Pipsqueakalchemist said:
I’ve tried to tell myself I’ve learned new stuff which is good. But my grades aren’t that great which demotivates me. Passing the class but with a bad mark still feels like a failure. And I can forget about grad school
My humble suggestion, dear Pipsqeakalchemist, is to focus on learning, and on nothing else.
You may not learn much, but whatever that much is, it will be many times more satisfactory than any grade or diploma.
I have never been too intelligent as to master rigorous academic staff, but I have been persistent and curious, and content in my own way.
Remove any fear, which only comes from your negative imagination, because your brain has no capacity to learn anything while it is troubled by fear.
Rather than trying to be smart enough to catch everything, work on your self-confidence, inner peace and mental quietness.
Reduce the external noise from competition, comparison, teachers and classmates.
As much as you can, also reduce the internal self-defeating noise from judgments, false beliefs, expectations and anxiety.
From my own experience I can assure you that you don't have idea of what you are able to do and achieve.
You have simply not had time to work hard enough to prove that you are unable to learn.
Living and risking is the only way to experience life, and getting an education is part of life.
Just like most people, including the members of your family who helped you reach this point of your life, you will fail and try again, and fail again, and keep trying: that is what healthy humans do.
Yes, you can avoid the anguish of failure and go hide under a stone for the rest of your life; but you could also put yourself together and keep going and see by yourself what is the best that you can do.
At different times, I have chosen both ways, but no security has ever been as rewarding as the quiet happiness of touching the limits of my unknown capacities.
Now I am old and exhausted, all my opportunities are past things; but all yours are in the days and years to come.
Just lift your foot from the brake pedal and push the accelerator down to the floor: you are young and strong;
this is your time!