cristo
Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
- 8,144
- 75
Huckleberry said:I think it is imperative that ILEW speak to this girl. This isn't a choice that can be made rationally. He may not even have ever had a choice in the matter. It is what it is, and just because he barely knows this young woman does not lesson her importance to him. Love, infatuation, whatever it is, it's not a matter solely for the rational mind. It won't be just this woman that he makes an unreal comparison to. It will be every woman. I find it fascinating and beautiful and romantic to be so committed to someone one does not even know, but it is also unhealthy. In order to advance with his life, it is my opinion that he must work through the emotion and receive some kind of closure from her. Ignoring it is not an option. He's been trying that for 10 years already. It's time to bleed the wound.
Well, we are clearly two very different people when it comes to this matter, and it is apparent that you can empathise with his situation. I've never, apart from a few times in school when I was about 14 or so, been in this situation, and thus cannot comprehend how such a situation arises between adults. I have had a few close friendships which became a little strained by the want for emotional involvement-- once was on my part, and the other was on the girl's part-- but that's very different, since we knew each other very well.
ILEW clearly has two options here, both with positive and negative consequences, so I guess it's upto him to make a decision. I would, however, urge you, ILEW, to make a decision pretty soon, and you can't carry on feeling like this for much longer. Astronuc makes a good suggestion, that you could seek advice from your university's counsellor.
As an aside, Huckleberry, your optimism is a very admirable trait.