Is an Age Gap a Deal Breaker in Dating?

[MarcoD]

God man, if you're still messed up, or close to that, I wouldn't do it. If you're still messed up I wouldn't date, period. But the age difference?

I don't know a lot about the US but, uhm, presidents: Clinton and his lover, JFK and his eighteen year old lover. Then Elvis with his 22 year old bride, Demi Moore who married at 18 with someone fifteen years older, Anna Nicole Smith who married out of love? Even the list of stars dating stars twenty years younger is endless.

9 years difference at 21-30? Man, study Bruce Willis' love life for a second and you'll laugh about it.

 

[Adyssa]

Ah I'm ok these days, it took a while to get out, but I got out. I'm probably quieter and more reclusive than your average person but I don't think I'm mental, and I'd like to think that at some point, I should start dating again. :)

The more I think on this, the more I think I'll just take it easy and see how things develop. I don't know her so well anyway, there's time for regular conversation, and there's the work thing too - I'll be there for at least most of this year until I graduate, and if it did turn sour that would be annoying.

 

[Borek]

Try. If you fit each other, age gap doesn't matter. If you don't fit, you can be born a day apart (I hope Marzena is not reading ) and it won't work.

 

[turbo]

Marzena is a cradle-robber! I don't know how you managed that age-gap!

 

[alt]

So? 50-41 seems wider than 40-31 too? The age gap is not the criterium, that has already been decided on by society, you can look it up in the laws. And, from my experience, a relation like that is as normal as cake.

(Uhm, I am probably older than you, but I live in a student city and am pretty well aware of what goes on there in the weekends. I've had a female roommate of 22 with an alcoholic friend of 40, a friend of thirty with a girlfriend of 18, a colleague of 35 with a girlfriend of 19, a bar owner who used to date his personnel sometimes, a friend of 16 with a teacher (ok, not good), and probably more if I try to remember better. Not to mention what goes off each weekend when people get drunk, or famous people in the news with similar age gaps. Heck I 'dated' someone of 30 when I was 18, and I lived together with someone of 21 when I was 37. Sorry, but it really is as normal as cake, unless you've been living under a rock.)

Not sure what you're concluding here .. that age differences are linked to promiscuity ? If so, I disagree.

Or are you saying that people can be promiscuous ?

 

[alt]

Ah I'm ok these days, it took a while to get out, but I got out. I'm probably quieter and more reclusive than your average person but I don't think I'm mental, and I'd like to think that at some point, I should start dating again. :)

The more I think on this, the more I think I'll just take it easy and see how things develop. I don't know her so well anyway, there's time for regular conversation, and there's the work thing too - I'll be there for at least most of this year until I graduate, and if it did turn sour that would be annoying.

Nah .. you've taken it easy for too long. The longer you leave it, the harder it will get.

 

[MarcoD]

Not sure what you're concluding here .. that age differences are linked to promiscuity ? If so, I disagree.

Nah, just if that in the US, forty-fifty year age presidents can be married and have twenty year age lovers, and 'half' the actrices date people at least ten years older, I don't see where the problem can be. And that's the top of the iceberg.

I googled a bit. For marriages, Nicholas Cage & Alice Kim, married 40-20, Bo Derek married 18-48. Phil Collins & Cevey 44-22. So stable is normal too.

I don't think you should worry about age difference; nobody seems to care anyway.

 

[CaptFirePanda]

I'm not sure if Hollywood stars and US presidents should be used as a proxy for "normal".

 

[turbo]

I'm not sure if Hollywood stars and US presidents should be used as a proxy for "normal".

Probably not. Demi Moore went for an older partner not all that long ago, and then wen't 'way younger. People with money and public recognition often don't have conventional relationships age-wise or otherwise.

 

[MarcoD]

Well, why would different rules apply to them? But, seriously, I've seen it a lot, and I am pretty sure that if you would visit some small town in Texas you will find something like a mechanic who ended up marrying his twenty years younger administrative help. Seriously, it happens everywhere because where people meet, romantic interests arise, and love is blind.

The only thing I know is that it usually doesn't last. Two friends I have ended up very unhappy because, well, they wanted to stay at home where the partner would want to go clubbing at that age, and those were the more serious relations. It's usually an infatuation for women at that age anyway.

(But sometimes it does work out. I've two, maybe three, acquaintances with larger than ten year age difference.)

 

[turbo]

Age differences shrink as the partners get older. When I was in college, I moved in with a grad student several years older than me (she came on to me). None of my friends had a tut-tut party about that. They were pretty jealous for the most part. If we were still together, the "age difference" would be non-existent.

 

[rvce]

age wouldn't matter for her,if she is into u, she wouldn't even care if u are a boring sod. give it a try a see so later u won't keep thinking what if i had taken chance. my boy friend is 8 yrs elder to me. actually my ex. we broke up recently. all the while our problems weren't on age or he being boring. go out and try. you never know what its like on the other side unless u seen it.

 

[nucleargirl]

is it me or does adyssa sound totally hot? But also totally far away cos you are in Australia :p Anyway, I think you have nothing to worry about in terms of girls! Girls love slightly reserved guys! who take the time to get to know them - we don't friendzone every nice guy, come on!

 

[Borek]

 

[lisab]

I'm not sure if Hollywood stars and US presidents should be used as a proxy for "normal".

True that.

 

[MarcoD]

True that.

Hmpf. Personally, I think it only shows what goes on 'behind the curtains in a society', which is usually an awful lot more than anybody feels free to admit. I like to think I am not that hypocritical.

 

[Vagrant]

is it me or does adyssa sound totally hot? But also totally far away cos you are in Australia :p Anyway, I think you have nothing to worry about in terms of girls! Girls love slightly reserved guys! who take the time to get to know them - we don't friendzone every nice guy, come on!

Especially one with a reformed bad boy aura! Very hot!

 

[Adyssa]

Oh stop it haha! I've left out the ugly bits.

So, she came into work yesterday in a summer dress with her hair out, I almost died. As if she could be any more perfect. I love a girl in a dress, just above the knee, sandals, most things left to the imagination, a little breeze to blow it around some.

Sigh... <3

 

[MarcoD]

Oh stop it haha! I've left out the ugly bits.

So, she came into work yesterday in a summer dress with her hair out, I almost died. As if she could be any more perfect. I love a girl in a dress, just above the knee, sandals, most things left to the imagination, a little breeze to blow it around some.

Sigh... <3

Oh great. Can you now please go and find out whether she's interested? The gap ain't that big to really worry about, but you just might be too old for her to be interested in. So be a good boy and find out, and then stop swooning about it.

Sheesh.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I can't advise it. I'm 61 now, so you wouldn't think it would be such a big deal for me to go out with someone 9 years younger than I, but even in my case, my wife says no way.

 

[MarcoD]

I can't advise it. I'm 61 now, so you wouldn't think it would be such a big deal for me to go out with someone 9 years younger than I, but even in my case, my wife says no way.

Ah. You're one of those. (In Dutch, labeled 'the man -holding the bags- behind the housewife,' taken at a convention for household appliances.)

 

[Adyssa]

^ haha! I know 'that guy'.

Oh great. Can you now please go and find out whether she's interested? The gap ain't that big to really worry about, but you just might be too old for her to be interested in. So be a good boy and find out, and then stop swooning about it.

Sheesh.

A man can swoon, can't he? :)

I will see her at work in a few days and try to gauge her interest, if I can stop my knees from wobbling!

 

[mcknia07]

Gosh we all want to know already!

 

[turbo]

Gosh we all want to know already!

Such a little age-difference and such a potential for attraction...

 

[alt]

Oh stop it haha! I've left out the ugly bits.

So, she came into work yesterday in a summer dress with her hair out, I almost died. As if she could be any more perfect. I love a girl in a dress, just above the knee, sandals, most things left to the imagination, a little breeze to blow it around some.

Sigh... <3

Oh Blimey ..

Your posting sounds like those lovely lines out of McCarthur Park ..

"I recall the yellow cotton dress, foaming in the breeze, on the ground around your knees
Birds like tender babies on your hand, and the old men playing checkers, by the trees" ..

You better grow a pair and go get that girl, buddy, else, ..

"I't will take too long to bake it, and you'll never find that recipe again" !

 

[Adyssa]

Oh c'mon it wasn't that bad, I was just gushing a bit. I don't do romance novels!

I just spoke to her briefly at work, we talked about pesto >.< She's lovely!

It appears she's going overseas soon, so I don't know what that means, but yeah .. attempting to grow a pair, I'm sure they're tucked away somewhere. I hate to build up the suspense, but it's been a long time you know. :P

 

[alt]

Ah well ..

maybe you should just pop over to that other thread where things imagined / dreamt, etc, may as well be real !

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=582154

 

[MarcoD]

Yeah. I doubt she'll be very interested in a swooning 'old' guy anyway.

 

[CaptFirePanda]

Like a pack of wolves closing in on weak prey.

Or is this just the "tough love" approach?

 

[MarcoD]

Pfff. You think young women don't know how to give older guys the brush-off? Young women aren't weak, know perfectly well what they are doing, and usually make their own choices between a rather infinite number of willing supply. There's nothing weak about them.