Collection of Science Jokes P2

[BillTre]

 

[Baluncore]

Cat-egory 3 hurricane.

Maybe they are fascist cats, that have turned into a Southern Hemisphere phenomenon.

 

[DennisN]

Time for some stellar astronomy jokes:

 

[pinball1970]

and sometimes because its fun to be a little mean spirited ...

 

[pinball1970]

 

[pinball1970]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Demystifier]

Why orthodox quantum mechanists believe in flat Earth

When we measure any small patch of Earth, experiments show that each patch is flat (up to local mountains and valleys, which are not important here). Therefore experiments are consistent with flat Earth. Sure, if we try to collect all patches into a single object we get a round Earth, but this is wrong because different patches are complementary. There is no single measurement of all patches at once, so object consisting of all patches at once is a counter-factual. Those who claim that Earth is round assume counterfactual definiteness (CFD), or realism (belief that there is measurement-independent reality). But CFD/realism is wrong, which saves flatness of Earth.

 

[pinball1970]

Why orthodox quantum mechanists believe in flat Earth

When we measure any small patch of Earth, experiments show that each patch is flat (up to local mountains and valleys, which are not important here). Therefore experiments are consistent with flat Earth. Sure, if we try to collect all patches into a single object we get a round Earth, but this is wrong because different patches are complementary. There is no single measurement of all patches at once, so object consisting of all patches at once is a counter-factual. Those who claim that Earth is round assume counterfactual definiteness (CFD), or realism (belief that there is measurement-independent reality). But CFD/realism is wrong, which saves flatness of Earth.

There are a couple of things I need clarification on.

When you say 'complimentary' do you mean in a QM way or normal way?

Also why does measuring at the same time make a difference?

Say I make a measurement on a length of rod but my ruler is only part the length of the rod would it matter if I collated my measurements?

What if I was a little slow and measured part way and made a mark then went home and told my wife about my dilemma?
She is smarter than me explained the solution so I went back the next day and completed the measurement.
Two measurements separated in time but successfully completed.
Throw in an orientation in space for good measure, would this not be valid?

I know this is the joke section but I think we can agree you started it.

 

[fresh_42]

The more I read about Bell's theorem on PF, the more am I convinced that AC/DC (sic!) meant something completely different with their song Hell's Bells than I previously thought!

 

[Demystifier]

When you say 'complimentary' do you mean in a QM way or normal way?

QM way is the normal way.

Also why does measuring at the same time make a difference?

Say I make a measurement on a length of rod but my ruler is only part the length of the rod would it matter if I collated my measurements?

Otherwise it doesn't matter, but it matters if the obvious fact that Earth is flat depends on it.

What if I was a little slow and measured part way and made a mark then went home and told my wife about my dilemma?
She is smarter than me explained the solution so I went back the next day and completed the measurement.
Two measurements separated in time but successfully completed.
Throw in an orientation in space for good measure, would this not be valid?

Bell was smart too (I'm not sure about his wife), and yet he concluded that QM is non-local. Being smart is not always an advantage.

I know this is the joke section but I think we can agree you started it.

And now I continue it.

 

[DennisN]

QM way is the normal way.

Speaking of QM... USB connectors can also be in superposition:

 

[fresh_42]

Did Schrödinger ever think about the consequences?

Spoiler

 

[martinbn]

Bell was smart too (I'm not sure about his wife), and yet he concluded that QM is non-local.

Did you take the non-locality into account? When you measure length here, it instantaneously affects the measurements in Australia. And when you compare results you see that your measurements are incompatible with a flat Earth. It has to have a Bell shape.

 

[Demystifier]

It has to have a Bell shape.

Did you mean Ball shape?

 

[martinbn]

Did you mean Ball shape?

Who is Ball?

 

[Ibix]

Who is Ball?

He says he invented the sphere. Ironically, his claims turned out to be hollow.

 

[Demystifier]

Who is Ball?

Mother Earth.

 

[mfb]

Who is Ball?

Developer of the screw theory.
I'm not joking

 

[Borg]

Developer of the screw theory.
I'm not joking

So, he was a screwball?

 

[Arjan82]

So, he was a screwball?

https://www.skrewballwhiskey.com/

?

 

[Borg]

https://www.skrewballwhiskey.com/

?

I was thinking more about this one - https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/screwball

 

[martinbn]

I was thinking more about this one - https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/screwball

Not related but there is this one https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bugger , where at the end is the etymology of the word

Middle English bougre heretic, from Anglo-French bugre, from Medieval Latin Bulgarus, literally, Bulgarian; from the association of Bulgaria with the Bogomils, who were accused of sodomy.

 

[Demystifier]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

View attachment 315695

Wow, it made his hair grow back!

 

[davenn]

 

[MikeeMiracle]

They say quantum tunneling only works on atomic particles, I would like to dispute this claim as I have personally experienced macro scale quantum tunneling many times this past year. I have even created a "device" which seems to be able to produce this effect at will, usually at the most inconvenient times. This experimental equipment can be created by anyone and the experiment is easily reproducible and repeatable to easily verify the results.

How is it that no matter well you place a nappy on a baby, their poop always finds a way to "tunnel" through it and onto the babies clothes!

If someone can be so kind as to do the necessary calculations and supply them to me for publishing, a Nobel prize for macro scale tunneling should be on it's way to me in next years awards :)

 

[Baluncore]

You would certainly deserve an Ig Nobel award for macro scale tunnelling.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ig_Nobel_Prize

 

[Borg]

I have seen quantum tunneling at a macro scale while its happening. Whenever I come back to my car after parking it someplace, I find the car next to me tunneling over the line into my space.

 

[davenn]

 

[Demystifier]

Wow, it made his hair grow back!

I found the right picture:

 

[pinball1970]

Did Some scientists already have the hair so decided it had to be quantum mechanics as a career?

Lev Landau

 

[strangerep]

Did Some scientists already have the hair so decided it had to be quantum mechanics as a career?

Lev Landau

Landau doesn't look all that bad. Compare him to his co-author Evgeny Lifschitz who seems
almost completely bald. I've wondered whether that was accelerated by working under Landau.
You know what they say about the classic textbooks of Landau & Lifschitz: "Not a word by Landau, not a thought by Lifschitz.

 

[Orodruin]

 

[pinball1970]

Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain.

Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: "Hey, I've figured it out. I know where we are."
"Where are we then?"
"Do you see that mountain over there?"
"Yes."
"Well… THAT'S where we are."

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

View attachment 316033

The two emails are 4 minutes apart. The first email went viral very fast, it seems.

 

[jbriggs444]

The two emails are 4 minutes apart. The first email went viral very fast, it seems.

That's a nasty R number or an incredibly short incubation period.

 

[Bandersnatch]

The two emails are 4 minutes apart. The first email went viral very fast, it seems.

The times shown don't tell you anything about the time elapsed between emails. Just how long it took to take a screenshot.

 

[jack action]

I have a scary joke about math but I'm $2^2$ to say it.

 

[berkeman]

Perfect for Halloween!

 

[dextercioby]

 

[collinsmark]

View attachment 316424

Yeah, I love that one. I posted it one facebook awhile ago, but I only got ~3 likes. And I suspect those were from people who didn't get it and thought it was a cry for help.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Tom.G]

Cynic!

 

[DennisN]