Are Rude Suggestions About Marriage Still Common?

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The discussion centers around the insensitivity of societal expectations regarding marriage and parenthood, particularly the pressure placed on individuals and couples to conform to traditional norms. Participants share personal experiences of being asked intrusive questions like "When are you going to have children?" or "You ought to get married," often in contexts where such inquiries are inappropriate or hurtful. This is highlighted through anecdotes, including one about a couple who struggled with infertility for years and faced relentless questioning from family. The conversation also touches on the freedom and happiness found in child-free lifestyles, emphasizing the flexibility it allows in career choices and personal relationships. Additionally, there are humorous exchanges about awkward social interactions, including misunderstandings related to weight gain and pregnancy, as well as the challenges of navigating family dynamics and expectations. The thread ultimately underscores a broader commentary on the societal pressures surrounding family life and the importance of respecting individual choices.
  • #51
muppet said:
That is sad. One of my housemates still carries the scars of how his mum reacted to getting cancer. His father smoked and she hadn't, and the resulting bitterness nearly destroyed their marriage. He would get upset and tell them to stop shouting, and would be told in response to "**** off and die"...
OK, not quite that bad.
 
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  • #52
I don't think it needs to be. My housemate's problems really stem from a specific period in his youth. He's always had a great deal of support from and respect for his dad. I can readily imagine what the complete absence of confidence in a child from both parents could do.
 
  • #53
Wow, between this and grumpy antisocial men and refugees from arranged marriages ... no wonder lisab and mcknia think I need more friends :-p
 
  • #54
I got an idea, get out and get some friends :wink:, or just become friends with all of us people! :biggrin: We'll give you the hook up...
 
  • #55
Andre said:
I'm patiently awaiting the day that I can make all those blush, who assert that I'm a 'denier' with 'an agenda'.

Just like Galileo?

Wasn't that the comparison I have read in the past?
 
  • #56
Ivan Seeking said:
Having returned to school in my late twenties, I got very little support from some family and friends. One common question was along the lines of: Why are you going to waste your time going back to school?

This goes back to a great secret that I discovered about life: Most people do not want to see or hear about you succeeding. Some will even do their best to drag you down.

Success is mostly a solitary experience. Illegitimi non carborundum

But some/most people just don't understand the importance of higher education. I am not sure they would think you are succeeding because you are spending more than 4 years in college.
 
  • #57
muppet said:
Either you're unlucky or I'm lucky. My friends often have more confidence in me to succeed than I do in myself.

Most people are lucky to have a even a few true friends in their life. But that only becomes clear as one gets older. In my case, many of my buddies at that time were pretty much locked into a life not necessarily chosen. People often fall into jobs and a lifepath that they hate and never walk away.

As for family, ugh, you don't even want to know. But there is a good reason that I live 500 to 1000 miles away. :biggrin:
 
  • #58
rootX said:
But some/most people just don't understand the importance of higher education.

That was the issue with a number of family members. They thought it was silly. Beyond that, I already had a career. It was a pretty risky move for someone in their late twenties.

I am not sure they would think you are succeeding because you are spending more than 4 years in college.

I don't understand what you are saying. I was referring to my current lifestyle. To this day, I'm not sure that my one sister even believes that I do what I do. I should have to live in the city and fight traffic for hours every day. You can't make a living from a cow pasture! I swear she is still in denial.

Everyone thought our stay in Oregon would be brief. We moved here twenty years ago and my brother-in-law still asks when we're coming back.

People will sometimes expect or even hope for failure when you risk something they are not willing to risk. Also, I did fall into a unique situation. It isn't all grand by any means, but I do consider myself to be pretty lucky... so far. :biggrin: - I can honestly say that because of where I grew up and the life I expected, I never even dreamt it possible.
 
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  • #59
DaveC426913 said:
My wife's parents were like this (when they were alive). She has struggled with their voices in her head all her adult life.

Yeah, most of my family is all about what can't be done. For the most part I rebelled against this mindset and became a risk taker. As a result, when I was young I did some pretty crazy stuff. Still, I was probably trying to prove myself to my father until I was 30. Someone on TV said recently that we all live our lives trying to please our fathers, so maybe this is all pretty common.
 
  • #60
Chi Meson said:
From non-parents, to us with three children under eight:

"Have you tried just saying 'no'?"

*thack*


that's tacky, but what about a 23 year old with 7 kids?
 
  • #61
Ivan Seeking said:
Having returned to school in my late twenties, I got very little support from some family and friends. One common question was along the lines of: Why are you going to waste your time going back to school?

This goes back to a great secret that I discovered about life: Most people do not want to see or hear about you succeeding. Some will even do their best to drag you down.

Success is mostly a solitary experience. Illegitimi non carborundum TOO TRUE

Yes and no one wants to see you fail more than your extended family (or maybe that's just me). Misery loves company. Like I always say:

damnant quodnon intelligunt

I'm also fond of aut disce aut discede

Most of my family spent my childhood belittling me, and as I got older and became successful, I managed to whittle them down to silent resentment. My dad was one of 7. Out of 20+ grandchildren only I and one other have gone to college. You can fill in the blanks from there..

Fortunately my mom's side fared a bit better, and was my saving grace.

People who don't find fullfillment in their lives (a lot of people) often resent their offspring when they are more successful than them. It causes them to examine their own perceived failure and project it onto their kids.

I live 2500 miles away from my very large family. Life has never been better.
 
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  • #62
Next person who tells me to "cheer up and smile" or "it might never happen"...

I do smile when I'm happy. I just don't grin inanely at all other times. Otherwise what's the point? it's like having a smoke alarm that goes off 24x7 instead of when there's a fire!
 
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  • #63
daveg360 said:
Next person who tells me to "cheer up and smile" or "it might never happen"...

I do smile when I'm happy. I just don't grin inanely at all other times. Otherwise what's the point? it's like having a smoke alarm that goes off 24x7 instead of when there's a fire!

Tell me about it. Most people that smile all of the time give me the impression that there is something wrong with them.
 
  • #64
TheStatutoryApe said:
Tell me about it. Most people that smile all of the time give me the impression that there is something wrong with them.
Especially when only the lower half of their face is smiling, while the upper half is trying to burn a hole through you...
 
  • #65
daveg360 said:
Next person who tells me to "cheer up and smile" or "it might never happen"...

I do smile when I'm happy. I just don't grin inanely at all other times. Otherwise what's the point? it's like having a smoke alarm that goes off 24x7 instead of when there's a fire!

Yeah, that's really annoying. I've had complete strangers walk up to me in grocery stores and tell me to cheer up or smile. I'm not even walking around sad, usually just lost in my thoughts while wandering around collecting things on my list. Am I supposed to be bouncing around the grocery store all giddy and excited to be hunting for a bar of soap that seems to be someplace other than the obvious choice of detergent/soap aisle?

Sometimes I consider just responding with, "I would, but I just got news that my brother and niece were killed in a car crash a few hours ago, and I don't even have the money to fly out for the funeral." :devil:
 
  • #66
Aw, c'mon you guys and gals, don't let that get you down! Here, let me help you feel better...

"Smiles are contagious. Be a carrier!"

"Let a smile be your umbrella on a rainy day." - Lawrence Welk

"SMILE and be happy, the day is brand new. This is the day the Lord made for YOU!

"Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles." - George Elio

"A Smile is a powerful weapon. You can even break ice with it.

more http://www.smileycollector.com/smileyquotes_smile.htm
 
  • #67
"Maybe you should ask your mom first,"

... when I tried to get some free samples from one of those tables at Sam's Club. The lady had apparently mistaken my fiancée for my mother.

Admittedly, she is about a month older than I am.
 
  • #68
SpaceTiger said:
"Maybe you should ask your mom first,"

... when I tried to get some free samples from one of those tables at Sam's Club. The lady had apparently mistaken my fiancée for my mother.

Admittedly, she is about a month older than I am.

:smile: Great way to insult both of you simultaneously! When I met you, you sure didn't look underage!
 
  • #69
SpaceTiger said:
"Maybe you should ask your mom first,"

... when I tried to get some free samples from one of those tables at Sam's Club. The lady had apparently mistaken my fiancée for my mother.

Admittedly, she is about a month older than I am.

Yikes! I hope she didn't hear it.
 
  • #70
lisab said:
Yikes! I hope she didn't hear it.

I told her about it, but it was mostly an insult to me, since the lady didn't even think I was old enough to ask for free samples. Most people think she looks her age. Me, however... it's not the first time I've been mistaken for a prepubescent. Maybe I don't get enough sun. :rolleyes:

I'm 29, by the way.
 

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