Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[penguinraider]

?

Okay...

Why do gnorglaffels fnrorp?

 

[jimmy p]

Why do gnorglaffels fnrorp?

I used to wonder the same thing. Many hours I spent searching dictionaries at first, then encyclopedias, then the internet, and then the ancient and lost (not so lost now) manuscripts of Chzofl. My searches were fruitless. Then I found that the quetion was wrong. If phrased "Why don't gnorglaffels not fnrorp?" It makes perfect sense. See for yourself.

Why don't searches lack vegetables?

 

[EnumaElish]

You know why

Does this imply Vee know Zee?

 

[Livingod]

No, Vee still do not know Zee.

The feeling when you stick a Q-Tip into your ear, you all know what I'm talking about. Is it a sin to feel such pleasure?

 

[jimmy p]

It is only a sin on Thursday mornings at about 9.46pm.

Why do Q-tips not look like Q's?

 

[Livingod]

They do if you bend them the right way.

Why don't zebras develop chameleon skin?

 

[jimmie]

Why don't zebras develop chameleon skin?

Because the market for chameleon skin is currently being saturated by a plethora of licensed, voluntary, one-time suppliers, including snakes, alligators, crocodiles, rhinoceroses, peacocks, foxes, elephants, lemmings, geckos, eels, and, chameleons which account for 1.4% of the total global chameleon skin market.

Hence, the long-term development plans for zebras include supplying lucrative tiger skin, rhino skin after they become extinct by becoming chameleon skin, and to a much lesser extent, zebra skin.

Speaking of baggage, how does one get a grip on that which they cannot handle?

 

[Livingod]

Topology. Make two intrusions into the surface for finger holes while still keeping the shape intact.

Speaking of genetic development, why do you all still believe in evolution despite the tremendous anount of evidence behind Intelligent Design?

 

[jimmie]

Speaking of genetic development, why do you all still believe in evolution despite the tremendous anount of evidence behind Intelligent Design?

Because evolution was where all the action was.

Speaking of putting the cart before the horse, what do you think causes an individual to put their hand to their mouth?

 

[jimmy p]

Speaking of putting the cart before the horse, what do you think causes an individual to put their hand to their mouth?

They only do it cos they can't fit their foot in there


Why are there 3 I's in individual?

 

[jimmie]

Why are there 3 I's in individual?

Because the other two eyes inside the individual would be useless without the third impartial mind's eye.

Speaking of lighthouses, did you know that a concrete home, when dry, probably weighs less than a wood-framed home soaking wet?

 

[franzbear!]

Because the other two eyes inside the individual would be useless without the third impartial mind's eye.

Speaking of lighthouses, did you know that a concrete home, when dry, probably weighs less than a wood-framed home soaking wet?

No, I didn't. Wonderful, even more trivial information I don't need.

Sentences are made of words, and words of letters. What are letters made of?

 

[KingNothing]

Stamps and envelopes.

If stevie wonder is blind, how does he know if there is superstitious writing on the wall?

 

[jimmie]

If stevie wonder is blind, how does he know if there is superstitious writing on the wall?

The seeing-eye-dog is trained to bark at all graffiti.

No, I didn't. Wonderful, even more trivial information I don't need.

Uhhh...make that a really small, no, tiny, concrete home and a really large, no, really, really large, almost a medium-sized hotel, wood-framed home.

Speaking of trivial information initiated by flippant remarks made by individuals not thinking their thoughts through, did you see the State of the Union Address?

 

[Livingod]

No, frankly, I find the president a bit too liberal for my tastes.

If the president is liberal, why did he outlaw stem cell research?

 

[jimmie]

If the president is liberal, why did he outlaw stem cell research?

Because, outlaws outlaw things.

What do in-laws do?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What do in-laws do?

What a repellent, disgusting quetion. You should be put in the public stocks in some small 17th century New England village and be enthusiastically ridiculed by exceptionally short dwarves dressed in drag.
------
The airplane carcasses lay strewn about the field, some missing a wing, others the nose, other a tail, but Arthur, the gourmet chef, seemed unconcerned about them, and continued his work over the charcoal grill with full concentration. In a lawn chair to his left sprawled Martha. Merely 30, she was nevertheless already a sort of middle aged shapeless bag of potatoes in lumpy shorts and a bikini top distended from it's original construction by her huge, but gravity-conquored, breasts. She wore a red kerchief to hold her blond hair back from the breeze, and a pair of pointy sunglasses hid her closed eyes.

Arthur glanced over at the quonset hut at the sound of a door slamming and saw Colonel Jaspers headed their way with his Aides-De-Camp Eigerbottom. Jaspers, 6 foot 4, with a short grey buzzcut and jaw like Dick Tracey, swaggered in their direction holding a rifle. His jungle camoflage fatigues weren't good for much here in the desert, but he liked them. They made him feel combat ready. Pausing, he took aim at an old jeep 50 feet away and fired 6 rounds into it. Martha jerked up from her reclining position, totally startled, and let out a little whimper.

When Jaspers arrived at the grill he saw that she was staring at him, clutching her chest, hyperventilating. "Oh, darlin' "he said, "Did I scare ya?" Martha said nothing. She just rolled her upper body to one side of the loungchair and heaved the contents of her stomach onto the dusty ground. "Yeah, I guess I did", Jaspers observed.

"Can I get you some water, Maam?" Eigerbottom asked.

"F**k you!" she replied. "F**k you all!"

"Sheeeeeoooot!" Jaspers said. "What a mouth on her!" Eigerbottom, who was, strangely enough, Chinese, took a notebook from his vest pocket and made a short note. Jaspers noticed and narrowed his eyes in hostile curiosity, but said nothing. Instead he turned to Arthur:

"How them vittles comin'?"

 

[Livingod]

They ain't comin so good these days. The ones I bought from the store were generic, so they take fifteen minutes to get going.

Do you know of any that are of name-brand?

 

[jimmie]

Do you know of any that are of name-brand?

Only "one".

Speaking of others thinking they are one, how 'bout them patriots?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Speaking of others thinking they are one, how 'bout them patriots?

"Sorry, Colonel," said Arthur, "I don't follow sports."

"I do" interrupted Eigerbottom.

Jaspers turned to him and studied his face trying to find an explanation for his strange behavior today. Eigerbottom stared blankly back. Not defiant, he still didn't flinch like Jasers thought he should.

"'Scuse me, chief petty-officer Eigerbottom. I was trying to strike up a conversation with our chef here. When I address you, you'll know it."

"F**k you, pushy bastard!" Martha interjected. "You think you're the boss of everyone!"

"I am the boss of everyone, darlin'. Here, I'll show you."

He lifted his rifle to Eigerbottom's chest, and squeezed the trigger. There was a loud metalic click, but instead of the expected explosion Jaspers let out a protracted, crescendoing fart. It was one of his talents. The trick worked. Eigerbottom's face had gone red with fear, and then embarrassment.

"So, Eigerbottom", querried Jaspers, with a special edge to his voice, and just about whispering, "What was it you wanted to say about them patriots?"

 

[Livingod]

Patriots? What patriots? Them folks were outta fashion a hundred years ago. Nowadays, it's them conspiracy theorists, thinkin' they're all that, no trust in the president, (a tear rolls down my cheek) it's sad. Just really sad.

Now that there's no beef between Cuba and us (That's what the prez sez, and i believe him) why don't we stop this whole blockade-the-island thing?

 

[jimmy p]

Now that there's no beef between Cuba and us (That's what the prez sez, and i believe him) why don't we stop this whole blockade-the-island thing?

Because it stops tax-payers money going to something useful. Let me guess, you would rather the money spent on education or healthcare. You make me sick.


Now that I'm sick, would it be wise for the money to be spent on healthcare?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Now that I'm sick, would it be wise for the money to be spent on healthcare?

It depends on where it hurts. Go like this.

Does that hurt?

 

[jimmy p]

Does that hurt?

Only when I stand on one leg and jam a pencil in my ear. Then I get sharp pains in my tail.

Is that a good sign?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Is that a good sign?

I'd say you're in perfect health, except for the ear-stabbing compulsion, but that's some sort of behavioral glitch that will go away once you reach puberty.

Say, you're about 25 now aren't you? When you going to get that puberty thing going?

 

[jimmy p]

Say, you're about 25 now aren't you? When you going to get that puberty thing going?

Close...21. Puberty is my arch-nemesis and I refuse to take part in any evil scheming. Besides, creatures of my calibre don't need to pubertise. Asexual reproduction is our game.

Do zoobies pubertise?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Do zoobies pubertise?

I'm not sure I want to answer that quetion. I've never heard the word "pubertise" before and it may not mean what it sounds like. We don't advertise it when we arrive, if that's what you're asking.

Do they have ad agencies who do that?

 

[jimmy p]

Do they have ad agencies who do that?

Only in the outback regions of greater Haroldchestertonfieldville are there such ad agencies which publicise pubertisation. And in such an alarming manner as well.

But then again, how else are we to know that they have reached puberty?

 

[zoobyshoe]

But then again, how else are we to know that they have reached puberty?

I always become aware of this by physical changes involving hair and body shape. The males grow a large hunch on their back and the females' hair turns into a mass of wriggling pit vipers.

How is it you hadn't noticed that?

 

[jimmy p]

How is it you hadn't noticed that?

I suppose that having never been through the hardship of puberty in this life and my future lifetimes, I have never experienced hump growth as a link to puberty. As for pit vipers as hair, fashion changes so quickly. I look for discolouration of the skin and the ability to pass through solid objecets as a signal of the pubertisation of a person.

Why not pit-bulls instead?