Dealing With Unrequited Love in University

[ILEW]

There is this girl that was special to me since I was 10 but I never had the courage to talk to her. I think she like me as well but not too sure. I did not see her until first year uni which again I did not have the courage to talk to her. Now in 4th year uni I am feeling a bit lonely and decided to give her an email which was a big step for me given I had never ever talked to her before. She responded to my first email on the day I sent it to her asking me what I was up to. Then I sent her another one telling her about what I was doing in uni and asked her how she was and what course she was doing. But she hasn't responded in a month to my second email. What does that mean? Should I send her another one telling her she was special to me or is that a sign that she is not interested in me and I should give up?

Please vote and if the first option then what should I say?

 

[Thrice]

head over to the chem lab & pick up some http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEAUkcR_jUE"

 

[dontdisturbmycircles]

Talk to her in person!

Thrice is creepy

 

[ILEW]

It would be a fluke chance to see her again at uni. But also I would be too nervous having purposely avoided her in the past for so long ( even though I should have got myself to do the opposite of what I have done).

 

[cristo]

You give the impression that you have hardly ever spoken to this girl in person, yet you say she has been so special to you since you were ten. How can this be?

 

[check]

How can she be that special to you if you haven't even talked to her in the ten or more years you've known her?

 

[moose]

So have you been thinking about her for half of your life now? Damn. Go after her or move on. Preferebly go after her, but I think you may too shy to go for her.

 

[honestrosewater]

I do not think it's a good idea to write her and only say that she is "special" to you. Could you elaborate on what that means? You like her? You've had a crush on her?

To me, honestly, that kind of letter would sound a little alarming.

Also, are you prepared for her to not feel the same about you?

 

[Huckleberry]

I would send her an e-mail. Keep it short and unemotional. Say something like 'Since we are going to the same university I thought it would be cool if we could sit down and talk about how things have been since we last saw each other, perhaps over a cup of coffee". Keep in mind that this woman probably doesn't currently have the same feeling toward you that you have toward her. She probably has a boyfriend and friends that she hangs around on a daily basis. Be honest about how you feel, but keep it simple and don't pressure her with your emotion. Give her the opportunity to be friends. If you proffess undying love for her the first time you meet she won't have that option. I can almost guarantee that she will choose what is familiar to her over you if you pressure her.

Regardless of what happens you got to try. If it takes acting a fool then that is what you must do. If you let it go you may regret it for the rest of your life. That's a heavy burden to carry around.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Sounds like good advice Huckleberry.

And I agree: Don't miss out on life due to shyness. Anything worth doing involves risk.

 

[radou]

There is this girl that was special to me since I was 10 but I never had the courage to talk to her. I think she like me as well but not too sure. I did not see her until first year uni which again I did not have the courage to talk to her.

Oh forget about the courage thing. I know it can be hard, and we all have that same problem often, but life is too short to not have courage to do the things that *will* make you better at a point after you do them.

You give the impression that you have hardly ever spoken to this girl in person, yet you say she has been so special to you since you were ten. How can this be?

How can she be that special to you if you haven't even talked to her in the ten or more years you've known her?

Oh people, come on, haven't you ever been in love?

I would send her an e-mail. Keep it short and unemotional. Say something like 'Since we are going to the same university I thought it would be cool if we could sit down and talk about how things have been since we last saw each other, perhaps over a cup of coffee". Keep in mind that this woman probably doesn't currently have the same feeling toward you that you have toward her. She probably has a boyfriend and friends that she hangs around on a daily basis. Be honest about how you feel, but keep it simple and don't pressure her with your emotion. Give her the opportunity to be friends. If you proffess undying love for her the first time you meet she won't have that option. I can almost guarantee that she will choose what is familiar to her over you if you pressure her.

Regardless of what happens you got to try. If it takes acting a fool then that is what you must do. If you let it go you may regret it for the rest of your life. That's a heavy burden to carry around.

I second all of the above.

 

[cristo]

Oh people, come on, haven't you ever been in love?

Well, yes, but with a girl that I knew! It seems to me, by reading the OP, that in the ten years that he has "known" her, they have traded one email conversation. Therefore, I don't know how she can be "special" to him-- he doesn't even know the girl! I also don't understand how he thinks that she likes him too?

Now I may be completely off the mark, and they may have shared numerous email conversations in the past, but if so I would suspect that he wouldn't be too scared to talk to her in person!

If the former scenario is true, then it sounds like the OP is infatuated with this girl. Therefore, he should firstly be prepared for the girl to not really know who he is, and definitely not to have any feelings for him. Secondly, if he actually manages to get her to go for a coffee with him, then he should definitely hide his feelings about her, as she will probably be rather scared if, on the first occasion they met, he declared his undying love for her!

I would, however, advise him to leave this girl and go and meet someone else. Friendships in which there are massive inbalances in feelings between each person are often really difficult to sustain.

 

[radou]

Well, yes, but with a girl that I knew! It seems to me, by reading the OP, that in the ten years that he has "known" her, they have traded one email conversation. Therefore, I don't know how she can be "special" to him-- he doesn't even know the girl! I also don't understand how he thinks that she likes him too?

If the former scenario is true, then it sounds like the OP is infatuated with this girl.

I agree, infatuation my be a better word than "love", but still, when you're infatuated with someone, he/she is still "special" to you.

I would, however, advise him to leave this girl and go and meet someone else.

Related to what you wrote, infatutaion can be very strong, but it can vanish very quickly once the (bad) cards are presented. Hence, I second the advice about meeting someone else.

 

[ILEW]

You give the impression that you have hardly ever spoken to this girl in person, yet you say she has been so special to you since you were ten. How can this be?

I have never talked to her. You see I am very weird which is understandable if one is into maths and physics like myself. Too bas she isn't at least I haven't seen her in any of my classes. I think I am a bit like Dirac except a bit more sociable but obviously much less talented. But you get the picture? I use to force myself to avoid her in my young days because I was scared about the consequences. I was still like that at the start of this year maybe. Pretty pathetic. I am not sure how a cup of coffee would work out since I have never had a cup of coffee even by myself in a shop. I once did order a take way though.

 

[cristo]

I agree, infatuation my be a better word than "love", but still, when you're infatuated with someone, he/she is still "special" to you.

That's true- I guess it depends upon someones take on the word "special." That's another reason for him especially not to tell her "you're special to me," since it could mean many things. If a girl I've spoken to a couple of times in the past came up to me and told me I was very special to her, I would be rather scared myself!

Related to what you wrote, infatutaion can be very strong, but it can vanish very quickly once the (bad) cards are presented.

This is, again, a very valid point. At the moment, he can at most judge whether he likes her on her looks. If he starts talking to her he may find a person that he doesn't want to know that well!

Hence, I second the advice about meeting someone else.

Yup-- once he finds a girl with whom he can interact, he probably won't even think about this girl anymore.

 

[ILEW]

You give the impression that you have hardly ever spoken to this girl in person, yet you say she has been so special to you since you were ten. How can this be?

I have never talked to her. You see I am very weird which is understandable if one is into maths and physics like myself. Too bas she isn't at least I haven't seen her in any of my classes. I think I am a bit like Dirac except a bit more sociable but obviously much less talented. But you get the picture? I use to force myself to avoid her in my young days because I was scared about the consequences. I was still like that at the start of this year maybe. Pretty pathetic.

 

[cristo]

I have never talked to her.

Ok, well why do you like her? What makes her so special?

You see I am very weird which is understandable if one is into maths and physics like myself.

Just because one studies maths and physics doesn't mean that one loses the ability to socialise!

I use to force myself to avoid her in my young days because I was scared about the consequences.

Well, that's understandable, but the operative words here are "in your younger days."

I was still like that at the start of this year maybe. Pretty pathetic.

It's not pathetic, it just seems like you've been trying to avoid her for so long, that you've made it even harder to strike up a conversation with her. This is even more reason to move on. Find a girl who you do not have this "history" with, and with whom you can start a conversation.

 

[radou]

I have never talked to her. You see I am very weird which is understandable if one is into maths and physics like myself.

No, I don't think it's understandable. It's all just because people believe in these stupid stereotypes. I know a lot of mathematicians who are just the complete opposite of "unsociable", "shy" and "weird".

I use to force myself to avoid her in my young days because I was scared about the consequences.

And...these would be? Please elaborate.

I am not sure how a cup of coffee would work out since I have never had a cup of coffee even by myself in a shop. I once did order a take way though.

It doesn't have to be a cup of coffee. Perhaps she even doesn't like coffee. It can just be a pleasant walk in the park or somewhere.

 

[Monique]

I have never talked to her.

So what do the two of you have in common? If it is just an infatuation, then I'd leave it at that and start looking for someone real that you share interests with. If you're lonely you should go out and join a group and do activities in order to meet new friends.

 

[ILEW]

I do not think it's a good idea to write her and only say that she is "special" to you. Could you elaborate on what that means? You like her? You've had a crush on her?

To me, honestly, that kind of letter would sound a little alarming.

Also, are you prepared for her to not feel the same about you?

Actually upon reflection, I think she might have been a bit alarmed at what I wrote in my second email to her (the first was just asking whether she was the correct person I was writing to) and may think about me negatively like I was crazy and might stalk her or something if she gave me more information about herself. I told her that I regretted not ever talking to her and told her what I was studying now and before and my future plans at uni. That might have been too much information to someone I have never taked to. She might also think I am a weirdo doing maths and physics as any average person would. The way I wrote that email dosen't help. When I wrote it I was a bit emotional and was banking on her liking me and also having a crush on me, which in hindsight is stupid. Although I have a reason for thinking that because she looked my way (as I was staring at her) while I was walking into a library to get a drink and she was talking to someone outside of the library this year and gave me a second look as I walked out. I was so nervous that I didn't even give her a second look as I walked out.

 

[ILEW]

And...these would be? Please elaborate.

Mainly that my parents will find out.

 

[radou]

She might also think I am a weirdo doing maths and physics as any average person would.

Well, if her way of thinking is that shallow, then you can forget about her right away.

Mainly that my parents will find out.

Your parents are problematic?

 

[honestrosewater]

I like Huck's advice too. I always tell people when I like them, and none of those cases have yet worked out exactly as I'd hoped at the time, but I don't regret letting any of them know at all. Plus, it helps you find out if you are really compatible or not. Perhaps, as a physicist, you would more readily take some of Feynman's advice: prove yourself wrong as soon as possible.

I told her that I regretted not ever talking to her and told her what I was studying now and before and my future plans at uni.

That doesn't sound bad. If she's a nice person, I imagine she would be understanding.

She might also think I am a weirdo doing maths and physics as any average person would.

In which case, you wouldn't like her, right? Why would you like someone who thinks you're a weirdo?

The way I wrote that email dosen't help. When I wrote it I was a bit emotional and was banking on her liking me and also having a crush on me, which in hindsight is stupid. Although I have a reason for thinking that because she looked my way (as I was staring at her) while I was walking into a library to get a drink and she was talking to someone outside of the library this year and gave me a second look as I walked out. I was so nervous that I didn't even give her a second look as I walked out.

Oh, man, I feel for you, really. I think you are needlessly setting yourself up for disappointment with the way that you are approaching things. Is the person that you like even her? You have some image of her that you have grown to like and is special to you, but you don't actually know the real her, do you?

 

[Astronuc]

I agree with Huck's advice.

When I wrote it I was a bit emotional and was banking on her liking me and also having a crush on me, . . . Although I have a reason for thinking that because she looked my way (as I was staring at her) while I was walking into a library to get a drink and she was talking to someone outside of the library this year and gave me a second look as I walked out.

One is projecting one's ideas on to her. One is certainly infatuated. If one has not talked with the young lady, there is no basis to believe she has any interest in one. While one shares some common geography and past with the young lady, there is no basis for anything more than a casual relationship, an acquaintance.

At the moment, don't put any expectations on a relationship with her. The best one could hope for is a casual meeting and review of the past. You both diverged long ago (10-12 years is a long time in this matter), and as others have mentioned, you both have completely different histories and current familiarities. Back then, she might have been special to you, but reverse may not be true, i.e. you may not have been particularly special to her.

You could do as Huckleberry suggested, but then one has to let the woman decide on the subsequent course, and accept the fact that she might not wish to meet with one - at present. In that case, one moves on.

One might also seek some counseling, which should be available at one's university.

 

[Huckleberry]

Yup-- once he finds a girl with whom he can interact, he probably won't even think about this girl anymore.

I'm not certain of this at all. After 10 years without contacting this girl he still is very fond of her. Rather than the memory fading, it has grown into some impossible thing. It may even be partly responsible for not having met another woman in that 10 years. Who can compare to the impossible beauty in his imagination? He may not meet a woman for another 10 years. Without an emotional resolution this barrier will likely only cast a shadow across his entire life.

ILEW, fear is the great killer. You have already made the decision that you wish to know this woman. Your parents wishes didn't stop you from making that decision and it didn't stop you from acting on it already. Do not fear reprisal or conflict or rejection. They are only lessons to be learned in life. If you can embrace these harsh concepts without being overcome by fear then I promise you that your ability to experience passion for life will increase proportionately. If you fear the pain, you will be denied the pleasure. Don't allow other people be accountable for your happiness.

We are born, we live, we die. That's the nature of things. I can understand fear of the unknown and unfamiliar. Don't let it direct your life onto a narrow, level path, like a blinded, bridled horse whos only purpose is to pull it's load. There is a certain nobility to the horse and it's work, but has anyone asked the horse what it would like to do? Maybe it would like to go for a walk along the steep switchbacks of a nearby mountain valley, or run wild for a time in the plains. The horse has no choice, but you do.

Throw yourself on your sword. Commit seppuku of the spirit. Make yourself honorable and talk to this girl. If your legs won't hold you up in her presence then crawl to her. Say "Hello". She will say it back to you. Your heart will pound in your chest and you'll feel a knot in your gut and your thoughts will betray you, but your senses will be heightened. Every sound will be a symphony and you'll understand the songs of birds. The sun will shine only to warm your skin. Every hair on your body will dance in the breeze, their cheers the sound of the whispering wind. Time will stop to watch you for a short while.

If you can't think of anything to say then make a comment on what your senses tell you. Say anything. You like the way that steam rises from coffee. This bagel is good, but not like the ones mom used to make. You like the smell of freshly peeled oranges, but don't like when they spray you in the eye. Be in the moment. Speak of the past as the past. Remember always that you do not really know each other and she is not the woman you have in your imagination. That is not the woman you are speaking to. Be prepared for rejection. You may need to suffer that little death to clean your cup of stagnant water. A clean cup can be filled again. If you are lucky she may accept you and you can start a relationship. She may even be very much like the woman you imagined. But the most important reason for approaching her should be so you can move ahead with your life without doubt or regret holding you in the past. That, in itself, should be reward enough.

 

[Huckleberry]

One is projecting one's ideas on to her. One is certainly infatuated. If one has not talked with the young lady, there is no basis to believe she has any interest in one. While one shares some common geography and past with the young lady, there is no basis for anything more than a casual relationship, an acquaintance.

I do believe this is an unhealthy infatuation and not real love. That doesn't mean it couldn't eventually be real given half a chance. It certainly can't be ignored so it must be confronted, explored.

What gets me is that even after 10 years she remembers well enough to ask how he is doing. That doesn't necessarily mean she liked him, but I'm sure it has some relevence. Perhaps she was being polite, but at least it doesn't seem as if she doesn't like him. That leaves the door open in my opinion.

 

[ILEW]

I do believe this is an unhealthy infatuation and not real love. That doesn't mean it couldn't eventually be real given half a chance. It certainly can't be ignored so it must be confronted, explored.

What gets me is that even after 10 years she remembers well enough to ask how he is doing. That doesn't necessarily mean she liked him, but I'm sure it has some relevence. Perhaps she was being polite, but at least it doesn't seem as if she doesn't like him. That leaves the door open in my opinion.

Your previous post was quiet nice to say the least, almost like a poem. Yeah its good that she still remembers me. How many full names can you remember from your primary school and especially any person you have never spoken to and didn't go to your high school? I can only think about only 5 in total. One thing was that we were on the same sports team back then and I was the number one seed so it must have left a positive and lasting impression on her? I felt that was one strong reason why she would like me back then? As I didn't do that well in class nor very sociable. I was only in her form class for half a year in grade 5. As I moved from another school so it was a fluke that my parents moved houses otherwise I would never have had the opportunity. There was no one like her in my old school. Unfortunately I was in a different class to her in the 6th grade but back then I was happy about it because it would mean I could be in class without feeling extemely irrational and crazy. Although deep down I was dissapointed. I obviously didn't appreciate how special she is until now.

 

[cristo]

Who can compare to the impossible beauty in his imagination?

The important point is that his imagination has built up this incredible girl, but he should ask himself, why? He's never spoken to this girl-- they have at most exchanged glances. He does not know what she's like, or whether he even really likes her, let alone whether she will give him the time of day. He's basing this on things like looks she's given him when he's been walking into the library. Well, it is human nature to look at people when they pass, otherwise we would all be walking around staring at the floor. If someone looks at me as they pass, then I would look back, and probably smile, as any friendly human being would do!

You ask who can compare to this person that he's built in his mind. Well, there's nothing saying that she will come close to doing so. Even if he does start talking to her, then he'll be let down as she won't be able to live upto what he has made her in his head. That's why I said it was best to move on, and interact with other girls; girls who have not got a huge picture in his head to live up to!

What gets me is that even after 10 years she remembers well enough to ask how he is doing. That doesn't necessarily mean she liked him, but I'm sure it has some relevence. Perhaps she was being polite, but at least it doesn't seem as if she doesn't like him. That leaves the door open in my opinion.

She replied to an email that he sent asking if it was her. Ok, so at least the fact that she replied says that she's not an unfriendly person, but what else was she going to reply to such an email saying? "Yes, it's me."??

It's all well and good dreaming of things like this happening, but in reality they don't-- it's an unhealthy obsession. The only good coming out of them meeting, that I can see of, is that it will finally dispense of this image of her in his mind that she can't live up to, so that he can then move on. But, why put yourself through that? Why not simply think "Ok, so that's an image of what I imagine to be my perfect girl. She won't be like that, and there's no way that anything will happen between us, so I'll just move on."

Like I said earlier, if he even manages to start up a friendship with her in this situation, then it will not work-- he's obsessed with her, and she hardly knows him from Adam. It's going to put a ridiculous strain between the two of them, and one that she will most likely not want anything to do with.

 

[Astronuc]

I have to wonder if this thread is related to -

How 'true' is preteen love?

Do people change much after say grade 5?


Back when I was 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, I had crushes on girls and some became girlfriends, for a brief period. It didn't help that I moved about every two years. When I was in university, it would likely have been impossible for me to pick up with those girls who had become women, because our paths diverged, although we had common background and experience. People change enormously in 10 years. Anyway, each of those girls were special and remain special, but most of them have probably married and had children. I would like to know that each has done well and have been able to find a caring, loving person (husband) with whom they been able to share their lives. But the best I could offer today is friendship. Even in college, I dated women, but for one reason or another, we didn't get married.

I met the woman who became my wife when I was 22, we started dating (which quickly became an exclusive relationship) when I was 23, and we got married a year later. We started simply as friends, and over a period of a 1.5 years grew closer. She is also 6.5 years older than me - and we have been married 25 years.

The complication for the OP author is that there was no apparent relationship in the past. The young lady of interest may very well be polite, as people should be. But one should not expect anything beyond a casual acquaintance at this point.

Relationships only evolve positively when there is a 'mutuality', i.e. both participants have more or less the same special feeling for each other. Unilateral feelings do not make for a good relationship.

Beyond simply being acquaintances, relationships between opposite genders (in the context of this thread) are exceedingly complex (even friendships can be complex). One cannot force a relationship, it must simply happen.

 

[Huckleberry]

The only good coming out of them meeting, that I can see of, is that it will finally dispense of this image of her in his mind that she can't live up to, so that he can then move on. But, why put yourself through that? Why not simply think "Ok, so that's an image of what I imagine to be my perfect girl. She won't be like that, and there's no way that anything will happen between us, so I'll just move on."

I don't disagree on any particular point in your post, except one.

I think it is imperative that ILEW speak to this girl. This isn't a choice that can be made rationally. He may not even have ever had a choice in the matter. It is what it is, and just because he barely knows this young woman does not lesson her importance to him. Love, infatuation, whatever it is, it's not a matter solely for the rational mind. It won't be just this woman that he makes an unreal comparison to. It will be every woman. I find it fascinating and beautiful and romantic to be so committed to someone one does not even know, but it is also unhealthy. In order to advance with his life, it is my opinion that he must work through the emotion and receive some kind of closure from her. Ignoring it is not an option. He's been trying that for 10 years already. It's time to bleed the wound.

Your previous post was quiet nice to say the least, almost like a poem. Yeah its good that she still remembers me. How many full names can you remember from your primary school and especially any person you have never spoken to and didn't go to your high school? I can only think about only 5 in total. One thing was that we were on the same sports team back then and I was the number one seed so it must have left a positive and lasting impression on her? I felt that was one strong reason why she would like me back then? As I didn't do that well in class nor very sociable. I was only in her form class for half a year in grade 5. As I moved from another school so it was a fluke that my parents moved houses otherwise I would never have had the opportunity. There was no one like her in my old school. Unfortunately I was in a different class to her in the 6th grade but back then I was happy about it because it would mean I could be in class without feeling extemely irrational and crazy. Although deep down I was dissapointed. I obviously didn't appreciate how special she is until now.

I don't remember anyone from primary school. Even the faces are kind of half forgotten. I've moved quite a few times in my life. It didn't leave much opportunity for long lasting relationships.

I don't think she will like you because you were the number one seed on the sports team back in grade school. I'm sure she is very special to you, but don't think that anything from 10 years in the past is a basis for a relationship in the present. She isn't a 10 year old girl any more.

I've been through some similar experiences. In high school there was a girl that was absolutely beautiful to me. She was kind and intelligent and perceptive. She was also a cheerleader and dating someone on the football team. One night she called my house asking about a question about some homework. I thought that was odd because she was smart enough to not need my help. She had other friends that she could have called. Most alarmingly, I never gave her my phone number. She must have gotten it from the phone book. Who does that?

One year we had Trig class together. It was the first class of the day. She would be in the hallway talking with her friends as I passed by. I went to class early and went over my homework. I was always the first one there. Every day she would come in and wait with me. She sat at her table and I sat at mine and we usually said nothing to each other. One day she had this nice sun hat on. I mentioned that I liked her hat. I heard later from one of her friends that she thought I didn't like her hat. Funny how infatuation alters our perception, don't you think?

One day I was walking to another class and saw her in the hallway talking with one of her friends. Her friend was trying to convince her to have sex with her football player boyfriend. I walked by and said nothing.

Two years after high school I was living in Arizona and couldn't get her out of my head. I wrote a letter, found her parents address and mailed it to her. I called her up and we talked briefly. As soon as it became obvious to her that I was interested in her she hung up. I called several times and she never spoke to me over the phone. Her brother once wished me good luck. A few weeks later I got a brief letter in the mail saying that she was now engaged to that football player and that I shouldn't write her again.

I had missed my opportunity because I was too shy to do anythng about it. I can't stand to see someone else go through that. So don't worry about appearing irrational. That can be a strength also. It's ok to be a little crazy sometimes.

Another time this French woman I was penpals with invited me down to Mexico to a church that she had volunteered at. I went. It turned out that we didn't get along very well. We were very different personality types. I wanted to get to know her but she kept rejecting me. After 2 months I had written 80 pages in my journal about it. It's kind of interesting upon reflection.

I'm very familiar with rejection, but I'm not afraid of trying again. I feel a bit crippled sometimes, but I'm not dead yet. As long as I have a heartbeat there is hope even in a hopeless situation like the one you are in now.

 

[cristo]

I think it is imperative that ILEW speak to this girl. This isn't a choice that can be made rationally. He may not even have ever had a choice in the matter. It is what it is, and just because he barely knows this young woman does not lesson her importance to him. Love, infatuation, whatever it is, it's not a matter solely for the rational mind. It won't be just this woman that he makes an unreal comparison to. It will be every woman. I find it fascinating and beautiful and romantic to be so committed to someone one does not even know, but it is also unhealthy. In order to advance with his life, it is my opinion that he must work through the emotion and receive some kind of closure from her. Ignoring it is not an option. He's been trying that for 10 years already. It's time to bleed the wound.

Well, we are clearly two very different people when it comes to this matter, and it is apparent that you can empathise with his situation. I've never, apart from a few times in school when I was about 14 or so, been in this situation, and thus cannot comprehend how such a situation arises between adults. I have had a few close friendships which became a little strained by the want for emotional involvement-- once was on my part, and the other was on the girl's part-- but that's very different, since we knew each other very well.

ILEW clearly has two options here, both with positive and negative consequences, so I guess it's upto him to make a decision. I would, however, urge you, ILEW, to make a decision pretty soon, and you can't carry on feeling like this for much longer. Astronuc makes a good suggestion, that you could seek advice from your university's counsellor.

As an aside, Huckleberry, your optimism is a very admirable trait.

 

[honestrosewater]

Also, I think that admiring someone from a distance is nowhere near as wonderful and satisfying as actually getting to know someone really well, especially getting to the things that most people never come to see. And it goes both ways, of course, letting someone get to know you. So maybe you should consider moving ahead for that reason too.

 

[ILEW]

Huckleberry, did you like her very much? Or was it more she liking you a lot back then and you liked her mildly.

What I haven't said was that back in first year uni we took the same bus as we lived in the same surberb but I don't know which house she lives in and I obviously also purposely avoided her as well although I cried a little the first time I saw her after not having seen her for 6 years as she boarded the bus. I deliberately turned my head to the window as I didn't want her to see my tears but I think she recognised me and even stopped and maybe thought to sit next to me but didn't and walked past. But one morning when the bus was packed, I was standing and holding to a pole. She came near me and leaned on the pole I was holding to which was understandable as there weren't much other room in the bus. She actually leaned on my knuckles without realising I think (if she had held to the same pole then she would have had to face me which she probably didn't want as I previously avoided her). It was unfortunate that it hurt my a hand a lot and I pulled it out without saying anything and she said sorry - the only word she has ever said to me. It was a most regrettable moment for me and quite rude on my behalf, there couldn't be a better conversation starter could there? Unfortuntely now I don't see her boarding the same bus.

 

[Huckleberry]

Huckleberry, did you like her very much? Or was it more she liking you a lot back then and you liked her mildly.

I liked her very much. I would say I was infatuated. Sometimes I still wonder what life would have been like had I had the courage to ask her out, but I don't dwell on it too much any more. It doesn't cause me any pain now.

One time I was at a hostel in Mexico D.F. and I was leaning on a counter doing my best to talk to the clerk in spanish. Earlier I had seen this perky, little asian woman with a very tall asian man. Suddenly someone yanks a brochure from underneath my elbow. I turn my head and see this asian woman. I said something like " Sorry, I guess you really wanted that brochure." She said "I want to plan some places to go. I'm here with my friend. We are not a couple". We talked briefly and I left. A few minutes later I told a friend about what just happened and she said I should go back and talk to the asian woman. So I did and we went out on a few dates over the next few days and had a great time.

It can be that easy to meet someone. The hardest part is saying hello. Try it sometime. It doesn't even matter if you are really interested in dating the person or not. You walk into class and there is a girl sitting next to you. Say Hi and give her a smile. That's all you have to do. A sincere smile is the key to many doors. It says, "My day is going well and I hope yours is too". I am still very nervous when talking to new people, but with practice comes confidence and assurance that rejection is not the end of the world. Some people will like you and others won't show any interest. I think you will be surprised. There are many women that would be interested in physics/math geeks. You can be the king of social misfits and still catch the interest of many women if you have confidence. Practice by introducing yourself to new people.

Don't wait forever to introduce yourself. From what I've seen it's rare for a woman to make the opening move. They use other ways to get your attention and then it is up to you to pick up on it and make the first move. Don't use pick-up lines or try to impress anyone. Just speak simply and honestly and be yourself. Gravy.

 

[JasonRox]

You liked a girl since you were 10, but you never talked to her and you're still thinking about for this long?

That sounds really creepy to be honest with you.