How Did You First Say I Love You?

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The discussion revolves around the complexities and anxieties associated with expressing love, particularly the phrase "I love you." Participants share personal experiences and strategies for navigating romantic feelings, highlighting the nervousness that often accompanies the first declaration of love. There is a debate on whether men should say "I love you" first, with some arguing that it is a man's role, while others suggest that mutual feelings should be evident before such declarations are made. The conversation also touches on the distinction between infatuation and true love, emphasizing that genuine love involves acceptance of flaws and deeper emotional connections, rather than fleeting attraction. Participants discuss the importance of non-verbal cues in romantic interest, noting that women often communicate their feelings through body language and eye contact, which men may misinterpret or overlook. Overall, the thread underscores the challenges of communication in romantic relationships, the significance of emotional honesty, and the varying perceptions of love across genders.
  • #31
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I see the distnction you're making. However, you don't believe the first kind of experience can mellow and blend into and then become the second kind?
Oh certainly, but I think people put too much importance on being in love rather than loving someone. I think the high divorce rates are rediculous.
 
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  • #32
Originally posted by Monique
Oh certainly, but I think people put too much importance on being in love rather than loving someone. I think the high divorce rates are rediculous.
Monique, I have to agree with everything you've posted here.
 
  • #33
So We can develop a Body Langauge Out Of this post for Male And Female Signals.

EVO's Quotes are the Gestures Send out by a woman to a man. and these are true.Okays Here is what i have observed from women side.

I noticed that girls send out signals via eyes
They look directly into eyes till a man sees it and then they disconnect the vision line. Is This a teasing If this is, then it turns me on, really ON

Okay Last Week when I went to a marriage there was a very
HOT girl Who constantly looked into my eyes and took her seat just next to me But with her mom/dad as well So i was in no position to talk to her. But i was responding to her signals. But i feel i missed a chance.[b(]

So i don't want to miss many chance from now Pls tell me EVO, MONIQUE & all the girls how to respond in a proper manner to their gestures(incl Teasing)
 
  • #34
I have a broken radar.

I'll go out, and automatically pick the most attractive girl in the room (to me, of course). I'll look at her every couple of minutes, like a nervous habit -- some form of hormone-induced obsessive-compulsive disorder. She won't look at me once, but I'll keep checking periodically like a miswired robot anyway. If she notices me looking at her but chooses not to return eye contact, my insistence surely only makes things worse.

I'll go home without ever interacting, even via eye contact, with the girl whom I found interesting. Later, a friend will inform me that a different cute girl, in a different spot in the room, was doing everything she could to get my attention... unbeknownst to me... and I repeatedly ignored her.

*shrug*

- Warren
 
  • #35
Thats what i call a successful night out! at least someone was interested in you, other than looking at you cos (or there is the possibility that) you have something on your face!

Anyway? since when has the guy got to declare his love first? I certainly wouldnt. Hell no. I make a fool of myself about everything else! I am like Hugh Grant. [b(]
 
  • #36
Originally posted by Evo
...when I used to go out and I saw someone I was attracted to, I let them know by looking directly at them and smiling, then I would turn my head away for a moment, then look back at them, and if they are still looking, I give them another smile. If they can't pick up that hint, they're dead.
Actually, they may just have an XY chromosome. I don't know if you've seen the info and studies on male/female brain differences, but it has been demonstrated with pet scans that women are wired much better than men when it comes to interpreting facial expressions.

The corpus callosum, the network of connections between the two hemispheres of the brain, is an average of 20% larger in women than men.

They did P.E.T. scans on women and men while giving them the task of interpreting the facial expressions of people. Women were able to correctly interpret them faster than men using much less brain area than men. It took the men longer, and they had to press a great deal more of their brains into service to get it done. The difference in the P.E.T. scans was obvious: the mens' had much larger bright areas than the womens' indicating that they were metabolizing much more glucose in the process.

So, I hope the women will be patient and realize that what seems an obvious signal to you, may yet be a source of confusion for any guy. We don't have the natural ability to see and comprehend expressions that you do.

For a man to be able to do this as well as a woman would require that he train and practise. First, though, he would have to realize that such a gap in "signal strength" exists.

Smiles aren't necessarily clear. Is it a polite smile? A hollow social smile? Does she smile at every guy that way? Etc.
 
  • #37
Originally posted by Monique
Oh certainly, but I think people put too much importance on being in love rather than loving someone. I think the high divorce rates are rediculous.
I certainly agree about the divorce rates. I'm not sure I would chalk this up to people getting married precipitously during the infatuation phase so much as there not being enough emphasis in general on men and women learning to talk each other's language.

On that note, you will have to translate the difference between "being in love" and "loving someone".

It is my impression that a large percentage of women are constantly engaged in creating exponentially increasing degrees of subtlety concerning all possible variants of the terminology of love and romance among themselves without realizing that they've failed to include men in the process, and are dismayed when men can't follow the distinctions.

Sometimes women will kindly translate. At others all they are is dissapointed that you don't already get it.
 
  • #38
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
On that note, you will have to translate the difference between "being in love" and "loving someone".
I Dutch we've got different words for them

It is my impression that a large percentage of women are constantly engaged in creating exponentially increasing degrees of subtlety concerning all possible variants of the terminology of love and romance among themselves without realizing that they've failed to include men in the process, and are dismayed when men can't follow the distinctions.

Sometimes women will kindly translate. At others all they are is dissapointed that you don't already get it.
Oh, I'd have to agree here. I think the last has something to do with the amount of attention needed.. which most women need lots of :P
 
  • #39
verliefd: AMOROUS; ENAMOURED; IN LOVE; SWEET
houden van: LOVE; FANCY; LIKE
 
  • #40
Dag Monique,

My Dutch is still rusty. In fact, I have only learned one word. Dag. Dag!

- Warren
 
  • #41
Hoi Chroot, that means you already know 2! words! Dag is used as a hello and a bye greeting. The same with hoi, now you already know four words!

1, 2, 4.. isn't that an exponential growth!?
 
  • #42
Vier Wörter! Aber kann Ich bereits spreche sehr gut Deutsch...

I'm going to learn Dutch, too, don't worry. The Dutch speakers on my audio tapes sound soooooo funny! Even just saying "Frau Peterson" they sound so silly it almost makes me laugh. I wonder if you all sound that way.

- Warren
 
  • #43
Sie muß Tsunami bitten, wie holländische sprechen :)
 
  • #44
Tsunami spreche auch holländische?? Das ist so gile!

- Warren
 
  • #45
Ja ich denke daß sie einige Wörter kennt, und sie ist einige male nach Holland gewesen, Tsunami? :)

Ik herinner mij: "dankjewel"
 
  • #46
Ich dachte daß du hat gesagt dir nicht Deutsch sprechen?

(Thread hijack alert...)

- Warren
 
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  • #47
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
It is my impression that a large percentage of women are constantly engaged in creating exponentially increasing degrees of subtlety concerning all possible variants of the terminology of love and romance among themselves without realizing that they've failed to include men in the process, and are dismayed when men can't follow the distinctions.

Sometimes women will kindly translate. At others all they are is dissapointed that you don't already get it.

My favorite response from women to my still as yet undetermined many transgressions is, "Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you."

I have always managed to supress the urge to say, "I'm sure if I DID know, you'd never shut up about it!"

I am ever so glad to have met my wife (um ... she was not my wife at the time, but you know what I mean.) I had become convinced that almost all women were crazy. My wife largely agreed with me, but keenly pointed out that most men will have nothing to do with the women who are not crazy. Men are like mice who prefer electric shocks to food pellets. Then again, what the hell is in those food pellets? My wife, I decided, is not crazy. She did learn how to fake it though, just to get by.

Njorl
 
  • #48
Chroot: I don't spéak german, writing or reading is less a problem though, since there is time for the dutch/german switch to occur :)

Originally posted by Njorl
My favorite response from women to my still as yet undetermined many transgressions is, "Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you."
why does that sound so familiar.. In the light of Zoobie's post it actually is logical.. if men are unable to pick up the most obvious signals :P
 
  • #49
Originally posted by Evo
UHM, NO! The MAN is supposed to say it first! Sheesh, have you not read the manual?

Yes I've read that manual. And from my personal experience, it does not work.
 
  • #50
Originally posted by Evo
Do you mean when you first see someone that you are attracted to and want to meet them?

Ok, this won't always be 100% (Monique, Tsunami, jump in here), but when I used to go out and I saw someone I was attracted to, I let them know by looking directly at them and smiling, then I would turn my head away for a moment, then look back at them, and if they are still looking, I give them another smile. If they can't pick up that hint, they're dead. This doesn't mean she has to make eye contact with you, she may be too shy.

If the girl keeps sneaking peeks at you, she's probably interested. If I was not interested in a guy, I would make a point to not look in his direction at all.

Another thing girls do if they like a guy they see is to find some excuse to "walk by him" to make sure he sees her and to test his attraction.

It may take awhile, but you'll start picking up on these (not so) subtle signs.

Bottom line, if she completely avoids looking at you, if she never smiles in your direction, if she starts to walk away when you approach, it probably would not be wise to hit on her.

Thanks Evo, for your nice, descriptive and logical statements...I really like this :)

Actually why I've started this thread you'll understand :)

Few days ago, I was just walking in the park, suddenly saw a very beautiful girl :) Pic? Here it is collected from her School Mag.

http://forums.metrobangla.com/files/o.jpg

I was interested about her and telephoned her...after some formal conversation when she knew that I'm from different religion she just said...she'll never ever be interested on me :( is this my fault?

And what about models? They lead a very Hi-Fi life, and we the simple ones are outside there scope...but we often attracted by them...then what should we do? try anyting or just watch?

And do you believe in Online Love? Hmm...it seems Monique is interested ;)...but honestly I don't believe in Online Loves :S

anyway thanks for your suggesion ;)
 
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  • #51
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
It is my impression that a large percentage of women are constantly engaged in creating exponentially increasing degrees of subtlety concerning all possible variants of the terminology of love and romance among themselves without realizing that they've failed to include men in the process, and are dismayed when men can't follow the distinctions.

Sometimes women will kindly translate. At others all they are is dissapointed that you don't already get it.
But men are exactly the same! They have hidden agendas and requirements and try to play silly mind games, just like their female counterparts.

I'm extremely independant and I bolt the second a guy starts getting too emotionally needy. I expect a guy to have his own life and not need to be "joined at the hip".

I cannot tell you how many guys I've dated that can't understand that if I have decided to be in a relationship with them, that I "trust" them. I don't need to spend every minute with them or need to know where they are and who they are with every moment. I expect the same in return.

Unfortunately, these poor guys have been so conditioned by emotionally needy ex girlfriends that they mistake my "trust" and the fact that I "do" have a life of my own as my not caring about them. I don't get upset if they forget to call or have to work & have to break a date, get wrapped up in something interesting and be late for a dinner, etc... Things happen.

I've actually found out that some guys I dated deliberately would break a date on short notice or tell me his ex-girlfriend is calling him, etc... just to see "if I care" about them. I "flunked" because I was understanding...go figure. I thought only psycho women played these games.

So zooby, I feel your pain and confusion.

WHERE ARE THE NORMAL MEN?
 
  • #52
Originally posted by Moni ...after some formal conversation when she knew that I'm from different religion she just said...she'll never ever be interested on me :( is this my fault?
This is too bad, Moni. Religious prohibitions against involvement with people of other religions are very tough to overcome.
And what about models? They lead a very Hi-Fi life, and we the simple ones are outside there scope...but we often attracted by them...then what should we do? try anyting or just watch?
Pure fantasy. It'll never happen.
And do you believe in Online Love? Hmm...but honestly I don't believe in Online Loves :S
Online love happens, for real. People have gotten married who first met on the web. It is much more realistic than your other two options.
 
  • #53
Originally posted by Moni
Few days ago, I was just walking in the park, suddenly saw a very beautiful girl :) Pic? Here it is collected from her School Mag.

I was interested about her and telephoned her...after some formal conversation when she knew that I'm from different religion she just said...she'll never ever be interested on me :( is this my fault?
How sad! Unfortunately religious bias, social status, money, are all things that can come between two people.

And what about models? They lead a very Hi-Fi life, and we the simple ones are outside there scope...but we often attracted by them...then what should we do? try anyting or just watch?
Models are no different from anyone else, well some "think" they are. If it is someone that you actually meet and there is a "spark" there, go for it. I've dated male models, all very nice, down to earth, funny, intelligent. It just happened that they were "discovered" and the money was just too good to turn down.

If the "model" is someone in a magazine, on tv, uhm, aside from maybe having an innocent "crush", I would say do nothing, you will likely only waste your time.

And do you believe in Online Love? Hmm...it seems Monique is interested ;)...but honestly I don't believe in Online Loves :S
Yes, I do believe in online love, I know people that met their "perfect" match online. I personally have made wonderful friends online, some I have met, some I still haven't. I met my best friend online.
 
  • #54
"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward in the same direction."
--Antoine de Saint Exupéry.

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
--Antoine de Saint Exupéry, from The Little Prince.
 
  • #55
Originally posted by Evo
But men are exactly the same! They have hidden agendas and requirements and try to play silly mind games, just like their female counterparts.
The thing is, I don't think women do this as a head game at all, nor is it a hidden agenda. It's an authentic failure to realize how far they go with these definitions of "love", being "in love", and so forth without men being included in the process.
I'm extremely independant and I bolt the second a guy starts getting too emotionally needy. I expect a guy to have his own life and not need to be "joined at the hip".
Ah, yes. The "needy" vs "independent" polarity. A book unto itself.
I thought only psycho women played these games.
It is a pretty prevalent sort of thing from my experience. You have given good advise to guys here, Evo, but a lot of people spread the information that the opposite sex must be handled with "tactics" (i.e. tricks). People mostly spread this kind of bad info to others of their own sex. Too few seek advise from trustworthy members of the opposite sex.
WHERE ARE THE NORMAL MEN?
Normal men are all around you. What you're looking for is a sane man.
 
  • #56
rules?? RULES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN..besides this year is a leap year so its the opposite way round, women have to do the asking.
 
  • #57
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Normal men are all around you.
You obviously have never been here. :wink: One of the main attractions here is an enormous cow sitting on top of a fairly high tower near downtown that glows green at night.

What you're looking for is a sane man. [/B]
YES! WHERE ARE THE SANE MEN? And do they like huge green glowing cows in the sky?
 
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  • #58
Originally posted by firefly
"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward in the same direction."
--Antoine de Saint Exupéry.

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
--Antoine de Saint Exupéry, from The Little Prince.
Oh, firefly, you romantic bioluminescent thing! I have absolutely no idea what these two quotes mean. Do you know Shakespeare's comparison of lunatics, lovers, and poets to each other in A Midsummer Night's Dream?
 
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  • #59
Originally posted by Evo
You obviously have never been here. :wink: One of the main attractions here is an enormous cow sitting on top of a fairly high tower near downtown that glows green at night.

YES! WHERE ARE THE SANE MEN? And do they like huge green glowing cows in the sky?


green glowing cows...sane...?? is there a doctor in the house??
 
  • #60
Evo, I think maybe you should move. Far, far away. From there, I mean.

- Warren
 

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