i think i might possibly be the most confused person alive. i am not even sure if i enjoy math, let alone if i was smart enough to go that route. i was never in any sort of academic environment during my developmental elementary years. from high school to the every end of college i was bug with social, family, and health issues that completely deflected my focus away from school and the academics. i have a BA in math, but only chose to major in math after I failed at architecture. math was the path of least resistance. i found math to be secure, absolute. i was never good at subjects like english because everything is just an opinion---and i never had any confidence in my opinions. my mom is an uneducated peasant. she has an inferiority complex. from the age of 4-8, i was without my dad. in these crucial years i believe i too developed an inferiority complex. i've since always had self-doubt in everything that i did. ever since i decided to major in math, i've gradually valued math as a mean to validate myself, to prove my intelligence. but i never got to enjoy it, i never enjoyed anything during college for that matter. as i stated, i was sick and distracted during college. in the back of my mind, though, i've still had fears and aspirations for the future which was the reason i did all i can to get my A's and get my degree. sadly, any average person can get a math BA. what does it take to get a math phD?