Dismiss Notice
Join Physics Forums Today!
The friendliest, high quality science and math community on the planet! Everyone who loves science is here!

Lazy or mentally illness?

  1. May 9, 2012 #1
    Am I mentally ill or just lazy? For the past 3 years of my life I haven't been able to accomplish anything. I graduated college in 2008 and went to grad school in EE. I got paranoid thinking I wasn't doing a good job and that I was going to lose my funding and started thinking the other grad students were spreading rumors about me. I ended up losing my mind which lead to me quitting, basically. I went back home and looked for a job. Couldn't find a job for about a year so I went back to grad school (the same school I dropped out of) but I wasn't fully funded this time...only partially funded. Well, I got really depressed and started sleeping 18 hours per day and wasn't doing any of my homework. I ended up leaving about 2 months later. When I left I was able to find a lab technician job at a semiconductor company but I hated the work. I stayed at this job for 6 months and I ended up going back to the same grad school (yes, dumb, I know) with no funding and I funded myself with student loans (paying out of state tuition) and brought my student loan debt even higher. The classes were way over my head and I ended up dropping them and moved back home. I found another job (electrical engineering), but the pay was really low and it was just a contract job. I stayed here for 6 months and then about 3 weeks abo I starte da new job as an engineer. I thought this would be a good opportunity so I took it. So far I have just been told to read stuff all day for the past 2 weeks. Pretty boring, but I think it could become interesting in the future. However, I can barely bring myself to get out of bed in the morning and I am usually about a half hour late every day. Not good, I know. I recently moved about an hour from home and I have no friends out here (not that I had any friends back home either though).

    I want to go back to grad school but I want to try a different school. My parents are opposed to the idea since I have screwed up in grad school so many times before. I just can't handle the structure and schedule of the "real world". I need a more flexible schedule where I can wake up when I feel ready to wake up. I just have no interest in industry, really. I want a job as a professor. Sometimes I feel like I chose the wrong field altogether.

    I feel a lot of regret for leaving grad school the first time. I was actually doing well now that I think of it. My advisor actually assured me that I was doing well. I was in good shape (now I am a fat slob) and I was getting good enough grades. I also had some publications and some good accomplishments. I also had a crush on a girl and I was about to get her I think but then I left school. I haven't had a girlfriend since or much of a life at all, actually.

    I thought maybe someone here could provide some insight. What am I missing in life? Sometimes I just want to end it. What is the point?
  2. jcsd
  3. May 9, 2012 #2

    Vanadium 50

    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Education Advisor
    2017 Award

    If you think you might be mentally ill, you need to see a mental health professional. We cannot diagnose you here.
Share this great discussion with others via Reddit, Google+, Twitter, or Facebook