Do i want to be a mathematician just to prove my intelligence?

[oahz]

i think i might possibly be the most confused person alive.

i am not even sure if i enjoy math, let alone if i was smart enough to go that route.

i was never in any sort of academic environment during my developmental elementary years.

from high school to the every end of college i was bug with social, family, and health issues that completely deflected my focus away from school and the academics.

i have a BA in math, but only chose to major in math after I failed at architecture. math was the path of least resistance.

i found math to be secure, absolute. i was never good at subjects like english because everything is just an opinion---and i never had any confidence in my opinions.

my mom is an uneducated peasant. she has an inferiority complex. from the age of 4-8, i was without my dad.

in these crucial years i believe i too developed an inferiority complex. I've since always had self-doubt in everything that i did.

ever since i decided to major in math, I've gradually valued math as a mean to validate myself, to prove my intelligence.

but i never got to enjoy it, i never enjoyed anything during college for that matter.

as i stated, i was sick and distracted during college. in the back of my mind, though, I've still had fears and aspirations for the future which was the reason i did all i can to get my A's and get my degree.

sadly, any average person can get a math BA. what does it take to get a math phD?

 

[MathematicalPhysicist]

A vocation.

 

[meanrev]

"do i want to be a mathematician just to prove my intelligence?"

Yes.

No, I was just kidding. I've come across a few people who appear to be motivated this way in the math community, and they always seem infinitely unhappy as a result of it, and burn out fast. I think I was one of them. It makes sense, it's almost certain that there's someone better than you no matter how hard you try. On the other hand, the brilliant ones I've come across are extremely modest, and seemingly oblivious to their own intelligence.

 

[oahz]

"do i want to be a mathematician just to prove my intelligence?"

Yes.

No, I was just kidding. I've come across a few people who appear to be motivated this way in the math community, and they always seem infinitely unhappy as a result of it, and burn out fast. I think I was one of them. It makes sense, it's almost certain that there's someone better than you no matter how hard you try. On the other hand, the brilliant ones I've come across are extremely modest, and seemingly oblivious to their own intelligence.

but i seriously do not have any intentions to be better than anyone.

so what are you doing now? are you still in math?