Is an Age Gap a Deal Breaker in Dating?

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A 30-year-old man expresses interest in a 21-year-old coworker, feeling uncertain about the age gap and his own social skills, having not pursued a romantic relationship in eight years. He describes her as attractive and mature, noting their limited interactions but perceiving mutual interest. The discussion revolves around the appropriateness of their age difference, with various opinions suggesting that maturity levels matter more than age. Some participants encourage him to engage with her casually to gauge her interest, while others caution about the potential complications of dating a coworker. The man reflects on his past emotional struggles and acknowledges his anxiety about dating, ultimately deciding to take things slow and see how their relationship develops. The conversation highlights societal views on age gaps in relationships and the importance of personal connection over age.
  • #51
Jimmy Snyder said:
I can't advise it. I'm 61 now, so you wouldn't think it would be such a big deal for me to go out with someone 9 years younger than I, but even in my case, my wife says no way.

Ah. You're one of those. (In Dutch, labeled 'the man -holding the bags- behind the housewife,' taken at a convention for household appliances.)
 
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  • #52
^ haha! I know 'that guy'.

MarcoD said:
Oh great. Can you now please go and find out whether she's interested? The gap ain't that big to really worry about, but you just might be too old for her to be interested in. So be a good boy and find out, and then stop swooning about it.

Sheesh.

A man can swoon, can't he? :)

I will see her at work in a few days and try to gauge her interest, if I can stop my knees from wobbling!
 
  • #53
Gosh we all want to know already!
 
  • #54
mcknia07 said:
Gosh we all want to know already!
Such a little age-difference and such a potential for attraction...
 
  • #55
Adyssa said:
Oh stop it haha! I've left out the ugly bits.

So, she came into work yesterday in a summer dress with her hair out, I almost died. As if she could be any more perfect. I love a girl in a dress, just above the knee, sandals, most things left to the imagination, a little breeze to blow it around some.

Sigh... <3

Oh Blimey ..

Your posting sounds like those lovely lines out of McCarthur Park ..

"I recall the yellow cotton dress, foaming in the breeze, on the ground around your knees
Birds like tender babies on your hand, and the old men playing checkers, by the trees" ..

You better grow a pair and go get that girl, buddy, else, ..

"I't will take too long to bake it, and you'll never find that recipe again" !
 
  • #56
Oh c'mon it wasn't that bad, I was just gushing a bit. I don't do romance novels!

I just spoke to her briefly at work, we talked about pesto >.< She's lovely!

It appears she's going overseas soon, so I don't know what that means, but yeah .. attempting to grow a pair, I'm sure they're tucked away somewhere. I hate to build up the suspense, but it's been a long time you know. :P
 
  • #58
Yeah. I doubt she'll be very interested in a swooning 'old' guy anyway.
 
  • #59
Like a pack of wolves closing in on weak prey.

Or is this just the "tough love" approach?
 
  • #60
Pfff. You think young women don't know how to give older guys the brush-off? Young women aren't weak, know perfectly well what they are doing, and usually make their own choices between a rather infinite number of willing supply. There's nothing weak about them.
 
  • #61
No, you read me wrong. I mean, you guys are descending on him like a pack of wolves now that he's shown his vulnerability.
 
  • #62
Oh, I really don't care about it. The swooning part is not too manly, but people come in all sorts and flavors. They're both adults, nobody is being murdered, so whatever happens, I really don't care. Best of luck, I guess.
 
  • #63
Real men don't swoon?
 
  • #64
Well, some do. I just don't find it too manly. Or rather, I prefer to swoon after everything went wrong, or right. I never care(d) about women until after I ended with yet another lousy deal. The swooning usually helped me accept that. (Great, I guess I should say this is a joke. Okay, with some truth to it.)

(But whatever. Man I really don't give a hoots what people do. As long as they are adults, he can drool the whole day about it.)
 
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  • #65
MarcoD said:
Yeah. I doubt she'll be very interested in a swooning 'old' guy anyway.

It's not the 'swooning old guy' that's the issue. Swooning is good. It gets you going. It's that that guy (old, young or whatever) appears to be backward in coming forward. A pity.

Also, I've found that girls / women (at least the ones I've encountered) are actually quite interested in guys older than themselves.
 
  • #66
CaptFirePanda said:
No, you read me wrong. I mean, you guys are descending on him like a pack of wolves now that he's shown his vulnerability.

Gee, where did you see that ?

As he decided to bring the issue onto an internent forum, I'm simply taking him at his word (assuming he's not trolling) and encouraging him to make a move on the gal - a gal he's expressed great affection for, and one that he's said has reciprocated such affection to some extent.

Heck, even the fact that she told him she's going overseas, could well be her saying to him "Get a move on .."
 
  • #67
alt said:
Also, I've found that girls / women (at least the ones I've encountered) are actually quite interested in guys older than themselves.

Hehe. I am pretty sure that there are even lots of women who'ld like the swooning part. Gives them some ROI, and it's flattering. It's just not something I do.

As for women, yeah of course. Lots of them are even very aggressive in pursuing their interests. They don't really differ in anything from men.
 
  • #68
alt said:
Heck, even the fact that she told him she's going overseas, could well be her saying to him "Get a move on .."
I think it's more like "Don't get too attached as I'm on my way to sample the men of Europe!"
 
  • #69
CaptFirePanda said:
I think it's more like "Don't get too attached as I'm on my way to sample the men of Europe!"

Ah man. She might be frigid, she might have an affair with the entire county, she might just be a nice girl who would take an interest. Whatever, guy should just find out if she's interested.

Interestingly, I found out that in the US you can get married at sixteen. Most countries allow relations between consenting 'adults' from anything from in between fourteen to eighteen. I think that settles it. Girl is twenty-one, so for hoots sake, she's an adult, nothing is the matter.
 
  • #70
MarcoD said:
Ah man. She might be frigid, she might have an affair with the entire county, she might just be a nice girl who would take an interest. Whatever, guy should just find out if she's interested.

Interestingly, I found out that in the US you can get married at sixteen. Most countries allow relations between consenting 'adults' from anything from in between fourteen to eighteen. I think that settles it. Girl is twenty-one, so for hoots sake, she's an adult, nothing is the matter.

Actually, there is no official marriageable age in the US -- it varies from state to state.

From Wiki:
United States: 18 (two exceptions: 19 in Nebraska and 21 in Mississippi). Most states, however, allow minors below 18 to marry (generally they have to be at least 16 but sometimes lower) with parental and/or judicial consent, and some states allow female minors below 18 to marry without parental or judicial consent if she is pregnant.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriageable_age
 
  • #71
Ah, ok, I just read it somewhere. The thing is that I find age gap not an interesting metric. Adulthood is, and if I look around, I find eighteen somewhat arbitrary but on the safe side. Having teached somewhat (though IT is not really a good sample), current day young 'adults' are immature enough as it is.

You can also look at the other side. Why would you want young women to spend their whole life in kindergarten? I guess there would be lots of people who'ld want that, but the only association I have with that is Saudi Arabia. Women kept in kindergarten until they can get kids and do the dishes.

(Not that I think many people will agree with my point of view.)
 
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  • #72
All guys over 12 have been most attracted to 16-24 year olds for the entirety of human existence.

No one cares.
 
  • #73
Two months has passed since the last post. Have you spoken to her if not then maybe you are too young for her!
 

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