- #61
Keyser Söze
LowlyPion said:
I don't know if that would be a good idea. It could be done, but wouldn't fitting them with specific uniforms made for them be more efficient?
Gorillas should be America's professional football players
- Thread starter stickythighs
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Discussion Overview
The discussion explores the provocative idea of gorillas as professional football players in America, examining the cultural idolization of athletes and the potential implications of such a shift. Participants engage in a mix of humor, speculation, and critique regarding the feasibility and desirability of this concept, touching on themes of entertainment value, societal values, and the nature of athleticism.
Discussion Character
- Debate/contested
- Exploratory
- Conceptual clarification
Main Points Raised
- Some participants suggest that gorillas could be trained to play football effectively from a young age, potentially outperforming human athletes due to their physical attributes.
- One participant claims that the average male gorilla could bench press 4,000 pounds, arguing for their superiority as athletes compared to humans.
- Another viewpoint posits that having gorilla athletes could free up significant salary dollars for more beneficial societal uses.
- Several participants humorously question the idea of using gorillas or suggest alternative athletes, such as beautiful women or puppies, highlighting the absurdity of the original proposal.
- Critiques emerge regarding the complexity of football, with some participants emphasizing the strategic elements of the game that may not be teachable to gorillas.
- Concerns are raised about the societal implications of idolizing non-human athletes and the value placed on entertainment versus addressing social issues like poverty.
- Some participants express frustration with the discussion, labeling it as "stupid" or "retarded," while others defend the value of entertainment in society.
Areas of Agreement / Disagreement
Participants generally do not reach consensus, with multiple competing views on the feasibility and implications of gorillas as athletes. The discussion remains unresolved, with humor and critique interspersed with serious commentary on societal values.
Contextual Notes
Participants express varying assumptions about the capabilities of gorillas and the nature of professional sports, with some claims lacking empirical support. The discussion reflects a mix of serious and humorous tones, leading to ambiguity in the overall intent and seriousness of the original proposal.
I don't know if that would be a good idea. It could be done, but wouldn't fitting them with specific uniforms made for them be more efficient?
- #62
LowlyPion
Homework Helper
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Keyser Söze said:
You're going to fit and dress a 600 lb animal?
You might want to be sure that he wants to be dressed in the first place.
- #63
Jordan Joab
If it works, the U.S. Army will be sending gorillas to Irak :D
- #64
binzing
- 280
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(Iraq) and don't give them the idea, our coke chimp (part of a Jon Stewart joke, really great when he did it) of a president probably would.
- #65
Jordan Joab
binzing said:
According to wikipedia, President Bush played baseball and was a cheerleader.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_W._Bush
- #66
ekrim
- 177
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Daniel Y. said:
Do I know you?
- #67
Oblio
- 398
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Not a lot of athletes at this forum it seems. I'm an athlete and I like physics, those with an 'athlete-bashing' attitude are only proving your own ignorance of the issue.
- #68
K.J.Healey
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I agree. I was a "scholar athlete". I played football and tennis at school, and soccer and softball outside with friends. There is nothing easy about competitive sports. People who think sports are for those that don't have a brain are like you said, ignorant of the issue, or jealous of someone's ability and to compensate attempt to compare themselves to a preconceived (and incorrect) intellectual deficiency of said persons.
- #69
WarPhalange
A gorilla would still beat you at football.
- #70
K.J.Healey
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Um, I don't think so. You can't just win at football because of bulk size, you have to get over the intelligence hurdle first. A lot of humans have this problem as well...
- #71
WarPhalange
Your entire team would literally be crippled 10 minutes into the game. Doesn't matter how smart you are at that point.
- #72
stickythighs
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Jordan Joab said:
Gorillas would have no chance against rifle fire and IEDs.
- #73
stickythighs
- 37
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K.J.Healey said:
A group of gorillas playing against the best football players in history would be like the football players at the #1 college football team in the country playing against a bunch of ten year old kids. Intelligence won't matter. No matter what play you run, the gorillas could squash humans like a bug.
- #74
stickythighs
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K.J.Healey said:
I think gorillas are fairly smart animals. They can learn human sign language.
- #75
seycyrus
The first question that comes to mind...
Which of you guys are being serious?
Which of you guys are being serious?
- #76
K.J.Healey
- 622
- 0
By the rules you're not allowed to be unnecessarily rough. Which is a rule the gorillas would have to adhere to, is it not?
- #77
K.J.Healey
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stickythighs said:
This is not a correct comparison, you're assuming the gorillas are BETTER than a college football team (not just in size, but skill). This is not so.
If you're going to compare something, do it right :)
The situation is more like taking a body builder, and saying they would be good at golf, because they should be able to, with a little training, out-drive any normal human. This doesn't work though. There's a lot more to it than just drives. Get it?
There's a lot more to football than just smashing people. Have you ever played tackle football?
- #78
WarPhalange
If you're good enough at mashing people, the other team will eventually forfeit.
I know there are special rules against fouling, such as grabbing the face mask or spiking with the helmet, but a gorilla would just do a regular tackle and still knock out most anybody.
I know there are special rules against fouling, such as grabbing the face mask or spiking with the helmet, but a gorilla would just do a regular tackle and still knock out most anybody.
- #79
Jordan Joab
Ok, here's how I kill this thread.
If team owners knew people were willing to pay to watch gorillas play football it would've been done ages ago. Cheaper to pay 100 bananas per season to a dumb gorilla with limited rights. Oh wait, what's that? That's the voice of thousands of enraged hippies demanding gorilla rights. Then owners would be forced to go back to humans thus forcing another one of you to create a post about how some other animal can play football.
Dolphins have higher mathematical skills than humans. They just don't have the hands to write stuff down!
^ makes as much sense as football-playing gorillas.
If team owners knew people were willing to pay to watch gorillas play football it would've been done ages ago. Cheaper to pay 100 bananas per season to a dumb gorilla with limited rights. Oh wait, what's that? That's the voice of thousands of enraged hippies demanding gorilla rights. Then owners would be forced to go back to humans thus forcing another one of you to create a post about how some other animal can play football.
Dolphins have higher mathematical skills than humans. They just don't have the hands to write stuff down!
^ makes as much sense as football-playing gorillas.
- #80
WarPhalange
Jordan Joab said:Ok, here's how I kill this thread.
If team owners knew people were willing to pay to watch gorillas play football it would've been done ages ago. Cheaper to pay 100 bananas per season to a dumb gorilla with limited rights. Oh wait, what's that? That's the voice of thousands of enraged hippies demanding gorilla rights. Then owners would be forced to go back to humans thus forcing another one of you to create a post about how some other animal can play football.
Dolphins have higher mathematical skills than humans. They just don't have the hands to write stuff down!
^ makes as much sense as football-playing gorillas.
You're just jealous that a gorilla could bench press your entire family and you can't even bench press one gorilla.
- #81
falc39
the trolling on this thread is so obvious
where are the mods?
where are the mods?
- #82
Jordan Joab
WarPhalange said:
I can beat that gorilla 1v1 on Halo though
Oh yeah, gorillas have little pea shooters. I win there too!
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- #83
LowlyPion
Homework Helper
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Jordan Joab said:Oh yeah, gorillas have little pea shooters. I win there too!
If that's what you're shooting for, then you would want an oxyura vittata, an Argentinian lake duck, on your team.
- #84
johnpmc
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- 0
stickythighs said:
By my count you are both wrong on the duration of Rome. It should start with Romulus and end with the fall of Constantinople. A degraded state is a state afterall, we aren't talking of how long ago Great Britain went defunct now aren't we. So from Romulus (753 BC) to the Fall of Byzantium to the Ottomans (1453 AD) I think you should be a bit closer to 2206 years give or take.
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- #85
russ_watters
Mentor
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No point in resurrecting a low quality, year-old thread. Locked.