Hi Jimmi,
First off, thank you so much for posting. Have you yet felt alone in your strife? Well, no longer. Our stories are strikingly similar...
So, here's mine:
At the age of 19, I was facing 25 to Life for kidnapping. I ended up (thank God!) only serving 2.5 years, since my role in the crime was minimal. I took the time to really think about my life, to think about what I want out of it. I realized that Math and Physics was my love in life and that I wanted to be an electrical engineer. I was finally mature enough to appreciate the simple beauty and captivating elegance of math and science. With this new enlightenment, I did everything I could to immerse myself in the subjects. I tutored the other felons in mathematics, completed a vocational electronics course in 1/2 the usual time, and feverishly studied textbooks with the help of my family. When I could, I read famous philosophers just as you did (Nietzche, etc.) and wrote about their ideas as well as my own in a independent DIY prison magazine. I took distance learning courses through a charitable christian college and as soon as I was released, I was in a real brick-and-mortar college the first chance I got. I was so excited to finally know what I want to do with my life...I just couldn't wait to begin!
Unfortunately the reality of being an ex-felon in America quickly became apparent upon my release. At the first place I applied, Rite Aid, the manager actually said that they have a policy of not hiring criminals. I couldn't believe it! I don't know how it is in Florida, but in California, it says right there on the application that the company cannot deny you employment based solely upon a felony conviction. Wish I had gotten that on tape! I would have sued them just to make a point. Society treats us awfully. Even though we have "seen the error of our ways" and paid our price, we still are second-class citizens.
So, that was my first inkling that things would be more difficult than I thought.
Then, I applied to work at the college as a sort of teacher aide which they call "Supplemental Instruction"...I wanted to help teach calculus. However, the powers that be informed me that they could not hire me due to my previous conviction. Was it by law or preference, I wonder?
So even though my teachers were asking me to be their supplemental instructor, and even though I wanted to do it SO BADLY and would have been AWESOME at it...I could not. >sigh<
If you thought that was bad, check this one out...
More recently, I applied for transfer to the UC system of colleges here in CA. For my personal statement, I wrote about my prison experience, how I fell in love with math and physics there, and how I worked hard to "hit the ground running" upon release. I was rejected from every University I applied to, even though I have a 3.5+ GPA, was president (treasurer and representative, too) of the extremely active Physics club, had stellar standardized testing scores, and have held the same job since being released (4 years now!). Like you, I also was one of the top students in my class. I was the one who people came to with their questions...not the teacher! Man, those colleges don't know what they missed out on. I am so passionate about this stuff! I LOVE IT!
Anyway, I have been doing everything I can to contrast this unfortunate blemish on my past with positive achievements. Yet, I get the impression that society doesn't give a *poop* about all that. Most seem to believe that "once a felon, always a felon". Either that, or they are afraid of what others will think, afraid that they will get in trouble or be sued or something...assumption of risk and all that...
Yet, there is hope. Yes, it is true that our path is more difficult than those walked by others, but think of how much more you care about your career now. Would you have worked so hard if you weren't a felon? If you hadn't gone to prison, would you have even discovered your love for science and math? You said in one of your posts that prison was one of the best things that ever happened to you. I too see it that way. If it weren't for being arrested, I would have been dead...or even worse, I would have still been alive and doing the same self-destructive things. Yeah, I would have rather been dead. But I'm not! And neither are you! And since we were given a second chance at life, we must live the best life that we can, even if "the man" is holding us down.
We have to use our brains to think creatively about our situation. As engineers, we should know all about how to problem solve! We will figure out how to succeed eventually, in time. But the key is to not get discouraged. If we give up, then ignorance wins, and other people in our situation will have to deal with the same bull*poop*. In a sense, we are pioneers of this new and vicious landscape. We must keep sight of what we are working for, and believe in ourselves when it seems that few others do.
Of all the ways to counteract this ugly scar on my past, the one that has worked the best thusfar is the utilization of a personal network. The word "networking" is thrown around like a meaningless buzzword all too often, demeaning its importance to one's career. In this case though, it can be your messiah. Having the support of real-live people who have given you a chance despite your past really says a lot about you and your abilities. Friends and family members are important to your network, but their opinions of you are usually considered to be biased. They want to see you succeed for personal reasons. Professionals, however, have a reputation to uphold. If they say you are good, they mean it! So, get to know your professors and let them get to know you. This is good to do in community college, as it will offer you opportunities such as small jobs at the college, or the benefit of the doubt on a borderline grade. When you get into the junior and senior level classes, though, networking with your professors should be your #2 priority, second only to your schoolwork, of course. When internship positions need to be filled, employers turn to local colleges. They will usually present the opportunity to the Dean of the department (the dean of engineering in your case), who will then ask his underlings (your professors) for candidates. If they see you as their top student, of course they will recommend you! This happens all the time at Universities, and can be the ultimate salvation to people like us! This is your foot in the door to a company. Then, if you work your best, the company will more than likely hire you on as a permanent employee. Now you have the support and recommendation of a company, a professor, and a dean, at very least. Eventually, (or so I've been told) your credibility will overshadow your felony, and you will be worth more to a company than the risk that they take in hiring you.
That last sentence is very important- keep it in mind when you apply for jobs. You must make yourself worth more to them than the risk that you present. Create evidence of this by winning engineering competitions, doing research...showcase your ability!
And remember...we are starting as sub-normal individuals and must work harder than the normal engineering student to achieve the same end.
I would love to hear what other strategies you have found for propelling yourself into normalcy, or of your struggles, your thoughts, etc. You are the first person I have found in 4 years that is dealing with the same problems as I am and it is very comforting to know that I am not alone!
Thank you for existing!
-Specimanic!