Are Rude Suggestions About Marriage Still Common?

[muppet]

Anyway, although this has the potential to lead us down some fascinating byways about the extent to which ethics can be independent of prevailing cultural norms... I think we're at risk of derailing a pretty light-hearted thread.

My own offerings to get the thread back on-topic:
"Would you like to read this pamphlet?" (when the pamphlet explains to me why I'm going to fry for eternity)

It irritates me that WaterAid keep asking me to increase my monthly donation. I'm a student, I don't pay tax for them to reclaim, and I wish they wouldn't waste my money on writing me letters asking me for more money.

I'd also echo mcknia07's comment above: the version I get off my mum is "When are you going to find a nice young lady?" I don't have the problem of my friends trying to set me up, though- my close guy friends are almost all grumpier old men at heart than I am, who know fewer women than I do

UPDATE: I now have one more female friend!

 

[lisab]

No, that's self-centric. I think people who grow up in this kind of culture have different expectations from marriage.

Of course it's self-centric. There is no "true" culture...a culture that is the Northern Star of all human societies. All of us have a cultural bias.

That can probably said of most posts in GD.

 

[lisab]

Anyway, although this has the potential to lead us down some fascinating byways about the extent to which ethics can be independent of prevailing cultural norms... I think we're at risk of derailing a pretty light-hearted thread.

You're right, muppet .

 

[GeorginaS]

The one I used to get most often was, "How come you two don't have kids?" given that I was in a long-term, live-in relationship. (14 years total, but I was asked at various times throughout.) Or, "When will you two have kids?" When I said, "Well, we don't because I can't", then they'd want more detail, which I didn't think it was really appropriate for people to ask me about my reproductive issues and why mine didn't function.

I had another one and now I can't remember it.

 

[Huckleberry]

My mother has threatened to get me a mail-order-bride. I think she's only half kidding. I get the impression that I owe her grandchildren. I see disappointment on the horizon. Sorry Mom.

 

[Moonbear]

I get the impression that I owe her grandchildren. I see disappointment on the horizon. Sorry Mom.

That's a problem best deflected to siblings. If you don't have siblings, then tell her it's her own fault for making you grow up an only child and not having a back-up plan of how to acquire grandchildren.

 

[GeorginaS]

That's a problem best deflected to siblings. If you don't have siblings, then tell her it's her own fault for making you grow up an only child and not having a back-up plan of how to acquire grandchildren.

Oh yeah, sure. And when your back-up plan is siblings and they're gay, and that doesn't fit into their plans, then what do you do?

 

[Office_Shredder]

Go double-gay

 

[Huckleberry]

That's a problem best deflected to siblings. If you don't have siblings, then tell her it's her own fault for making you grow up an only child and not having a back-up plan of how to acquire grandchildren.

My sister has two beautiful girls. They live a few hours drive from my parents place so their grandma gets to see them occassionally. My brother doesn't have any children, but he's only 25. He's got plenty of time if that's what he wants to do. I left home when he was 8 so I don't know him too well, but I would say he's not a family guy either. I guess Moms will have to settle for 2.

 

[DaveC426913]

My sister has two beautiful girls. They live a few hours drive from my parents place so their grandma gets to see them occassionally. My brother doesn't have any children, but he's only 25. He's got plenty of time if that's what he wants to do. I left home when he was 8 so I don't know him too well, but I would say he's not a family guy either. I guess Moms will have to settle for 2.

My parents figured 5 were enough to assure lots of grandchildren. One will never get married, one will never have kids, one (me) acquired step-kids instead. We're all too old for any surprises now. Lucky 2 out of the 5 paid off though...

 

[Huckleberry]

My parents figured 5 were enough to assure lots of grandchildren. One will never get married, one will never have kids, one (me) acquired step-kids instead. We're all too old for any surprises now. Lucky 2 out of the 5 paid off though...

My grandmother had 8 children. One died as an infant. Her children combined have had 7 children, 3 of which were from my mother. All of her grandchildren are old enough to have children, but she only has 2 great-grandchildren, my sister's kids. Moms just got to get used to the idea that people are having less children these days. It's time to find something new to nag their kids about.

edit- I lied. I have a cousin who is about 3 years old, my uncle's kid. I think of her more like a niece than a cousin. It slipped my mind

 

[drizzle]

“are you not married yet?!” I get that a lot, what’s worse is when one insist on guessing why, come up with possible reasons and start to make up stories just to let follow and speak out to please her curiosity……urghhh, that just does it for me, you wouldn’t like to see how the person’s face look like after [STRIKE]10[/STRIKE] 5 mins of the talk!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Having returned to school in my late twenties, I got very little support from some family and friends. One common question was along the lines of: Why are you going to waste your time going back to school?

This goes back to a great secret that I discovered about life: Most people do not want to see or hear about you succeeding. Some will even do their best to drag you down.

Success is mostly a solitary experience. Illegitimi non carborundum

 

[Andre]

I'm patiently awaiting the day that I can make all those blush, who assert that I'm a 'denier' with 'an agenda'.

 

[muppet]

I'm patiently awaiting the day that I can make all those blush, who assert that I'm a 'denier' with 'an agenda'.

*Sits and lists things that people aren't allowed to deny*

 

[DaveC426913]

This goes back to a great secret that I discovered about life: Most people do not want to see or hear about you succeeding. Some will even do their best to drag you down.

My wife's parents were like this (when they were alive). She has struggled with their voices in her head all her adult life.

 

[muppet]

My wife's parents were like this (when they were alive). She has struggled with their voices in her head all her adult life.

Is it sad that I don't actually find that that suprising? I'm not quite sure why- maybe because I'm reading Great Expectations at the minute...
I think some parents have difficulty letting go and acknowledging that their "child" is no longer anything of the sort.

 

[DaveC426913]

I think some parents have difficulty letting go and acknowledging that their "child" is no longer anything of the sort.

Alas, it was worse than that. They were critical of their children when they were still children. They were pretty miserable and dysfunctional parents from the get-go.

 

[muppet]

Having returned to school in my late twenties, I got very little support from some family and friends. One common question was along the lines of: Why are you going to waste your time going back to school?

This goes back to a great secret that I discovered about life: Most people do not want to see or hear about you succeeding. Some will even do their best to drag you down.

Success is mostly a solitary experience. Illegitimi non carborundum

Either you're unlucky or I'm lucky. My friends often have more confidence in me to succeed than I do in myself.

 

[muppet]

Alas, it was worse than that. They were critical of their children when they were still children. They were pretty miserable and dysfunctional parents from the get-go.

That is sad. One of my housemates still carries the scars of how his mum reacted to getting cancer. His father smoked and she hadn't, and the resulting bitterness nearly destroyed their marriage. He would get upset and tell them to stop shouting, and would be told in response to "**** off and die", which is a phrase he now uses repeatedly when drunk and upset about something.

There's a famous poem by Philip Larkin that PF rules prevent me from reproducing here

 

[DaveC426913]

That is sad. One of my housemates still carries the scars of how his mum reacted to getting cancer. His father smoked and she hadn't, and the resulting bitterness nearly destroyed their marriage. He would get upset and tell them to stop shouting, and would be told in response to "**** off and die"...

OK, not quite that bad.

 

[muppet]

I don't think it needs to be. My housemate's problems really stem from a specific period in his youth. He's always had a great deal of support from and respect for his dad. I can readily imagine what the complete absence of confidence in a child from both parents could do.

 

[muppet]

Wow, between this and grumpy antisocial men and refugees from arranged marriages ... no wonder lisab and mcknia think I need more friends

 

[mcknia07]

I got an idea, get out and get some friends , or just become friends with all of us people! We'll give you the hook up...

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I'm patiently awaiting the day that I can make all those blush, who assert that I'm a 'denier' with 'an agenda'.

Just like Galileo?

Wasn't that the comparison I have read in the past?

 

[rootX]

Having returned to school in my late twenties, I got very little support from some family and friends. One common question was along the lines of: Why are you going to waste your time going back to school?

This goes back to a great secret that I discovered about life: Most people do not want to see or hear about you succeeding. Some will even do their best to drag you down.

Success is mostly a solitary experience. Illegitimi non carborundum

But some/most people just don't understand the importance of higher education. I am not sure they would think you are succeeding because you are spending more than 4 years in college.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Either you're unlucky or I'm lucky. My friends often have more confidence in me to succeed than I do in myself.

Most people are lucky to have a even a few true friends in their life. But that only becomes clear as one gets older. In my case, many of my buddies at that time were pretty much locked into a life not necessarily chosen. People often fall into jobs and a lifepath that they hate and never walk away.

As for family, ugh, you don't even want to know. But there is a good reason that I live 500 to 1000 miles away.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

But some/most people just don't understand the importance of higher education.

That was the issue with a number of family members. They thought it was silly. Beyond that, I already had a career. It was a pretty risky move for someone in their late twenties.

I am not sure they would think you are succeeding because you are spending more than 4 years in college.

I don't understand what you are saying. I was referring to my current lifestyle. To this day, I'm not sure that my one sister even believes that I do what I do. I should have to live in the city and fight traffic for hours every day. You can't make a living from a cow pasture! I swear she is still in denial.

Everyone thought our stay in Oregon would be brief. We moved here twenty years ago and my brother-in-law still asks when we're coming back.

People will sometimes expect or even hope for failure when you risk something they are not willing to risk. Also, I did fall into a unique situation. It isn't all grand by any means, but I do consider myself to be pretty lucky... so far. - I can honestly say that because of where I grew up and the life I expected, I never even dreamt it possible.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

My wife's parents were like this (when they were alive). She has struggled with their voices in her head all her adult life.

Yeah, most of my family is all about what can't be done. For the most part I rebelled against this mindset and became a risk taker. As a result, when I was young I did some pretty crazy stuff. Still, I was probably trying to prove myself to my father until I was 30. Someone on TV said recently that we all live our lives trying to please our fathers, so maybe this is all pretty common.

 

[Zantra]

From non-parents, to us with three children under eight:

"Have you tried just saying 'no'?"

*thack*

that's tacky, but what about a 23 year old with 7 kids?