window! (Just kidding)

Too much analysis, Too little action!

Don't think!, Act!

Good luck!

Thank you and you're all completely completely right :) I'll update you guys on how everything turns out when I make my move. Thanks bunches guys!
 
  • #42
All the best! Even if he turns you down, assure yourself that there are quite a number of *good* guys around and that too, close to your age. For instance i am 21. :-D
 
  • #43
9 years isn't THAT crazy. I am in my mid 30's and still I get young early 20 somethings asking me out. Chicks dig power, (or the perception thereof).

It can get annoying when they show up on your porch at midnight.
 
  • #44
I haven't dated anyone older than me since I was in my teens. Luckily my current boyfriend likes decrepit old women. :-p
 
  • #45
Um... maybe he's not shy. I'm a TA and lots of girls have shown interests. Some people said cause I have a cute look, and always having a good time.

But I never come on to girls in my seminar. Even if they make it obvious, so they might think I'm shy or something. But really, it's because I'm not interested. When they say... "You should come visit me at my dorm. We can have fun." ... it's obvious.

I am currently dating a former student of mine.

Anything can happen.

Note: I look like a bum these days.
 
  • #46
And there's 29/2+7=21.5. Just say your almost 21 :-)
 
  • #47
Saladsamurai said:
Totally legal. Still both adults. I don't see ant difference between 20 & 29 and 19 & 29.

When one turned 20, the other was 11. Sometimes it can shock you to realize someone was born in the 1990s. More importantly though, it's about life experience. Someone who has very little life experience at 29 might not be exploiting a 20 year old, but if they have, they might traumatize the 20 year old with life issues that she hasn't even imagined possible yet. Many people go through A LOT in the course of their 20s.
 
  • #48
brainstorm said:
hen one turned 20, the other was 11. Sometimes it can shock you to realize someone was born in the 1990s

What shocks are you talking about ? The thing which matter is the present, not philosophizing about the fact she was 11 once in her life, and I was 20 or 30 at that time and so on.

brainstorm said:
Someone who has very little life experience at 29 might not be exploiting a 20 year old, but if they have, they might traumatize the 20 year old with life issues that she hasn't even imagined possible yet. Many people go through A LOT in the course of their 20s.

Sure :P If only humans would be so damn sensitive as you think they are.
 
  • #49
DanP said:
.

Sure :P If only humans would be so damn sensitive as you think they are.

yeah! I think people do go through a lot in their 20s - they're just figuring out life by themselves, and this can be a super sensitive time! so before dating someone much older seriously, make sure they are a good guy/girl and not going to play you!

older guys are hot tho... I would like to date a professor lol... a young-ish looking one... preferably in astrophysics or nuclear physics!
 
  • #50
nucleargirl said:
yeah! I think people do go through a lot in their 20s - they're just figuring out life by themselves, and this can be a super sensitive time! so before dating someone much older seriously, make sure they are a good guy/girl and not going to play you!

You are still figuring things on your own :P Besides, everybody gets played, and everyone will play someone during their life, unless you marry you high school sweetheart and live happily ever after.

Believe me, it feels no different if you fall in love with a 20 years old and he plays you, or for a 35 years years man and he plays you. D'ont be so concerned about you "super-sensitive time". You are not 13 anymore.
 
  • #51
DanP said:
You are still figuring things on your own :P Besides, everybody gets played, and everyone will play someone during their life, unless you marry you high school sweetheart and live happily ever after.

Believe me, it feels no different if you fall in love with a 20 years old and he plays you, or for a 35 years years man and he plays you. D'ont be so concerned about you "super-sensitive time". You are not 13 anymore.

no no, I don't think everyone has to get played or have to play others - it shouldn't be like that at all! and it doesn't happen all that often... maybe more in big cities where people are more 'hard' but not here! I think most people you'll meet are genuine and are nice! sometimes relationships just don't work out - its not anyone being mean, its just people change.

yeah ok, I agree that anyone of any age can hurt others who love them, but I think someone with a lot more life experience might hurt the younger one more? maybe, or that the younger person just won't understand what is happenning and might think something is wrong with themselves and blame themselves for it? I dunno... complicated...
 
  • #52
nucleargirl said:
no no, I don't think everyone has to get played or have to play others - it shouldn't be like that at all! and it doesn't happen all that often... maybe more in big cities where people are more 'hard' but not here! I think most people you'll meet are genuine and are nice! sometimes relationships just don't work out - its not anyone being mean, its just people change.

Can we have again this conversation in about 20 years ? I am curious if you'll think the same :P
 
  • #53
DanP said:
Can we have again this conversation in about 20 years ? I am curious if you'll think the same :P

:) who knows eh! I hope so!
 

Similar threads

Other How to Afford Moving to Another State For Grad School?
  • · Replies 16 ·
Replies
16
Views
3K
Admissions Graduating a year early anxieties + grad school
  • · Replies 15 ·
Replies
15
Views
1K
Admissions Grad School Admissions: Which do I Bother With?
  • · Replies 2 ·
Replies
2
Views
2K
Switching from Biology undergrad to Physics grad....
  • · Replies 17 ·
Replies
17
Views
5K
Programs Physics Masters at undergrad school before PhD?
  • · Replies 17 ·
Replies
17
Views
3K
Courses Advanced Math for Computational Material Science Engineering
  • · Replies 2 ·
Replies
2
Views
2K
Is a Low CGPA a Deal Breaker for Grad School Admissions?
  • · Replies 18 ·
Replies
18
Views
5K
Studying Any tips for getting GPA over 3.7 in grad school?
  • · Replies 9 ·
Replies
9
Views
4K
Other Physics PhD after working for few years
  • · Replies 12 ·
Replies
12
Views
3K
Admissions Curious about my grad school prospects
  • · Replies 3 ·
Replies
3
Views
4K